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The all-time greatest FMLs

By Anonymous - 24/07/2019 20:00

Today, I've had bad gas all day. In bed, almost asleep, I felt the urge to fart, and thinking nothing of it, I let it rip. It wasn't a fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 551

You deserved it 441

By Oopsie - 20/07/2019 04:00

Today, nine hours into a ten-hour shift, I accidentally told a customer, "You're a problem!" instead of, "You're welcome!" or, "No problem!" She gave me a dirty look and hurried off before I could correct myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 551

You deserved it 270

Everybody needs good neighbours

By Anonymous - 11/07/2020 17:02

Today, I live on the second floor and my neighbor from below banged on my door, telling me I sounded like a giant elephant and needed to learn to be quiet. I was eating ice cream in bed. I also live alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 551

You deserved it 173

By nightmare ass - 15/05/2019 06:11

Today, I let out the most vile, nose-melting dairy curdling fart of my life. The sound didn’t wake me up. But the nightmare I had from how rank smelling it was sure did. My own fart ruined my sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 551

You deserved it 424

Some pain, no gain

By Charity Taylor - 18/10/2019 22:00

Today, after establishing that we have no idea what's wrong with me, only that it's chronic pain, my doctor informed me that even though I've been dealing with increasingly worse symptoms for years, I'm not a "good applicant" for pain medication. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 551

You deserved it 152

Messy

By fiat850 - 09/05/2020 17:00

Today, I had two accidents in my car: one when a truck drove into its rear end, the other immediately after when my own rear end released its load onto the seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 551

You deserved it 168

By Anonymous - 30/07/2019 04:01

Today, I finished my first shift at my new summer job. I've only been working there for 6 hours and they already call me, "The blonde one". I made straight A's in my last semester of college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 551

You deserved it 347

Statutory

By I don't care if it was consented or not, I'm gonna whoop the shit out of this child-molesting fuck. - 22/09/2021 23:00

Today, my sister, who is now 19, gathered the guts to formally present her boyfriend to us. She was so concerned that my parents wouldn't let her have a boyfriend, she kept it a secret for 5 years. We were happy to hear it, until she presented him to us. He's a 35-year-old taxi driver. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 551

You deserved it 152

Duh

By psb1990 - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Today, a guy on the street introduced himself as a photographer with a project about women's feet and asked if he could take a photo of mine. He showed me his Instagram, which looked legitimate at a glance, so I agreed and followed him. Turns out it's a fetish account. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 550

You deserved it 4 519

Send help!

By Anonymous - 30/05/2019 23:30 - India - Pune

Today, I've managed to lock myself in my own bedroom. It won't open no matter what I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 550

You deserved it 391

First dates suck

By Anonymous - 03/09/2019 16:00

Today, I went on two dates from a dating app. The first one said halfway through that we couldn't date because it would break his contract. The second one catfished me. This is why I have multiple dates in one day. They never end well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 549

You deserved it 307

Take a number

By Anonymous - 09/09/2019 00:01

Today, the guy I've been flirting with for a week, and would be meeting in two days, sent me a message that he wouldn't be able to text me this evening because he'll be on a date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 549

You deserved it 281

Support system

By Anonymous - 20/01/2022 05:01 - Canada - Emsdale

Today, I was diagnosed with polycystic ovaries and confided in my mom, after being told I would have trouble having kids. Five minutes later, I hear the whole family laughing about it downstairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 549

You deserved it 105

In all my days…

By Anonymous - 05/08/2020 08:01

Today, I had somewhat of a nervous breakdown, and poured my heart out to a doctor, who seemed to be well over 60. She looked at me, flabbergasted and said, "I never met anyone with that many problems!" Gee, thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 549

You deserved it 254

Mom of the year

By Darice - 08/08/2020 05:03

Today, after years of not speaking with my birth mother, I took a chance and stopped to talk to her when I saw her outside of her house. Five minutes into it, I knew I needed my hair recolored and that I'm out of shape, this all being said by a totally gray haired fat woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 549

You deserved it 212

By Anonymous - 07/06/2019 16:00

Today, I woke up with really sore abs; not from working out at the gym, but because I've been coughing for 3 days straight and nothing is helping. Now every time I cough, it physically hurts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 549

You deserved it 138

Fight ****

By Anonymous - 11/07/2022 10:00

Today, I heard my step-dad hitting my mom, and her begging him to stop, so I grabbed my cricket bat, ran in, and almost brained him. Luckily I stopped in time, because they were both naked having sex. Apparently my mom likes extreme spanking. Eww. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 549

You deserved it 307

Mah freedoms!

