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The all-time greatest FMLs

How not to raise 'em right

By cammy - 08/05/2021 05:59

Today, I learned that my 13 year-old daughter has been wearing the same pad for a week “because there’s no blood on it.” When I told her that it's still disgusting, she tried to defend herself be saying that, "no one ever told her how long she could wear it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 362

You deserved it 2 890

Rock n roll!

By Anonymous - 09/10/2024 00:00 - Australia

Today, I had my first gig with my new band. I was concentrating on my guitar during the second song when I tripped over the singer's microphone cable, hit my head on the bass drum, and blacked out. When I came to, people were applauding, apparently thinking it was part of the act. FML

I agree, your life sucks 362

You deserved it 128

Bad timing

By Anonymous - 05/11/2025 00:00

Today, I did a massive sneeze, felt something pop, and blew out a hernia the size of a football. I was childminding three young kids at the time and I think they’re traumatised because the parents withdrew two of them the same day it happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 361

You deserved it 66

Moo

By Moo - 27/08/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, I had to sleep in a room with my son, since we are visiting relatives at a farm. Every time a cow moos, he says "Cow". I can't sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 361

You deserved it 99

Surprise surprise!

By Middle Age Divorced Dad - 26/01/2023 08:00 - Canada - Kanata

Today, my girlfriend's parents have been having issues with her older brother and her mom called to say she was flying over to stay with my girlfriend. I'm twice my girlfriend's age and she hasn't told her parents about me. She also sublet out her apartment and we have been living together for over a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 361

You deserved it 928

Late late flight

By Anonymous - 08/04/2023 06:00

Today, I was waiting at the airport for a flight when I looked down and realised that I had booked the wrong date. Frantically, I tried to rebook the flight, but it was completely sold out. Now, I'm stuck in the airport for the next 24 hours with nothing to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 361

You deserved it 784

This is fine

By Anonymous - 30/06/2025 11:00 - Australia - Yarrambat

Today, I woke up hungover and with the lovely surprise of my monthly cycle. Now I’m at work, sitting with a blaring faulty fire alarm that I have no way to turn off. Everyone who can fix it is on holiday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 361

You deserved it 149

Driven to drink

By Anonymous - 23/07/2023 15:00

Today, I caught my boyfriend trying to dispose of several empty alcohol bottles, leading to a discussion how dating me and putting up with my insanity has given him a drinking problem just so he can get through the day. Me catching him seemed to be the wake up call he needed, because he dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 361

You deserved it 915

Scarfing it down

By Anonymous - 25/03/2024 10:00 - United States

Today, my mom sent me home with some delicious-looking BBQ ribs because I'd missed a cookout due to work. I set them on the counter, intent on putting them in the oven, but had to make a quick run to the bathroom. I came back to find my roommate's cat sitting in the plate, covered in sauce, as he helped himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 361

You deserved it 429

Twisted

By no vacation then I guess - 20/11/2025 00:00

Today, when I got home, I learned that my five year-old had tried to burn the house down when my wife told him that he needed to stop watching TV. Now we need a counselor and it's going to cost thousands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 361

You deserved it 115

What was in the box?

By Anonymous - 29/09/2024 22:00 - United States - Burlington

Today, I got a notification that a package had been delivered. I opened my door and saw it on at doorstep. I was expecting one, so I grabbed and opened it, then realized it wasn’t mine, but my neighbor’s. I had to awkwardly re-tape it, then sneak over and leave the disturbing contents of the box on their porch before they noticed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 361

You deserved it 162

I'm proud to be selfish

By Anonymous - 14/08/2022 18:00

Today, my wife picked an argument about me so-called being selfish because I buy myself sweets and certain drinks, and they make sit in the refrigerator for a long time. My stepson will then ask for them, and I say no. I just don’t believe in rewarding bad behavior. Plus it’s mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 361

You deserved it 1 207

New addiction just dropped

By Never going outside again - 14/06/2024 05:00 - United States

Today, I found out about allergies suddenly getting worse out of nowhere when it happened to mine. I can hardly step outside without feeling like hell when I get back home, which was never the case before, and I'm going through allergy medicine like a drug addict (almost). FML

I agree, your life sucks 361

You deserved it 65

Explosive

By Lolo - 25/03/2025 03:00 - United States - Boston

Today, I went to the library to study an upcoming exam. I sat in a quiet corner and was feeling focused. Suddenly, I sneezed so loudly that the entire library went silent. I could feel the stares of every student on me as I tried to pretend I didn’t just disrupt the entire study session. FML

I agree, your life sucks 361

You deserved it 142

Enjoy it while it lasts, bucko

By Employed - 25/05/2025 05:00 - United States - Fort Dodge

Today, during an argument, my boyfriend had the nerve to tell me he'll make more than me at his new job that he starts next week. He can't keep a job for more than six months. I've been working at my job for over two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 361

You deserved it 105

Another fine mess

By Anonymous - 24/06/2024 15:00 - Colombia - Corozal

Today, I was talking with my closest coworker about her boss. She told me that she yelled at her and told her, "You capricious and silly girl, you have to be more independent and brave for this job. You are a lawyer; think about your duties." She told me this as her boss came up behind us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 361

You deserved it 122

Fitness time

By Anonymous - 18/10/2024 14:00 - United States

Today, after finally getting over my ex, it felt like it was time to climb back into the dreaded dating pool. I also recognized that I need to get in shape to maximize my chances, so I went running. Half a mile in, I tripped over my own feet, landed face-first in a bush, and had to walk home covered in leaves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 361

