Miscellaneous: Today, my husband farted, grabbed a fan and blew the smell right...

10/06/2013 01:52 - United States

Today, my husband farted, grabbed a fan and blew the smell right at me. Disgusted, I reminded him that I’m a lady, not a dude. He burst out laughing and sang, "Dude looks like a lady." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 621

You deserved it 7 877

Miscellaneous

Dementia or hate? You decide

But there's panic on the streets of Carlisle

Mama's boy

Cancer sucks

By m0r0n - 20/10/2020 20:00 - United States - Cleveland

Today, like most days, I awoke from a dream where my hair was long again. This time, it was in the way while I was trying to drink water from a fountain. I lost my hair from chemo; it's slowly growing back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 332

You deserved it 320

Time for a change

By leogs23 - 15/11/2020 10:58

Today, I was in bed with my girlfriend and she asked to see my phone to check my Snapchat to see what was in there. After she was done with it, she start looking into her phone to see her memories and started crying over her ex-boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 076

You deserved it 97

25/05/2009 05:39 - United States

Today, I was feeling really down. So I texted my boyfriend and asked him to tell me why he loves me, thinking he would cheer me up. His response? "Don't bug me with this stupid shit anymore. You always ask such dumb questions." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 195

You deserved it 58 583

20/02/2013 18:20 - United States - El Cajon

Today, my girlfriend of nine months made a huge scene in public, calling me a "cheating bastard" because she saw me with another woman at the library. That "other woman" is my Calculus tutor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 488

You deserved it 3 493

Weirdo geek freaks out

By katw - 10/03/2021 02:01

Today, I went on a first day with a guy. It went well up until he saw my phone, loudly declared that I was ‘gross’ for having an iPhone, and then stormed out. I’m on a family plan and if it were my choice, I would have got an Android. FML

I agree, your life sucks 811

You deserved it 203

22/12/2009 02:47 - United States

Today, I asked my girlfriend what she thought of us getting married some day. She said she wasn't sure about me yet and that we may want to go in different directions soon. We've been dating for three years and I had the ring in my pocket at the moment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 152

You deserved it 3 847

24/02/2014 19:05 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I learned that I'm the only person in my family that our new cat likes. She sleeps on my bed and always sits in my lap and despises everyone else. I'm allergic to cats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 626

You deserved it 4 497

Freak out

By Lee - 05/07/2021 16:01 - United States

Today, my cat had a long dingleberry hanging off his butt. He decided the best way to get rid of it was to freak out and run around the house, shaking shit everywhere. To make it worse, he then licked his still shit covered butt, made a face and promptly threw up. Guess my cat isn’t the brightest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 759

You deserved it 149

05/04/2014 04:04 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, while in line at my local bakery, an old man passed wind in front of me. The smell was like nothing I've ever experienced before. I managed to withstand it, but the child behind me could not, and spewed orange vomit all over my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 681

You deserved it 3 422

08/11/2009 07:26 - United States

Today, I ran into a bird. Not with my car, with my face. It was so scared, it crapped all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 817

You deserved it 3 620

17/06/2012 04:53 - United States - Lancaster

Today, I was reading erotic literature and noticed several errors in syntax, resulting in my mood being killed. I was cockblocked by my need for grammatical correctness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 276

You deserved it 12 128

23/12/2015 15:15 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I woke up to a horrible smell only to realize that my dog had peed all over my leg cast during the night. I can't get another one because the closest doctors are all on Christmas vacation. Guess this is an early Christmas present from my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 737

You deserved it 1 881

27/10/2009 15:36 - United States

Today, I took a trip to Wal-Mart. There's a car wash that they conveniently built right outside of this Wal-Mart. So as I was leaving, I decided to make use of this car wash, not even thinking about the $200 worth of groceries I had just purchased. I drive a pick-up truck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 718

You deserved it 68 380

13/10/2013 21:20 - Niger - Niamey

Today, in revenge for me pulling the old salt-in-the-soda prank on him, my dad showed up at my college dressed in a tight blouse and miniskirt, demanding that I come home early with him. I think I'm going to be lynched next time I go to class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 012

You deserved it 13 746

28/10/2009 07:19 - United States

Today, I was in my car studying on the campus parking lot. It was cold outside so I had the windows up. I had a severe upset stomach and was privately drowning in my own flatulence. Moments later, my crush knocks on the window to ask me something. I had to roll the windows down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 840

