Love: Today, we went to the wedding of one of my friends. As she was... - FML

By Anonymous - 20/06/2014 19:21 - United States - Concord

Today, we went to the wedding of one of my friends. As she was about to throw her bouquet, my boyfriend muttered that if I tried to catch it, we'd be through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 844

You deserved it 5 516

Hiding from the drama

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Serial killer vibes

Diaspora

By Anonymous - 29/12/2020 20:02 - United States

Today, I found out the guy i've been crushing on might be my cousin. Again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 774

You deserved it 171

By Ixi_the_pixie - 06/01/2012 16:16 - United States

Today, my therapist told me, "I'm sorry, but I'm not qualified to handle your level of instability." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 820

You deserved it 4 756

By Curles - 17/08/2019 04:00 - Norway

Today, I found out the room I've been sleeping in has black fungus growing on the wall behind the bed. So, that's why I cough until it feels like my lungs are coming out in the morning. Mystery solved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 765

You deserved it 140

By Metime - 05/11/2009 04:17 - United States

Spicy

Today, I ran out of my usual hand lotion that I use for 'me time'. I instead decided to try and us my after shave lotion as a replacement. Apparently, my member doesn't agree with one of the ingredients, and has now swollen to the size of my fist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 630

You deserved it 33 262

By Anonymous - 10/12/2010 13:05 - United States

Today, for the first time, a good looking guy was in my yoga class. Today also marked the first time I farted during yoga class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 742

You deserved it 5 571

By brob56 - 23/04/2009 03:11 - United States

Today, I was talking to my hot neighbor. We were in the driveway of her house, and I looked at her car and noticed a hideous dummy. It was fat and just ugly, but I didn't think much of it. I tried to make a joke and asked, "Where did you get that awful thing?" She said, "That's my daughter". FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 815

You deserved it 82 559

By feelsbadman - 12/07/2018 05:00

Today, I decided to surprise my crush by wishing her happy birthday when she came out of the lift. Too bad she was busy giving someone a blow job and didn’t notice me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 795

You deserved it 581

By throwinguptears - 02/11/2016 14:30 - United States - Marlborough

Today, after $87, waiting five months and making sure everything was perfect, I was ready to go see my favorite comedian live. I got the flu. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 955

You deserved it 1 266

By desperate - 05/10/2012 09:47 - Malta - Paola

Today, as an introduction to the history of China, I asked my APA World History class to write a 500 word essay on a historical Chinese person. Out of a class of 18, five of them were about Mulan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 954

You deserved it 5 012

By sly - 04/01/2009 03:55 - France

Today, I tried to cuddle Simon, my five year old son. He wriggled away and said: "If you need a teddy bear, go buy one! Or find another Simon!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 086

You deserved it 3 713

By mean mommy - 16/07/2019 12:30

Today, I was hosting a slumber party for my daughter, but I ended it abruptly and demanded that every child be picked up. Several pissed off parents and a sobbing daughter later, I’m the most hated. I made them leave after 2 of the girls bragged about losing their virginity. They’re 12. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 606

You deserved it 2 092

By nocostumeforme - 29/10/2011 16:01 - Canada

Today, I excitedly checked the mail to see if my Halloween costume finally arrived. It didn't. I live in an isolated city, so finding a costume by any other means than the Internet was impossible. I spent over $100 for a costume that I won't even get to wear this year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 928

You deserved it 6 956

By nnniii - 16/11/2015 04:55 - United States - Seattle

Spicy

Today, I tried to give my first hand-job while wearing fuzzy socks in a carpeted room. I reached out to touch his penis and shocked him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 348

You deserved it 5 267

By kaz89 - 28/10/2010 14:19 - United States

Today, I overheard a conversation between a coworker and a new employee. The new girl was trying to get familiar with people's names, and she asked my coworker, "Which one is Heather?" He answered, "The annoying one." She said, "Oh, that's Heather." I'm Heather. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 537

You deserved it 8 227

By VoodooPriestess - 04/07/2019 04:00

Today, my boyfriend told me the reason he dated me was because he was lonely, and I looked lonely enough to like him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 649

You deserved it 143

By Mandy - 07/06/2010 19:27 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend and I were talking about our past relationships. He told me that he broke up with his last girlfriend because she was smart and he suited someone who was quite stupid. He then went on to say that I was perfect for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 344

You deserved it 6 709

By bradyman - 29/12/2009 15:09 - United States

Today, I went to the dentist after not being there for 3 years. I was told that I had loads of cavities and that I would need to pay $3,000 for a serious mouth surgery. The reason I hadn't been to the dentist in 3 years: I've been married to a dentist for 3 years that said my teeth were "perfect." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 265

