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They'll hear you coming

By Anonymous - 30/09/2019 06:00

Today, I was diagnosed with exercise-induced asthma. I wanted to be a cop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 759

You deserved it 184

You have mail!

By Anonymous - 21/05/2021 04:01

Spicy

Today, I bought a Plan B at CVS. I always use my parents' phone number for reward points. Turns out my mom is enrolled in digital receipts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 474

You deserved it 1 433

By uugnfg - 27/07/2010 04:38 - United States

Today, I was doing a job for some people on my street cutting their bushes. After I had finished and went to get my pay, I realized I had gone to the wrong house. They called the police. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 604

You deserved it 30 392

Congratulations, you played yourself

By OoopsieDaisee - 15/11/2023 20:00

Today, my boyfriend asked me to look up something on his phone. I jokingly asked him, “You’re not worried about me discovering your side bitches?” He got upset and angrily said he didn’t have any. I took his defensiveness as an indication of guilt and dumped him. Turns out he was right, he didn’t have side chicks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66

You deserved it 1 725

Sometimes, the thought doesn't count

By Anonymous - 17/11/2023 14:00

Today, we got a diamond delivered to our house. I was super confused until my husband admitted he’d taken the ashes of his grandparents and parents, my mom and my grandparents', and my auntie's, mixed them all together and sent them to one of those diamond making companies. I’m divorcing him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 634

You deserved it 210

Good boy

By Anonymous - 17/05/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, I spent 45 minutes getting my toddler into a cute outfit for family photos. As soon as we arrived at the photographer's studio, he made direct eye contact with me, pulled off his pants, and ran screaming into the background of someone else's shoot. He's never looked happier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 396

You deserved it 178

By Noname - 17/03/2009 07:19 - United States

Today, I fell down a flight of stairs onto cement and had to get stitches in my knee. The class I was running to was Buddhist Philosophy where I was supposed to give a presentation on how we all need to slow down and stop rushing through life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 247

You deserved it 62 651

Cat vs. pancakes

By demix_fml - 06/10/2019 02:01

Today, it's my birthday, I knew I would be on my own, so I brought some pancakes, only to come down and find that not only had my cat eaten them, but also that I’d have to clean his barf up. Happy birthday to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 556

You deserved it 265

Ask first, snoop later

By Jenna Berreth - 07/10/2019 16:00

Spicy

Today, I was trying to find my missing purple pen in the house I share with my boyfriend and his 57 year-old mother. I checked her room just in case, only to open a drawer and be greeted by a dildo. I’m never going to unsee that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 675

You deserved it 3 211

The old switcheroo

By Anonymous - 21/05/2025 08:00 - United States

Today, I’ve had to get the police involved since I’ve been harassed, stalked, berated, and threatened by the wife of the man I was seeing. It doesn’t matter that I have hundreds of texts, DMs, and his dating profile that says he’s a SINGLE dad whose wife died tragically. She’s still coming after me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 607

You deserved it 134

By doesn't fuck on the first, thank god - 23/03/2014 20:25 - United Kingdom - Southend-on-sea

Today, my brother tried to pay me to teach him how to French-kiss, so he wouldn't screw up on his first date. I'm shocked that the weirdo managed to get a date in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 557

You deserved it 4 568

A rock and a hard place

By Anonymous - 08/10/2019 16:02

Today, I got back from a camping trip after being homesick for 3 weeks. I couldn't remember why I had wanted to be away from my family for so long when I signed up for it. When I got home, I remembered. Everyone in my family hates each other. I want to go back to the camping site. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 521

You deserved it 270

Healthy marriage

By I'mmessedup - 11/08/2022 21:00 - United States - Cedar Falls

Today, I was told I should try treating my wife the way she treats me when I seek out her affection, so she can see how bad it hurts. Not only could I never do that to her, but that would require her attempting to show me even the simplest form of affection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 001

You deserved it 162

If I should stumble, catch my fall

By Anonymous - 15/08/2022 16:00

Today, our bus crashed and my boyfriend, who I'd already caught ogling the blonde next to us, threw out his hands and stopped the blonde from falling over. Meanwhile I, with hands full of shopping, was left to smash my teeth into the chair in front of us, breaking 4 incisors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 320

You deserved it 135

Crossed purposes

By knee2tak - 14/03/2009 09:46 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend, "We need to talk." He said, "I know". So we met after school, and he said he was OK with me breaking up with him, that he wasn't that into me either. He said all that before I could tell him that my parents wanted to meet him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 385

You deserved it 11 297

Extreme measures

By Anonymous - 07/08/2022 06:00 - United States - Staten Island

Today, after my landlord has refused to fix the bathroom plumbing problem in my apartment for several days, I had to buy cat litter for myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 901

You deserved it 128

By braceface - 07/07/2010 13:17 - United Kingdom

Today, I worked up the courage at lunch to sit next to the girl I've been in love with for 3 years. Everything was going great. That is, until I sneezed and my retainer shot out my mouth, and landed in her lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 270

You deserved it 8 034

Stressed out

By Emily Ann - 08/06/2021 13:59

Today, I overheard my mom, who quit smoking years ago, saying that I am the only person who stresses her out badly enough to want to smoke a cigarette. I have never once tried to stress her out, and in fact I do everything I can to make her life easier. She works in retail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 924

