Health: Today, I got a concussion and several staples in my head. As... - FML

By Sean - 10/06/2013 02:27 - United States

Today, I got a concussion and several staples in my head. As it turns out, watering flowers is much more dangerous than it might sound. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 206

You deserved it 7 639

Mind the handbrake!

Not such a happy ending

Admit you're shit

Sexy is in the eye of the beholder

By fatty punani - 05/06/2020 08:00

Today, my husband thinks I stopped wearing underwear to be sexy. Truth is, I’ve gained so much weight during quarantine that even my granny panties no longer fit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 286

You deserved it 610

By all by myself - 14/04/2014 23:34 - Ireland - Cork

Today, I decided to go to a therapy group to help with my anxiety and to meet people who felt similar. I joked with my friend that no one would turn up as people might feel anxious about going. I was right. I was the only one there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 682

You deserved it 3 758

By sickofthisshit - 02/07/2016 16:43 - United States - Oceanside

Today, I nearly got written up for "publicly humiliating" a coworker. All because I left a note in the restroom asking whoever keeps peeing all over the floor to please be considerate of other people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 159

You deserved it 1 013

By Liz - 09/06/2011 04:21 - United States

Spicy

Today, I thought an attractive guy was looking at my tits instead of my face, and prepared to act offended and perhaps flirt. Unfortunately, he was actually looking at the peeling and flaking sunburn in my cleavage, and informed me that Aloe might be helpful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 181

You deserved it 42 514

Fundies say the darndest things

By dazzla08 - 21/10/2019 02:00 - United States

Today, my husband told me doesn't really love me. He only married me because we had a daughter, and his grandmother told him he had to so she wouldn't be "an abomination to God." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 708

You deserved it 220

By asdfghjkl - 19/04/2009 02:44 - United States

Today, I bought a brand new flat screen TV. When I brought it home it didn't work. Furious, I walked into Best Buy and yelled at a guy in a tucked in blue polo and khakis. I asked him why it didn't work and he said he didn't know. I kept screaming. He didn't have a nametag. He didn't work there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 778

You deserved it 130 214

Back in the red

By Brandon Lafantaisie - 03/05/2020 14:00

Today, I sneezed and pulled every muscle in my lower back. For the third time in two years, after $3000+ in physiotherapy. Round 3, here we come. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 551

You deserved it 208

By Stacy - 05/07/2011 04:04 - United States

Today, while using the restroom at work, I dropped my keys into the toilet. I left to find something to get them out and figured nobody would use a toilet with keys in it. I came back to a bowl of dung and "Shit happens" written on the wall in lipstick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 909

You deserved it 8 422

By Anonymous - 16/08/2019 12:00

Today, my grandmother loudly announced that she has a yeast infection. Under her breast. She attempted to show me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 597

You deserved it 116

By amandanoelle - 09/10/2016 06:42 - United States - Hot Springs National Park

Today, I realized how stagnant my life has become when, while eating some leftover salad with crackers I'd left out the night before, I decided to open some new crackers and put them with the stale, and giggled to myself about the excitement of "cracker roulette." FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 576

You deserved it 1 742

By kallens - 17/01/2009 20:57 - United States

Today, I was putting a wristband on a little boy's wrist so he could swim in the waterpark. Just before I finished, he coughed all over my hands and arms. I finished and looked up at the boy just in time for us to make eye contact and for him to cough directly into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 724

You deserved it 2 508

By Anonymous - 18/12/2010 23:10 - United States

Today, my boyfriend decided that he needed some time alone for a few weeks. This break just so happens to include our one year anniversary, Christmas, New Year's, and my birthday. Now I get to spend the next three weeks alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 068

You deserved it 4 774

By Anonymous - 23/02/2011 22:36 - United Kingdom

Today, I was fired. My boss told me via email that it was because I "don't have enough experience with fun spiritual." Uh, what? FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 135

You deserved it 2 739

By Ruby Lore - 20/07/2017 00:31

Today, I asked my dad if he'd like to go fishing together, but he said he was busy with errands. Later, in a casual conversation with my friend, she opened up her phone to show me pictures of her fishing with my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 451

You deserved it 332

By failure - 14/07/2011 16:24 - Russian Federation

Today, my neighbour's boiler broke and flooded his home. To solve the problem, the water company shut off the neighbourhood's water supply while they fixed his boiler. I am now unable to shower, and I smell like a zoo animal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 460

You deserved it 4 145

Passing

By butchapparently - 10/08/2015 15:35

Today, I got a text from the guy I've been in love with for 3 years, saying, "So um, I've been wondering. Did you used to be a man?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 655

You deserved it 2 208

By pissedoffandon - 06/05/2009 14:07 - United Kingdom

Today, I was taking a piss at the urinal when a fly started buzzing around my head. It started getting in my face, so I tried to swat it away. After about 10 seconds of intense swatting, I looked down to find I had pissed all over my shoes and down the front of my trousers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 909

