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Tonight, on First Dates…

By Anonymous - 19/03/2023 22:00 - Australia

Today, I went on a first date with a guy I really liked. He spent the whole time talking about his pet iguana and how it's the love of his life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 855

You deserved it 179

The revenge of the nerds

By Anonymous - 24/12/2010 15:12 - United States

Today, I met up with an old high school friend who I used to make fun of because he put so much effort into his studies. Turns out he makes my annual salary in a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 111

You deserved it 97 555

Bodyshaming ain't it chief

By Anonymous - 18/01/2022 13:59

Today, my grandpa pointed out my slightly larger than usual belly and made fun of it, by comparing it to a kidney bag. I’ve been underweight since I was 13, and when I finally gain weight someone has to make fun of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 311

You deserved it 129

What did you do?

By Wtmcisdis - 10/08/2024 22:00 - United States - Douglasville

Today, my mom had me arrested in the most humiliating way ever, in my nightgown, with no bra. She pushed me out her vagina, and now her life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 190

You deserved it 424

Deadbeat

By stepdaddydoesitbetteranyway - 13/10/2020 20:05

Today, I found out that my ex is expecting another kid. Not only is this a man who tried to hook up with me last month, he's also the one who, when I asked him to pay child support for our two, told me that he could just "make some more". Guess he was right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 296

You deserved it 208

I have no idea what I'm doing

By Anonymous - 23/12/2021 16:59

Today, a real cowboy plumber somehow fucked up my piping so badly that if I turn the radiators on to get warm, none of my hot taps works, and vice versa, and I can’t shower at all because if water goes down my bathtub drain, it overflows the sink in my basement all over the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 047

You deserved it 121

Little brat

By Anonymous - 20/01/2022 17:01

Today, my 14 year-old daughter is so selfish that on her sister's birthday, she found the present, assumed it must be for her, opened it, then destroyed it when she saw it was frozen Anna and Elsa dolls because she hates Frozen. Her sister loves Frozen, and hasn’t stopped crying over Anna’s severed head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 427

You deserved it 458

Oh nooooo!

By Grow up - 13/03/2026 00:00

Today, my husband has been sulking because he got the urge to play Runescape and discovered that his old account was hacked and he lost all his fake money and items. FML

I agree, your life sucks 176

You deserved it 354

By Rizma - 27/11/2014 15:12 - France - Gr?ces

Today, I went off for a jog. Outside, I saw my really cute neighbour, so in an effort to appear sporty, I accelerated and kept my head up. As I got close, I smiled at him, just when a huge fly flew right up my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 492

You deserved it 85

Spooky

By Jason McNeely_1073215947 - 28/12/2021 01:59

Today, my now ex-girlfriend broke up with me by simply "ghosting" me. We're both in our late thirties. I thought she was more grown up than this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 078

You deserved it 125

Nature calls

By Anonymous - 27/03/2023 14:00 - United States - Portland

Today, I was on a first date with a guy I met online. He seemed nice at first, but as we were walking he suddenly stopped and said, "I have to pee." He walked over to urinate on a nearby tree while I awkwardly stood there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 794

You deserved it 157

Acceptance

By Leesa - 15/03/2026 15:00

Today, it's my 16th birthday, a time meant to be a big day, so it felt right to tell my family I'm a lesbian. My dad and two brothers were fine with it; my bros hugged me to show support, and dad said he'd hang with me if I needed a pal to discuss girls with. My mom, well… who knew being gay made me "a bitch who betrayed her." FML

I agree, your life sucks 506

You deserved it 133

By Anonymous - 15/10/2011 18:54 - United States

Today, I learned that when I got my driver's permit, I agreed to be the designated driver for my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 383

You deserved it 4 252

Demon work

By Anonymous - 19/08/2024 12:00 - United States

Today, I texted my boss to tell him that I'd be late because of a dentist appointment. Auto-correct decided to change "dentist" to "exorcist." So, I ended up sending, "Sorry, I’ll be late today. I have an exorcist appointment." My boss's reply was, "Take all the time you need." Now he looks at me like I’m possessed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 304

You deserved it 324

By lojo - 17/06/2009 04:02 - United States

Today, I was flying home to Milwaukee after a weekend in South Carolina. When I got to the airport, my reservation didn't match up with any flights. Turns out Expedia booked me on a flight that doen't exist. I spent ten hours waiting in the airport for a two hour flight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 500

You deserved it 3 147

By Anonymous - 01/01/2010 10:29 - United States

Today, I thought my family would like it if I celebrated the new year with them. My brother thought that I'd like him to shoot my butt with his new gun in celebration. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 121

You deserved it 2 730

Oh bless, sweet summer child

By Anonymous - 01/04/2023 14:00

Today, my sister-in-law and I discussed what men like our husbands do at a bachelor party. I thought of beer, sports, and a strip club. Her version included church, wrestling (she believes they're former high school athletes), and sleeping together in the den (they’re 28 and in his own home). She was offended by my answers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 781

