Fridge Fail

Today, I spent all day at the hospital with my grandma for some tests. When I drove her back home she decided to thank me with $50. Knowing she is unemployed, I told her I couldn't take a whole $50. She replied with "Ungrateful, just like your mother", then took the money and left. FML

Alexa, play "The Lovecats" by The Cure

Breaking Badly

Gas giant

By Anonymous - 9/9/2009 01:22 - United States

39350

4513

Today, I woke up to a broken car window and a text from my ex that read, "Before you ask me, the answer is yes." FML

By jamienicole1993 - 5/2/2015 01:21 - United States - Savannah

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3240

Today, my friend insisted I wear her brand new hoodie for the day. When I gave it back after a few hours, she said she just needed it stretched and couldn't find someone fatter to stretch it for her. FML

By Anonymous - 27/12/2016 02:07 - United States - Albuquerque

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Today, I let my little sister sleep in my room because she had a nightmare. She is currently snoring like an overweight 40 year old man with a cold. FML

By sleepless - 18/2/2012 10:07 - United States

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Today, my husband popped out to the hotel gym while I jumped in the shower. After a while I heard a knock on the door. Thinking it was him, I cheekily opened the door in my naked glory to be greeted by the maid. I didn’t know do-not-disturb signs aren’t double sided. FML

By Fifi - 16/4/2018 05:00

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Today, while bringing boxes up from the basement, I noticed a few spider egg sacs had stuck to my shirt. As I desperately tried to remove them, they hatched. FML

By Anonymous - 13/11/2014 22:20 - United States

46840

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Today, my boyfriend saw my boobs for the first time. His reaction was, "Well that's... disappointing". FML

By Anonymous - 14/5/2014 15:54 - Canada - Sherwood Park

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Today, I was having a driving lesson. I ended up driving so badly that my instructor asked me to stop the car. Not so he could explain my mistakes to me, but so he could get out and vomit. FML

By Anonymous - 2/7/2011 21:28 - United States

26199

18105

Today, I found out my boyfriend watches porn. Specifically, today, while I was in the shower. In the next room. We were alone in the house and he still chose porn. FML

By anon - 25/10/2010 05:42 - United States

32557

7106

Today, I got in a minor car accident because my mom had to check how many likes her last photo on Instagram had while driving. FML

By Anonymous - 23/7/2014 00:43 - Norway - Bergen

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Today, while checking out at Target, I had the choice of standing behind one lady or a long line. Naturally, I chose the former. Half an hour later, the long line had completely passed, and I was still standing behind the lady, who was now arguing with the cashier. FML

By trash80 - 21/2/2018 19:00

This is why we shop online!

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Today, I got banned from my school library after I ran after a guy who stole my bag. FML

By Skazzy3 - 14/1/2015 22:04

32873

2212

Today, because I thought I was about to have an asthma attack, I had a panic attack. Then, the panic attack caused me to have a real asthma attack. FML

By pikachu_43 - 21/3/2015 15:14 - United States - San Francisco

31549

4137

Today, my husband was going to let me sleep in for Mother's Day. That would have been great, if my brother didn't call me at 5:30 in the morning to say Happy Mother's Day. Now I'm up like any other day. FML

By SleepyMommy - 8/5/2016 17:05 - United States - Pomona

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1039

Today, my boyfriend tried to cure me of my snake phobia by buying one. When he took it out of the cage, it bit him. Now he's terrified of them too. Even worse, he dropped the snake, so it's now loose in our house. FML

By Anonymous - 28/3/2011 18:52 - Macedonia

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Today, I woke up with a high fever and hallucinations. I called for my mother, who after checking me, swore that I was just hungover from a night of partying, called me a "f*cking hedonist", and refused to help. FML

By Anna - 18/6/2011 16:54 - Estonia

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4470

Today, I found out my grandma sleeps in the nude. I witnessed her running naked from her bedroom to the bathroom, because she "didn't have enough time" to put on her robe. I need to get my own place. FML

By IrisKitty - 18/8/2015 07:07 - United States - Englewood

21630

6787

Today, I tried to surprise my husband by wearing something sexy to bed. He didn't say anything, just laughed and left the room for 10 minutes. The little confidence I had disappeared, so I changed, feeling stupid for thinking I could pull off sexy. He got mad at me for being confusing. FML

By anonymous - 17/3/2015 05:09 - United States - Spokane

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Today, I realized that my boyfriend does not stop by my apartment to give me a kiss between classes. He is actually stopping by between his classes to steal my condoms because he is too cheap to pay for them when he cheats on me. FML

By Carmen - 11/4/2011 16:57 - United States

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Today, my car was stolen. From my driveway. By the guy who sold it to me. FML

By carless - 15/8/2010 02:25 - United States

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Today, I arrived at the kennels I work in to find the power disconnected and the water pump off. This meant I had to bucket water and carry it to keep over sixty assorted dogs and cats alive in temperatures over 90 degrees. The moment I finished, the power came back on. FML