You deserved it 6 837

31/07/2013 22:49 - United States - Effingham

Today, I went to my dad, hoping to confess something to him. He quickly said that if I'd got my girlfriend pregnant, he'd kill me. That's exactly what happened. I had to make up a lie instead about stealing $50 from his wallet once as a kid, which he then demanded I pay back in full. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 664

You deserved it 47 388

02/03/2017 20:00

Today, I was walking on the sidewalk near my house when a car pulled out of a parking spot in front of a speeding ambulance. The ambulance swerved up onto the grass. Yes, I broke my arm after being hit by an ambulance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 845

You deserved it 416

29/11/2013 02:05 - United States - Old Bridge

Today, I was cleaning a pocketknife when I noticed a spider on my leg. My first reaction was to stab it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 422

You deserved it 46 626

Student Hell

By Anonymous - 30/10/2019 04:00

Today, I'm studying in another city. My tutor hates me because of my looks and accent. I have no friends, computer or internet outside of uni. I live in a room I rent at an old couple's house. Due to a flimsy door, I hear everything they do or say, and vice versa. I can't move from the bed. If I do, their dog, who guards my door, starts barking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 149

You deserved it 177

09/08/2011 21:21 - United States

Today, I was asked how far I've gone with a guy. My answer? Eye contact. I'm 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 567

You deserved it 8 050

Unloved

By Anonymous - 03/08/2020 08:03

Today, my dad lied and said he was busy working, all because he didn't want to see me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 354

You deserved it 108

31/07/2013 04:50 - Canada - Surrey

Today, my boyfriend suggested that we become "drug dealers" because I'm a chemistry student and he's seen a few episodes of Breaking Bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 997

You deserved it 5 255

05/09/2012 08:14 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, my girlfriend dumped me because I didn't take her pet rock seriously. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 007

You deserved it 5 329

10/06/2016 22:32 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my sister found and read my journal. My first entry talked about how I shaved my ass for the first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 324

You deserved it 2 718

26/04/2015 08:19 - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Today, I asked the man of my dreams out on a date. His response: "I'd rather eat my own balls." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 170

You deserved it 3 717

23/09/2009 20:48 - United States

Today, I bought a fish bowl and a fish for $15. I brought him home and sat him on my desk. Everything was going well until the shelf gave out and his bowl slid off of the shelf... onto my $2,000 computer. The computer is fried and is not covered by the insurance, the fish is fine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 601

You deserved it 11 044

18/10/2009 05:03 - Canada

Today, my dad was supposed to come see me for our twice-a-year visit. He was 3 hours late. So I called, and asked him why he was late - he said 'Oh, something came up'. I asked him what was so important. Apparently, the garage needed cleaning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 279

You deserved it 2 302

27/05/2009 09:48 - United States

Today, I dreamed that I met this beautiful girl at a restaurant and we ended up having lunch together. Everything was going perfect until the end when I tried to get her number and she wouldn't give it to me. I can't even get a girl in my dreams. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 510

You deserved it 6 578

16/09/2018 22:00

Today, after working 85 hours in a single week, I finally got my paycheck. $500. Apparently I got a pay cut without anyone telling me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 059

You deserved it 149

26/11/2011 05:54 - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend is cheating on me with a woman twice my age. I'm 32. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 614

You deserved it 3 973

Asshat

By Vivi - 14/07/2021 18:01

Today, my soon-to-be-ex-husband decided to bring our four kids over to tell them we were splitting up, and to make them choose who they want to live with, because "Mommy’s been a nagging bitch." He left out that the "nagging bitch" caught him having an affair the night before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 761

You deserved it 130

18/08/2018 03:30

Today, I had sex with a guy I'd had a crush on for a long time. When I asked if he was having trouble putting it in, he answered that he was fully in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 950

You deserved it 637

19/12/2011 17:48 - United States

Today, thanks to some asshole with a padlock, I got trapped in porta potty for over an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 767

You deserved it 2 825

19/05/2009 14:19 - United States

Today, I was trying to remove a temporary tattoo my friend put on my cheek. When warm water and soap didn't work, I tried something else. Just so you know, Mr. Clean Magic Erasers do not, in fact, work by magic. Tell that to the massive chemical burn covering half my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 079

You deserved it 94 924

14/12/2012 06:40 - United States - Seabrook

Today, in class, I reached into my bag to pull out a tampon, which I hid under my sleeve so I could make a quick escape to the restroom. My teacher yelled at me, because she thought I'd taken out my phone. I then had to prove myself by showing the tampon to the whole class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 887

You deserved it 3 178

Office world is hell

By Anonymous - 11/07/2020 14:01

Today, at work I was sitting on the toilet and a coworker came in and yelled, “That sounded like a big one!” and wouldn't leave until I left came out of the stall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 400

