Today, I put my perfectly-broiled steak portion in the microwave to keep it from the cats while it rested. I accidentally hit "cook" instead of "timer". My perfect rare steak is now almost perfectly half-leather and half-charcoal. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I dragged my grill outside in the freezing cold to cook a steak for New Year's day. I left my spatula in the garage, and I set the still-wrapped steak on the grill. I was only gone 45 seconds, but that was long enough for my cat to open the wrapper and run off with my steak in his jaws. FML
Today, my oven decided that it was going to lock and clean itself right in the middle of cooking my steaks. FML
Today, I made the most perfect prime rib of my life at an amazing medium rare. I was so distracted dyeing eggs with my kids that I didn’t notice my mom cut the meat, then deciding to shove it back into the oven as it was “too pink” for her liking. She incinerated it beyond all recognition. FML
Today, I dropped my phone in the frying pan whilst cooking my steak. I had to rinse off the oil immediately and clean the phone, then had to eat a cold steak. FML
Today, I got some ingredients ready for a stew in the slow cooker, planning to turn it on when I left for work. Well, my dumb, un-caffeinated ass turned it on, but put it on high instead of low. For 13 hours. It was completely charcoal by the time I got home. FML
Today, I put leftovers in the microwave, pressed two minutes, and walked away. I came back to discover I'd started the kitchen timer instead. I'd spent two minutes waiting for food that had never even started warming up. FML
Today, my husband and I cooked our first dinner of the year, some grilled steak. The moment we turned our backs to put out the fire, the dog snatched half of it. FML
Today, I spent hours cooking a big dinner for my parents for the first time. I guess I made the steak too rare, because when my dad cut into it, he said "Christ! This thing's practically alive!" and said a skilled vet could probably bring the cow it was cut from back to life. FML
Today, while cooking dinner, I managed to set my oven mitt on fire. In my panic, I tried to throw it in the sink, but it landed on a stack of t-shirts, which were lying on the counter. Both the mitt and my favorite Sonic Youth t-shirt now have matching burn holes. FML
Today, I accepted I can't cook at all. Why? I burned myself cooking popcorn in a microwave oven. I accidentally burst the package open and a scorching kernel flew into my bra. FML
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Top comments
RichardPencil 32
Why did you push any buttons?
mike3775 39
So the light turning on and the noise it makes did t clue you in that you didn’t set the timer?
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Comments (4)
RichardPencil 32
Why did you push any buttons?
Ticonderogapencils 17
They already said to set a timer. Read the actual post instead of instantly commenting on every single one the first thought that comes to your head. I see you in almost every post and you're equally as ignorant in most of them
RichardPencil 32
Why would you set a timer to keep cats from eating your food? Cats can't tell time! Who's the ignorant asshole now? (You.)
mike3775 39
So the light turning on and the noise it makes did t clue you in that you didn’t set the timer?
Shzusuziq11 12
do microwaves have just a timer function? none of mine ever did
D J's MOM 17
the higher end models do. my micro hood has one
D J's MOM 17
you're either a complete idiot or you were drunk. the timer function doesn't make any noise until the times up beep. the cook function is an obvious noise. duh