Today, I found out I'm starting to get varicose veins, typical...

By Anonymous - 08/08/2019 12:00

Today, I found out I'm starting to get varicose veins, typical in older people who don't move enough. I'm 34 and I get 9 hours of exercise a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 474

You deserved it 139

Leave us alone

Values

The asshats always win

By titou - 05/01/2009 03:33 - France

Today, well, last night, I told my girlfriend that I'm a light sleeper, and that the slightest disturbance will wake me up. As a result, this morning when I looked in the mirror I noticed a bunch of stuff written all over my body, like "You see, you didn't wake up!", "Nor now!". FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 697

You deserved it 32 493

The icing on the cake

By Anonymous - 25/12/2021 00:01 - Australia

Today, I received my year 12 yearbook. After such a bad year of let downs, it wasn’t surprising that the school fucked it up and put the previous year's group photo in it instead of ours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 751

You deserved it 63

Bad day

By Anonymous - 15/12/2020 02:04 - United States - White Plains

Today, I woke up feeling like I was on top of the world, until I got to work and I was demoted. Then I ordered Uber Eats for lunch, the driver was late and gave me the wrong meal. The worst part was when I got home and was dumped by my girlfriend via text. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 307

You deserved it 67

By Robert - 06/04/2018 05:00 - United States - North Pole

Today, my high school speech therapist introduced me to the other autistic kid in school without fully informing either of us. We got into a fist fight because we each thought the other guy was imitating us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 869

You deserved it 671

By freakedout - 08/08/2014 14:43 - United States

Today, I fell asleep in the doctor's waiting room. When I woke up, the room was empty, and there was a $1 bill tucked into my cleavage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 992

You deserved it 6 927

By Anonymous - 19/06/2012 03:33 - United States

Today, I was getting dirty with my boyfriend. It was the first time he had fingered anyone, and the only thing he said was, "It feels like the inside of my asshole." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 280

You deserved it 4 599

By treeless - 24/12/2011 08:11 - Canada

Today, my apartment was broken into. The thief stole my TV, $350, and my Christmas tree. There is still a trail of broken ornaments from my living room to the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 831

You deserved it 2 379

By Anonymous - 04/04/2011 06:15 - Mozambique

Today, I went up to a girl at a bus stop and started chatting her up. Her response? "Am I being robbed?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 601

You deserved it 7 178

First time

By februarymarchapril - 04/02/2015 03:45 - United States - Austin

Today, I shaved for the first time. My mum gave me a razor and I spent about 20 minutes trying to use it. I gave up, yelling, "FUCK IT!" and put it back on the shelf. It fell, and as it hit the floor, a lid fell off. I'd tried to shave with a sheathed razor for 20 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 639

You deserved it 42 776

By kawood - 30/03/2012 11:32 - United States

Today, I had to sit in the hospital with my 88-year-old grandfather by myself. During the five hours I was there, he insisted on sharing the intimate details of his many sexcapades that he has had since World War II. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 422

You deserved it 3 092

By daddy-to-be - 20/03/2009 21:04 - United States

Today, as I was getting my mail, I received a free coupon from a baby supply store saying "congratulations on your expectancy." Thinking it was a mistake, I showed my girlfriend, who I am living with. All she had to say was "Surprise!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 79 964

You deserved it 17 269

By babymine - 09/03/2012 04:45 - United States

Today, I was boarding a plane and a woman's bag started to fall. In the spur of the moment I thrust my arm up to catch it. I didn't catch the bag, but I did catch her boob. I had to sit next to her for the rest of the flight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 991

You deserved it 2 939

By Confusedfiance - 16/10/2018 05:00

Today, my ex messaged me out of the blue saying she found my fiancé's tinder profile. I told her there was no way it was true. It actually was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 087

You deserved it 224

By B-Rad - 15/11/2012 05:48 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she found out I share a birthday with a fictional character who is "untrustworthy" and has a "dark side", so therefore I can't be trusted either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 057

You deserved it 2 416

By Me myself & I - 19/04/2016 01:09 - United States - Columbus

Today, my parents said they know I don't do drugs or drink because I have no friends to do drugs or drink with. They are right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 763

