Today, I told my long-distance boyfriend that I'd like to throw my legs over my head and have him cram his dick deep inside me. He told me to order a pizza, "It'd be more fun." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while in the middle of having sex with my husband, instead of saying something sexy in my ear, he whispered, "We are so gonna make pizza after this." FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were planning how to spend the day together. When I suggested we start off with some fun in bed, then get some pizza and play his favorite video game, he sighed, "Can't we just go straight to gaming?" FML
Today, my boyfriend and I ordered pizza and watched a movie. After dinner we started to make out. I began to take my clothes off when he stopped me. He said that sex is exercise and you can't exercise for 30 minutes after eating. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend I wanted to see more of his passionate side. He pushed my head down towards his lap. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He responded by asking for a blowjob. FML
Today, I thought it would be fun to have a sex session with my boyfriend. I sent him a suggestive message, and 30 minutes later he texted me back to let me know he was done. FML
Today, I was texting my boyfriend and things were getting a little steamy. He said, "I really want you right now." So, of course, I told him to come over. To which he replied, "Nah." FML
Today, me and my boyfriend were fooling around on my bed when things started to get heated. I said to him, "Do what ever you want". He got up and said he'd be right back. I thought he went to get a condom. He came back with a sandwich. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend that my fantasy was for him to eat me out on the dinner table. My boyfriend told me his was me in a Pikachu costume. FML
Today, my boyfriend asked me to 'spice things up in the bedroom'. When I asked how, he said I could try wearing a paper bag over my head. FML
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Top comments
RichardPencil 32
I think your online pen pal (aka "long distance boyfriend") is telling you he has a really tiny dick.
Jon Tessler 14
how to tell someone "I'm seeing other people who live in my city, without saying it out loud"
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Comments (6)
Plop 17
Did he manage to "wet" your appetite and now you want a "meat lover's" with "stuffed" crust? Unless you know for a fact that your boyfriend isn't that much into sexting, or had a good reason not to be in the mood, you may want to at least have a discussion with him, since you really don't seem to be on the same page when it comes to your desire for physical intimacy.
RichardPencil 32
I think your online pen pal (aka "long distance boyfriend") is telling you he has a really tiny dick.
Jon Tessler 14
how to tell someone "I'm seeing other people who live in my city, without saying it out loud"
Nicholas D Wolfwood 4
I can help you out with that. What do you like on your pizza?
J1523 9
tell him to find a new girlfriend. That will be fun. What you offered sounds amazing and I think its very sexy when a women starts the sexual conversation and wants it from their partner. his lose.
xaonng 5
someone needs a tag in