By Anonymous

Not a prank, bro!

Today, I went for a run when my shin splints acted up, so I called my dad to have him come pick me up. When I saw his car approaching, I stuck out my thumb like a hitchhiker, as a joke. The car pulled over to give me a ride. It wasn't my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1171

You deserved it

789

Favorite

Dementia or hate? You decide

Instadrama

Animal lover

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I contacted my biological father, after not speaking to him for some years, as we had a very strained relationship. I received an automated response. It's probably the best conversation we have ever had. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30995

You deserved it

3480

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my parents made a game out of deliberately walking in when I'm trying to masturbate. They even turn on all the hot water taps when I'm trying to do it in the shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54621

You deserved it

20759

Favorite

By helper - Costa Rica

Today, while dining at a restaurant I heard a women choking. I immediately ran to her, wrapped my arms around her and started giving her abdominal thrusts. She freed herself and slapped me. Turns out she wasn't choking, she was just laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16558

You deserved it

34510

Favorite

By hannieannie

Psychopath's joke

Today, I’m still recovering from last night. I fell asleep before my boyfriend. He thought it would be funny to stand at the bottom of the bed with a knife and wake me up. I screamed so much that I wet myself and had a panic attack. He recorded the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2849

You deserved it

225

Favorite

By WTFFAIL - Canada - Montreal

Today, while getting a hernia exam, I accidentally ran my fingers through my doctor's hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25492

You deserved it

8943

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I took off my sweatshirt in the middle of class. The tanktop I was wearing underneath went with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34286

You deserved it

8170

Favorite

By Darice - 8/8/2020 05:03

Mom of the year

Today, after years of not speaking with my birth mother, I took a chance and stopped to talk to her when I saw her outside of her house. Five minutes into it, I knew I needed my hair recolored and that I'm out of shape, this all being said by a totally gray haired fat woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1364

You deserved it

159

Favorite

By phonesmuggler - United States

Today, I briefly left my laptop while I went to use the toilet. When I came back, I found "I" had posted on Facebook, calling my mom a "stupid cunt who should just stay in the kitchen." The only other person home at the time was my grandpa. She didn't believe it, and permanently grounded me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48785

You deserved it

5787

Favorite

By shawty - Australia

Today, I heard my mother and father having sexual intercourse, and I found out that my mother moans the same way as my girlfriend. Guess who I now think about every time my girlfriend moans? FML

I agree, your life sucks

51927

You deserved it

6409

Favorite

By ThanksMum - United Kingdom

Today, the only card I got for Valentine's Day was in my mother's handwriting, and she posted it through the front door herself. She still won't admit it's from her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25491

You deserved it

2774

Favorite

By Wendie - United States

Today, my 5 week old puppy decided to sleep between my head and the headboard of my bed. I sneezed and my puppy got so scared it caused him to pee on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36460

You deserved it

8559

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, against my advice, my boyfriend decided to read Fifty Shades of Grey in an attempt to learn how to please me in bed. Now all he does is suck on my toes, and thinks it's weird that I don't spontaneously orgasm as if I'm some kind of nymphomaniacal weirdo. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38144

You deserved it

5339

Favorite

By Keastwood013 - United States

Today, I held a door open for a sweet old lady with a walker. After she went through the door, she turned and said, "That's not how you're gonna get into my pants, son." FML

I agree, your life sucks

40673

You deserved it

4134

Favorite

By IGOTIT - United States - Fountain Valley

Today, my boyfriend took me to a very elegant and expensive restaurant to celebrate our anniversary. When it came to the check, I volunteered to pitch in half, which he rejected by saying "I got it". Little did I know was that "I got it" was short for "I got your credit card". FML

I agree, your life sucks

47361

You deserved it

3543

Favorite

By wowzers0889 - United States - New York

Today, I was sent to a customer's house to switch out a washing machine. My boss had assured me that everything I'd need was already in the truck. Halfway there, I ran out of gas and I realized I didn't have the gas card. My boss says it's my fault. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22641

You deserved it

7494

Favorite

By beekie9 - United States

Today, my mom asked all the old ladies in her church to pray that I meet "someone special". FML

I agree, your life sucks

25171

You deserved it

2213

Favorite

By just wanted nice nails - United States - Palmer

Today, I found out that you can ruin a $500 computer with a few stray drops of 100% acetone nail polish remover on the keyboard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13368

You deserved it

22106

Favorite

By baddormgirl - United States

Today, I walked through my college dorm and a freshman was watching some overly dramatic show on her laptop. I smiled and asked if it was a new episode of 'Gossip Girl.' She was on a video chat with her boyfriend. They were about to break up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14302

You deserved it

47615

Favorite

By ouch - United Kingdom - Scarborough

Today, my 4-month-old puppy made a break for it as soon as I opened the front door. I had to run after her barefoot, in just my dressing gown. It was raining. I fell over, forgot to break my fall and skidded along the unsurfaced road. She came back on her own while I was was laid on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9070

You deserved it

1064

Favorite

By Pithegreat - United States - Rohnert Park

Today, I went to move a load of laundry out of the washer and into the dryer, but the clothes were already in the dryer. Normally, I would be happy about this. However, I am currently living alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22549