By TooFlamingHot - 14/1/2016 02:08 - Australia - Ashfield

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1487

Today, I dreamt I had a secret admirer whom I met in person. She had red hair, a plus size body and a beautiful smile. This would've been great if it weren't for the fact I was a straight woman. FML

By Anonymous - 12/4/2019 20:00

1638

324

Today, the girl I'd been dating online for 6 months told me she was a guy. I said it was alright, and that I was still in love. Then she confessed she really was a girl, and was just trying to make me dump her so she wouldn't be the "bad guy". FML

By Recluse - 21/11/2014 18:18

41135

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Today, I accidentally sent highly confidential patient records to a fired employee. This employee made the biggest song and dance about it, calling every boss possible. I couldn't have sent it to a better person. FML

By Anonymous - 2/10/2017 04:00 - Australia

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Today, it's my 25th birthday and all of the friends who promised they could come had excuses why they couldn't make it. Now I'm at the bar, alone. FML

By erptwerp - 8/3/2016 04:47 - United States

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Today, thanks to puberty, I have an acne rash around my mouth. Rumors are already flying around school saying I have herpes. FML

By Anonymous - 13/7/2016 15:21 - United States - Dunkirk

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920

Today, my boss sent me a message about a project, via WhatsApp. It's my day off, so I figured it could wait till I was able to give a flying fuck. Literally a minute later, he was spamming me, demanding to know why I'd left him as read and reminding me that he has firing powers. FML

By Anonymous - 1/5/2016 04:56 - United States - Sandown

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Today, my dad decided to wake me up by opening the shades and having the sun shine on my face. When he pulled them up, the metal holder on top broke off and fell on me. FML

By zoearcu - 17/4/2011 18:32 - United States

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Today, another "gentleman" called and asked for my "services". This is happening a lot lately, because apparently I have the old number of a prostitute. I told him I'm not who he's looking for, to which he replied that I sound like a "sexy lady" and that he wanted to have some fun. FML

By Anonymous - 26/6/2013 17:05 - United States

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Today, I heard that my mom is coming back from France, where my brother lives. I have lived in the same place, exactly 45 minutes from my mother, for 6 years. She hasn't visited me once, but has been out of state to see my sibling. FML

By - 23/1/2020 01:00

Favorite child

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189

Today, I went over to surprise my girlfriend of two years with flowers and dinner at her apartment. After I knocked, a handsome young man answered the door. Thinking I had the wrong apartment, I apologized, only to hear my girlfriend's voice call from the background, "Baby, who's there?" FML

By willywonks - 21/3/2009 05:33 - United States

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Today, I was helping this girl to the nurse’s office because she was so sick that she could barely walk. About halfway there, she stopped and vomited on me. My jaw was dropped in shock when she threw up on me again. A little went into my mouth. FML

By HagFag - 10/11/2018 14:00

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Today, I found out I'm failing school. Why am I failing? Because I work 60 hours a week. Why do I work 60 hours a week? To pay for school. FML

By school issues - 28/3/2013 14:26 - United States

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Today, my girlfriend told me she'd support my decision to stay in, or get out of the military, so I renewed my contract...... She broke up with me for it. FML

By anon - 16/12/2019 03:00 - United States - Hinesville

Unconditional support

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272

Today, walking to work in a snowstorm since I don't own a car, a man rolled down his window and screamed, "what are you doing you f***ing freak? you stupid b**ch!", while I waited for a green light to cross. FML

By likwidsol - 28/1/2009 19:21 - United States

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2578

Today, I walked in on my dad's poker game. He didn't know I was there, and was telling his friends what he would do to my girlfriend if I wasn't dating her. FML

By Creepedout - 25/6/2013 01:27 - United States - Clearwater

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Today, while driving and singing, I noticed a large fly inside my car. I stopped singing so it wouldn't fly into my mouth. That didn't stop it from flying up my nose, causing me to swerve and drive into a ditch. FML

By jdancerchick - 16/11/2011 13:47 - United States

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Today, my boyfriend threw out my old voicemail recorder, thinking it was junk. My father passed away years ago. I kept a recording of the last voicemail he'd left me on it so I'd always remember his voice. FML

By Upset - 10/6/2013 23:35 - United States

81827

4196

Today, I saw my cat playing with one of his many toy mice. Knowing he likes to play fetch, I picked it up and threw it across the room. Upon trying to pick it up a second time, I realized that not only was it not a toy, but it was only half-dead. FML

By Anonymous - 23/11/2012 06:17 - United States - Oakland

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Today, I had to go to my 10 year old son's school to talk about my job being a chef. As I was almost finished, I asked the kids "What would you like to do when you grow up?" Without hesitation one kid replied with a straight face , "Anything but being a douchebag like you." FML

By helen_ - 23/4/2009 15:51 - United States

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