You deserved it 61 706

You ANIMAL

By ElevatorThug - 25/08/2009 09:17 - Singapore

Today, as I got into an elevator, I spotted a little old lady hobbling desperately to get on. I frantically tapped on the 'door open' button but the doors closed. I got dirty looks from the people in the lift, only then did I realise I had frantically tapped the 'door close' button instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 182

You deserved it 34 228

By lunarboy - 17/02/2009 00:24 - United States

Spicy

Today, I decided to watch some porn before bed. The lights were off and my roommate was already asleep behind me. I put on my noise-canceling headphones and turned up the volume all the way. After a few strokes my roommate got up and plugged in the headphones for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 687

You deserved it 68 738

By Thay - 01/09/2016 22:28 - United States

Today, I logged onto Tinder to see if I had any messages. I had one: "Get off Tinder." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 864

You deserved it 1 656

Idiocracy

By Faith - 09/02/2021 11:01

Today, I got my vacation days denied because I'm "too valuable", while the moron I work with gets his days off because he's "easy to do without." Well, I guess I won't be spending much time with my girlfriend who flew across the country to see me. Glad I'm such a valuable employee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 253

You deserved it 101

By oh - 06/12/2013 21:20 - Denmark - Viborg

Today, my grandma commented on my Facebook profile picture: "That's a great photo! It doesn't look anything like you!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 938

You deserved it 3 679

Thanks, I guess…

By JennyPenny - 17/10/2012 15:53 - United States - Lawrence

Today, I found out that even though your brother agrees to watch your dogs for a week, it does not mean that he will pick up after them. Apparently, it's okay to leave piss and shit all over the deck and floors because they're not his dogs and he shouldn't have to clean up their messes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 618

You deserved it 4 095

By Upfront - 06/04/2016 05:19 - United States - Denver

Today, I confronted my very passive-aggressive roommate about taking out the trash. With a smug smile, she insisted that I should write her a letter if I want to argue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 030

You deserved it 1 475

What's the point?

By Anonymous - 15/01/2021 19:58

Today, my university required us to set learning goals for each semester and then evaluate them later. And no, the answer, "I want to learn whatever they teach me in the classes I’m taking" isn't permitted. Neither is picking your own classes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 708

You deserved it 135

By illiterate - 17/06/2011 04:16 - Australia

Today, my boss gave me an "All you need to know about grammar" book. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 196

You deserved it 32 941

You give me fever

By Boredstoner420 - 14/03/2020 21:00

Today, I got way too bored and stoned, so I created a Tinder profile named "Covid" with a picture of the Coronavirus and a funny description. I'd never had so many matches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 144

You deserved it 725

By emilygreeny - 18/06/2010 05:42 - United States

Today, I learned that you should never, ever, under any circumstance, take a laxative and a sleeping pill on the same night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 446

You deserved it 56 995

By ziggers10 - 07/04/2013 03:19 - United States

Today, I was proposed to, under the condition that I "get thin" first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 980

You deserved it 9 877

By Anonymous - 11/03/2010 22:23 - United States

Today, I became that small percent of people who face three different kinds of complications after their wisdom teeth are removed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 996

You deserved it 2 169

By Brittany - 23/12/2012 02:33 - United States

Today, a guy professed his love for me in front of my friends. The guy is my first cousin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 575

You deserved it 3 503

By Anonymous - 21/12/2010 16:18 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, my 14 year-old son sent a broadcast on my blackberry saying ''I'm a young gay man looking for some fun!'' to all my contacts as a joke. What he didn't know was that it's my work phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 780

You deserved it 5 636

By chloeleigholivia - 10/01/2016 19:55 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, being the clean freak that I am, I bought an expensive pair of 'mop socks'. As I walked upstairs to show everyone, I slipped on the corner of the bottom step and landed on my face, breaking my toe in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 264

You deserved it 5 066

By birdfoooo - 29/11/2011 15:26 - United States

Today, as I was leaving Wal-mart, a huge group of birds settled along the wire above the street. I thought it would be hilarious to scare them, so I stuck my head out the window and screamed. The birds responded by simultaneously shitting on my car in very neat rows. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 007

You deserved it 55 041

By johnfrank - 26/03/2009 17:11 - United States

Today, I was on a blind date with a girl my friend set me up with. We went to a fancy restaurant and she ordered the shrimp. I told her, "I'm allergic to shrimp, so you shouldn't order it in case I want to kiss you later." She looked at the waiter and said, "I'll have the shrimp." FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 614

You deserved it 35 239

Put the eggs in one basket!

