Today, I'm an adjudicator for our school's debate team, collectively I have over 20 years experience both as a debater and as an adjudicator, and yet I have no idea how my daughter manages to convince me she deserves an extra dessert and to stay up an hour past bedtime every single day. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my debate partner repeatedly said "You mad, bro?" to the opposing team in our college debate class. That debate was worth a considerable portion of our grade. FML
Today, while at a big speech and debate tournament, I corrected the judge's use of the word "podium" instead of lectern, because that's what my debate coach had told me was the correct usage. Well, she didn't take it too well and neither did my partner. Or my debate coach. FML
Today, I got a very accusatory phone call from my daughter's teacher. According to my daughter, I absolutely refuse to let her eat in the morning. In reality, I told her it’s her responsibility to get herself up and get breakfast on her own before we leave. My daughter is 17 years old. FML
Today, during dinner, my daughter rudely cut into my conversation and gushed that she's "like, totally" going to audition for a reality TV show next year, after I pay her way. Five minutes into her jaw-dropping stupidity, I had to physically restrain myself from slapping her out of her chair. FML
Today, one of my debate opponents used the "Bill O'Reilly defense" against my arguments. This involved saying "You can't explain that" about easily explainable stuff, and speaking louder and louder to drown out my voice. He ended up getting a better grade than mine. FML
Today, and for the past week, I practiced my speech for the school debate team. Right as I started, my 14 year-old voice cracked so hard that the first sentence came out sounding like a startled goat. The judge tried not to laugh, but I spent the rest of the round fighting octave changes in my voice. FML
Today, after I lectured my family at Christmas dinner about how schools are indoctrination centers, I'm now helping my kid with homework every night and realizing I don’t understand half of it. FML
Today, I had to listen to my classmate loudly argue a question she got wrong on a test for half an hour, repeating the same incorrect argument ad nauseam. She screamed at the rightfully exasperated teacher for being "biased" when he gave up, and started screaming again when I tried to explain it in a different way. FML
Today, I found out my fourteen-year-old daughter is making more money than me, thanks to babysitting and winning writing contests. FML
Today, my son is smarter than average, almost genius level, and he has now reached an age where not only does he question me at every turn, he actually out-argues me 90% of the time and I can’t do anything about it because technically he’s right and I’m wrong. FML
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Top comments
jc1015 25
because you let her...grow a pair and enforce the rules. You're the parent not the friend.
Anderling 33
It’s easy to convince someone who has no intention of actually following through.
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Comments (7)
jc1015 25
because you let her...grow a pair and enforce the rules. You're the parent not the friend.
Anderling 33
It’s easy to convince someone who has no intention of actually following through.
RichardPencil 32
Because you realize your rules are stupid and arbitrary. If she took "con" against your rules, she'd shred you.
poopface82 25
She gets it honestly. Since she’s smart, get inside her head and work from there. You can be firm without being a dictator.
Yudith 28
She learned all those debate skills from you. She will become a great lawyer.
IHaveThePower 18
If it's not hurting her, maybe having a slightly bigger dessert and an hour later bedtime is a good thing. You don't need to enforce rules unless they're stopping something bad from happening.
J_Free_Woods 29
Let me guess, it’s her big soulful eyes look that gets you every single time.