The Top

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The all-time greatest FMLs

She likes it!

By whiteboyfresh69 - 22/01/2020 20:00 - United States

Today, while sleeping off my hangover, my niece asked me to get her a drink. I gave her a beer, I didn't notice it until it was gone. She is only 6 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 690

You deserved it 3 695

Run for the hills (or anywhere)

By Anonymous - 09/06/2025 03:00 - United States

Today, while on my usual jogging trail, a man stopped to give me some weird spreadsheet. On it was my whole schedule, with days I’d missed, what I was wearing, and how much my time was improving, along with some tips. I threw the papers and ran for my life. I’m too terrified to ever go back there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 689

You deserved it 85

The Hulk

By anonymous - 03/05/2020 05:00

Today, I found out that my $1000 anger management course had no effect on me when I smashed a picture frame. Why? I had run out of toothpaste. FML

I agree, your life sucks 689

You deserved it 1 792

Toxic AF

By Anonymous - 10/08/2025 00:00 - United States

Today, my now ex-boyfriend begged me not to take an amazing promotion at my job. He reasoned that he’d be emasculated and humiliated if he had a girlfriend that outranked and out-earned him. I had to celebrate alone as my whole family lives in another state. Congrats to me but also, FML

I agree, your life sucks 689

You deserved it 115

NPC dialogue tree

By ImRaisingADumie - 18/10/2022 12:00 - United States

Today, my son thinks that we’re becoming a dictatorship with a tyrannical government, all because "Kanye West is being attacked for exercising his first amendment rights." I had to explain to him that hate speech is inappropriate, no matter what the Bill of Rights says. He replied, “Facts over feelings.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 689

You deserved it 884

Caught in 4K

By Anonymous - 03/09/2024 09:00 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I finally caught the person who has now and again been stealing my lunch at work for weeks. It was my boss. I awkwardly watched him eat my sandwich while he talked about how he's been "saving money by bringing food from home." FML

I agree, your life sucks 689

You deserved it 98

Maybe it's a "you" problem

By Mindy - 15/06/2023 12:00

Today, I realized that every guy I get with or try a relationship with always ghosts me or friendzones me, and chooses to date someone else. It’s been a repetitive pattern for the past three years or so. I think I’m just going to adopt a bunch of pets and forget dating altogether. FML

I agree, your life sucks 689

You deserved it 233

Halloween freakout

By cuz803 - 01/11/2022 16:00

Today, I went to my friend's costume party dressed as Michael Myers. My costume must've been too conspicuous because it drew violent attention. I'm still sore from the pushing, tackling, tripping, falling and body shots. FML

I agree, your life sucks 689

You deserved it 170

Trashcan addiction

By Anonymous - 13/08/2021 00:01

Today, I finally got my 18 month-old to throw away her trash and dirty diapers. Now she throws everything away, and I can't get her to stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 689

You deserved it 463

Troublemaker

By Straw man - 31/10/2022 06:00

Today, while I was at a restaurant, my drink had a straw that made a very obnoxious sound whenever I drank from it. Everyone near me was giving disapproving looks. I wasn't doing it on purpose, but they weren't buying it. Even after I got a new straw that didn't make an annoying sound, they still didn't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 689

You deserved it 190

GTFO dude

By Outta shape - 06/02/2024 20:00 - United States

Today, my husband is leaving me for another woman because, and I quote, “She can ride dick longer than two minutes and doesn’t have two chins looking down on me while doing it.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 689

You deserved it 334

Get on with it!

By Anonymous - 13/05/2023 00:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to the supermarket to buy my weekly groceries and only realized after a long queue at the checkout, then having the cashier scan my entire cart, that I'd forgotten my purse. I had to leave everything behind and walk out empty-handed, while everyone in line behind me gave me dirty looks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 689

You deserved it 322

Sounds like a win, somehow

By George - 17/09/2023 14:00

Today, I found out that I'm allergic to shrimp, when I went out for a lunch with my long-term crush after I finally got the courage to ask her out. She's really into seafood. A little while into the afternoon I started to feel itchy. She ended up scratching my back all night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 689

You deserved it 143

It was fun while it lasted

By Anonymous - 29/04/2024 22:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that my toxic mother-in-law's retirement plans include moving in with us when she gets old. The death glares I’m getting from my wife right now are so worth the satisfaction I got from telling that evil old bat I’d burn the house down first before I let her move into it with us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 689

You deserved it 114

Act your age

By notthatoldyet - 09/12/2021 10:59

Today, I was reliving my youth watching videos of *NSYNC on YouTube, when a suggested ad popped up for “Haircuts for women over 50.” I’m only 27. FML

I agree, your life sucks 689

You deserved it 301

Not that handy

By MyChemicalRomantic - 31/03/2020 02:00

Today, I found out that I can never go to my local cinema again. Not just because of the current lockdown, no. The guy I gave an embarrassing, drunken hand job at a party to works there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 688

You deserved it 1 974

Candid camera

By Anonymous - 08/05/2020 23:00

Today, I prominently touched my boobs and put my hand inside my shirt to adjust my bra… all while I had my camera on during a Zoom meeting with the whole department FML

I agree, your life sucks 688

You deserved it 1 738

City boy

By Anonymous - 10/01/2024 00:00 - Switzerland

Today, I walked 30 minutes with my new boyfriend from my chalet to the local supermarket, cutting through the woods. It was dark, but the moon shone bright and we had torches. He was so scared, he startled at every noise and even cried. When we got to town, he dumped me, and left on the next train. FML

I agree, your life sucks 688

You deserved it 176

School's out

By Madilyne13 - 28/07/2021 13:59 - United States - Groveport

Today, I realized that I'm not cut out for school when I flunked out… in my dreams. FML

I agree, your life sucks 688

You deserved it 155

Respect the dead

By yawny - 22/10/2023 16:00

Today, I got slapped in the face for stifling a yawn at my grandmother’s funeral. I wasn’t being disrespectful; I have a condition. FML

I agree, your life sucks 688

You deserved it 151

Hell no!

