The Top

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The all-time greatest FMLs

Bad joke, dude!

By Peterrulesall - This FML is from back in 2020 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, as a joke, I put a picture of a sonogram on my girlfriend's Facebook. Now her entire family hates me, and her mother has started the two-hour drive to come pull her out of college. Whoops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 374

You deserved it 3 482

Mortified

By Nathalieeeee - 10/08/2025 20:00 - United States - Newark

Today, I went on a first date at an Italian restaurant. I was leaning in as my date told a story when my fork snapped a meatball in half. The sauce launched across the table and landed directly on his shirt, meat red against crisp white. I spent the rest of the meal staring at the stain, so I'm not sure there will be a date two. FML

I agree, your life sucks 374

You deserved it 118

Awww, cute!

By Anonymous - 24/10/2024 22:00 - United States - Portland

Today, I finally worked up the courage to ask out the girl I like. After nervously fumbling through my words, I asked, "Want to grab a cup of water sometime?" She looked at me confused, then asked if I meant coffee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 374

You deserved it 140

Cats > Humans

By Breebree - 06/07/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, I realized I’m always being told how “amazing” I am, yet no guy wants to choose me. I’m that girl who is always overlooked and friend-zoned. I have so much love to give yet I never get any of it in return. I guess I should adopt lots of cats and write off guys forever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 374

You deserved it 264

Smoothie with a kick

By Anonymous - 02/07/2021 02:01 - Germany

Today, I made myself a smoothie with fruits and wild greens, which tasted much better than it looked, so I licked the splashes off the blender’s lid. Including a stray leaf that didn’t get blended. Which turned out to be stinging nettle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 374

You deserved it 907

Down the hole we go

By Anonymous - 12/02/2022 18:00 - United States - Carmichael

Today, I found out I might have been exposed to HPV. So what do I do? End up in the internet self-diagnosis rabbit hole. Now I'm convinced I have something. FML

I agree, your life sucks 374

You deserved it 789

I'm OK, I swear

By Business - 06/02/2025 15:00 - Canada

Today, I walked into an office at work, ready to ask everyone a question. I then blanked and forgot why I was there the second everyone turned to look at me. I just stood there, nodded, and walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 374

You deserved it 133

Blinded

By Anonymous - 25/08/2025 09:00 - United States

Today, my phone’s flashlight turned on in my pocket while I was at the movie theater. I didn’t notice until the stranger next to me whispered, “Hey, your dick is glowing.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 374

You deserved it 144

Fight or flight or…

By Anonymous - 18/01/2025 15:00 - Australia - Yarrambat

Today, after just returning to work from recovering from an e-scooter crash, a man raced through a red light on his e-scooter while I was crossing the road, and nearly collided with me. If I hadn’t frozen in place, he absolutely would have. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 373

You deserved it 96

Well played, Deborah

By Anonymous - 11/04/2025 03:00

Today, my bitch ex has successfully trained our daughter to refer to her second husband as “Dad” and me as Mister, or Sir, or even by my first name a few times. This has to be abuse of some kind, mental anguish, cruel and unusual bullshit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 373

You deserved it 91

Quite right

By Dodged a nuke. - 08/09/2025 10:00 - Mexico

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I refused to give her my phone's passcode. FML

I agree, your life sucks 373

You deserved it 192

Weird encounter

By No date for me - 29/03/2025 00:00 - United States

Today, I went on a blind date. When I arrived, the guy looked nothing like his profile picture. We started chatting, and things were going fine until he asked, “So, what do you think about my date?” I replied, “Uh, I think it’s going well!” He responded, “I was talking about the waitress. I’m married.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 373

You deserved it 131

"Why are you booing me? I'm right"

By Anonymous - 29/06/2021 18:00

Today, I broke my toe on a decorative statue I bought for our front yard. My husband warned me it took up too much space and was a hazard, and now I get to hear him say, "I told you so." FML

I agree, your life sucks 373

You deserved it 1 041

Infrastructure

By Anonymous - 14/07/2025 00:00 - United Kingdom - Swindon

Today, I was using a public toilet stall when the lock gave way, and the door swung open halfway. I froze, and the person who was washing his hands at the sinks looked at me in the mirror and awkwardly said, “I see you.” I muttered, “I’m sorry,” as he walked out looking like he'd seen a ghost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 373

You deserved it 103

Dominatrix

By Grudges - 01/11/2025 20:00

Today, I found an odd notebook in my wife's desk and opened it. I learned why our sex life has gotten so boring: every time I upset her, she secretly bans something sexual. For instance: "June 16th - dented car - no more lingerie" or "August 9th - forgot wallet on date night - no more rope play." FML

I agree, your life sucks 373

You deserved it 140

Bad grandma

By Anonymous - 21/05/2026 22:00 - United States

Today, I'm grounded for literally the whole summer because my parents found out that I was still seeing my grandma behind their backs, even though they banned her from ever seeing us again after she spanked my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 373

You deserved it 126

Date night to remember

By Anonymous - 27/08/2025 00:00 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I'd planned a low key date night with my partner for tonight. I told them about it last night. When they got home, they asked why I was dressed up. When I mentioned the date night, they just shrugged and said "Oh, OK" then made a joke about my lipstick. They didn’t change out of their grubby clothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 373

