Miscellaneous: Today, I received a lemon in a box in the mail. I didn't know...

By YayItsYasmine - 14/08/2013 16:48 - Austria - Trebesing

Today, I received a lemon in a box in the mail. I didn't know from who it was, nor how he or she knows my address. There was a note on it: "When life gives you lemons, date me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 155

You deserved it 4 339

YayItsYasmine tells us more.

YayItsYasmine 11

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Thursday 15 August 2013 10:50

Hey! I got another lemon in a box today, with the same note. But this time, the "Date me" was in caps and there was drawn a smiley on the lemon. I'm kinda getting creeped out, and i still haven't figured out who made it.

Miscellaneous

Taking stock

The smell detective is on the case

Another great day to be alive

By FailBear - 29/01/2009 21:34 - United States

Today, I found a guy getting out of my car with my GPS. He started running and I chased him. We eventually reached a dead end and he gave it back to me. I took it back from him and said, "Sorry..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 540

You deserved it 6 858

By GuardOtto - 22/07/2010 14:48 - United States

Today, while lifeguarding, I saw someone in the wave-pool who appeared to be drowning. So, I jumped in to attempt to save him. Turns out he wasn't drowning, he only had one arm. He yelled at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 042

You deserved it 4 806

By alyssaamarante - 13/06/2015 02:41 - United States - East Northport

Today, I decided to go thrifting to save some money. Ironically, I ended up having to pay for an emergency trip to the hospital because somebody was too lazy to wash the cat hair off their clothes. I'm severely allergic to cats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 286

You deserved it 8 912

By ljcxo17 - 01/07/2011 08:49 - United States

Today, I found out that my boyfriend was cheating on me. But not to worry, he said she's only in town for a week then he's done with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 161

You deserved it 4 538

By toastedguy - 01/12/2009 05:00 - United States

Today, I went on my first date in a long time. We went to see "New Moon." After the girl stole my hat, I grabbed her phone. While trying to get it back, she held a lighter to me, threatening me. Next thing I know my beard is on fire, so not only did I have to sit through horrible acting, I got burnt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 567

You deserved it 13 120

By xxx - 03/09/2017 04:29

Today, at a meeting, I had a heated argument with the only female employee at the office. A little later, I managed to hit her in the face with a door, giving her a bruise. Nobody believes it was an accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 587

You deserved it 507

By hahahah111 - 25/05/2009 07:43 - United States

Today, my mom was driving me somewhere. As we were driving she got mad at a motorcycle driver telling to "get the fuck off the road." In response, the driver decided to spit into my open window. His spit landed on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 675

You deserved it 4 249

By FUCK GOD - 03/02/2013 23:04 - Argentina - Salta

Today, for the first time in weeks, my wife felt frisky, and we started fooling around. Half-way through undressing me, she bolted out, claiming she had the shits. About five minutes later, she tearfully called out from the bathroom, begging me to bring her a fresh roll of toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 032

You deserved it 4 829

By Thatgirl - 14/04/2019 20:00

Today, my grandfather told me I could bring a date to my cousin’s wedding. I said I didn't have anyone to bring. He replied, “That's the saddest thing I've heard all day.” He’s 98. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 921

You deserved it 264

By Anonymous - 08/09/2012 09:57 - United States

Today, after 3 nights of insomnia, I was finally able to doze off. My boyfriend woke me up just to ask which soda in the fridge was mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 334

You deserved it 2 076

By Anonymous - 19/08/2009 20:29 - United States

Today, my "best friend" invited me to drink with her and a couple other friends. She told me to "just bring a few bucks for beer". When I got there, no one else had brought money, including her. They only invited me because I'm the only one with a job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 634

You deserved it 4 283

By Dandruff - 24/05/2010 16:14 - France

Today, I found out I have dandruff when a chick passed by and said out loud to her friends: "That dude's hair is having an early Xmas!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 170

You deserved it 6 660

By disasterbutton - 09/02/2010 00:28 - United States

Today, I noticed that my neighbor's house has a clear view of my daughter's bathroom. There is a telescope in his window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 713

You deserved it 2 993

They're perfect for each other!

