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The all-time greatest FMLs

Dealbreaker

By Anonymous - 26/01/2023 09:00

Today, unbeknownst to me, my boyfriend got a tattoo of the Joker on his neck. The worst part? It's Jared Leto's godawful Joker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 865

You deserved it 149

Thrifty

By Viscerion - 24/04/2023 07:30 - Australia

Today, even though I recently started earning $75000 per year, my partner still got angry at me because I spent $10 online. FML

I agree, your life sucks 865

You deserved it 131

The talk

By Anonymous - 31/05/2023 06:00

Today, I asked my husband if we could start talking about kids. He said sure, so we talked about kids. Then I asked if we could maybe start trying to have kids, and he said, “Absolutely fucking not, are you mad? What’s wrong with you?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 865

You deserved it 562

Filtered

By Anonymous - 13/11/2021 13:59 - Canada - Port Moody

Today, I discovered that my dishwasher has a filter. I cleaned out food from it that has never been in my kitchen since I moved in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 865

You deserved it 351

Oh no…

By Anonymous - 08/03/2023 20:00 - United States - Houston

Today, I went on a blind date. Not only I had already been on a date with the guy before, we'd also had both forgotten about it until halfway through the dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 865

You deserved it 254

Hard test

By Too Late - 19/12/2019 03:00 - United States - Sheboygan

Today, I went in to take my College Placement tests. I'd spent all week ignoring actual homework to study for these tests. When I got there, the responsible told me that the tests were last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 865

You deserved it 2 106

Pile on

By Anonymous - 20/07/2023 06:00

Today, I told my mother I was doing fine with my classes when I actually wasn't because her mother is dying, and I didn't want her to have more things to stress about. She found out and she's very hurt. I feel awful about it and I know lying wasn't the right thing to do, but in the moment I didn't want to cause her any more pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 865

You deserved it 224

What do you want from me?

By Anonymous - 16/09/2023 22:00

Today, after weeks of my girlfriend moaning that I never go anywhere, I went out with some friends. An hour in, she started blowing up my phone. When I answered it, she was screaming in rage because I wasn't home to cook dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 865

You deserved it 164

Silver linings

By Anonymous - 15/08/2021 00:01

Today, I finally found something to be thankful for in my lonely life: At least I don’t have to panic whenever my period is late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 865

You deserved it 115

Work sucks, I know

By Living the Dream - 05/08/2022 02:00

Today, a guy diagnosed with ALS and months to live told me he didn’t envy my job. Definitely including this on my end of year performance review… FML

I agree, your life sucks 865

You deserved it 117

More money, more problems

By Anonymous - 10/06/2021 04:01

Today, my girlfriend of several years broke up with me because of my lack of ability to contribute financially to the life that she envisioned for herself, due to my significant contributions in child support to my ex. She wants a more equal partner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 865

You deserved it 549

RBF FML

By autistic RBF - 22/02/2023 00:00

Today, my mother screamed at me for the millionth time for “giving her a dirty look” as if I could see my own face. I’m just tired. I just wish people would pay attention to my words and not my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 865

You deserved it 129

Tight fit

By Anonymous - 25/07/2022 00:01

Today, my two boys wanted to sleep in bed with us. My wife gave them the okay, even though there’s not enough room for all of us to lay. I’m now sleeping in my 3 year-old’s bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 865

You deserved it 176

Considering something?

By Alice - 16/08/2021 18:01

Today, as a single and ready to mingle mother, I was glad to be on a second date. All was going well, we started making out when he pulled away and said, "It's crazy that Casey Anthony got away with what she did." FML

I agree, your life sucks 865

You deserved it 122

He's a keeper

By Anonymous - 11/01/2023 03:00 - United States

Today, I got the news that my ex-boyfriend from two years ago died in a car crash. My fiancé found me crying in the living room when he came home from work. When he found out why I was inconsolable, he said, "Make sure you say hi to that abusive turd in hell for me, thanks for everything." He is now staying at a hotel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 865

You deserved it 1 630

F is for Family

By Anonymous - 23/05/2023 23:02 - United Kingdom - Nottingham

Today, I had to break off all contact with my toxic ex and my even more toxic adult daughter, for my mental health and suicidal urges. My elderly parents, who don’t think mental health is a thing, not only took their side, they’re taking me out of their will and putting my daughter in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 865

You deserved it 206

One each

By Anonymous - 09/02/2021 23:01

Today, my girlfriend was in the back seat of a car with one of my friends when she got sick and puked all over one of his dress shoes. My friend then asked me to replace his shoes, since she is technically unemployed and couldn't pay him back. We eventually agreed that I would pay for one shoe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 865

You deserved it 251

Hmmm, candy

By SleepEat - 25/02/2021 21:30

Today, I found out that I eat candy in my sleep. For two months I've been dieting because of my weight and high risk of diabetes. I now know why nothing has changed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 865

You deserved it 186

Worst workplace ever

By maya - 29/03/2021 20:01

Today, while I was wearing a blue coat, a coworker asked me what color my coat was. Confused, I said, “...blue?” He and my other coworkers burst out screaming with laughter. Turns out he didn’t say ‘coat’ but ‘poop’. I work with a bunch of five year-olds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 865

You deserved it 107

Happy Holidays!

