Today, as I was walking home, I saw an ambulance pull into my... - FML

By Anonymous - 11/6/2013 04:12 - Canada - Kingston

Today, as I was walking home, I saw an ambulance pull into my driveway with its sirens blaring. Thinking it could be for my sick father, I started frantically sprinting. I managed to trip on my pant-leg, twisting my ankle in the process. They were just turning around in my driveway. FML

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Family values

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By Anonymous - 19/3/2012 16:28 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I faked a sore throat for the school nurse so I could go home early. It took my dad the rest of the school day just to get there to pick me up. FML

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By slightlyfamous - 17/1/2016 13:59 - Canada - Port-menier

Today, my dick of a roommate was moving out. She didn't actually tell us she was moving out and took the wifi, modem and all, while my other roommate was on a Skype call and I was watching a show. All with no warning. It's Saturday, I have an online assignment due Sunday. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/9/2016 12:28 - Italy - Verona

Today, my fiancé and I had to attend a wedding. Problem is, I suffer from a severe form of social anxiety. Since I was getting too close to a panic attack, he suggested drinking some wine to help me stay calm, and it worked. Up until I got drunk and threw up in the middle of the restaurant. FML

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By Username - 10/8/2011 06:12 - United States

Today, our AC broke. It's 98 degrees inside the house. My parents will be staying at a 5 star resort until the repairman can come to fix the unit in 6 days. They made me stay home to make sure the plants survive. FML

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By spiderchick23 - 10/2/2011 00:41 - United States

Today, I was on the phone with an elderly customer at work. I had to spend 10 minutes listening to him describe how the underwear he bought was too tight and caused his bladder to leak. FML

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By thanks_world - 26/12/2013 06:48 - United States - Everett

Today, nothing said Christmas quite like my dad taking 18 shots of vodka, falling on the Christmas tree while holding our 3-year-old cousin and denying it ever happened when he woke up later. FML

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By ali grace - 14/5/2011 11:15 - United States

Today, I skipped school and stayed home without telling my parents. My mom came home on her lunch break with another man, and had sex in our living room. I'm stuck in my room, listening to my mom cheat on my dad. FML

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By callerid - 3/8/2009 11:45 - United States

Today, I had misplaced my cell phone. I decided the best course of action would be to dial the number from my house phone and wait for it to ring to locate it. Somebody answered when I called. It wasn't the wrong number and I had a brief conversation with the man that stole my phone. FML

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By Lisa - 24/9/2018 14:33

Today, I came home from my vacation. My sister had been taking care of my dog and my apartment while I was away. As I walked in, I was greeted by a floor covered in poop and a destroyed couch. FML

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By ihatemondays - 23/8/2012 06:15 - United Kingdom

Today, I discovered that it's an hour and 45 minutes quicker to get the bus to work, rather than the train. I've worked there for six years. FML

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By Stoodup - 26/3/2019 12:00

Today I spent an hour getting ready for my first date of the year, only to wait 30 min in the cold and then walking back home by myself. Why didn’t he show up? On his way to the date he got invited for a threesome and decided to do that instead. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/10/2015 14:29 - United States - Atwater

Today, I had to grab a large kitchen knife from my son, after I heard him convince his friend to join him in cutting off his finger, so they could "be assassins like Ezio." FML

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By Anonymous - 10/5/2017 00:10 - Netherlands - Wageningen

Today, I got written up with a final warning because I ''drink alcoholic beverages'' at work. I was drinking Root Beer. FML

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By SenescentSouthernBoy - 17/8/2009 08:42 - United States

Today, I borrowed a roommate's car to get groceries. I came out to find the car stolen. I called the cops, and the responding officer took the info and drove me home to give the roomie the bad news in person. 15 minutes later, they found the car. I'd parked it on the opposite side of the lot. FML

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By tikizombie - 31/8/2010 00:04 - Canada

Today, I went with my family to go see a notoriously creepy abandoned house. We noticed the people had left a lot of stuff behind so we loaded up the car with books, records, etc. As we were leaving, we saw the family who lived there drive up. I robbed a house with my grandma. FML

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By thesixth - 2/3/2016 18:53 - Kenya

Today, being jobless and all, I tried calling my dad for a job after my many years of pride. He invited me to an interview to compete against 10 people, probably more qualified than I am. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/12/2015 12:45

Today, I was heading home after getting off work at 5 in the morning, when a deer slid out in front of my car. Not jumped. Slid. Thanks, winter. FML

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By Angela - 27/2/2011 01:56 - United States

Today, I made plans with an old friend that I haven't seen in years. We agreed to meet at a diner and I told him I'd be standing outside. I watched him pull up, look right at me, then do something with his phone. Seconds later, I got a text saying "Sorry, but I'm busy today and can't make it." FML

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By Chester (Seattle) - 9/9/2010 02:15 - United States

