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The all-time greatest FMLs

By Detroitman125 - 30/10/2018 17:30

Today, my name was left off of the program at our band concert. I would have been fine with this if it wasn't the third time in a row that this has happened. Yes, I did show them each time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 835

You deserved it 152

Marriage (Dress) Story

By Anonymous - 02/04/2020 17:00

Today, I found out that the company I sent my wedding dress to caught fire and lost everything in their building. I was going to be the fourth generation woman in my family to wear it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 833

You deserved it 165

Lost again

By Anonymous - 31/12/2019 18:00

Today, the boy I like, came to my house with a dozen roses to ask me to homecoming. My uncle chased him down the street with a pitchfork. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 833

You deserved it 208

By Allie - 23/11/2018 12:00

Today, right after I finished writing a very important paper and saved it to my hard drive, my barely 2-year-old Macbook decided to completely stop functioning. I went to the Apple store and even they can't get it to turn on. That's $1500 down the drain along with my grade. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 833

You deserved it 489

By FireFarter - 30/08/2017 21:45 - Netherlands - Amsterdam

Today, I suddenly awoke on the couch in the dark early-morning hours to the pungent odor of something burning. I ran all throughout the house looking for a fire but there was no sign of it. Exhausted, I crashed back down on the couch and let one rip. It had been me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 832

You deserved it 844

By nabru - 06/11/2018 17:30 - Brazil - Florian?polis

Today, I reached my goal weight. My arms and legs are thin, but my face looks horrible and my belly didn't reduce an inch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 831

You deserved it 298

By Chocolatehater - 08/09/2018 18:30 - Netherlands - Wageningen

Today, my girlfriend finally came over to watch a movie with me after weeks of being really busy. As a treat she brought chocolate cookies, which she knows I can't eat. I am allergic to chocolate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 831

You deserved it 269

Sweet release

By Anonymous - 14/12/2018 03:00

Today, I sneezed and shit myself in bed. It was the first time I'd ever slept at my girlfriend's house, and probably the last as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 831

You deserved it 402

By BritishDates - 22/08/2018 13:00

Today, my long-distance British boyfriend of 7 years canceled his plane ticket to visit me in the USA. He claims he "doesn't have enough money" to stay for 2 weeks. As I began canceling all the reservations, he called to say he bought a new car and a house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 830

You deserved it 390

Like the beginning of a porno

By Anonymous - 15/07/2020 23:01

Today, my girlfriends dared me to answer the door naked to the cute pizza delivery guy. He laughed it off and thanked me for the awesome tip. An hour later, police arrived because my nosy, frigid, couldn’t-get-laid-in-a-brothel neighbour reported me for public indecency. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 827

You deserved it 1 622

The Boxer

By single - This FML is from back in 2020 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend of 3 years. I checked the box with the ring to make sure it was still there, and saw a piece of paper in it. It said, "No." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 825

You deserved it 311

Grossed out

By Anonymous - 10/11/2018 14:00

Today, I was helping this girl to the nurse’s office because she was so sick that she could barely walk. About halfway there, she stopped and vomited on me. My jaw was dropped in shock when she threw up on me again. A little went into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 825

You deserved it 357

Doggy dog world

By Badhusky - 29/08/2018 20:30

Today, I had to carry the dead weight of my 90-pound husky upstairs to the bath because he hates it. He cried the entire time, loudly. He then rolled in the dirt when I let him outside to pee not even an hour later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 824

You deserved it 549

By Anonymous - 27/07/2019 16:00

Today, my youngest of four children turned 18. It was also the same day that my ex-wife called to tell me that after 18 years of paying child support, I wasn't the father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 823

You deserved it 202

By ChinaWillOwnUs - 27/08/2018 15:00

Today, I was warned that I was failing too many students and it had to stop, so I showed my boss all of the easy assignments a lot of students didn't even turn in. She told me to stop using so many "big words" in them. I teach at a four year University. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 823

You deserved it 238

All in a day's work!

By Joshtodon - 21/08/2018 22:00

Today, I was unloading tile boxes out of my pickup truck into this lady's garage. As I grabbed the last 50-pound box, a passing bird shat on my forehead. Green ooze ran down my whole face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 823

You deserved it 172

By alone - 20/04/2019 02:00

Today, I found out that my fiancé has been talking to another girl behind my back about how much he hates being with me. Turns out he’s been talking to her everyday for 3 months, and she kept pushing him to leave me, but he was only staying because I cook for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 822

You deserved it 238

New balls

By Anonymous - 16/12/2019 18:00 - United States - Staten Island

Today, my right testicle popped out during gym class while we were running laps. The teacher saw it and said, “Put that away! There aren’t any balls involved in this activity!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 821