By yosmurf - 11/03/2017 18:00

Today, I took my brother to the ER. His bimbo girlfriend told him he has "ironing board abs" so they had the bright idea of ironing her clothes on his stomach. When the Dr. asked him why he didn't stop if it burned, he said he didn't want to look "like a pussy". He'd have likely drowned if she'd gotten it right and said "washboard abs". FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 545

You deserved it 545

By alostr1 - 06/02/2015 17:32 - United States

Today, while in the waiting room at the dentist's, some kids were running and screaming. One of them stopped right beside me, turned to face me, and threw up in my lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 470

You deserved it 2 482

A for Effort

By Anonymous - 07/01/2021 20:01 - Australia

Today, I thought I would spice things up a bit and rocked my man's world, but in the kitchen. Apparently, some of his cum must have got on the tiles because I slipped on it 15 minutes later. In doing so I smacked my head on the fridge.. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 068

You deserved it 624

Sophie's choice

By Anonymous - 01/04/2021 08:01

Today, after months and months of putting up with bleeding, I have made the connection that, if I orgasm, I will bleed the following day for days at a time, regardless of whether or not I should be on my period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 649

You deserved it 78

Not a morning person

By Anonymous - 15/07/2021 20:01 - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, I was woken up by the sound of someone in my room. I started freaking out, thinking someone had broken in, so I kicked them, only to realise it was my boyfriend coming back from the toilet. I'd forgotten he was staying over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 495

You deserved it 650

By LexiBoBexi - 12/07/2010 05:38 - United States

Today, my family and I went to the coast. Our dog was off the leash because we were the only people around. He was delighted to find a dead seal carcass and roll around in its remains. We then had a 3 hour drive home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 572

You deserved it 8 577

Christine

By Anonymous - 15/02/2021 02:01

Today, after waiting a week for an update on my car after the engine blew, all covered by warranty, I was informed that my car is under investigation for warranty fraud. This is its fourth engine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 837

You deserved it 88

By mylifesucks123 - 03/05/2009 13:44 - United States

Today, I was driving to the grocery store with my 7 year-old son. When I was approaching a stop sign, I look next to me and see a guy with a triangle shaped head. I tell my son "Look at the guy with the triangle head." My window was open. So was his. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 797

You deserved it 72 528

By Monkey - 31/07/2010 16:28 - United States

Today, I woke up to my English bulldog standing over me, getting ready to pee. I didn't move in time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 598

You deserved it 5 476

By kiwi023 - 14/02/2012 06:50 - Canada

Today, I spent an hour cleaning my already-clean house to avoid any form of conversation with my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 255

You deserved it 27 904

By lonewolf2701 - 22/11/2009 09:15 - United States

Today, my manager sent me a text message with a picture of Santa masturbating, with a message that said he wished me a white Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 428

You deserved it 4 260

By themcdave - 19/05/2012 08:03 - United Kingdom - Cranfield

Today, I woke up early for an important team meeting I needed to attend. I washed, got changed, and sat down to eat breakfast... I then woke up again, an hour late and covered in cereal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 525

You deserved it 4 528

By what_the_hell - 20/06/2013 08:35 - Finland - Helsinki

Today, while bagging my groceries at a store, a lady came over to me, took a good look at the food I'd bought, picked out an item and put it in her bag. When I confronted her, she called security on me and told them I wanted to steal her stuff. I got thrown out and she walked away with a smirk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 747

You deserved it 3 576

By BearMan - 09/02/2009 22:00 - United States

Today, I decided to come out to a co-worker. She looked at me, then laughed, and said, "You can't be gay, you're fat!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 993

You deserved it 4 854

By goodlord12 - 17/01/2013 07:53 - United States - Branson

Today, I let my friend bleach my hair, which resulted in it falling out in clumps. I spent $150 at the beauty salon fixing it and cutting most of it off. I sent the pictures of my new hair to my friends, and I got the same reply from each and every one of them: "That better be a wig." FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 249

You deserved it 30 240

By Anonymous - 25/08/2019 12:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I had a rehearsal for a musical I'm in. I've worked my arse off to get the songs I sing in place and sounding good. Unfortunately, my coworkers haven't. Now the director wants to cut the songs I'm in because, "the people you're working with make you look shit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 572

You deserved it 204

By Anonymous - 09/08/2019 14:00

Today, I was prescribed two different medications. I was also informed that they will both give me diarrhea for the next two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 518

You deserved it 87

By Daniel - 27/06/2010 07:43 - United States

Today, while going to lunch with my boss, he asked me to check and see if the other lane was clear. When I did, he swerved hard, making me smack my head into the door window. This is apparently his new favorite thing to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 592

You deserved it 3 947

Recognize this?

