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The all-time greatest FMLs

By ImprovTeacher - 16/06/2019 14:05

Today, I was teaching a small group of improv students. I asked one guy to do a monologue, and laughed to myself while he did so. I said, "Sorry, I'm just laughing at the way you're doing it." He then got upset and pointed out that he had a speech impediment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 700

You deserved it 2 430

Being multilingual sucks sometimes

By Anonymous - 08/02/2021 17:01 - Iraq - Baghdad

Today, in our microbiology lab, there's a machine called bacteria incubator, which translates to Arabic as "bacteria hugger." I envied the bacteria because it gets hugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 700

You deserved it 257

Drunk online shopping FTW!

By danielesnaranjo - 31/10/2019 16:00

Today, after waking up with the worst hangover in years, I got a bank notification that my credit card was maxed out. Apparently, I bought a $1500 plane ticket for my ex-girlfriend to come over this weekend. She’s in South America. FML

I agree, your life sucks 700

You deserved it 2 311

The itch

By Oh man, it itches - 27/05/2023 18:00 - United States

Today, I finally got prescribed something for my skin problems. The good news: It works really well. The bad news: When the doctor said one of the potential side effects was a "horrible rash," she really meant it when she said, "horrible." I swear to God, I was about to rip my chest open, due to it itching so hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 700

You deserved it 105

Shake the disease

By No rest for the wicked - 24/10/2023 08:00

Today, despite years of therapy, I still can’t seem to shake the religious indoctrination I suffered through for 20 years. I’m a morally good person who is kind, caring, and upstanding, yet I still have horrific anxiety and depression thinking that I’m going to hell for leaving religion. Nothing helps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 700

You deserved it 267

Healthy lifestyle influencer

By Anonymous - 23/02/2023 22:00 - Canada

Today, I went to the gym and got locked in the locker room. I had to call the gym's phone number to get them to come let me out, after being in there for half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 700

You deserved it 156

My window

By Anonymous - 20/05/2024 14:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my new neighbour is delusional. She’s only lived next door 3 weeks and she’s called the police on me 11 times for “taking his bin out so he can look in my window”, “hanging out the washing so he can look in my window” and “barbecuing with his kids so he can look in my window.” Crazy bitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 700

You deserved it 71

Healthy family dynamic

By Matt - 20/03/2024 09:00 - Australia

Today, my wife screamed and threatened to leave me… again. She does this about once a year, in response to an argument that she feels frustrated by. We have three amazing children and we're mostly happy in between these outbursts. Today she did it in front of our 6 year-old, who is now crying about our family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 700

You deserved it 156

Downward spiral

By 1)rooping 1=lower - 25/08/2023 22:00

Today, my soon-to-be-ex husband raised the bar. He sold our former marital home and put the money into a college fund for MY nieces. Now he looks great to my family, he already has a new place to live (thanks to his rich parents), and I’m stuck living with a college friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 700

You deserved it 221

Impressive

By Anonymous - 18/01/2021 04:58

Today, a small fly was harassing my face, then it landed on a book next to me. I waved at it to make it leave, but it didn't. I got my fingers closer to it, to scare it off. Instead, it jumped on my finger as a playful parrot pet, spent a moment there, and flew off. I cannot even intimidate a fly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 700

You deserved it 213

Not helping

By Anonymous - 18/05/2024 16:00 - United Kingdom

Today, an interviewer rang me back, but not to offer me the job. It was to warn me that if my psychotic mother rang him at his home address again trying to bribe and threaten him into giving me the job, then he would call the police and press charges for harassment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 700

You deserved it 84

Depression 2023

By Anonymous - 02/04/2023 06:00 - United States - Providence

Today, I was finally alone for the first time in a year. I thought I'd go to a restaurant, but ended up getting there before they opened. While waiting, I listened to music, only to end up crying for several minutes because I haven't had a girlfriend since 2010, and never will again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 700

You deserved it 304

The grass is never actually greener

By Anonymous - 08/03/2022 06:00

Today, I felt a fear that my relationship with my boyfriend isn’t going to last. There’s nothing inherently wrong, yet I find myself thinking of breaking up with him. A lot. I love him and feel like I’m already part of his family, and that's something I don’t want to let go. I don’t know what to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 700

You deserved it 363

This is a low

By Anonymous - 23/05/2022 06:00

Today, I’m at a low point. I sank low enough to ask a coworker I don’t even like for a pity shag to boost my self esteem. The sex was great, excellent even, but when he left this morning I now feel even lower because I feel cheap and nasty, and I almost had to beg for someone to have sex with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 700

You deserved it 2 028

Alexa, play "Enjoy the Silence" by Depeche Mode

By Dog PTSD - 12/09/2023 15:00 - United States - Steele

Today, my roommate finally moved out yesterday, so I got to experience my first night without the ticking time bomb that is his dogs. I still woke up at the exact time when they would always bark for no reason, apparently out of habit. For the record, that time is around 3 AM. FML

I agree, your life sucks 700

You deserved it 106

Knackered

By Anonymous - 19/01/2024 15:00 - Netherlands - Arnhem

Today, my husband has pneumonia and is in bed. Our baby is ill and can't go to daycare. I take care of them both, frantically trying to meet my freelance deadlines while they sleep. I am so tired I want to cry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 699