Today, I got circumcised. After the surgery, my girlfriend got drunk and texted all of her friends about it. FML

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By badtiming - 15/9/2010 04:15 - United States

Today, I saw a bad car wreck. I pulled over and ran to the car to find an unconscious man behind the wheel. Another car pulled up, and a guy got out. I was relieved to have help, until, to my horror, he started trying to hit on me. I was stuck with him until the ambulance arrived. FML

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By anonymous - 11/11/2018 13:30

Today, I broke my glasses. How did I break my glasses? A cow kicked me in the face at work. FML

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By foreverafatty - 31/3/2011 05:49 - United States

Today, I learned that I can work out for over an hour a day, cut my daily calories by almost half, keep careful track of my diet, drink nothing but water, and not lose a pound. But I can sure as hell gain weight after one dinner at a buffet. FML

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By liltravol23 - 15/1/2009 11:36 - United States

Today, the only cute girl in my office made fun of me because I'm 27 and bring fruit cups with my lunch. FML

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By Bontempi - 19/7/2012 18:55 - France

Today, I returned home to my parents' house, drunk. Hungry, I grabbed a slice of bread and some butter and took two mouthfuls. Five hours later, my mother woke me up and dragged me to the kitchen. In the middle of the table was a buttered, half-eaten sponge. FML

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By Wheel chair bound - 16/12/2016 21:14 - United States - Marion

Today, I received the good news that my spine looks normal. Either the degenerative disc that was diagnosed 5 years prior magically healed, or my current doctor is an idiot. Considering that it's felt like someone is chiseling into my spine for some days, I'm leaning toward the latter. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/4/2015 17:32 - United States

Today, I orgasmed in front of someone for the first time. Too bad it was my dad who didn't knock before coming in. FML

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By Face - 9/1/2010 10:12 - Australia

Today, I got hit in the face with a piece of bacon. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/12/2016 04:50

Today, my girlfriend gave me a choice of having a circumcision or breaking up with her. Either way I'm going to lose something I hold dear. FML

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By Kristopher - 8/3/2010 19:31 - United States

Today, I moved into my aunt's house. She had a little too much fun in the sixties and now tells everyone about her many imagined conquests, including her church minister and several has-been celebrities. As a plus, I discovered she has a habit of wandering around the house in the nude. FML

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By jgw - 7/4/2017 00:00

Today, I was certain that over the six years of struggling through my Ph.D., I had culminated in one truly original idea. Until I saw it published in another thesis, from 1953. FML

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By my teeth! - 24/7/2020 14:07

Like riding a bike

Today, my sister and I were trying to teach our kids how to Double Dutch. While giving a demonstration of how to jump in while the ropes were turning, my feet got jumbled. I ended up faceplanting in front of all the kids, who screamed in horror at my bloodied face and missing tooth. FML

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By sigh... - 25/6/2010 06:44 - United States

Today, after several hours of trying to get my triplet daughters to go to bed, they finally fell asleep. Exhausted, I went to the bathroom so I could go to bed. Not thinking about it, I dropped the toilet seat down rather loudly and flushed the toilet. All three girls woke up crying. FML

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By avocadopurse - 9/7/2018 19:00

Today, I told my grandmother I was planning a trip to take my newborn son to meet his great-great-grandfather before it was too late. She had a guilty expression on her face. My great-grandfather died 4 months ago and my family forgot to tell me. FML

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By "Marlon4136" - 14/9/2017 01:30

Today, as an usher at a beauty pageant, I was helping other patrons when a group walked past me and sat. I politely asked to see their tickets, but one of the women got angry and ripped hers up to throw the pieces in my face. Without a ticket, I had to kick her out. The police were called. FML

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By xmeatballx21 - 3/6/2011 09:57 - United States

Today, I received a phone call from my old boss asking me why I wasn't at work, to which I responded, "Because you fired me yesterday". He didn't say anything, and hung up. FML

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By whatzthehell - 3/6/2009 10:31 - Kuwait

Today, I woke up with a splitting headache. Then someone at work wouldn't stop whistling loudly and it was getting on my nerves. "Can the dick who is whistling please stop?" I asked. It was the general manager of my department. I'm still on probation. FML

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By New computer - 8/8/2009 05:27 - France

Today, I was on an airplane back from California. I decided to check out my new $1500 MacBook that I bought the day before. My son decided to projectile vomit all over me, my new computer, and my bag. None of it got on him. FML

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By Abandoned - 9/3/2009 05:50 - United States

Today, I tried to surprise my parents by coming home from college for Spring Break. I arrived to find a dark house, with all the doors bolted shut. After calling them, I found out that they have gone on a vacation to Hawaii for a week. I am now locked out of my own house, with no where to stay. FML

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By bad boss - 3/4/2018 01:30

Today, I had to reprimand an employee for her bad attitude and terrible work performance. She went to HR and said I harassed her for being gay. Guess who they believed. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/2/2016 05:16 - United States - Davis

Today, I realized that I will be leaving for the US Marine Corps in June, and the presidential election is in November. I could potentially be serving with Trump as my Commander-in-Chief. FML

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Top comments

By Fluffydemise | 18

#5529759 - Tuesday 11 June 2013 11:36

I'm sorry op, that must have been alarming. I care for an ill family member, seeing an ambulance at my house would terrify me.