You deserved it 129

Chill out zone

By Gassy Patient - 06/06/2025 14:00 - Canada - Saskatoon

Today, while a patient in my local psych ward, I attended a relaxation group. Apparently it was too relaxing, as I farted in the middle of it. It smelled. People noticed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 356

You deserved it 150

By chuchundra - 08/03/2014 20:06 - United States

Today, I got back from a two-week vacation. During my vacation, I had a friend from work watch my puppy. My puppy now likes him more than me, and won't stop whining sadly since he left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 719

You deserved it 7 979

By Anonymous - 23/02/2013 16:13 - United States - Riverside

Today, my boyfriend of 2 years decided to tell an unimaginably rude joke to my grandma while at my house. She hit him over the head with a vase, and he's threatening to press charges. I still don't know whose side to take. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 805

You deserved it 4 545

Run for the hills (or anywhere)

By Anonymous - 08/06/2025 18:00 - United States

Today, while on my usual jogging trail, a man stopped to give me some weird spreadsheet. On it was my whole schedule, with days I’d missed, what I was wearing, and how much my time was improving, along with some tips. I threw the papers and ran for my life. I’m too terrified to ever go back there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 678

You deserved it 83

Nice try

By anonymous - 29/06/2010 02:21 - United States

Today, a cute thirty-ish chick walked into the bar I work in. I asked her for her license to make her feel young. She didn't have her license on her and started yelling about how stupid it was to even ask, when she obviously was old enough to drink. She then got up and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 709

You deserved it 12 971

Dude, gross!

By Darkness Inside - 13/06/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, my dad learned that I sometimes waffle stomp in the shower if I wake up late. He built a shower stall outside and has threatened to kick me out if he ever finds me showering inside again. I get that it's kinda gross but this is a massive overreaction. What will I do in winter? FML

I agree, your life sucks 59

You deserved it 1 412

Database corrupted

By Anonymous - 16/12/2023 21:00 - Australia - Wacol

Today, after almost two months, I almost finished sorting through my boyfriend's Magic: The Gathering cards. He has been collecting them for 10 years and never bothered to keep them organised. The box of Mythic Rare cards that I was saving till last is missing. I remember exactly where it was, and no one has seen it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 488

You deserved it 179

By Anonymous - 26/02/2014 21:44 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I had to give a sexual harassment seminar to my department. Someone put in a complaint that my example made them feel uncomfortable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 856

You deserved it 4 241

Get it on

By Em. - 21/06/2025 13:00 - United States

Spicy

Today, I learned that my married mom has been having an affair with my best friend for over a year. When I tried to fight him, he knocked me on my ass and said, "Your mom is sexy, and your dad's tiny dick wasn't good enough for her. Don't screw this up for me or I'll beat your ass." FML

I agree, your life sucks 479

You deserved it 128

By OysterPearls - 25/02/2014 03:04 - United States - Carson

Today, I performed in a rendition of Jesus Christ Superstar at my school. When it came time for my big solo, a whopping two lines, I forgot the words, making for an awkward eight seconds of silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 646

You deserved it 9 723

OysterPearls tells us more.

OysterPearls 33

Tuesday 25 February 2014 17:40

Hi, OP here! We had two flawless performances before this one, and several rehearsals before that. So no, I was not unprepared in the least. I think the problem came from the lack of sleep I had before this specific performance, because; with my luck, I happened to catch a cold the night before. Thanks for the positive comments, I feel like posting this has helped me overcome the embarrassment by giving me the opportunity to laugh at my own plight! :)

By 1129 - 15/06/2010 16:32 - United States

Today, I awoke to find that my car had been burglarized in my own driveway and several hundred dollars worth of electronics were stolen. I only later discovered that my campus parking pass had also been stolen when I got a $75 ticket while taking a chemistry test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 845

You deserved it 3 979

2_56_40 tells us more.

2_56_40 0

Wednesday 16 June 2010 22:01

I couldn't list everything that was stolen but it was my sirious radio, my ipod, my GPS, and my sister's GPS (her fault). Nothing was in plain sight except for the radio. And the parking pass itself was $100. Also... I think burgled sounds waaay weirder that burglarized...

Workers of the world unite

By Anonymous - 19/06/2021 19:01 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, the day before I was supposed to go back to work after I got sick, ended up in the hospital, and primary doctor put me on medical leave, I got fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 060

You deserved it 95

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

The Top

Today, I attended the funeral of a close friend. Most of the other guests were openly grinning and joking around, and the guy in front of me kept muttering, "That's what she said!" during the eulogy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 064

You deserved it 3 194

Today, I made a snowman with my little sister. We spent ages rolling snowballs and decorating it with a scarf and hat. When we'd finished, she hugged it so hard that it collapsed. She cried, so I promised to build another one. It’s been three hours, my fingers are numb, but her smile is worth it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 447

You deserved it 124

Problem Solving 101

I agree, your life sucks 263

You deserved it 109

Today, I finally got my 14-year-old son to aim while using the bathroom. If only I could get my husband to do the same. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 463

You deserved it 3 107

Today, I got refused a Red Bull because I didn't have my ID on me and you have to be over 16 to legally buy one. I'm 26 and was paying for petrol for the car that I was going to drive away in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 471

You deserved it 582

Today, I went all out for my husband on our anniversary. I planned meals, took him to a stage show, and got him a bottle of cologne he loves. He was moody, distant, and at one point crying. Why? He found out his ex-wife is getting married today and he couldn’t stop thinking about her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 499

You deserved it 86