You deserved it 696

Oh, hai Mark!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Today, I met my new psychologist for the first time. Expecting it to be someone I wouldn’t know, the door opens and out walks a man I hooked up with once. What makes it worse was he pissed my bed that night. I never called him back or spoke to him again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 821

You deserved it 340

Age ain't nothing but a number

By why lie - 04/06/2020 20:00

Today, my boyfriend renewed his driver's license and showed me the picture. I told him he needed to go back because they'd put the wrong birthdate. Turns out the idiot forgot he’s been lying to me about his age the whole time we’ve been together. He’s not actually 30. He’ll be 43 in two months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 821

You deserved it 513

By AtLeastIPassed - 22/08/2018 14:30 - Canada - Berwick

Today, I was scheduled to work even though I'd booked the day off months in advance to take an important exam. Two weeks ago, I informed my manager and he said he found a replacement for me. An hour ago, my manager angrily called asking why I didn't show up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 820

You deserved it 132

By Queenie - 26/12/2018 14:00

Today, my work's annual Christmas party is at 3:00. Everyone in the office is off work at 2:00, except me and the boss who is staying 'til 4:00. I have been informed the boss is leaving early today to attend the Christmas party, but I need to lock up when I leave at 4:00. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 820

You deserved it 199

But now…

By Anonymous - 05/09/2018 14:30 - United States - Sewell

Today, my mother-in-law insisted we go to a baby clothing store. When I reminded her that I don’t want children, she sat on the floor, crying, kicking and screaming. She then said I was denying her grandchildren because I hate her. Well, I didn’t… FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 820

You deserved it 212

Oh noooooooo!

By the boogieman mom - 27/11/2018 14:00

Today, I found out that eating too much cheese really can cause nightmares. I had a cheese sandwich before bed and woke up later to the nightmarish sight of my mother-in-law standing over me with a suitcase. She had a big argument with her husband and wants to stay with us for a few weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 819

You deserved it 274

Weird excuse, but OK

By Nutty - 21/07/2019 00:04

Today, my girlfriend refused to have sex with me, because my underwear are Fruit of the Loom instead of Hanes. According to her, since all real men wear Hanes, I'm unfit to have sex with her because I wear Fruit of the Loom and am therefore not a man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 819

You deserved it 437

By xxemetahxx - 11/07/2019 06:00

Today, I got home from work early to find my boyfriend spread eagle on the couch, taking pictures of his anus. Apparently, that's what his other girlfriend is into. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 818

You deserved it 238

Strange noise

By Anonymous - 22/01/2020 18:00

Today, I was awoken at 1:30am by a strange noise, and something tugging on my hair. I opened my eyes, to find a very large rat sitting on my pillow, chewing my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 818

You deserved it 229

Doing his part

By asshole - 19/04/2020 20:00

Today, I found out that while I was at my job as an "essential" employee, my laid-off boyfriend was at home banging the landlord's daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 815

You deserved it 197

Ghost Shoes

By Fuckedupmom - 23/08/2018 13:00

Today, my 3-year-old daughter has been crying non-stop for an hour because she wants to take off her black shoes. She's not wearing any. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 815

You deserved it 242

By UnluckyEMT - 27/12/2018 14:00

Today, someone I've been crushing on admitted they're attracted to me too. We hooked up, but now she says we can't date because she is already dating someone. I feel terrible for them, and now know she isn't the kind of person I thought she was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 815

You deserved it 499

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The Top

Today, I found $100 on the ground. My mom is taking $40 because she was there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 876

You deserved it 3 506

Today, at 3:00 am, I sat with my 3 year-old daughter while she tried to go back to sleep. She'd had a nightmare, and I'd read that "not leaving" was the most important thing a father could do. My wife woke and called me a pervert for sitting there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 499

You deserved it 3 360

Today, I was meeting friends for dinner at an Indian restaurant. I was waiting for the group to arrive and our table to be ready. An Indian man approached me smiling, so I said, "We're not ready for our table yet." Then I realized it was my friend's boyfriend, who I've met several times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 098

You deserved it 68 133

Today, the cows on the neighboring farm have been lowing loudly for 3 days straight. The guy who runs the farm is unreachable. The people who own the farm and live right next to the stable claim they don’t hear a thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 747

You deserved it 156

Today, my rabidly pro-life friend has been touting off about, “My body, my choice” because of the proposed vaccine mandates. When I reminded her that she’s always been against women making choices about their bodies, she screamed I was a murdering, commie bitch. Thanks, friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 319

You deserved it 381

Today, I was stuck in the ICU with my 10 month-old. They spent more than an hour and multiple pricks to get a vein for cannula. I had to endure and hold him down through all of it. Half and hour later, he promptly smeared poop all over his cannula bandage area during a diaper change. FML

I agree, your life sucks 976

You deserved it 151