Today, my husband was finally moving out. I picked up his enormous...

By Anonymous

Today, my husband was finally moving out. I picked up his enormous duffle bag full of clothes to help get him out faster, and I threw out my back. I now can't move. I can't even wipe my own ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1589

You deserved it

715

Favorite

Deadly cocktail

Who the fuck asked you?

Entitled

By LAME - United States

Today, I was at my ex-girlfriends house, whom I still have a major crush on. After cuddling as we watched a movie, she began to show me several pictures she had taken on her cell, and asked which ones I liked the best. She then sent the pictures I had chosen, to a guy she had met a week ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41611

You deserved it

12317

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada - Coquitlam

Today, I was walking down the street in the dark, and the woman in front of me kept looking back nervously. I jokingly assured her that I wasn't a mugger. She then took out a knife and mugged me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46260

You deserved it

5081

Favorite

By geli

Today, while at the public swimming pool, I gave my 2-year-old daughter a piggy back ride in the pool. We were having fun until I realized she had untied my swim top. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13689

You deserved it

1412

Favorite

By heatherfeather22 - United States - Ottumwa

Today, I got into trouble at work because a customer complained about my face tattoo, I don't have a face tattoo but I do have one behind my ear. Nonetheless, I still got written up and had to cover it with a band-aid, which ripped out hair when I took it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38156

You deserved it

11166

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I decided to formally introduce my girlfriend to my parents. My dad took the opportunity to apologize for walking in on us a few days ago while we were having sex. It wasn't her. Thanks dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26278

You deserved it

274581

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, while trying on a dress, my sister came up behind me and poked my back, asking, “What have you stuck down your dress?” I hadn’t put anything down the back of my dress; it was just my back fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27551

You deserved it

10030

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, my boss told me to check out the situation in the restroom. Someone had crapped themselves, rolled their underwear into a ball, and had the audacity to write that they were sorry in sharpie on the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4592

You deserved it

292

Favorite

By Anon - Australia

Head in the Clouds

Today, my 33-year-old brother told my 10-year-old daughter that clouds are made by factories blowing smoke. My daughter laughed at him and he got upset. He still believed my dad's lie from 25 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7085

You deserved it

643

Favorite

By Rachel - United States

Today, I was at the park with my daughter. She walked up to a boy at the swings, held her hand out, and said, "Hi I'm Vanessa, and someday you'll be working for me." FML

I agree, your life sucks

36899

You deserved it

13459

Favorite

By Joel_28 - Canada

Today, I went to the physician to check my rear because it was hurting. My usual doctor wasn't available, so he was replaced by a gorgeous woman with big cleavage. when she asked me to pull down my pants, she saw that I had a huge hard on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17422

You deserved it

20510

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I kissed my husband and said "I love you." Thats when our 5 year old son said to my husband "How can you love her so much if she's so ugly?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

64552

You deserved it

4164

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I found out that I'm going to be a mother. This was a mystery, since I take birth control and use condoms all the time. Or, at least, it was, until my mother admitted to swapping my pills and poking holes in my condoms so she could have a grandchild before she died. FML

I agree, your life sucks

66925

You deserved it

4162

Favorite

By dmlk - France

Today, and for the third time this week, my bank manager called me to tell me that my account is still overdrawn. He doesn't seem to understand that my wages always get paid at the end of the month. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22946

You deserved it

5100

Favorite

By waitress - United States

Today, I was waitressing when a man sat at my table with soda from somewhere else. Drinks are half the profit for restaurants. There is a strict policy that you have to charge for carry-in drinks. I told him this, he yelled at me so I told him I was doing my job. I got fired, for doing my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58493

You deserved it

4258

Favorite

By 2dumb2drive - United States

Today, I thought it would be fun to drive into a stack of some empty cardboard boxes on my street. They weren't empty. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8106

You deserved it

57249

Favorite

By pkz - France

Today, I found out that my husband of five years was living a double life. He and his mistress have two children together and a third one on the way. He told me the only reason he stayed with me was for my money. I make about 8 dollars an hour and work two jobs to make ends meet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50932

You deserved it

2881

Favorite

By CB4 - United States

Today, I woke up to my car covered in shaving cream and tampons and the word CHEATER written on my windshield in lipstick. The guy a few doors down from me in my dorm has the same car as me. I'm a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49528

You deserved it

2425

Favorite

By simon

Today, my mother, who insists on sticking her nose into every aspect of my life, found out I'm only "middle management" and called my boss to criticize her for undervaluing me, demanding I be promoted immediately. I am now the laughingstock of my office. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5162

You deserved it

518

Favorite

By axewoman

Today, my dad told me someday I'll find a man who wants a nice lumberjack for a wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35986

You deserved it

3685

Favorite

By uh huh sure - 9/7/2020 05:01

Subtle

Today, my mother-in-law, who isn't southern, who’s family isn’t southern, and has never even mentioned any interest in anything even remotely southern, decided to give us a baby gift: a hand-crocheted confederate flag blanket. We’re an interracial couple. I think she’s trying to tell me something. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2384

You deserved it

174

Favorite

By Ambar - Canada

Today, I was missing $20 from my wallet, so I decided to ask my sister if she had taken it. Her response? "That reminds me, I need to borrow another 50." She has a job. That was my Christmas money. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28645