You deserved it

2019

Favorite

By destiny147 - United Kingdom

Today, I posted a picture of my boyfriend and I kissing on facebook. He untagged himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37852

You deserved it

19500

Favorite

By Kan23 - United States - Altus

Today, I got fired from my job. When I asked why, all that was said to me was, "We don't have to disclose that information, but you did nothing wrong. It's just not working out." FML

I agree, your life sucks

20936

You deserved it

1448

Favorite

By LocallyBrewed - United States

Today, I met my biological parents for the first time, 29 years into my life. They turned out to be two of the most pathetic people I have ever met, and the meeting ended after they asked me to lend them money because I "literally owe them my life." FML

I agree, your life sucks

40643

You deserved it

2674

Favorite

By nerd

Today, I understand the finer points of the government in Star Wars better than I understand the U.S. government. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8936

You deserved it

2558

Favorite

By Mahomie123 - United States

Today, I had an all day volleyball tournament in a town an hour away. My dad left early, not realizing he was my ride home. I'm now stranded in the middle of a rural town with no way home anytime soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37228

You deserved it

4009

Favorite

By horniness - Hong Kong

Today, I was in a bad mood after being stuck in traffic for 2 hours and late for work. I was walking to my building when I saw a 100 dollar note flying my way. A man called after me for it, but being selfish I took the note in my pocket as a little reward. That man was my boss. Yes, I'm fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9011

You deserved it

74707

Favorite

By Anonymous - India

Today, I finally got the courage to ask out the guy I've liked for a long time. He's a cashier at a grocery store. It was about 1am and I was his last customer, everything seemed just right. Just when I was about to ask him to the movies, a drunk girl stumbles in and asks him out. He said yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50540

You deserved it

6936

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend informed me that in the event of a zombie apocalypse, he'd kill me before I got infected. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30702

You deserved it

7797

Favorite

By Anonymous - 15/8/2020 02:02

Morbid cringe

Today, I realized just how pathetic my life is when I found myself fascinated by videos that a woman posts on YouTube of her removing ingrown hairs and zits from people’s private areas. FML

I agree, your life sucks

903

You deserved it

283

Favorite

He prefers the dog

Today, my boyfriend kicked me out of bed so the dog could get under the covers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1864

You deserved it

333

Favorite

By Display - France - Paris

Today, I injured myself in the geekiest way possible; I managed to crush my nipple while closing my laptop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25034

You deserved it

7196

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I accidentally clamped my hair straightener down on my ear. Eleven hours later, it still feels like I have a burning, swollen fireball hanging off the side of my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30562

You deserved it

12178

Favorite

By Celina - United States

Today, I regret that break we took. I thought it would lead him to realize that he wanted to stop cheating and flirting with other girls and be with only me forever. Now I'm the girl he cheats on his girlfriend with. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9491

You deserved it

40487

Favorite

By snazz23 - United States - Bastrop

Today, I got engaged to the most wonderful man in the world. I excitedly called my mom to tell her the great news, thinking she'd be excited too. Her only response? "Oh." FML

I agree, your life sucks

11989

You deserved it

1101

Favorite

By amyhyett - United Kingdom - London

Today, I walked into a door on my way in to an interview, in front of the interviewer and a group of people waiting to be interviewed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26552

You deserved it

3396

Favorite

By NotYourCopyEditor

Today, at work, I had to explain to a 50-year-old engineer that Comic Sans is not an acceptable font for a government contractor to use in a structural report. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1752

You deserved it

162

Favorite

By tadam - France

Today, to my delight I discover that there is security camera in the storage room at my work. The same room where, two days ago I masturbated. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13460

You deserved it

74571

Favorite

By reddd - United States

Today, I purposely wore a red shirt to Target just so people would talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28927

You deserved it

11371

Favorite

By yeahhhhhommmie - United States

Today, I was at Wal-Mart walking around when I slipped on some water and twisted my ankle. As I was getting up, a man comes up to me and said "There's some water on the floor, watch out." FML

I agree, your life sucks

29949

You deserved it

3501

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mother decided to tell me about how my twin brother almost killed me in the womb when his cord wrapped around my neck. When she left the room, he said, "You won't be so lucky next time." FML

I agree, your life sucks

47478

You deserved it

4699

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By RichardPencil | 29

#7845811 - Monday 23 September 2019 16:26

I guess it's nice that the carjacker stole your dad's car, but was thoughtful enough to complete his mission to get you.

That ought to get him a lighter sentence.

By zoelog | 10

#7845830 - Monday 23 September 2019 17:56

and.....so you didnt get in. not really seeing the problem here. ydi

COMMENTS

By RichardPencil | 29

#7845811 - Monday 23 September 2019 16:26

I guess it's nice that the carjacker stole your dad's car, but was thoughtful enough to complete his mission to get you.

That ought to get him a lighter sentence.

By zoelog | 10

#7845830 - Monday 23 September 2019 17:56

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

By WeirdUS | 29

#7845839 - Monday 23 September 2019 18:23

So you took a very real thing and applied it in a situation where people probably would not know you and your'e surprised ? Stupid.Let me guess you thought going Area 51 was a good idea as well?

By Jonkbaby | 19

#7846427 - Thursday 26 September 2019 1:08

NIIICE