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The all-time greatest FMLs

Artistic licence

By Anonymous - 16/04/2020 14:00

Today, after spending at least 4 hours drawing a realistic shadow of a vampire for a picture contest, I finally remembered that vampires aren't supposed to produce shadows. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 263

You deserved it 766

Breach of contract

By can I say told you so?! - 04/01/2023 12:00

Today, my husband was served child support paperwork by the couple he insisted on donating his sperm to. When I tried to warn him beforehand, he said I was being a jealous, paranoid, control freak and that it was his decision to help out some friends. We’re already struggling financially. Thanks babe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 263

You deserved it 470

Weird family

By Pinsky - 22/08/2021 00:01

Today, I learned I’m shooting blanks and can’t have children. My wife’s response was that her brother can be our sperm donor. She has no issue with this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 263

You deserved it 112

Anxiety

By Noctium - 02/09/2020 08:08 - Australia - Bentley

Today, I realised exactly how bad my social anxiety has gotten when I had a panic attack watching someone ask someone else out on a fictional show. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 263

You deserved it 338

Going swimmingly

By Anonymous - 22/01/2022 17:00

Today, all the roads going in and out of my town are closed due to flooding. I work 3 towns away, and was threatened with termination if I didn't come to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 263

You deserved it 92

Stop siding with Karens!

By jobless - 02/07/2021 11:00

Today, I'm a massage therapist, and a woman got on my table with a rash. When I informed her that I couldn't work on her because of the rash, and that it's illegal, she got mad, and started yelling at me. My boss came to find out what happened, took her side, and fired me. For following the law. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 263

You deserved it 92

Bricked up

By Anonymous - 06/12/2022 22:00

Spicy

Today, I have erectile dysfunction but have also recently gotten a girlfriend. She is very understanding but I decided to try Viagra to get things going. I had the rare reaction of a boner lasting hours that put me in hospital. I can’t win, it’s either no boner at all or a boner that tries to kill itself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 263

You deserved it 195

Keeping it in the family

By Anonymous - 30/10/2022 12:00

Today, I discovered that my husband's recent business trip to France was actually a filthy holiday in Blackpool with my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 262

You deserved it 103

Repeat offender

By Anonymous - 09/06/2022 02:00

Spicy

Today, I was the only family member available to take my grandad to hospital, after he fell on a bottle in the shower and got it stuck up his ass. Again. I swear we need to start monitoring him in the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 262

You deserved it 163

Flight from Hell

By Anonymous - 04/07/2023 18:00

Today, I was sat next to a screaming baby on a 9-hour flight. Now before anyone has a go at me, I am in no way blaming the baby, I’m blaming the mother with her makeup hair and nails done perfectly, with her AirPods on, staring at her phone, and ignoring her screaming child the full 9 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 262

You deserved it 112

CIA-level batshittery

By fear - 17/12/2020 08:02 - United States - Denver

Today, an angry customer from my old job and punched me in the face before screaming; “You thought you’d seen the last of me?” I moved seven states over and she followed me here just to do that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 262

You deserved it 106

Alexa, play "911 Is a Joke" by Public Enemy

By A.C.A.B. - 04/08/2022 22:00

Today, I'm right now comforting my 21-year-old brother, after we'd called the cops because a mugger stabbed one of my brother's friends while the three of us were on the street. Kudos to the police, who left us waiting in the line for more than 50 minutes, letting an innocent die, and allowing a scumbag to escape. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 262

You deserved it 146

Bob to the rescue

By Anonymous - 16/08/2022 06:00 - United States

Spicy

Today, and for a while, I've been on a dry spell, so I bust out my good old battery-operated boyfriend (B.O.B.) to break the spell. The film I found to assist in my task had actors who looked like my ex and me. I had the best orgasm I've ever had, while also bawling my eyes out at the same time. Therapy it is then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 262

You deserved it 388

Weird questions

By Lola Smith - 03/11/2020 11:02

Today, a customer asked me if we serve spaghetti. She then asked for a manager because I was giving her a weird look, laughing softly when telling her yes, and apparently making her feel stupid. My manager wrote me up. I work at the Old Spaghetti Factory. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 262

You deserved it 223

Compassion

By BadFriend - 05/04/2021 02:00 - United States

Today, my best friend is giving me the silent treatment and has blocked me on Facebook. All because I missed her 30th birthday dinner at The Cheesecake Factory. I’d gotten into a car accident earlier and had to be treated for minor injuries in the ER. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 262

You deserved it 101

Public freakout

By Anonymous - 28/09/2021 23:00

Today, we live in a world where 10 people on a bus will ignore a man slapping his wife so hard, she falls out of her seat, yet when that same man has a coughing fit, the same 10 people all get mad at him for not wearing a mask. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 262

You deserved it 161

Party in my underpants!