I hope they at least took a look at your leg. :)

By HoboWithACondom | 8

#5529766 - Tuesday 11 June 2013 11:41

Good on you for caring about your father. You're a good son /daughter.

COMMENTS

By Fluffydemise | 18

#5529759 - Tuesday 11 June 2013 11:36

I'm sorry op, that must have been alarming. I care for an ill family member, seeing an ambulance at my house would terrify me.

I hope they at least took a look at your leg. :)

Reply

pokemai | 6

#5529791 - Tuesday 11 June 2013 12:02

And at least it wasn't for your father !

Reply

showgirl10 | 3

#5529798 - Tuesday 11 June 2013 12:10

If the sirens were blaring, they probably didn't have time to look at her leg.

Reply

nikolkaw | 9

#5533625 - Thursday 13 June 2013 22:39

They drove away before they could look at it :(

By HoboWithACondom | 8

#5529766 - Tuesday 11 June 2013 11:41

Good on you for caring about your father. You're a good son /daughter.

Reply

rg350dx | 29

#5529873 - Tuesday 11 June 2013 13:44

How did you know OP was a hermaphrodite?

Reply

khaya | 9

#5529948 - Tuesday 11 June 2013 15:19

Cause hermaphrodites don't get one of those gender icons.

Reply

perdix | 29

#5530217 - Tuesday 11 June 2013 18:34

#25, plus hermaphrodites are the most caring children because they can be "Mama's Boy" and "Daddy's Little Girl" all at the same time.

Reply

pame7a | 1

#5533788 - Friday 14 June 2013 1:59

Yes I agree, massive props on caring for him. He needs you. Glad he's okay.

By DollyDope | 17

#5529768 - Tuesday 11 June 2013 11:42

Seems like a wah-mbulance is what you really need. This is hardly an FML :P

Reply

Fluffydemise | 18

#5529774 - Tuesday 11 June 2013 11:46

Your comment is in need of serious medical attention, it's dying on the floor.

It was pretty heartless, which would be ok if it was at least balanced with some good humour. It wasn't.

By TayonaC | 10

#5529769 - Tuesday 11 June 2013 11:43

well even though you may have twisted your ankle, one good thing came out of if; you know your father isn't in trouble.

Reply

Nevermind212 | 11

#5530324 - Tuesday 11 June 2013 19:24

I know it's mean but you deserve it for not being optimistic.. I hope you get better

Reply

Lalo16 | 6

#5530997 - Wednesday 12 June 2013 7:39

Just what the hell is so optimistic about seeing the ambulance pull up to your house at the same time a relative happens to be sick? What could it mean other than the ambulance is for him?

By 0h_Boy | 26

#5529770 - Tuesday 11 June 2013 11:43

Next time, maybe you won't wear baggy pants

Reply

theworldismad | 10

#5529865 - Tuesday 11 June 2013 13:37

yeah like OP should've known that something like that was gonna happen (sarcasm)

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Omegamike101 | 7

#5529893 - Tuesday 11 June 2013 13:56

Maybe he didnt state it clear enough, maybe OP should invest in clothing his size. I do sympathize on the jumping to conclusion thing. Sucks to worry like that

Reply

hooligyn123 | 18

#5530170 - Tuesday 11 June 2013 18:05

Read my reply to #16. no sense in repeating myself.

Reply

dreamsneverfall | 8

#5530347 - Tuesday 11 June 2013 19:40

Where at all did OP say they were wearing baggy pants? I trip on my pant legs a lot simply because I'm too short for any pants to fit my legs. OP could have been wearing normal jeans for all we know.

By Vitualamen | 11

#5529776 - Tuesday 11 June 2013 11:46

At least it would have been convenient had you broken your leg.

Reply

rg350dx | 29

#5529881 - Tuesday 11 June 2013 13:50

*Ironic.

By DollyDope | 17

#5529778 - Tuesday 11 June 2013 11:49

Best to just look and the seriously bright side of the situation and be happy they weren't called for your father :)

By iipinkette | 16

#5529779 - Tuesday 11 June 2013 11:50

I'm sorry about your father, atleast he's okay. But on the bright side, you didn't have to go very far for medical help!(:

By slooby_fml | 25

#5529783 - Tuesday 11 June 2013 11:53

They snaked you

By tewalsh | 6

#5529787 - Tuesday 11 June 2013 11:55

Wow that sucks dude, i hope your dads ok.