You deserved it 140

Side effected

By AMDKilla - 18/09/2023 16:00 - United Kingdom - Norwich

Today, I was diagnosed with a chest infection and given antibiotics to take. One of the side effects of the antibiotics is diarrhea. I haven't coughed once throughout the infection, but I sneezed just as I was ready to go out to the shops and now I need fresh underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 699

You deserved it 102

Stable genius

By Anonymous - 23/09/2023 00:02 - United States

Today, I took my girlfriend to get her nails done, gave her 500 spending money, took her to eat, bought her son a TV, then bought her clothes. We get to her house, she steps inside then gets furious her son had made a mess and hadn't cleaned his room. She told me to take the TV back, which I did, then got reamed for doing so. FML

I agree, your life sucks 699

You deserved it 293

Falling down

By Anonymous - 28/06/2021 00:01

Today, I was doing laundry. I went to go grab a couple of detergent pods. Forgetting that I'm 5'3 and the pods are above the industrial-sized washer, I reached for them and fell backwards into a hole where the water from the washer goes. My left leg got soaked in dirt water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 699

You deserved it 229

Preferential treatment

By Anonymous - 29/12/2020 08:03 - Germany - Ebersbach

Today, my mom’s house has several comfortable places to rest in every room. For the cats and dogs, that is. Unfortunately for me, I'm a human. FML

I agree, your life sucks 699

You deserved it 134

Mystery

By Anonymous - 30/04/2023 00:00

Today, somewhere between home and work, my glasses vanished off my face. I know I had them on before I set off because I cleaned them in the car and put them on, then halfway to work I suddenly had to squint to see because glasses gone. I’ve been searching for an hour, they are nowhere. HOW? FML

I agree, your life sucks 699

You deserved it 166

Haunting

By Anonymous - 15/06/2024 14:00 - United States - Portland

Today, I received a package addressed to me. Excited, I opened it in front of my whole family. Inside was a box of adult toys that I definitely did not order. Turns out, my friend Mike thought it would be hilarious to send it to me as a joke. My grandma's face will haunt me forever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 699

You deserved it 191

Why now?

By Anonymous - 14/10/2023 22:00 - United States - Lufkin

Today, it took me 2 hours to get my toddler to sleep. Just after I got him down, my mom woke him up by banging my pots and pans around in the sink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 699

You deserved it 130

Is it not your baby as well?

By Anonymous - 06/03/2021 05:03

Today, I'm starting to realize my wife's baby loves me more than my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 699

You deserved it 183

Gnatty

By Anonymous - 01/12/2022 14:00 - United States

Today, I noticed I had a dead gnat stuck on my chin. This was after an hour-long appointment with a good looking doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 699

You deserved it 204

I wanna be oppressed so bad

By Anonymous - 15/10/2022 16:00 - United States - West Hartford

Today, my stepfather decided he was no longer part of our family, and refused to come to family dinner, all because we're all women, and he isn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 699

You deserved it 108

70% less brain power

By RaastadAarseth - 27/07/2023 12:00

Today, I had a very hard and long exam and I was completely prepared for it. I was so confident in my abilities and I'd studied really hard. When I entered the exam hall and took the paper, I realized that I had forgotten to bring my calculator. FML

I agree, your life sucks 698

You deserved it 371

Move your ass

By Anonymous - 23/06/2023 06:00 - Germany

Today, my boyfriend sits in an empty apartment, complaining about it being a rat hole. HE picked the place, HE refuses my help to decorate, as well as my offer to get his stuff from the old place, and yes, he could totally afford something better. But sure, his life is shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 698

You deserved it 195

Panic in the streets of London

By iiiiiiii - 22/06/2022 14:00

Today, like every day, everyone blew up my phone at once and I began having a panic attack. Because I didn’t respond immediately, I was called rude and a bad person. Turning off my phone isn’t an option either, because my mom will come in my room and cuss me out for not responding to her texts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 698

You deserved it 966

Suspected

By Anonymous - 09/12/2024 20:00 - United States

Today, I was been accused of stealing lunches from the fridge at work. I’m a huge germaphobe and would NEVER eat someone else’s food, but because I’m the fattest one in the office, everyone automatically blamed me. Hashtag fatgirlproblems. FML

I agree, your life sucks 698

You deserved it 178

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The Top

Today, I got mugged. Trying to be brave, I attacked my mugger, who then broke my nose. Suddenly, I was saved by someone: A 15 year-old goth girl who promptly tackled the mugger to the ground. I'm a 21 year old man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 699

You deserved it 2 928

Today, the landlord of our building constructed a bathroom in the space under the stairs, outside my office, on the other side of a thin wall. He must have some kind of bowel disorder, because now I get to hear the sounds of his loud, wet and gassy pooping several times per day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 081

You deserved it 2 602

Today, out of all the cars in the parking lot, mine got struck by lightning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 357

You deserved it 3 599

Today, while giving my boyfriend what I thought was an amazing blow job, he asked me if I'd seen Kung Fu Panda 3 yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 057

You deserved it 1 728

Today, while working at the vet, we had a familiar little dog show up for a minor procedure. The dog always sits on its owner's lap on the drive over, and always gets peed on. Not talking about dog pee. And we're not allowed to bathe it because that service costs extra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 846

You deserved it 376

Today, I'd planned a surprise party for my best friend's birthday. However, she apparently found out about it and told me at the last minute she couldn't make it, probably to avoid being the center of attention. I'd already invited all of our mutual friends, so I had to awkwardly cancel the party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 623

You deserved it 577