By Anonymous - 06/08/2020 14:02

Today, you could think I was hosting a festival. Main event: Aunt Flow & The Zits. Preceded by: Mopey & the Munchies. After Party with: The Bloats and The Farts. Whoever hasn’t left by then will have to see The Bloody Underpants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 262

You deserved it 379

Passive aggressive

By Anonymous - 16/02/2022 10:00

Today, I cleaned our whole house. I wasn’t expecting praise, it was just the house needed cleaning so I did it. I also wasn’t expecting my girlfriend to get mad at me for “cleaning everything as a form of passive aggressively criticising her for her not having cleaned the house either.” What? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 261

You deserved it 125

The Dark Knight

By Boyufd - 30/07/2020 23:01

Today, I noticed my acne scars are almost forming the Batman symbol. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 261

You deserved it 161

Nice parents you've got there

By mere - 06/04/2021 21:30

Spicy

Today, I was called a whore by my own parents, simply because I’ve never had a relationship that lasted longer than a month. Everyone I’ve ever dated has dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 261

You deserved it 193

It's not my fault

By GuiltyNidia - 19/05/2023 22:00

Today, my best friend’s parents told me they’re gonna take me to court and sue me for “all I got.” Turns out, he'd committed suicide after I got in a relationship with someone else. Apparently, he’s had feelings for me for a while and couldn’t handle that fact. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 261

You deserved it 125

So no one told you life was gonna be this way

By MandiJo - 19/02/2021 11:01

Today, my fiancé/son’s father’s death anniversary is in a few days. I asked my closest friends if they’d hang with me so I could try and keep my mind off it, and so I wouldn’t be alone (my son will be with fiancé’s parents). They couldn’t be bothered and want to go away for the weekend instead. Without me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 261

You deserved it 164

Deranged

By Anonymous - 21/07/2022 04:00

Today, my half-sister lied and told my mom I got a girl at school pregnant. My mom is unreasonable at the best of times, but after a full hour trying to get me to name this nonexistent girl, she's calling every parent from school to check if their daughters are hiding a secret pregnancy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 261

You deserved it 100

Premature

By Anonymous - 05/09/2022 03:00 - United States - Paris

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me at dinner, which would’ve been nice if we hadn’t been dating for only two months, and dinner was at Subway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 261

You deserved it 164

Wild

By harrassed - 11/09/2022 02:30 - Australia

Today, my housemate yelled at me because I'm "ignoring" her and it makes her feel "rejected and hated." Last week, she yelled at me for saying hello, and told me not to speak to her unless she spoke to me first, because she was "stressed out" and "can't be disturbed." I can't take her mood swings any more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 261

You deserved it 124

Runner up

By milamadeleine243 - 22/10/2020 14:00

Today, I finished a huge project for work. It took 3+ days and I was very proud of it. Except when I submitted it to my boss, he said that he'd already asked another person to do it. He used that person's project, not mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 261

You deserved it 376

By Anonymous - 24/08/2019 18:00

Today, I broke my nose trying to pop a really stubborn pimple. By the time I felt the cartilage rip, it was too late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 260

You deserved it 1 130

No show

By Anonymous - 19/11/2022 22:00

Today, I can't seem to let go of what my family had done. Years ago, they spent hundreds, if not a thousand, for gifts on a family friend's baby shower, yet have bought nothing for my shower, which was two months ago, not to mention none of them attended the shower either. They've had the registry for 5 months, and I'm due in 3 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 260

You deserved it 214

On the beat

By Anonymous - 10/09/2020 23:02 - Greece - Thessaloniki

Today, in my orchestra, I was one of the 2 instruments that starts first. The conductor raised his hands, but while I was waiting for the preparatory beats, I blinked. When I opened my eyes, the conductor had already started. I started late, in front of a thousand people. The conductor is still angry with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 260

You deserved it 576

Supportive

By Burden - 12/03/2021 02:01 - India

Today, once again, my mom ranted about how she sacrificed so much for me by moving to a better city. I said it was for my education and to stop making me feel like a burden. She scoffed, "Right, you never should've been born. My mistake." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 260

You deserved it 178

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The Top

The Top

Today, my girlfriend's dad returned home from deployment. Being the grade A fucktard that I am, I got flustered and asked, "So um, did you make it back?" He looked me dead in the eyes and said completely deadpan, "No, obviously I died. Moron." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 370

You deserved it 25 994

Today, we had to give a surprise speech in speech class on two of our best and closest friends. My first friend was my mom. I had to make up the other one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 296

You deserved it 5 297

Today, I found out my best friend was having a birthday party and I wasn't invited, so I asked her why. She replied, "What birthday party?" It was a surprise birthday party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 400

You deserved it 31 260

Today, my mother gave my daughter a behavior chart. I noticed that "drinking beer" was at the top of one of the columns. It's a chart for my daughter to use on me so my mother can judge my parenting skills. I am currently losing a sticker right now for being on the computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 739

You deserved it 4 993

Today, while hanging out with this guy I'm interested in, we turned and made eye contact. We were face to face and I thought he was finally going to kiss me. He decided to lick my face from chin to forehead instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 444

You deserved it 5 097

Today, my roommates sat me down and said we need to have a serious chat. I was worried, until they asked me if I could quit my new night job. When I asked why, they said it was because I wasn't home anymore to cook them dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 100

You deserved it 471