Today, I had to poop, but as I sat down, it wouldn't come out. After about 10 minutes I realized I needed help. The only help I could get was my mother, who couldn't stop laughing at the sweat and faces I made. I still hurt. FML
Collection
College Life
Packed lecture halls, a sketchy roommate and frat parties: welcome to college, the real thing.
Today, after having horrific constipation the day before, I finally got the rock hard turd out of my system. Things got awkward as I cried out in pain and my mom asked me what was wrong. Realizing the dining room and kitchen was nearby, I said "Never mind, it's gross!" I think she figured it out anyways. FML
Today, I ended up taking a massive dump after being constipated for a while. I thought I was alone, so I pretended I was giving birth to my turd, and let out all kinds of sound effects. Next thing I know, I hear a knock at the door and my mom asking, "Should I call 911?" FML
Today, I really really needed to poop. I held it hard. I held it really hard. I pooped my pants. FML
Today, I had some pretty bad stomach pain, so I went to the bathroom. After a few minutes, two girls walked in, taking stalls next to me. That's when my farts began to get very large and explosive. Not only did they break into laughter, they waited for me to come out. FML
Today, I was at Walmart when my stomach began to hurt. I quickly waddled to the restroom in pain. As soon as I got in the stall, a huge crap exploded out of me. The child in the stall next to me started crying. When her mom asked what was wrong, she said that I'd "killed her nose." FML
Today, after months of incredibly painful stomach cramps, I convinced my mom that I needed to see a doctor. Not even 2 minutes into the exam, the doctor tells me that I'm heavily constipated and advised some "prune juice" to help "clear all that shit out". My mom won't stop laughing at me. FML
Today, while the kid I was babysitting was in the bathroom, he called to me "I need some help in here." Worried I ran to the bathroom and asked him what was wrong. He needed me to wipe his butt. As if that weren't gross enough, just as my hand was under his butt, he pooped again and laughed. FML
Today, I learned a little lesson about consequences. Yesterday, I ate a quarter as a dare. Today, I tried to poop it out. It got stuck coming out. I had to go to the doctor and explain everything. FML
Today, while at my boyfriend's house, my stomach began to hurt really badly, so I excused myself to take a shit. I let it all out. Later on, his dad went to the bathroom and yelled, "Goddamn son, what the hell did you do in here?!" FML
Today, I went on a walk with my family because I'm trying to be more active. We were near my son's school when I got a grumbling in my stomach. I rushed to find a place to take a dump. As I approached a Porta-Potty, my ass couldn't hold it any longer and I shit myself 20 feet away from the toilet. FML
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Top comments
JaneSimple 28
How do you get help pooping?
MeLandes 7
what help did she provide?
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Comments (12)
JaneSimple 28
How do you get help pooping?
MeLandes 7
what help did she provide?
Kristoffer 35
Mini grappling hook.
rainbowdonnareed 18
I seriously don't want to know how your mom helped you. If its how I think its her FML Go get some laxatives and simply apple juice. Or any unfiltered apple juice You will be fine in no time
Plop 17
At this point, he probably needs a complete overhaul of his diet with lots of greens, prunes and coffee. I really can't imagine what f'd up diet OP can have to be in need of "help"...
aribanks 12
You literally could have drank some prune juice.
bleachedraven 14
literally
bleachedraven 14
The fml is under the catagory of poopoo peeper 🤣
Tui Nathan 3
😂 😂
pink unicorn 7
wait... so you called her to watch you poop ?
Tui Nathan 3
If it's up, then it's up, then it's up, then it's stuck 😂 Dam lol
dougierocks 13
What exactly was your mom supposed to do to help? Weird!
peterblackmer91 12
Are you kidding me? Aren't you a bit old for such um...help??
Kristoffer 35
Next time drink 10 oz of Magnesium Citrate. That will get you going in a half hour or less. Only thing faster is an enema.