You deserved it 2 012

Cool

By HarrisonR - 02/03/2021 23:30 - United Kingdom

Today, while talking to a boy, he asked what my name was and in a state of panic, I said, "Daddy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 555

You deserved it 494

No thanks, mom

By Anonymous - 08/04/2020 08:00

Today, my crazed and very hormonal pregnant mother told me that I should get pregnant too, so that we can be "preggo buddies." I'm 15. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 048

You deserved it 114

By lonerboner - 03/10/2012 13:47 - United States

Today, I went on a date to the movies with this guy I kinda like. When he was driving me home, he asked me to be his girlfriend; I said I couldn’t because it was really bad timing. He kicked me out of the car, called me an asshole, and made me walk home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 011

You deserved it 37 126

By her mom raised her - 17/05/2014 17:30 - Mexico

Today, I had to call a plumber out, because my idiot daughter clogged the pipes while trying to flush a hamburger down the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 742

You deserved it 7 012

Management 101

By Anonymous - 14/11/2020 14:08 - United States

Today, I once again got less than 20 hours of work for the entire week. My boss's solution? Double the staff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 638

You deserved it 58

By And yes, he does also believe in the Illuminati. - 11/06/2017 22:00

Today, I learned that my new boyfriend seriously thinks that Inglorious Bastards is historically accurate and is actually the secret history of World War 2 being revealed to the public. Nothing I say will make him change his mind. I guess that relationship is a goner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 038

You deserved it 359

By tuggernuts - 17/07/2012 15:32 - United States

Today, I was using a penis pump for the first time. It was awesome until it sucked my left testicle into the tube. I'll be singing soprano for a while now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 207

You deserved it 43 845

I need it

By Anonymous - 31/08/2020 06:55 - United Kingdom

Today, my husband and I have such busy careers, we have to schedule sex for when we’re both at home and hopefully not too tired, otherwise we’d never have sex at all. The last time we had sex was on my birthday, in April, and our next appointment is mid September. I really miss sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 706

You deserved it 526

Baby Got Back

By backfat - 18/05/2018 01:44

Today, while in bed, my fiancé rolled over in the dark and complimented me on my nice buttocks. He had actually grabbed a roll of back fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 601

You deserved it 1 053

By Anonymous - 26/07/2014 15:50 - United States

Today, I went to the mall. A little girl was walking around and telling everyone that they were pretty. When she got to me, she gave me a disgusted look and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 475

You deserved it 4 981

By scruffy - 10/05/2011 17:24 - United States

Today, I woke up late for a job interview. I hadn't shaved in six days, but figuring I could do so en route, I grabbed my electric razor and ran for the bus. While shaving, the razor's battery died midway through, leaving me to attend the job interview with a Miami Vice scruff on half my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 008

You deserved it 37 966

By Anonymous - 16/08/2010 23:05 - United States

Today, I came home to a dead fish duct-taped to the wall of my dorm room. I can't reach it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 073

You deserved it 3 938

By erockinthesuburb - 11/04/2012 16:25 - United States - Algonquin

Today, I was stopped and searched by a cop, and he quickly found the bag of weed in my pocket. He didn't arrest or fine me, but he did confiscate my weed and told me to "get lost." Pretty sure I just got legally mugged. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 889

You deserved it 41 831

By liz - 16/07/2010 19:45 - United States

Today, my 23-year old boyfriend is not talking to me because I bought the regular kind of macaroni and cheese instead of the cartoon kind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 291

You deserved it 18 321

By htx91 - 13/12/2016 19:55 - United States - San Antonio

Today, after opening a letter from the VA, I found out that I have to pay back all the money I earned last year in the Army. I just spent $500 on Christmas presents. Payments start in January. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 232

You deserved it 685

By Bad parenting101 - 08/01/2017 03:23 - United States - Denver

Today, my son shaved his eyebrows. Two days ago, I caught my 10-year-old daughter watching porn. I'm totally winning at parenting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 780

You deserved it 2 208

Chill out, mom

By chasingcars0624 - 28/08/2009 23:44 - United States

Today, I got a knock on my door at 3 a.m. Turns out, if I ignore my mother long enough, she will assume I have died and will call the cops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 892

You deserved it 13 164

By Noname - 18/02/2009 02:52 - United States

Today, my brother joked that our dog was more attractive than I was. I looked to my mom for support, and she said "Well, she is pure bred." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 732

You deserved it 3 665

SHAME!

