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By mass message - 16/10/2011 00:47 - Canada

Today, my mom left for a business trip. Thinking it was a good time to throw a party, I mass messaged everyone on my contact list. I thought it was going to be a success. The problem with this? My mom is on my contacts list. She replied "I'll be home in an hour. You're grounded." FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 088

You deserved it 70 012

Noise annoys

By SHUTUPDAD! - 17/10/2020 20:02

Today, my dad found his old harmonica. It’s been five hours and he shows no signs of stopping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 103

You deserved it 145

By socargone - 17/01/2017 22:00

Today, I'm so bad at parking that I saw the guy next to me openly cringe as I pulled into a spot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 428

You deserved it 1 932

Good riddance

By W H A T - 30/03/2023 12:00 - United States

Spicy

Today, I found out my favorite teacher didn't actually "retire" last year like she said to me. She was quietly fired after saying that, "Women who dress provocatively in public are asking to be r*ped" to a class full of teenage girls. I can't believe I used to idolize this woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 048

You deserved it 259

Fish 101

By liishax3 - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - San Francisco

Today, I noticed my fish was still hungry after feeding him earlier. I figured, "Eh, a little bit more won't kill him." I was wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 384

You deserved it 10 116

Cat Fail

By FML Videos - 19/11/2018 00:00 - United States - New York

He disappeared like this weekend!

I agree, your life sucks 292

You deserved it 72

By Dragoness11 - 03/05/2019 04:00 - United Kingdom

Today, at a cheap restaurant, my dad asked me if I wanted a straw. I declined, saying I wanted to do my bit for the environment and not waste plastic when I'm fine without. He grabbed three and dropped them on the sticky table, "just in case." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 712

You deserved it 523

Halloween came early

By umm..WHAT?? - 22/10/2020 23:01 - United States - Pomona

Today, I was sleeping in my bed when I woke up in horror to see that my 34-year-old cousin, who was spending the night, was watching me sleep. Once he noticed that I was awake, he quietly left the room. I told my mom, who then told me not to tell anyone and pretend that it never happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 653

You deserved it 101

Scared

By Anonymous - 18/11/2014 23:43 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, my self-esteem hit rock bottom when I was intimidated by a 10-year-old. I'm 23. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 774

You deserved it 6 774

By Anonymous - 13/08/2013 08:49 - France - Paris

Today, my 7-year-old son proudly announced that he had laid an egg during the night. I checked. He'd simply shat the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 619

You deserved it 4 257

Romantic

By Anonymous - 14/12/2010 01:04 - United States

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be romantic to pick me up, throw me over his shoulder and take me to the bedroom. Little did he know that he literally threw me over his shoulder, and I face-planted on the ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 872

You deserved it 3 176

By Anonymous - 10/08/2013 19:28 - United States - Winston Salem

Today, I took my driving test. As I was about to turn at a green light, a car sped toward us from the other direction, running a red light. My instructor failed me because I stopped to avoid getting rammed. Apparently I should have kept going, because it was my right of way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 649

You deserved it 3 623

By kemando - 06/10/2011 10:20 - Canada

Today, I'd just finished feeding my parrot and sweeping all the seeds under the cage. As I was walking away, my parrot whistled. I turned around to see him get up onto the food dish, pick up a clawful of food and toss it on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 923

You deserved it 4 655

kemando tells us more.

kemando 22

Sunday 20 November 2011 8:13

Damn straight. His name's rascal.

By Anonymous - 05/02/2017 04:00 - United States - San Diego

Today, at an MA meeting, I ran into the cop who'd pulled me over and given me a ticket for marijuana possession. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 532

You deserved it 1 327

Double trouble

By Pooldead - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff - Germany - Munich

Today, while introducing my girlfriend to my family, everyone told me that she looked exactly like my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 268

You deserved it 437

By Anonymous - 01/10/2011 11:44 - Sweden

Today, I sneezed so hard that I hit my head against the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 222

You deserved it 6 116

Tough

By prostate - 08/06/2009 13:48 - United States

Spicy

Today, I got prostate examination for the first time. Now I can't decide what's worse, the fact that I got a boner when the doctor inserted his finger, or the fact that my wife told the story to pretty much everybody we know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 457

You deserved it 7 067

By CassafrasSss - 02/02/2017 14:00 - United States - Naperville

Today, after months of hard work, planning, and preparation, I held the reception for my first art show at a gallery. Nobody showed up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 853

You deserved it 719

By Isa_Marie0113 - 03/11/2014 23:32 - United States - Groton

Today, I slept over at my new boyfriend's house for the first time. When I woke up in the morning, he told me all about how much gas I'd had through the night. He said he thought he had a grown man in his bed instead of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 387

You deserved it 4 986

Isa_Marie0113 tells us more.