By Anonymous - 06/10/2014 02:42 - United States - Rock Island

Today, I sent my boyfriend a picture of my vagina. He replied, "What's that?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 315

You deserved it 19 733

Good smell

By smellslikeroses - 30/12/2019 05:00 - United States - Oxnard

Today, while going to the bathroom, I noticed a smell lingering. It smelled good so I kept sniffing the air. And then it hit me. My poop! My poop smelled good and I'd been sniffing and enjoying it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 638

You deserved it 1 805

By Anonymous - 16/07/2016 02:08 - United States - Spanaway

Today, an elderly patient complained because I used the words "vaginal" and "breast". I work at an OBGYN's office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 923

You deserved it 772

By dinapar - 14/07/2009 14:02 - Canada

Today, I was cuddling with my boyfriend watching a movie, my boyfriend then leans in and says: "You know, you're my favourite girlfriend." I then jokingly responded by saying: "You say that like I'm not the only girlfriend you have right now." I hate being right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 872

You deserved it 4 951

By Anonymous - 02/06/2015 15:23 - United States - Austin

Today, I was riding my newly trained horse. I've recently been suffering from bad gas, and ended up farting so violently, it spooked my horse into bucking me off and running away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 175

You deserved it 5 496

By Bubbah - 15/03/2009 04:32 - United States

Today, I was working my job as the person who checks people in at the gym. A sweaty chubby woman came up to me complaining about how our staff seems so fit. I replied with "we like to hire people who have bodies that motivate our clients!" She gave a blank stare, then said "so how did you get the job?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 801

You deserved it 15 004

By bjevilcat2 - 18/10/2010 18:02 - United States

Today, my doctor confirmed that the extreme pain I've been experiencing is due to a kidney stone. My friend decided this was the time to tell me that passing a kidney stone is the male equivalent of child birth. Hello even more pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 193

You deserved it 4 524

By Collin - 10/06/2010 19:59 - United States

Today, I was at a public pool. A very fat kid yelled, "Cannon Ball!" He jumped right on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 767

You deserved it 4 497

By unknown - 07/04/2013 17:01 - Canada - Quebec

Today, my sister was faced with the choice of getting a burger, or picking me up in a snowstorm. The burger won, and I had to travel 4km home by foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 943

You deserved it 2 875

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Top comments

cottoncandymango 17

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Thursday 15 August 2013 0:00

Hey, free lemons! Make lemonade. :)

BadApple88 29

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Thursday 15 August 2013 0:00

Awww that is cute and original

cottoncandymango 17

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Thursday 15 August 2013 0:00

Hey, free lemons! Make lemonade. :)

then000bster 16

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Thursday 15 August 2013 0:03

Dating a lemon isn't too bad (: just pucker up and kiss it.

Caitie_kid 8

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Thursday 15 August 2013 0:31

That's awesome! I would date him :)

Olympiakos10 15

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Thursday 15 August 2013 0:39

She should make lemonade and send it to the person who sent them the lemon and write "When you give me lemons, I make you lemonade ;]"

Bano360 25

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Thursday 15 August 2013 1:48

When life gives you melons, you're probably dyslexic.

Ambient25 24

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Thursday 15 August 2013 7:14

For a second I thought this FML said "**ck in a box"...to which I cringed...

iSmellMusic 8

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Thursday 15 August 2013 11:32

94 - Your comment made ME cringe. And why would you censor the word dick?

Slawter16 24

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Friday 16 August 2013 20:55

#94, how the hell did you misread "lemon" as "dick"?

BadApple88 29

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Thursday 15 August 2013 0:00

Awww that is cute and original

ohcheriecherie 20

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Thursday 15 August 2013 0:15

I think it would be cuter if it wasn't anonymous. unless the note was from the lemon.

SolarFlare 20

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Thursday 15 August 2013 0:21

I'm sure it's a creative person, but why did he/she choose the lemon and not another kind of fruit, maybe, granadilla/passion fruit?

ohcheriecherie 20

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Thursday 15 August 2013 0:25

because that doesn't really even relate to the ancient lemon proverb...

SolarFlare 20

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Thursday 15 August 2013 0:36

Oh, that makes my comment inappropiate, i didnt know, english isnt my native language. Sorry.

ohSNAPyall 26

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Thursday 15 August 2013 0:43

It's cool. The idiom is, "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade." It's about taking a bitter circumstance and making it sweeter.

ermagherdaturdis 26

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Saturday 17 August 2013 17:42

I would find out who this was and marry them. BEST. STALKER. EVER.

Pstraka6 20

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Thursday 15 August 2013 0:01

Kinda creepy, but laugh a lil! Who doesn't like a random funny every now and then

kumonsucks 7

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Thursday 15 August 2013 0:01

Nonono sir you make lemonade. The guy got it wrong. Facepalm

LeafsGuy92 10

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Thursday 15 August 2013 4:06

^ Ma'am*

Mossears133 15

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Thursday 15 August 2013 6:03

Everyone is a sir on the Internet.

PinkieKeen 20

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Thursday 15 August 2013 8:07

83- true. If I said, "Like a Ma'am" instead of "Like a Sir", it wouldn't be as epic

x_the_lancer_x 13

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Thursday 15 August 2013 0:01

Makes me think of that random person in my class who somehow got my number and started texting me. Except it wasn't so anonymous. These sorts of things are too creepy ._.