Messy

By Danielle Heichelbech - 15/11/2020 20:01

Today my 28-year-old husband got bored while cleaning the car. So he decided to stage a "crumb sacrifice to the vacuum gods" to "ensure a bountiful harvest." FML

I agree, your life sucks 728

You deserved it 313

Fête Nationale: Fireworks and Faux Pas
Celebrate the nation with stories where it's not just fireworks that sparkle! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Dumbass

By notrocketscience - 07/05/2012 15:57 - United States - West Monroe

Today, the father of my child couldn't understand why he had been laid off from his job as a painter's assistant. He couldn't find a broom or vacuum, so he "cleaned" a carpet by laying down strips of painter's tape and pulling it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 414

You deserved it 3 769

By chassezlenaturel - 24/03/2015 12:58 - Belgium

Today, my husband used the vacuum cleaner. Proud of him for this first-ever initiative, I congratulated him. His second initiative was to stick the nozzle on my ass, yelling, "Liposuction!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 022

You deserved it 5 582

By grossedout - 06/09/2011 05:33 - United States

Today, while cleaning the house, I discovered that my husband has been making a little mountain of whatever he finds up his nose on the underside of our couch when he watches TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 137

You deserved it 2 538

By 081013 - 02/03/2013 07:23 - United States - Columbus

Today, I came home to find my fiancé trying to do laundry. His version was "rubbing the smelly spots with baby powder". Looks like I'll be the only one doing laundry for the rest of our lives. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 429

You deserved it 4 508

By Itstinksinhere - 19/04/2018 15:00

Today, my husband thought it was the best idea ever to clean the cat's litter box with the brand new vacuum cleaner instead of tipping it into a bin bag. My house now fills with the smell of warm cat piss every time I hoover. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 641

You deserved it 408

May be

By Anonymous - 29/02/2020 20:00

Today, while I was at my job as senior care, I was in a client's home vacuuming the carpet and found a very used vibrator that belonged to his wife. It wasn't clean. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 657

You deserved it 143

Deep clean

By Anonymous - 22/08/2009 19:48 - United States

Today, my husband decided to drain his motorcycle oil into an empty bottle of laundry detergent. Also today, I decided to lift a stain out of my white comforter with some detergent I found in the garage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 930

You deserved it 12 424

By msleea - 06/05/2015 04:13 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I told my husband I felt unfulfilled and unhappy in my life. He suggested I do more chores. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 533

You deserved it 3 853

By dee - 10/12/2011 10:14 - United States

Today, I wound up cleaning vomit out of the window track of my car at midnight, in the nicest dress I own, after my husband got completely wasted at his office Christmas party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 812

You deserved it 3 326

Still warm

By kimmybr - 22/09/2009 09:36 - United States

Today, I cleaned my bathroom from top to bottom. Tonight, my husband threw up all over the bathroom. He actually cleaned it up himself, including the toilet. I went to use the toilet, put down the seat and sat down. Guess which part of the toilet he DIDN'T clean. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 734

You deserved it 5 603

RichardPencil 30

Sunday 15 November 2020 21:31

If he got the crumbs up, he can do as many crazy rituals as he likes!

Brendan Schnopp 7

Monday 16 November 2020 0:41

Oh No! My husband cleaned the car...

Comments

RichardPencil 30

Sunday 15 November 2020 21:31

If he got the crumbs up, he can do as many crazy rituals as he likes!

bobsanction 18

Monday 16 November 2020 0:01

He sounds like a delightful fellow.

Brendan Schnopp 7

Monday 16 November 2020 0:41

Oh No! My husband cleaned the car...

peithecelt 28

Monday 16 November 2020 1:23

I don't know your husband but he sounds awesome! the world needs more whimsy.

Hempseed 26

Monday 16 November 2020 3:45

Imagine being pissed off that your husband is making light of domestic chores and is finding ways to actually enjoy himself.

timinator5000 28

Monday 16 November 2020 12:39

He can clean mine next! Yay kids lol

xxlk4xx 6

Monday 16 November 2020 15:26

you married the right one lol

lordhokage6 8

Friday 19 November 2021 8:03

if you have a problem with that maybe you shouldn't be married. maybe you deserve to be alone and miserable

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stuck Awkward Confused Relatable Love Weird First Dates Weddings AITA Stalker Instagram Social Media My ex Music Cheating Furniture Introverts Cute Kids Friends Money Capitalism Food Pregnancy Health Healthy Lifestyle Dad jokes Sextoys Delivery

The Top

Today, I got a job with a filmmaking company, turned up on my first day, and now I know why I'd never heard of the company before. Porn. They were making porn, all kinds of disgusting porn. I quit so fast I was barely even there. This was the only job offer I’ve had since graduation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 815

You deserved it 9 122

Today, I went to get my first tattoo. When I told the man that I wanted Tinkerbell on my lower back area. He snorted and told me that I was way too old to have Tinkerbell on me, and that Disney characters are only cute on people 35 and younger. I'm 23. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 182

You deserved it 13 492

The Top

Today, my brother changed the password on my laptop so that I can't log into my profile. All my notes for school are on it and finals start on Monday. Guess who can't remember the new password. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 617

You deserved it 3 885

Today, I decided to quit smoking. During my lunch break, I tried to ash the KitKat bar that was in my hand after I took a bite. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 721

You deserved it 17 358

Today, while I was making dinner, my husband argued that our new dog has intelligence issues, and we should give him away. I angrily defended the poor thing, and had almost won, until the dog walked over and licked the inside of the hot oven door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 850

You deserved it 6 164

Today, I asked the guy I’m seeing if he thought I was pretty. He replied that "all women on Earth" don’t compare to "the women in heaven", therefore all “earthly women” look like monkeys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 847

You deserved it 194

Today, my boyfriend said he's in love with another woman and is leaving me. This wouldn't be as bad if I weren't seven months pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 212

You deserved it 682

Today, I found a roach in my takeaway. I found it after I felt something hard in my mouth and spat pieces of it back out onto my plate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 292

You deserved it 3 664