By Anonymous - 14/05/2020 14:00

Today, my roommate told me she's coming back from her family's large house in Reno to Hawaii, because she "wants to work." We have a 14-day visitor's quarantine. And my workplace extended this to travellers' roommates. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 549

You deserved it 132

Stop calling

By Anonymous - 09/10/2021 23:02 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I've changed my number twice already. When I asked why the insurance agent gave my contact details away without my consent, she replied, "But he seemed so concerned about you!" I suddenly wish there was a serial killer list I can upload her personal information to. Not that I'll actually do it, but fuck you. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 549

You deserved it 129

Fragile

By Stigmamma - 15/08/2020 20:02

Today, my husband said he felt "dizzy from blood loss" after his nose started "pissing blood." After I said the tiny drop of blood from his split second nose bleed wouldn't cause dizziness, he got mad at me for "attacking his masculinity." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 549

You deserved it 234

Time for a BBQ

By Anonymous - 17/05/2019 13:59

Today, my friend hit a bird with her car. She asked me to get it off for her, so I reluctantly complied. It came off. In pieces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 548

You deserved it 212

Smash the Patriarchy!

By Anonymous - 18/10/2019 00:02

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend that yes, girls do get armpit hair, we just have to shave it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 548

You deserved it 274

Times have changed

By Anonymous - 29/11/2021 22:58

Today, my daughter finally learned that you can’t sleep your way to success, after she tried and failed to seduce her married boss, was sacked, and blacklisted as a potential lawsuit throughout every company specialising in her chosen career field. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 547

You deserved it 518

By Anonymous - 20/07/2019 09:00 - United States - Tulsa

Today, my cat attempted to make up for my insomnia with a dead mouse. I have no idea where he got it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 547

You deserved it 202

Stinky

By kmthomas91 - 11/05/2020 23:00

Today, after coming home, my apartment reeked of something fierce. Small animals frequently like to crawl under my apartment since I live next to a wooded area. Apparently, skunks are among those who like to visit, and Febreze isn't helping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 547

You deserved it 141

Isn't it ironic, don't you think?

By Anonymous - 06/09/2019 20:03

Today, my mom complained that I was being too loud, and she smacked my head really hard. All while screaming at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 547

You deserved it 191

Between a rock and a hard place

By Anonymous - 25/10/2021 04:59 - Canada - Enderby

Today, during sex, I was getting close to climax, which is unusual for me due to personal issues. However, I got a piercing headache and had to stop. I later found out my birth control can cause sex headaches and the best way to avoid them is to avoid orgasms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 547

You deserved it 196

No internet, just cuddles

By Anonymous - 28/09/2019 16:00

Today, my cat decided that the best place for her to pee was over the surge protector where my modem, router, and printer are plugged in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 546

You deserved it 224

Sitcom dad

By Anonymous - 23/07/2022 06:00

Today, my wife is convinced I don't love my daughter. Why? She got her first boyfriend recently, and I was friendly with the lad, instead of doing the stupid "overprotective dad" routine. Apparently, not feeling the need to act like a dumbass sitcom character means I secretly resent my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 546

You deserved it 128

All is fair in love and war

By Backstabbinghxx - 15/10/2021 20:00

Today, my best friend got engaged. I would be happy for her, if it wasn’t for the fact that her fiancé was my boyfriend just 2 months ago. Upon hearing the news, I severed all ties with her. She ended up bitching me out and calling me selfish for being upset. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 546

You deserved it 133

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The Top

Today, I was leaning over a fence in a pasture to get a closer look at something. Nobody warned my nuts that it was an electric fence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 629

You deserved it 11 046

Today, my boyfriend asked me to look up something on his phone. I jokingly asked him, “You’re not worried about me discovering your side bitches?” He got upset and angrily said he didn’t have any. I took his defensiveness as an indication of guilt and dumped him. Turns out he was right, he didn’t have side chicks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66

You deserved it 1 725

Today, I got a stern talking-to from the police about threatening and harassing people. Who had called them? None other than my stalker, whom I'd just informed about the restraining order I was filing against him after finding him in my house. For the second time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 428

You deserved it 254

Today, I made out with a boy for the first time. I belched into his mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 368

You deserved it 6 650

Today, at a philanthropic event in some old money rich family's garden, I told my daughter she'd have to improve her table manners if she wanted to marry a nice man like that. I looked up and our host was standing right there, looking sternly in our direction. I smiled but he didn't smile back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 190

You deserved it 1 053

Today, I started keeping track. From 7 am to 8:30 pm, my wife, my 11 year-old son, and my 9 year-old daughter screamed for my help 154 times. Every time, it was the most mundane, trivial shit that they could have solved with a nanosecond of critical thinking, but no, easier to bother Dad for everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 447

You deserved it 207