You deserved it 6 107

By toazt - 10/10/2010 08:45 - United States

Today, after my marching band's performance, the girls had to change out of our uniforms in a very dark school bathroom. Someone turned on the lights and I realized that more than a dozen roaches had crawled into my skinny jeans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 427

You deserved it 3 483

By Oh no - 13/10/2018 03:00

Today, I went searching for my old school laptop only to find that my stepdad had swiped it and given it to his mother. My sex tapes and nudes are on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 695

You deserved it 1 944

Open-minded

By plaid_is_cool - 05/05/2020 05:00

Today, my mom called me and asked me to fix her computer, three days after saying she never wanted to see me again for dating a boy. I got lectured to on how I'm ruining my life the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 434

You deserved it 208

By virgo - 30/01/2010 06:50 - France

Spicy

Today, I had to lie to my therapist about my sex life to make me feel better. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 149

You deserved it 6 468

By Anonymous - 01/10/2010 05:43 - Canada

Spicy

Today, in an attempt to spice up our relationship, I tied my boyfriend up and did a strip tease for him. I pulled my skirt down over my heels and tripped as I tried to step out of it. Not only did I pull a muscle in my leg but I elbowed him in the groin. So much for spice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 605

You deserved it 9 149

By Wife - 08/08/2011 00:02 - United States

Spicy

Today, while zooming down the interstate, I had to tell my husband to put his penis away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 353

You deserved it 6 618

That was quick

By dumbdad - 08/09/2010 00:25 - United States

Today, my estranged dad drunk-dialed me at 4 a.m. to apologize, and to make amends. After crying and forgiving, we hung up. Minutes later, he called back to retract everything he said after remembering how I was rude to him at a party 3 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 596

You deserved it 3 261

By Anonymous - 27/11/2010 06:27 - United States

Today, I caught my boyfriend cheating right after I maxed out my credit card buying him everything on his Christmas list. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 843

You deserved it 16 252

By RyloGhyst - 12/12/2016 12:46 - United States - Killeen

Today, after putting the same load of laundry through the wash four times, I was wondering why my clothes kept smelling worse and worse. Turns out, my cat learned how to open and pee in the detergent funnel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 429

You deserved it 847

By Username - 25/09/2010 04:49 - France

Today, I was at a comedy club, and the girl behind me was drinking. Before she swallowed it, the comedian said something funny, making her spit it all in my hair. I had just had it done for my sister's wedding tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 444

You deserved it 6 566

Party for One!

By Sam - 08/12/2017 01:30

Today, at the supermarket, I bought a cake and had my friend's name put on it. It wasn't anyone's birthday, I just wanted to feel less ashamed about buying a whole cake for myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 956

You deserved it 2 099

Get out of there, fast

By LeaveMeAlone - 23/02/2021 22:56

Today, I went on a date with a really cute guy. Things were going great, so we went to his place. While he was in the bathroom, I absentmindedly looked around his apartment. Unfortunately, his living room cupboard was half open, and I saw a shrine of pictures of me. Apparently, he's been stalking me for months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 594

You deserved it 108

Badmouth Strikes Again

By Melissa - 08/03/2020 14:00

Today, my 7-year-old sister had to tell my mom to watch her language. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 306

You deserved it 137

By Anonymous - 13/03/2016 15:00 - United States

Today, I'm going cold turkey with my drinking and smoking habits. I'm so irritable, I seriously considered running down an old lady who was taking her damn sweet time crossing the road, then shooting the guy in the car behind me for honking at me like I was holding everyone up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 550

You deserved it 3 606

By Asshole Parker - 06/09/2016 11:01 - United States

Today, I went to work early and saw my crush's car in the parking lot, so I parked next to her. After that, I looked over at her car to see her staring at me with a weird look and her saying, "Really?" Then she gestured around the lot; I looked around to find it completely empty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 276

You deserved it 7 417

By beka - 07/01/2019 12:00

Today, after our housing offer was accepted, I told my parents. The only response was, “That’s a much nicer house than I had when I got married, I hope you can afford furniture.” Thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 131

You deserved it 248

By Late - 12/11/2016 07:45

Today, my boss at my new job yelled at me for being 15 minutes early to work. Last week he yelled at me for being late for my shift when I arrived 5 minutes early. He's considering this my final warning before I'm fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 114

You deserved it 697

By Anonymous - 10/12/2012 18:09 - United States - Victorville

Today, my girlfriend felt bad about a rude comment she made to me, and asked me to insult her in return. I told her she was getting fat. Wrong move; now she's not speaking to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 108

