By FML Videos - United States - New York

Life's Ups and Downs

Hang on for dear life!

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There's no helping some people

Out of it

Walk on the wild side

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was on a double date at a restaurant with two friends of mine and a guy I really liked. Things started getting really quiet so I decided to start talking to make things a little bit less awkward even though I was eating. I ended up spitting a piece of chicken across the table. FML

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By healthfreak - United States - Marietta

Today, my daughter's teacher called me, very concerned, because my child told the whole class she's not virgin anymore. The word is "vegan", honey. FML

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By thxmom - United States - West Jordan

Today, I learned that my mother has been telling people that I need anger management. I'm not attending anger management, I'm attending therapy to aid in my recovery from abusive relationships. She doesn't understand the difference or why I find it upsetting. FML

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By kl - Canada

Today, after waiting a couple weeks, I finally slept with this guy I really like. It went like this: 1 Mississippi, 2 Mississippi, 3 Mississippi, done. FML

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By Raiden - United Kingdom - Barnsley

Today, my girlfriend accused me of being a feeder, saying that's why she's been putting on so much weight. When I said it might be because she eats at McDonalds everyday, and that I was willing to start cooking low-calorie foods for us, she hit me. Then she went to McDonalds. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Galesburg

Today, my clingy girlfriend refused to leave me alone long enough for me to read an article about dealing with clingy girlfriends. FML

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By peepeepainter - United States - Jasper

Today, I was painting cabinets for the children's area in my church. While painting, I dropped my brush and got black paint on a white part. I tried to wipe it off. Now there's a very visible smudge that looks like a penis. FML

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By fuck - Norway - Slemmestad

Today, I got a new downstairs neighbor. Herpes. FML

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By Turdfoot - United States - Prosper

Today, I discovered that my cat recently had explosive diarrhea, and couldn't make it to the litterbox in time. I discovered this when I stepped in the very, very fresh poop with my bare feet. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Des Moines

Today, I found out that my parents spent all of the money in my college fund to pay for my cat to be flown to LA and audition for a movie. FML

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By fearofzombies - United States

Today, before I went to bed, I watched a terrifying movie with zombies. I woke up with a headache, a bloody nose, and my mom standing over me frantically asking me what was wrong. Apparently I had been "fighting the zombies off" in my sleep and had been punching myself in the face. FML

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By okaydisarray - United States - Dayton

Today, my husband's 70-year-old uncle came for a visit. Since we only have 2 bedrooms, we set him up in our daughter's room. Later, I glanced into the room and saw him masturbating in her bed. FML

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By The Joker? - United States

Today, two guys proclaiming that they were both Batman attacked me on the street. FML

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By "Kymberly Hams" - Australia

Today, my toddler was supposed to be taking a nap. Instead, he decided it was the perfect time to remove his own nappy for the first time ever. He painted his walls, floor, bed and body, then started crying because he was dirty. FML

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By bam.93

Creepy

Today, my supervisor asked me to help him for some modifications on an Excel sheet. I helped him for some stuff, but couldn't help him completely. He said to me, " Try to learn more about Excel, I want someone to satisfy my needs." FML

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By NJ - United States

Today, I went to work things out with my girlfriend that I'd had a huge fight with. She told me the night before to come over at noon and that she would be awake. I unlock our flat to see that the place was a mess. She had thrown a party and was still passed out naked next to her boss. FML

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By sunshine

Today, I saw my uncle after six months. The first thing he says to me is, 'I didn't even recognize you! You've gained so much weight.' Gee thanks uncle. Just what I wanted to hear. FML

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By Evolution mama - Iceland - Reykjav

Today, I presented my child with the classic "Who came first, the chicken or the egg?" conundrum. In return, I got a detailed lecture on how birds evolved from dinosaurs, how life was created in the sea and an explanation about evolution. I got schooled by a 9 year old. FML

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By notacashier - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I used the self-checkout for the first time. I didn't see a slot for bills, so I tried to put them in the coin slot for a solid three minutes. There was a huge line behind me, silently judging. FML

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By sothatsano - United States - Spokane

Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend. At the right moment, I got down on one knee. As I was reaching into my pocket to get the ring, she got so freaked out she kicked me in the face. I chipped a tooth and the ring flew off, and now I can't find it. FML

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By ugh - Japan - Tokyo

Today, I went to an important job interview. I was really anxious but tried to soldier on anyway. When I was called in, my nerves got so bad that I reverted to speaking my second language. Not first, second. I'm pretty sure I'm not getting the job. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was responsible for taking care of Hoppers, the rabbit belonging to my sons 3rd grade class. Tomorrow my son returns Hoppers so the next student can care for him. That won't be happening because Hoppers hopped out my 5th story window. FML