You deserved it 168

Statistics

By Trish - 02/06/2025 03:00 - United States

Today, I went on a virtual date with someone I met on a hyper-personalized dating app. It turns out that the app matched me with my ex. Again. Because, apparently, “statistically, you two have so much in common, and also unresolved issues.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 373

You deserved it 104

Proud father

By Anonymous - 01/03/2024 12:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my daughter came home in actual tears because a guy from college “dared”, yes “dared” to turn her down. She then went on a rant about how he “claimed to have a girlfriend” and “clearly doesn’t know how popular she is.” Clearly, I’ve raised a Mean Girl with a future as a 3-time divorcee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 373

You deserved it 566

Never felt more lonely

By Anonymous - 29/07/2025 00:00 - United Kingdom - Swindon

Today, I was in my local supermarket's frozen aisle and I started doing a little dance of joy because my favorite ice cream was on sale. I turned around to see my ex and his new girlfriend watching me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 373

You deserved it 256

The opposite of hustle culture

By frustrated and chequed out - 12/02/2024 09:00 - Canada - Duncan

Today, I tried to deposit a few cheques in the bank before they expired, and all I needed was the ATM. Little did I know that the bank changed their hours and now closes on the weekend. I’m busy during the week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 373

You deserved it 265

Inferiority complex

By jakob the small twink - 22/09/2024 22:00 - United States - Fallbrook

Today, I pulled up to a party/house rave. I was told there were a decent amount of women there. I guess they'd all left by the time I arrived. The only girl I saw there was my ex-girlfriend, who left me without a trace last month, dancing with a bunch of guys who were all physically way bigger than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 373

You deserved it 179

Are you a wizard?

By elaine - 03/02/2021 05:01 - United States - Denver

Today, I tried to prove a point to my six-year-old son who refuses to drink water from the kitchen sink in favor of from the bathroom faucet. I filled up two cups, one with the kitchen water and another with the bathroom water, thinking he wouldn’t tell the difference. He gagged on the kitchen water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 372

You deserved it 1 005

Lonesome tonight

By FriendzonedAFBoi - 24/03/2025 00:00 - United States

Today, I realized that in order to get a girl, I have to lose 100lbs and/or get facial reconstruction. If I meet a girl, we get close, I do everything to make her happy, only to be told, “I only like you as a friend.” I also get told that I’d make a “great boyfriend” yet they don’t choose me. Being overlooked sucks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 372

You deserved it 353

About that "why"…

By Wtf - 15/06/2025 15:00 - Japan - Tokyo

Today, I found out that the girl I like is fucking my friend. The friend who she always said was "a disgusting sexist pig" and swore she hated. The worst part is, she's right, he's a complete dick to women. I don't know how or why he got in her pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 372

You deserved it 125

Not my fault!

By Anonymous - 22/12/2025 12:00

Today, I tried to be helpful by holding the door open for a woman carrying boxes. She smiled and hurried toward me, then tripped and dropped everything at my feet. She stared at me like I'd caused it, and said, “Thanks” through clenched teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 372

You deserved it 85

Make it a double feature

By Anonymous - 27/05/2026 12:00 - United States - San Bernardino

Today, my husband declared that since our youngest son happened to be born on our anniversary, we no longer needed to celebrate. He reasoned that it would be “wrong” to make his special day about us. Truth is he’s just a cheap unromantic sod. FML

I agree, your life sucks 372

You deserved it 105

Nervous

By Anonymous - 13/06/2025 03:00 - United States

Today, I sat down to discuss wanting a promotion and ended up getting so nervous that I broke down crying in front of my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 372

You deserved it 160

Socialite

By Shelley05 - 29/07/2025 12:00 - United States - Santa Fe

Today, I showed up to my friend’s birthday party with a huge cake... on what turned out to be the wrong day. The actual party is tomorrow. Her family laughed and thought if was cute, but I just wanted the floor to open up and let me disappear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 372

You deserved it 149

Priorities

By Anonymous - 28/04/2026 00:00 - United States

Today, I called off my wedding because I found out he was cheating, but my daughter is more upset that she spent $400 on a bridesmaid's gown and now can't get a refund. FML

I agree, your life sucks 372

You deserved it 117

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The Top

Today, after waking up, I went into the kitchen and took a swig of milk from the carton. I overestimated my strength, and the whole thing splashed all over my face. A few moments later, my dad staggered in, looked at me in disgust, and said, "You know what? I don't even wanna know." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 837

You deserved it 11 191

Today, I was called an assortment of names and was almost followed home by a crazy bitch. Why? Because I stated that it was unsanitary for her to bring her dog to a grocery store. She clearly disagreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 727

You deserved it 7 580

Today, I had to jump into my car while it was still moving. Apparently, just because you put it in park and turn it off, doesn't mean it won't take off towards a ditch without warning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 059

You deserved it 8 844

Today, I realized that I hadn't shaved in so long that when the wind blew, the hairs on my legs moved in the breeze. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 870

You deserved it 49 488

Today, I told my girlfriend I was quitting the town baseball team. She said "Great. Now we can get someone with actual talent on the team." I laughed because I thought she was joking. She then replied "What's so funny?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 734

You deserved it 5 538

Today, my mom didn’t answer the phone when I called. My husband promptly said, with a straight face, “Would you answer you?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 458

You deserved it 165