Isa_Marie0113 17

Sunday 30 November 2014 3:00

Hey guys! I wrote that FML. Yep, wasn't one of my best moments, but it's something we can laugh at now especially since he's usually the one that's gassy! Thanks for reading it and I hope you all had a good laugh too! (I would just like to add that I'm about to click "Spill the beans!" and I'm dying over the irony.)

By chunkymonkey - 24/08/2012 13:53 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend actually held onto my love handles while we were having sex. He said they "made it easier." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 360

You deserved it 10 360

Avoidance tactics

By busrides - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I saw the girl I had confessed my love to two years ago on the bus. We chatted for a few minutes and she got off on the first stop, saying that this is where she had to get off. Twenty minutes later, I see her in the bus next to mine. The bus number was 20. Like mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 101

You deserved it 5 835

By wow - 02/11/2014 15:23 - United States - Gainesville

Today, my daughter mentioned that she didn't need to work because she could convert a dollar to 13 Mexican pesos and convert it back into "13 USD", over and over again. She's 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 144

You deserved it 5 245

Goof friends

By Headshotsgal - 22/04/2023 22:00

Today, I uploaded what I thought were beautiful selfies. One of my "friends" commented, "I've seen what your whole body looks like, so that's why you take only headshots. You're not fooling anybody, fatty." His comment got 18 likes. I took down the photos and spent the rest of my afternoon in tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 322

You deserved it 252

By Anonymous - 04/12/2010 07:32 - United States

Today, my brother changed the password on my laptop so that I can't log into my profile. All my notes for school are on it and finals start on Monday. Guess who can't remember the new password. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 631

You deserved it 3 887

By funyfunkid - 22/12/2009 19:18 - United States

Today, I saw a roach on my toilet. I thought it would be funny to pee on it. It jumped out, which scared me; I hit my head on the wall and started bleeding, then I peed all over myself and the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 137

You deserved it 47 990

Good boy

By Anonymous - 23/01/2022 20:00

Spicy

Today, it's my birthday, and the only male attention I've had in months is when the dog greeted me with his red rocket out and his tail wagging. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 099

You deserved it 220

By xOdaatx - 26/09/2011 13:01 - Australia

Today, my fiancé told me his ex-wife was 5 weeks pregnant. I was happy for her, and glad she had finally moved on. Until I found out who the father was. They're moving back in together, for the baby's sake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 552

You deserved it 3 062

By Anonymous - 26/07/2013 14:26 - United States - Campbellsville

Today, I was at a pool party with some friends. We decided to play chicken and I was on the shoulders of the guy I like. Right as we started playing, for some unearthly reason my body decided to let out a little pee. I thought he wouldn't notice since we were already wet. He did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 584

You deserved it 18 783

By agentile - 02/12/2010 01:14 - United States

Today, my grandma was leaning over in front of me, vacuuming, while wearing a V-neck shirt. Out of instinct, I glanced at her chest. She's 75. I checked out my 75 year-old grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 651

You deserved it 60 524

By dank meme - 12/02/2017 00:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, I learned that my neighbor of 9 years has a kid. I learned this after I knocked down his snowman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 366

You deserved it 4 086

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Today, a cute guy who works at the mall winked at me. When I met up with my boyfriend, I bragged to him about it. His response was, "Don't flatter yourself, he winked at me too." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 583

You deserved it 17 843

Today, after using the bar of soap in the shower to wash my face, I looked down and noticed it was covered in my husband's pubes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 354

You deserved it 11 589

Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend. I told her best friend the plan the day before. I got reservations to a restaurant on the beach, and we were going to arrive via boat. She never showed. Her parents called me asking why she left town to go to Paris. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 728

You deserved it 3 363

Today, my mom stumbled into my house, drunk and half naked, while I was in a Zoom meeting. My client said he no longer had an interest working with someone with such a disreputable home life, and offered to pray for our salvation before ending the call. My boss is going to eviscerate me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 124

You deserved it 136

Today, at a dinner party, someone brought up astrology and I casually said I don’t really believe in it. One guest immediately accused me of being “emotionally closed-minded” while another started defending me like we were in a courtroom drama. I just wanted more soy sauce, not ideological warfare over moon signs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 365

You deserved it 74

Today, I found out that my favorite female coworker was in a car accident. When I told my girlfriend, her only reaction was to roll her eyes and sarcastically say, "Oh no." She then immediately, and very enthusiastically, asked if the accident killed her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 290

You deserved it 322