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By fffemaleee - United States - Waterford

Today, my phone got stolen at church. FML

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By SkinsCastSelection - France

Inspired

Today, I was getting it on with my boyfriend. I started to come, screaming, "Ah... ah... ah... AHH!" To which he added, "Staying alive! Staying alive!" FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Piedmont

Today, my girlfriend told me that she feels pregnant. I didn't believe her, given how recently we had sex for the first time, so I told her to take a test to make sure. She's very sure now. FML

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By Anonymous - Italy - Catanzaro

Today, while shaving my nether regions, I slipped and sliced myself in three separate places. They won't completely stop bleeding. I'm virtually having a second period, and it hurts to close my legs. FML

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By SFra - United States

Today, I went to the Natural History Museum with my boyfriend. While we were standing in front of real dinosaur bones, he told me he didn't believe in dinosaurs. FML

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By Robert - United States - Anchorage

Today, I had another lucid dream. Like every time I lucid dream, I immediately started having tons of dream sex. That would've been fine if I hadn't been taking a nap on the living room couch in the middle of the day. The entire family heard my squirming and moaning and saw me nut my pants. FML

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By urinanalysis - Canada

Today, I went to get blood and urine tests done before work. As I was attempting to aim into the cup, I lost balance and slipped. I ended up peeing on my sleeves and my pants. I was late for work and I smelled like pee. FML

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By Anonymous - South Africa

Pragmatic

Today, after confronting my husband about lack of intimacy in our marriage, I found him playing with himself. His response to my shock was, "This is less work and less involving." FML

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By Ladycakes - United States - Altamonte Springs

Today, while in bed, I tried to explain how overworked and unappreciated I feel doing all the housework to my fiancé. It was only when I'd finished my long rant that I realized he had been asleep almost the whole time. FML

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By Anonymous

Cleanliness is next to someone else

Today, we got new seats in my English class; I was seated next to a boy that I don't know very well. When I sat down, he informed me that he is "opposed" to brushing his teeth. I thought he was kidding. Then he started breathing with his mouth open. These are our seats for the rest of the year. FML

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By Chiiii

Today, I got home from working abroad for 8 months and opened my post. I'm being taken to court over 3 parking tickets my mum didn't tell me she'd gotten using my car. If we lose, my credit score is affected for 6 years. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to the bathroom and my pee split into 4 different streams, none of which actually hit the toilet. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/2/2021 10:01 - United States - Milwaukee

Some friends you've got there

Today, I wrote a post about how I was thinking of attempting suicide. Not one single person contacted me to see if I was alright. FML

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By happyasaclam - United States

Today, me and my boyfriend were hooking up while watching a movie. Just as I was getting really into it, he told me to move my head. He couldn't see the television. FML

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By beanpole - Canada - Canning

Today, I had to cancel plans to go to the movies with the guy I've had a crush on for months due to a sudden case of the flu. This was already rescheduled from yesterday, when I had to cancel due to bad weather (after he had already left home). He thinks that I'm just making excuses not to see him. FML

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By Veryfunny - Australia

Today, I came back from a holiday and the friend who'd been looking after my cats returned my spare key. When I wanted to put some relaxing music on, I noticed that he'd switched most of my CDs around in their cases. I have over a thousand of them. Very funny, thanks. FML

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By - France

Today, I have dark hairs growing on my chest, nipples and stomach... I'm a 19 year old girl. FML

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By xxlexi_lovexx - United States

Today, I was about to have sex with my boyfriend. His best friend called and said he just beat God Of War 3 and that my boyfriend could borrow it. He got up, got dressed, ran to his car and told me I could walk home. FML

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Top comments

By pjsr | 32

#7702625 - Tuesday 2 October 2018 1:08

A horse and an empty saddle went into a bar. The horse asked, ‘Hey bartender, where’d everyone go?’ The bartender said, ‘Stop foaling around and get your life back on track.’ The horse left, but the saddle just kept hanging around.

By Phillycheeze | 20

#7702621 - Tuesday 2 October 2018 1:02

Bang your head......

COMMENTS

By Phillycheeze | 20

#7702621 - Tuesday 2 October 2018 1:02

Bang your head......

By pjsr | 32

#7702625 - Tuesday 2 October 2018 1:08

A horse and an empty saddle went into a bar. The horse asked, ‘Hey bartender, where’d everyone go?’ The bartender said, ‘Stop foaling around and get your life back on track.’ The horse left, but the saddle just kept hanging around.