By Poowee - 18/09/2009 04:29 - United States

Today, I urgently needed to use the bathroom at my boyfriend's house. When I went to flush, it wouldn't go down the pipes. After about ten panic-filled minutes, I noticed the cat litter box. I carefully scooped out my logs, and buried them in the cat litter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 555

You deserved it 49 325

Doggy dog world

By Maude - 20/11/2020 05:03 - Canada - Beauharnois

Today, I was going for a relaxing walk but my dog broke free from his leash. At the same time, my 80 year-old neighbor was leaving her apartment. My dog ran inside her home and she screamed. I ended up in her bedroom, running around her bed, chasing my dog who was trying to get at her pantyhose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 682

You deserved it 203

By wheresmysweater - 28/12/2012 03:49 - United States - Raleigh

Today, my trunk froze shut with my Christmas presents inside. Since it was still shut, I went to the store. When I came out, some ice had melted and the trunk had popped open. All of my gifts were gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 722

You deserved it 5 313

By seriously_CAT - 21/10/2015 02:26

Today, I had to try to convince my roommate that, yes, you do need to use dish soap when you hand wash dishes because of bacteria in old food. She still won't believe me, insisting that, "there's no such thing as bacteria in food". FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 524

You deserved it 1 596

Objectification

By cmck932012 - 26/06/2012 06:18 - United States - Tyrone

Today, at a job interview, my interviewer bent forward and I admired his ass. When he turned, I couldn't tell if he caught me or not. At the end of the interview he shook my hand in congratulations of getting the job, then said, "Yes, I do work out." I have to see him every day now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 501

You deserved it 32 554

You never know

By Saraaah - 19/12/2020 02:01

Today, I'm on a long car trip with a friend who makes fun of my pee breaks every 45 minutes. "Well, are you incontinent? You should wear diapers, otherwise we'll never reach our destination!" What she doesn't know : I have bladder issues, and even if I try not to use them, I do wear diapers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 231

You deserved it 98

By jadakorn - 11/07/2009 13:48 - United States

Today, I got home and threw my phone onto my bed as usual. This time it bounced out the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 134

You deserved it 29 345

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Top comments

Emelka_fml 20

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Thursday 8 August 2019 12:34

I don’t know who told you varicose veins happen to inactive people, but they actually usually happen to people who stand for long periods of time. Nurses, teachers and waiters all commonly get varicose veins. There’s also a large genetic component.

Seeya55 31

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Thursday 8 August 2019 13:16

Genetics and standing. You may be very susceptible to them and unfortunately always being on your feet made them worse. Sorry about that! If you treat them, get something else fixed on you that requires you off your feet for the same length of time. It's week/s of recovery time depending on how much was removed.

Comments

Sarah Yamabo 15

Thursday 8 August 2019 12:32

Genetics plays a role too... You’re not alone

Emelka_fml 20

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Thursday 8 August 2019 12:34

Seeya55 31

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Thursday 8 August 2019 13:16

RichardPencil 30

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Thursday 8 August 2019 16:45

Rx: Up it to twelve hours a week and reduce your age to 28 or below.

GamerChickxoxo 16

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Thursday 8 August 2019 22:59

umm do you think 9 hours of exercise a week is alot? thats might be your problem there. Walking or cycling to work takes me 40 minutes daily Going to the store means a 5 mile walk and i work a manual labor job where i lift heavy boxes all day so i get 10-12 hours of exercise a day

slkeithh 13

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Friday 9 August 2019 6:20

get a life...

QueenSaru 28

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Saturday 10 August 2019 3:36

Hang on a second, I have to get out my tiny violin so I can score this "and I walked up hill both ways through six feet of snow barefoot" one-upping.

LostSoul 19

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Friday 9 August 2019 2:57

My 38 year old husband got them after 12 hour shifts in a factory.

JLS 4

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Sunday 11 August 2019 0:16

They don’t just come with age. You’re old enough to know that, and get them.

evilplatypus 38

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Sunday 11 August 2019 14:08

You are poorly misinformed about varicose veins. You can get them at almost any age, whether or not you’ll get them is largely genetic, and proper hydration can help alleviate them (to an extent).