You deserved it 127

Smuckle time

By Anonymous - 26/01/2022 10:59

Today, my husband asked me to meet him at 6 for our date night, but I ended up being 45 minutes late. Turns out he predicted my lateness and had booked the restaurant for 7, not 6. He knows me so well, but sometimes I hate the smug smarmy bellend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 360

You deserved it 3 898

Healthy living

By Sean - 27/06/2025 17:00 - United States

Today, it's my second week of living with my ex. The first week or so, her brother's kid gave me and my kids a bacterial infection. I almost died, I swore to live in my car. I lasted 7 days of no real sleep, then ended up almost dying from heat-related illness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 360

You deserved it 177

Better out than in

By My cat is a klutz - 08/05/2025 08:00 - United States

Today, my cat tried to look outside the window in my room by climbing on top of the air conditioner. It's already rather flimsy, as she had broken the accordions with her clumsiness last year. But this time, she somehow managed to make the AC fall out of the window, and she followed along with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 360

You deserved it 155

Great first impression

By Gillian from PA - 20/01/2025 12:00 - United States

Today, I wore a new shirt to a job interview, feeling confident. Halfway through, I realized that my shirt had a huge ketchup stain on the shoulder from lunch. The hiring manager noticed and asked me, “What happened there?” I froze and muttered, "I’m just… really passionate about burgers." FML

I agree, your life sucks 360

You deserved it 211

I'm real!

By DianaSeventeen - 07/09/2025 09:00 - Philippines - Paranaque City

Today, my boyfriend introduced me to his parents and siblings for the first time. Their first reaction was, "Oh? You're her? All this time we thought you're some cartoon character from yet another lousy anime he keeps babbling about." FML

I agree, your life sucks 360

You deserved it 56

Cats with jobs

By Anonymous - 14/03/2023 15:00

Today, I sent my boss a picture of my cat instead of the report I was supposed to send. He replied, "Maybe I should've hired him instead of you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 360

You deserved it 973

Trick it is, then

By Tricked - 01/11/2023 09:00

Today, after a stressful shift at work, I bought three bags of candy to hand out to trick-or-treaters tonight. I didn’t realize until I got home that one bag had a hole in it, and there were three empty M&M wrappers inside. My grocery store sucks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 360

You deserved it 94

Not the brightest moggy

By Ouch - 09/11/2024 08:00 - United States

Today, my cat got outside and had the bright idea to walk in the middle of the road, right as a car was coming. The driver didn't notice him, so I had to sprint over there, leap into the road, and toss my cat to safety. He's fine, aside from being soaked (he landed in a puddle), but I've felt better. FML

I agree, your life sucks 360

You deserved it 123

Whatever floats your boat

By RainbowD4PowerNozzle - 02/01/2023 21:00

Today, while cleaning my vehicle at the car wash, the vacuum cleaner found a new purpose. As I twisted around, the mouth of the hose made its way down to my crotch and latched on. It definitely wasn’t painful, but I’ve now been sucked off by a vacuum. Best yet weirdest blow job ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 360

You deserved it 1 305

Life lesson

By Anonymous - 01/08/2022 06:00

Today, I was considering joining the army, so I asked my veteran uncle what the worst bits are. He told me the worst was learning for yourself just how horrible it is to see the light go out behind someone’s eyes as they die with your bullet in their chest. I don’t want to join the army anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 360

You deserved it 1 300

Peace and quiet

By And there's none left for me - 15/01/2025 18:00 - United States - Richmond

Today, I bought a bottle of tart cherry juice, which is a strong sleep aid. My wife didn't realize this, and gave a glass to both the kids and herself. Now its 6pm and they're all fast asleep. It's going to be such a joy when they all wake up at 3 am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 359

You deserved it 153

Who are you?

By Anonymous - 06/05/2023 00:00

Today, my husband gave our son the sex talk. Maybe it’s because we never talk openly about it, but my husband is into some racy shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 359

You deserved it 991

He was just chillin'

By Anonymous - 04/07/2021 13:59

Today, I was taking a shower when I noticed the huge spider above my head. Now, being the smart person I am, I sprayed the water up at it, causing it to fall. Right on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 359

You deserved it 1 031

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The Top

Today, the people fixing my phone called to say that for some reason, my phone's SIM card has wiped all my contacts except for four, and they are doing their best to try and recover the rest. I had to explain to them that I only had four contacts to begin with. The guy laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 634

You deserved it 5 742

Today, me and the missus went for a boozy meal in our local pub. We stumbled home, and full of lager-fuelled love and courage, I asked her, "We getting married then or what?" She replied, "We're already married, you daft cunt." FML

I agree, your life sucks 235

You deserved it 1 310

Today, I met up with a guy who I've hooked up with 2-3 times before. He gives amazing head. I was sitting on my couch and he was on his knees on the floor in front of me. He was doing his thing, it was incredible and all of a sudden, I didn't even feel it coming, I farted on his chest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 020

You deserved it 456

Today, and most nights, my 17 year-old twins scream and shout while playing Fortnite. I asked if they could kindly not tonight, as I was tired and needed sleep. One told me I couldn't tell him to get off, he's allowed to play. I turned the WiFi off, which ended up with the other screaming and swearing how unfair i was. Now I can't sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 557

You deserved it 308

Today, I put my paint brush into my cup of tea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 584

You deserved it 22 923

Today, my boss decided that, because I got dragged into a vacation that I didn't even want to go on, she was going to take a promotion back before she even gave it to me. I don't know what's worse, losing the promotion or going on that crappy vacation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 379

You deserved it 1 837