You deserved it 127

28/06/2013 20:36 - Jordan - Amman

Today, my 12-year-old son played QWOP on my laptop. Half an hour later, he virtually destroyed it in a fit of rage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 161

You deserved it 5 376

Creepy Uncle Dave

By ScandinaviaBacon - 11/06/2019 20:00

Today, I returned from my year-long vacation to Brazil, having lost a lot of weight and feeling better about my self-confidence. When I met my uncle at the airport, I greeted him with a friendly hug. I was greeted by his erection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 659

You deserved it 200

21/03/2014 16:10 - United States - Redmond

Today, fed up with my nerdy appearance, I got my hair shaved off, hoping for a Walter White kind of look. I didn't think it was too bad, but not even an hour later, I'd already been called a "fat Bruce Willis" and compared to a freshly circumcised penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 901

You deserved it 8 024

09/08/2013 22:17

Today, I was in the restroom at work, snickering at some funny stories on my phone while I took a dump. Little did I know that the asshole in the next stall would report me to our boss, claiming he'd heard weird noises, then looked over the divider and witnessed me jacking off to porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 881

You deserved it 7 426

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sigurd 11

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Monday 10 June 2013 9:21

You should be able to handle someones farts and take it as a joke when you are married with them. Return the favor :)

SirTalkaton 22

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Monday 10 June 2013 9:23

It's not true love until you can fart in front of them. Sounds like you guys are golden

sigurd 11

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Monday 10 June 2013 9:21

You should be able to handle someones farts and take it as a joke when you are married with them. Return the favor :)

lp5252 4

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Monday 10 June 2013 9:24

he's a mother father gentlemen

woosah 16

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Monday 10 June 2013 9:26

I agree with that, but I feel like he didn't need to grab a fan a blow it at her. The stench would have reached her soon enough!

ryan112 12

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Monday 10 June 2013 10:38

I find this funny. Lol! All the above.

Angeuh_fml 21

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Monday 10 June 2013 19:05

What ? But women are Princesses : we don't pee, poop or fart ! ;) Instead we're making rainbows <3

sigurd 11

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Monday 10 June 2013 19:36

#11, but then she would have time to escape!

FweakofCydonia 40

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Monday 5 August 2013 19:07

Seriously #24, a PSY reference?

baseballdude1283 18

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Monday 10 June 2013 9:22

That's a successful marriage right there

chabelo 10

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Monday 10 June 2013 9:27

yeah confidence and jokes that's pretty much a good marriage

avapaige1234 19

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Monday 10 June 2013 13:57

Why are some people so illiterate with sarcasm?

avapaige1234 19

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Monday 10 June 2013 13:59

Why are some people so illiterate with sarcasm?

cmayer 20

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Monday 10 June 2013 9:22

Sounds like you married a good man.

woosah 16

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Monday 10 June 2013 9:22

What a gentlemen.

SirTalkaton 22

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Monday 10 June 2013 9:23

It's not true love until you can fart in front of them. Sounds like you guys are golden

SpamPam 18

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Monday 10 June 2013 23:41

Would that be a different story if OP farted? I just hope Op's spouse is prepared for retaliation.

flashback.miss 28

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Monday 10 June 2013 9:25

Aww come on, learn to laugh a little :) Should've sang along with him :D

UnidentifiedFun 37

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Monday 10 June 2013 9:25

At least he was joking, and didn't change the words to,"Lady looks like a dude."

ironichalibut 24

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Monday 10 June 2013 9:25

"dude looks like.. He won't have a lady much longer"

Ceejay1 13

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Monday 10 June 2013 9:26

He is disrespectful & nasty.

Mossears133 15

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Monday 10 June 2013 21:15

He is freaking awesome!

mmizbbz210 13

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Tuesday 11 June 2013 5:58

its a joke. i dont understand how people can not take one...

Harpy20 24

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Monday 10 June 2013 9:27

My husband likes to do it after he eats cheese. I feel like I'm suffocating. Sounds like a great relationship to me :)

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 6

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 115

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend came out as a polyamorous, and then immediately asked me if he could date another guy I thought was my friend. I’m such a pushover, I said yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 116

You deserved it 381

Today, I have an internal defibrillator from trauma to my heart 12 years ago. I finally experienced for the first time what it's like when it shocks me. Nothing says I'm a keeper like getting kicked in the chest and smacked upside the back of the head with a baseball bat while clapping cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 612

You deserved it 69

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