You deserved it

2746

Favorite

By whyme27 - United States - South Bend

Today, I was talking on the phone to my crush so I went into the bathroom for some privacy. My drunk mother started banging on the door, asking what I was doing in there. I told her that I was on the phone, so she yelled super loud, "While you're shitting?" He immediately hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28446

You deserved it

4325

Favorite

By Username - France

Today, my boyfriend wanted to prove how honest he is so he showed me numerous texts in his phone where he told other women he was in a relationship before asking them to sleep with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35459

You deserved it

3337

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, after weeks of looking forward to my birthday trip to the beach, I've come down with a serious case of the flu. My family is still going without me, but at least now they don't have to pay someone to watch the dog. Happy birthday to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35852

You deserved it

2733

Favorite

By ECullen - United States

Today, I was talking to this guy that I like a lot and I think he likes me back. When he told me I was beautiful I laughed so hard that I farted. Loudly. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56626

You deserved it

24921

Favorite

By gbhlaughingstock - United States

Today, I was at my school's spaghetti dinner with my family. My brother shook up my mom's soda, as a prank. My entire class witnessed my mom waving around an overflowing Diet Coke while my dad yelled, "Come on, put your mouth on it! Suck it! Suck it, Kathy!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

127936

You deserved it

9715

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, after 4 days of constipation, I finally pooped. Sadly, I was not on the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32685

You deserved it

3054

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I told my supervisor how awful my coworker was at her job. I then got fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1428

You deserved it

484

Favorite

By search_me - United States

Today, while going through airport security the lady asked why I folded everything so small. I said that I was going away for a month and needed to fit a lot of stuff in only one bag. She smiled, nodded and then dumped my luggage to search for "drugs and other illegal teen things." FML

I agree, your life sucks

54857

You deserved it

3287

Favorite

By Anonymous - Reserved

Today, I caught my husband farting on my wind-chime in an attempt to make it ring. It did. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33607

You deserved it

4762

Favorite

By Ferniferousfern

Today, I sat down to use the bathroom after a long day of work. My toilet, however, had other plans, as a spontaneous, ear shattering crack flooded the entire bathroom, soaking the outer carpet and shorting out my bathroom scale. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1876

You deserved it

127

Favorite

By oldskoolfun - United States - Warminster

Today, I woke up to my wife yelling at my 11-year-old because she found porn on the laptop. Now I have to come clean and tell her it was me so I can get him off the hook. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20334

You deserved it

10595

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, my 5-year-old figured out that if he has a mouthful of milk and he blows really hard, he can blow the milk out of his nose like twin fire hoses. I’ve washed the carpet twice in the past day, and my house still stinks of rotten dairy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1745

You deserved it

215

Favorite

By counselor - United States

Today, I was working as a camp counselor helping a five year old girl. I heard her mumble, "My grandpa is getting married on Saturday." I enthusiastically replied and told her how exciting that was! Only after did I realize that she said 'buried'. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31185

You deserved it

9039

Favorite

By Wrongtoilet - Singapore

Today, I was at a new shopping mall. After an hour, I desperately needed to use the bathroom. Spotting one, I ran inside, locked myself in a cubicle and relieved myself. The toilet paper was out so I knocked on the cubicle beside me to ask for some. A lady's voice answered. She needed some too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35762

You deserved it

5439

Favorite

By Anonymous - Sweden - Norsborg

Today, it was the first time I was going to fly first class. I ended up in the bathroom almost the whole flight with diarrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27237

You deserved it

2305

Favorite

By porn daddy

Today, my drunk dad went off on a tangent about his porn watching habits to the whole family. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5929

You deserved it

431

Favorite

By kylie - 2/4/2021 17:01

Unimpressed

Today, my doctor told me that I have severely and permanently injured my shoulder. Last week, I attempted to lift more weight than I normally do in an effort to impress my boyfriend. He was not impressed. In fact he said that most kids can lift more than that. FML

I agree, your life sucks

347

You deserved it

811

Favorite

By Anonymous - Pakistan

Today, I'm 5 months pregnant. My 20-year-old boyfriend still refuses to tell his parents because he thinks he'll get in trouble. He thinks we can get away with "never telling them and just hiding the kid." FML

I agree, your life sucks

43641

You deserved it

10083

Favorite

By bluecollar - United States

Today, there was a luncheon at work in another dept. We all went to get some free food and see new faces. There was a hot girl walking around chatting. I grabbed my buddy's arm and told him there was a "nice pair of tits here" He saw her. It's his daughter. She's a new-hire... running HR. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14907

You deserved it

52836

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Jackey | 29

#7812308 - Saturday 15 June 2019 9:35

Can't clean up your ass, but don't have to clean up after his ass... Might still be a win.

By StagGT | 13

#7812362 - Saturday 15 June 2019 13:40

Need more info, what the hell is the context?

COMMENTS

By Jackey | 29

#7812308 - Saturday 15 June 2019 9:35

Can't clean up your ass, but don't have to clean up after his ass... Might still be a win.

By StagGT | 13

#7812362 - Saturday 15 June 2019 13:40

Need more info, what the hell is the context?

MamaChey | 22

#7812398 - Saturday 15 June 2019 17:40

Seriously? She & her husband split up but he wouldn’t move out. When it finally happened, she picked up his duffle bag to hurry up the process & threw her bag out. Now he’s gone & she can’t wipe her ass.