Sharkeisha, no

Why Change a Perfectly Good System?

Today, while creeping on my boyfriend's ex-wife’s Facebook, I found out that he used to call her the same nicknames he now calls me. FML

We're all proud of him

Today, my boyfriend video-called me in the middle of the night, drunk after a night out of partying. He told me that he was chatted up by a girl and proudly exclaimed that he told her off, given his status, all the while showing large hickeys on his neck. FML

Today, my boyfriend admitted to subtly encouraging me to do stupid things because he finds my "bimbo moments" hilarious. FML

Not a sponsored post

Today, I was introduced to a YouTube musician called S3RL. I was listening to a playlist of his music all day. Then of course when I went to pick up my girlfriend, some song came on that was just exaggerated sex moans pitched into music. She stared at me then burst out laughing and called me a pervert. FML

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me and filmed it, because it would "be a big hit on YouTube." FML

Charming

Today, I realised that my boyfriend calls me "bitch" more often than he calls me by my actual name. FML

Trigger warning

Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend and I told him that I was going to tickle him, to which he responded me how he’d “crack” me in the head so that I’d never even think about tickling him again. It threw me into a panic attack and people laughed. I’m a survivor of domestic violence. FML

Today, I was video chatting with my boyfriend and his friends. When I stood up, he told his friend "See, she's not a twig!" I jokingly replied with, "So I'm fat?" After a few seconds of silence, his friend yelled, "It's a trap!" and left the chat. FML

Today, my boyfriend and I were finally alone and things were starting to get intimate. I was on top of him trying to be sexy, when in my excitement I giggled and called him a "silly girl" by accident. FML

Today, my boyfriend introduced me to his friends as his "sex partner." FML