By PsychoBoulevard - 13/03/2017 08:00 - United States - Tollhouse

Today, as well as for the past week, my cat finds immeasurable joy in knocking eggs of the counter and staring at me as I clean the mess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 175

You deserved it 1 132

By ouch - 26/03/2011 02:27

Today, my cat fell into the bathtub while walking along the rim. This wouldn't have been so bad if I wasn't in it at the time, and if my skin was immune to being sliced open by a frantic kitty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 141

You deserved it 5 428

By Anonymous - 12/04/2015 18:29 - United States - South Burlington

Today, I found out that turkeys can fly. I also found out how much a new windshield costs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 084

You deserved it 2 914

By GhillieSuitsnBiscuits - 10/04/2016 20:53 - United States - Portland

Today, I had a lady come up to me in a store just to tell me how bad my acne was and what remedies I should use. I got so embarrassed, all I could say was, "OK" and, "Thank you" until she left me alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 498

You deserved it 1 442

By :( - 02/03/2010 00:14 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to explain to my 14-year-old sister why one must not wear the same pair of knickers for a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 388

You deserved it 2 436

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Top comments

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Monday 10 June 2013 9:36

There's got to be a good story behind this....come on OP we need details lol

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Monday 10 June 2013 10:46

If OP is American, he can sue the flowers

Comments

fightingkittens 39

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Monday 10 June 2013 9:35

1. Water flowers 2. Get concussion 3. ????? 4. Profit

Razzle_Dazzle_5 11

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Monday 10 June 2013 9:43

Profit for the hospital..

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Monday 10 June 2013 9:44

Profitable YouTube video/tosh.0 web redemption

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Monday 10 June 2013 9:44

How do you get profit from the hospital bills and being the laughingstock of the neighborhood?

ironichalibut 24

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Monday 10 June 2013 9:47

I finally get it! Step one: steal underpants step two: sell them back during the underwear crisis at 200% value step three: Profit

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Monday 10 June 2013 10:46

If OP is American, he can sue the flowers

Send a private message

Monday 10 June 2013 13:14

17. Set up a tent. Charge admission. Let people in to laugh at you for a few minutes. If they want longer, charge them again.

SkyGuy32 17

Tuesday 11 June 2013 4:37

#40, that's why I think OP is gonna tell his friends something else. I want to hear both stories, but for the fake one I suggest a trip to the zoo gone bad.

FALLENSEBZERO 16

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Monday 10 June 2013 9:35

Those darn flowers!

niallo 23

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Monday 10 June 2013 9:53

Op should be like me. I have a black thumb of death. I can't keep a plant alive. Therefore, no need to water them. WIN!!!

GEBEH 14

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Monday 10 June 2013 11:48

If watering flowers is too dangerous for you I'd hate to see you do something crazy.. like jaywalking.

hessel 13

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Monday 10 June 2013 13:17

i knew my flowers where fucking up to something

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Monday 10 June 2013 16:35

thats what happens when you grow man eating flowers...tsk tsk

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Monday 10 June 2013 18:55

Come on people have you never played plants vs zombies? Those things are a entire home defense system.

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Monday 10 June 2013 9:36

There's got to be a good story behind this....come on OP we need details lol

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Monday 10 June 2013 10:40

The details are left out because the OP didn't want to get a lot of YDI clicks.

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Monday 10 June 2013 11:00

Maybe OP was peeing on the flowers and got caught...

399 41

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Wednesday 11 May 2016 16:15

Please OP reply to #3?

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Monday 10 June 2013 9:36

Watering flowers in pots that sit precariously on a windowsill above your head? Yes, I see you also like to live dangerously

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Monday 10 June 2013 11:05

This, I bet on op reaching for flowers he didn't have the height for and pulled the pot upon himself

VeganVampyre 26

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Tuesday 11 June 2013 5:13

Even in that scenario I don't understand how you could end up with staples in your head :/

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Tuesday 11 June 2013 5:54

70, that would depend on how big the plants are. Some people have huge potted plants that can be super heavy..

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Monday 10 June 2013 9:38

Wow. I would really like to see whether or not you would almost drown in your cereal bowl.

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Monday 10 June 2013 9:38

I'll send you some get better flowers

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Monday 10 June 2013 9:39

I feel like not all of the details were given...

niallo 23

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Monday 10 June 2013 9:50

Actually, none of the details were given.

VeganVampyre 26

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Tuesday 11 June 2013 5:16

Actually, some of the details were given- we know what happened, we just don't know how.

life_sucks225 13

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Monday 10 June 2013 9:39

hope you aren't one of those "yolo" people.

DerrickJames 33

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Monday 10 June 2013 9:40

Mario knows all about those dangerous plants.

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Monday 10 June 2013 9:40

be careful!

Nearly

Today I ripped my lovely £50 coat on barbed wire, what I only worn a hand full of times, ended up having to spend £10 to get it repaired, have to wait till Friday to pick it up, it’s only Tuesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8

You deserved it 7

Today, a tech came to repair my cracked phone screen. He told me to remove my case and took it to his van in my driveway to fix it. Thirty minutes later, he rings my doorbell and hands me my phone back. He says he fixed the screen but tripped and dropped it walking back to my house, and completely shattered the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 4

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I spent all day waiting for an unlikely follow up text from the girl from Tinder I let peg me on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 326

You deserved it 884

Today, I swear I'm off men for good after my latest dud date wanted me to pee on his chest to turn him on, and we were only 20 minutes into the first date. The entire male gender are disgusting pigs, no matter how nice they pretend to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 787

You deserved it 1 084