Sorry moley

The Laws of Attraction

Today, I was skiing and crashed into a tree. It was the only tree on the slope. FML

Today, I cut down a dead tree in my yard. The top hit the ground and the base seesawed up in the air and came down on my head. I hit the ground like a sack of flour. Fortunately, the wood was rotted and soft. Unfortunately, the chainsaw was still running. 28 stitches in my calf. FML

Wind? Thief? Hit and run?

Today, I woke up and found that the tree in my front yard was gone. FML

Today, I was awakened by the sound of chain-saws. Moments later a tree branch came through my roof. FML

Alexa, play "Jump" by Van Halen

Today, I had the brilliant idea of jumping off a swing at its highest point. I can now add two things to my list of accomplishments: making out with a tree and breaking my nose. FML

Today, my husband finally got round to cutting down a tree limb in our front yard after months of me begging him. It fell on me. FML

Today, I found my missing shoe. It hit me as it fell out the tree in our front yard. FML

Windy Williams

Today, I woke up at 4AM to the sound of lightning hitting a tree in my backyard, then that tree proceeding to hit my house. Later, my neighbor's tree fell over, which hit our fence, and they're not even home. FML

Too little, too late

Today, I finally went to Home Depot to buy a chainsaw to cut down the tree leaning dangerously over my garage. When I got home, I found the tree had fallen and taken out the roof while I was shopping. FML

Today, I was tossing my car keys into the air and catching them. I threw them up really high, only to have them land in the branches of the palm tree outside my door, at the very top. FML