By Anonymous - 14/03/2024 22:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my wife opted for a home birth with a nurse and her mother. Her mother is such a baby-feral, men-are-bastards, hippie feminist dragon that not only did she yell at me when I tried to be in the room, she has now pushed me out of the house. I ended up sat in my car with only one shoe and no phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 688

You deserved it 218

Chase me!

By Anonymous - 29/01/2023 00:30

Today, my son decided to run around a supermarket in his underwear, leaving me to chase after him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 688

You deserved it 269

Probably for the best

By Anonymous - 22/05/2023 15:00 - Netherlands - Amsterdam

Today, I had a job interview for a position at a police station. I asked to use the restroom and accidentally opened the wrong door, locking myself in a stairwell. I had to knock on the door until somebody let me out. Safe to say I didn't get the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 688

You deserved it 196

I don't know, leave me alone

By Anonymous - 07/07/2023 10:00 - United States - Warren

Today, my mom and dad went off somewhere for some alone time together. My mom had apparently turned her phone off and my dad left his at home. In that span of time, my brother had accidentally locked himself out of his house, and my sister was also trying to get a hold of them, and now are asking me where they're at. FML

I agree, your life sucks 688

You deserved it 173

Booooo!

By Anonymous - 29/05/2023 10:00

Today, I was at my sister's concert. Some girls sitting behind me were cheering for someone and being annoying. Halfway through I yelled my sister's name, only to get called out, pointed at, and yelled at for being disrespectful. The other girls didn't get yelled at when they were being more disruptive than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 688

You deserved it 214

Where are you?

By Budhvaraddams - 30/01/2023 18:30

Today, I had an important test at 7 in the morning, so I sat the alarm at 6 o'clock and fell asleep. Later I was woken up by a call from my friend asking me why I didn't show up for the test. It was 9:30. I'd sat the alarm at 6:00 PM. FML

I agree, your life sucks 688

You deserved it 584

Bad news

By Ghostrui - 02/04/2023 12:00

Today, the dentist told me I needed to have two of my wisdom teeth on opposite ends of my mouth pulled. I suppose a liquid diet won't be all that bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 688

You deserved it 158

Messed up country

By Anonymous - 13/06/2025 20:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my absentee dad died in America and some branch of the American government decided that I need to settle his debts. "Which debts?" you ask. Unpaid child support. Yes, America wants me to pay them my own child support, despite never meeting my dad or even once setting foot in America. FML

I agree, your life sucks 688

You deserved it 79

Cost effective

By Reallynotthatfat - 04/08/2023 00:02 - Germany - Gross-Bieberau

Today, I arrived at a cheap but nice hotel. I normally couldn't pay for it, but it was only slightly more expensive than camping, so I decided to treat myself. Ten minutes after arriving, I felt dizzy while standing in the bathroom, sat down on the toilet, and broke the lid almost in half. It'll cost me 50 euros extra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 687

You deserved it 160

Early bird booze special

By Anonymous - 22/12/2022 18:00

Today, I received an invitation to a Happy Hour happening tomorrow. It's at 6 a.m. How am I supposed to drink at 6 a.m.? FML

I agree, your life sucks 687

You deserved it 212

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The Top

Today, in an effort to avoid my school's strict no-gum policy as my teacher made a b-line to me, I swallowed it. By the time the teacher reached me, the gum was on my desk, as well as my breakfast, thanks to my overactive gag reflex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 864

You deserved it 16 329

Today, I woke up to slight memory of my boyfriend leaving for work an hour earlier than originally planned due to "excessive sweat" in my bed. When I removed my sheets and took in a deep whiff, my olfactory receptors instantly knew that his so called "sweat" was actually his urine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 045

You deserved it 3 046

Today, I went on a blind date. All my date would talk about was how he was "really his own best friend." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 972

You deserved it 3 243

Today, I discovered that my mom and her disgusting mess of a boyfriend refer to his penis as "the monkey." And she says that I hate him because I'M immature. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 341

You deserved it 2 608

Today, my mom mentioned that she doesn’t think she’s gonna let my baby sister believe in Santa. When I mentioned that I believed in Santa growing up, she casually replied with, "Yeah, well you were slow." FML

I agree, your life sucks 946

You deserved it 144

Today, I renamed my home Wi-Fi to “PleaseTalkToMeSarah” to hint to my crush/neighbour. Later, I realized the whole apartment building could see it, and had worked out who it belonged to. Now strangers keep asking if Sarah had talked to me yet. She hasn’t. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81

You deserved it 773