You deserved it 44 486

Landlords need love too

By Anonymous - 18/09/2021 19:00 - United States - Steele

Today, I started my weekend right… outside my grandmother's house, trying to repair her yard. The senile landlord came by and trashed it. This isn't the first time. He's pushing 90 years-old, so it's hard to tell if he has dementia or if he's doing it on purpose. All I want to know is, why hasn't he retired? FML

I agree, your life sucks 799

You deserved it 43

By bfall74 - 31/05/2011 22:35 - Canada

Today, I was stood up by a blind date. After calling and texting her about being a horrible person, she called me from the hospital. She was in a car accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 772

You deserved it 61 233

By Anonymous - 22/10/2011 06:10 - United States

Today, I was relaxing at home while my boyfriend played with his hamster. After a while of silence, my boyfriend came over and put his fingers next to my face. Trying to be cute, I stuck his fingers in my mouth and sucked on them. Turns out he was trying to show me how bad hamster pee smells. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 582

You deserved it 53 522

Take the L

By Anonymous - 26/02/2014 09:31 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, on Facebook, someone wrote a status implying that she was going to kill herself. I called a mutual friend, asking to check up on her. The next status the girl puts up said, "Someone thought I was going to commit suicide! Haha what a loser!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 961

You deserved it 4 929

By Anonymous - 27/05/2015 14:21 - Mexico

Today, some guy I passed in the street was so high out of his mind, he beat the crap out of me, thinking I was a piñata. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 103

You deserved it 2 786

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

arrow007archer 19

Send a private message

Saturday 21 June 2014 0:34

catch it anyway

Sunflower1919 19

Send a private message

Saturday 21 June 2014 0:35

I would have caught it to spite him.

Comments

Send a private message

Saturday 21 June 2014 0:34

He's a keeper

Send a private message

Saturday 21 June 2014 0:39

As long as she didn't try

Lebeaugars95 20

Send a private message

Saturday 21 June 2014 0:44

then comes the most awkward car ride home

Send a private message

Saturday 21 June 2014 2:10

clichè comment much?

Send a private message

Saturday 21 June 2014 2:50

Really?? How??

nlm92 15

Send a private message

Saturday 21 June 2014 5:00

35 he was being sarcastic but nobody got it lol

arrow007archer 19

Send a private message

Saturday 21 June 2014 0:34

catch it anyway

JJ_86 22

Send a private message

Saturday 21 June 2014 1:14

And throw it at his face.

Sunflower1919 19

Send a private message

Saturday 21 June 2014 0:35

I would have caught it to spite him.

Send a private message

Saturday 21 June 2014 1:09

She should catch it then dump him. He sounds like a dick.

Send a private message

Saturday 21 June 2014 0:35

throw em at his face then

Send a private message

Saturday 21 June 2014 0:35

Your boyfriend is ridiculous! It doesn't mean you HAVE to be the next to marry. It's just a fun tradition. In my opinion, he's not worth it anyway.

Send a private message

Saturday 21 June 2014 14:02

Don't forget that it's also "tradition" for the lady that catches the bouquet to have the guy that catches the garter put it on her thigh. I once went to a wedding and the girlfriend of the garter catcher slapped her boyfriend, (in front of everyone!) when she felt he was disrespectful for going too high up the bouquet catcher's leg. They broke up that night.

Send a private message

Saturday 21 June 2014 18:26

I noticed not every wedding has that, though. Most of the weddings I went to just threw the bouquet, and that was it. If he is being rude for that reason, I can understand, but if it's just because he thinks you have to be the next to marry, he's just an asshole.

Sebastian2022 22

Send a private message

Saturday 21 June 2014 0:36

Ahh, you see, the problem here is that HE wanted to catch the bouquet. :P

Send a private message

Saturday 21 June 2014 0:38

That's just a fun tradition. Why is he taking it so seriously? Sorry about your boyfriend, OP .

Send a private message

Saturday 21 June 2014 0:38

Catch it and walk to the nearest single guy

Send a private message

Saturday 21 June 2014 0:39

Catch it and say that's what I was hoping for.

Send a private message

Saturday 21 June 2014 0:39

Don't judge too quickly... we don't know how long they've been together, or even if they want to get married. Marriage can go sideways fast... better to be patient than rush into things!

LuckBeNimble 19

Send a private message

Saturday 21 June 2014 1:16

true, but his comment was rude and unnecessary.

Send a private message

Saturday 21 June 2014 2:13

That still gives him no reason to ruin a tradition that is meant to be fun. Nowadays, it doesn't mean you absolutely have to wed. If he doesn't know that, he better catch up on times and learn how not to be an ass.

Nearly

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

Today, I found out my mother listens to my therapy sessions. She’s the reason I need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 169

You deserved it 23

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 106

You deserved it 273