You deserved it 149

No escape

By Anonymous - 22/03/2026 03:00

Today, I was all set and ready to leave my cheating, narcissistic husband. I couldn't because my kids wouldn't come with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 396

You deserved it 130

By spoiled22 - 12/10/2011 07:17 - United Kingdom

Today, I was trying to change the batteries of my automatic room freshener. As I held it to my face to figure out where the batteries went, it started spraying on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 877

You deserved it 28 231

By mugged - 15/12/2010 11:58 - Germany

Today, I went to the Salvation Army to donate some clothes. As I was handing over the 4 huge bags that I had carried for 10 blocks, while 6 months pregnant, somebody stole my purse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 090

You deserved it 3 751

Class warfare

By lordoftheweird - 02/01/2022 20:01 - Canada - Ladysmith

Today, i had to explain to two different adults that being illiterate is a valid reason to fire them. I have absolutely no idea how they were hired in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 085

You deserved it 161

Petrol heads

By Anonymous - 30/03/2023 18:00

Today, my husband, who didn’t even cry when his father died, got angry and cried for an hour all because I put a 1 cm scratch on his classic car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 541

You deserved it 772

By Anonymous - 13/08/2013 06:36 - Australia - Sydney

Today, my teacher told the class that we had better like the people at our table because we would all be working together for the final group assessment. Everyone looked at me, stood up, and moved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 921

You deserved it 8 045

Pants on fire

By Rae - 25/10/2020 08:02

Today, I found out that my mother doesn't have Alzheimer's disease. This would be joyous news, except for the fact that one year prior to this day my grandmother lied to me so that I'd stay closer to home. I've been worrying over a nonexistent illness for an entire year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 341

You deserved it 91

Pace yourself

By UnFit - 27/03/2026 00:00

Today, I've always been a healthy person with a normal body and average BMI. My husband is a fitness freak with a super body. When I expressed interest in starting working out, he laughed at me and said, "Trust me, you're not the fitness kind. I've tried." What hurt me most is that it's true. FML

I agree, your life sucks 341

You deserved it 136

How about…

By username - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Elkhart

Today, my father told me to "go get a job." He has been unemployed for three years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 265

You deserved it 3 325

By cc - 10/10/2011 04:04 - United States

Today, I lent my sister $1000 because she and her husband were in some debt. They used the money to go gambling in Vegas and won a major jackpot. They won't even give me a cut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 958

You deserved it 6 494

Chess boxing

By W…… - 07/04/2023 04:00 - United States

Today, my cousin wanted to play chess with me. I've never been good at chess, but I had no idea until now that my cousin is somehow even worse than I am. I also forgot that he's a sore loser and a half until after I finished thoroughly trouncing him. Now I have a black eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 737

You deserved it 113

In-laws, in-fighting

By MsGamerLady - 08/11/2020 23:02 - United States

Today, like every time I visit the in-laws, my father-in-law is driving me crazy. He gets all holier than thou sometimes, and even my mother-in-law agrees he just talks to hear himself speak. It gets so bad that I resort to cleaning their house to ignore him. At least then he leaves me alone. Starting their dishes in 5. FML

I agree, your life sucks 937

You deserved it 128

Follicular catastrophe

By Anonymous - 02/09/2024 00:00 - United States - Boston

Today, I went to a different barber because my usual one was on vacation. I told him I wanted a slight trim, nothing drastic. Apparently, "slight trim" means shaving half of my head and giving me bangs that would make a medieval monk jealous. Now, I look like a confusing fashion experiment from the '80s. The 1880s. FML

I agree, your life sucks 471

You deserved it 101

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The Top

Today, my best friend can now say "I fucked your mom" to me and actually mean it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 175

You deserved it 3 690

Today, I was cleaning out my roof's gutter, which was full of leaves. There was an especially big pile, and when I started scooping it up, I felt something squishy. Turns out those leaves were covering the remains of a rotting squirrel. I can't stop smelling it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 123

You deserved it 1 961

Today, I finally found a reason to quit smoking. I threw my cigarette butt out the window and it blew back in, went down the back of my pants, and burnt my butt in 3 different places. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 932

You deserved it 54 335

Today, I was in a movie when my boyfriend sent out a mass text saying that he'd just lost his virginity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 451

You deserved it 4 271

Today, I went up to a secluded mountain my boyfriend took me to for our first date. As I saw another couple hooking up in the bushes, I phoned my boyfriend to tell him someone found our secret spot. His Bob Marley ringtone started playing from the bush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 235 600

You deserved it 13 630

Today, I sent a text message to a guy I like, saying, "Dear Santa, I want to fall in love." He replied: "Wait for next Christmas..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 364

You deserved it 11 131