By Sonotsuave - 30/12/2022 15:00 - United States

Today, I’m in Las Vegas on vacation with my boyfriend and his dad. After staying in his dad’s dirty, dusty, toilet-broken Arizona cabin, we’re now in a cheap, shady, smoke-filled Vegas motel. I’m picking the hotels next time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 864

You deserved it 181

Later…

By Anonymous - 22/05/2024 18:00 - United States - Lafayette

Today, after three weeks of calling the office and telling them how much she needed it, my mom's doctor finally agreed to give her an oxygen tank. She died last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 864

You deserved it 101

What a waster

By Anonymous - 01/07/2023 12:00

Today, when I arrived to a prospective customer's home to give her a shower replacement estimate, a sheriff pulled up behind me and arrested said customer. I drove a 3-hour round trip to this appointment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 864

You deserved it 89

Sunday morning bliss

By Anonymous - 04/07/2021 10:59

Today, my alarm clock consisted of my children stomping on my manhood while dumping Froot Loops on my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 864

You deserved it 232

Lonely, so lonely

By Gina Marie Lombardi - 31/07/2021 11:01

Today, I realized how lonely I am when someone called my number by mistake and I talked with them for 5 minutes. I don’t know who she was, but I'm so lonely I was happy to have someone engage in a conversation, even if it was about her calling the wrong number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 864

You deserved it 123

Things hate me

By WaychulMonster - 25/10/2022 10:00

Today, while trying to relax because I'm sick and I feel like crap, the shower head attachment fell and hit me on the head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 864

You deserved it 110

Diaspora

By Anonymous - 29/12/2020 20:02 - United States

Today, I found out the guy i've been crushing on might be my cousin. Again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 864

You deserved it 214

Leftovers

By anon - 16/11/2022 18:00

Today, I went back to work after a nasty sinus infection. While I was talking to my manager, I sniffled, and a huge ropy string of green snot popped out of my nose. My manager pointed and shrieked, "OH MY GOD! EWWWW!", getting the attention of everyone in the office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 864

You deserved it 236

Vocational

By Therapist friend - 03/02/2022 09:59

Today, I came to the unpleasant realization that my friends only keep me around because I’m nice, know when to keep my mouth shut, and am willing to listen to them vent. In short, I’m the therapist friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 864

You deserved it 174

Thanks little buddy

By crushed - 10/03/2021 14:00

Today, I was in the middle of my workout when my cat meowed so loudly, it startled me into dropping a 50-pound weight onto my foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 864

You deserved it 291

The idiot

By Anonymous - 07/09/2023 10:00

Today, you know those videos where catering staff accidentally drop the wedding cake in front of the bride, groom, and guests. Well I’m now that idiot. I’m also now in a cast on crutches because the bride kicked me in the leg with her heels so hard she snapped a bone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 864

You deserved it 236

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, it's job interview day. In the elevator on the way there, I overheard potential candidates talking about the boss of the company, mocking his alleged lack of credibility. Who's the boss? Me. They don't know that yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 596

You deserved it 65

Today, I witnessed the beautiful sight of a tiny baby bird struggling to take flight from its nest. "You can do it," I muttered, which I guess my asswipe of a cat heard as "Quick, go kill that bird and scar me for life, please." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 392

You deserved it 4 471

Today, I had to take my parents to the hospital after a failed attempt at a Kamasutra position. FML

I agree, your life sucks 882

You deserved it 62

Today, my dad had a day off and was 'bored' so he decided to move our entire kitchen into our living room. We now have no running water, no oven that works and the entire house is a bombsite. He has an entire week off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 064

You deserved it 2 271

Today, I came home and saw my girlfriend on the computer. I decided to sex things up and sneak up on her naked from behind. Apparently, she was video-chatting with her friends at the time. They saw everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 973

You deserved it 25 407

Today, my mother told me to take a quick shower. When I got out, she told me I took too long, and now I have to pay the utilities bill. My shower was two minutes long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 875

You deserved it 2 147