Your everyday life stories

Bad boy

Really - 14/05/2023 08:00 - United States

Today, my roommate let his dog out. Not even five minutes later, she walked into my room and dropped a deuce. FML

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shastadoe - 06/08/2012 06:37 - United States - Los Banos

Today, my boyfriend told me he was a vampire. I burst out in laughter and said he was ridiculous. He looked at me in disgust and said he couldn't be with someone who didn't trust and believe in him. I'm now single. FML

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How did it go?

Jill04 - 11/10/2024 09:00 - United Kingdom - Portsmouth

Today, I went on a blind date set up by my best friend. When I got there, my "date" was my ex. My best friend knew, and she thought it would be "funny" to see how we would react. FML

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Anonymous - 13/07/2013 21:10 - United States - Silver Spring

Today, one of my co-workers was fired after my manager discovered him pissing in the office coffee pot. I had three cups before I found out what had happened. FML

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bellsucker - 04/08/2012 22:15 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I was rotated to the graveyard shift at my job. My only co-worker is a twenty-something Paris Hilton wannabe who won't shut up about her belief that she's the reincarnation of Whitney Houston. FML

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A.K. - 27/05/2009 12:40 - United States

Today, I was driving on the highway and a cop had his radar gun out. The woman in front of me panics and slams her brakes on, causing me to rear end her. The cop cited me for "tailgating" and I have to pay for the damages on both of our cars. FML

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Help needed

Anonymous - 10/02/2022 11:59

Today, my daughter got her first period, so I went and got some products for her, certain that I knew what was needed. The lady cashier took one look in my basket and sympathetically asked if it was my daughter's first period and if I wanted help, since I clearly had no idea what I was doing. FML

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Long time coming

Anonymous - 22/05/2023 00:02

Today, my daughter got her first house. As soon as she had the keys, she turned on me, ranting at everything she thinks I’ve done to wrong her, and how she never wants to see me again. I don’t understand, I paid for all her furniture, and we still go on mother/daughter trips. Where did I go wrong? FML

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I'm so bored

Bored - 12/10/2024 05:00 - United States

Today, I realized how bored I am with life in general, as well as how bad my ADHD has gotten, when I saw a fly eating a crumb I dropped on the floor and watched it for two minutes straight. FML

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Getting on

MoRuined - 09/10/2014 10:27 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, I found my first grey hair. How? My boyfriend stopped in the middle of sex to point it out. FML

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Bad start

Anonymous - - United States

Today, I was running the track at my school. My crush of two years was running in front of me, so I decided to catch up and finally talk to her. When I caught up, the only thing I could think to say was, "What's your name?" even though I already knew. She replied, "Natalie". Her name is Melissa. FML

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Kelsie - 12/12/2009 15:41 - United States

Today, my mother thought it would be okay to take my camera and erase all of my pictures that included my graduation, party, and my sisters wedding. Her excuse? "We need more room for Katie's birthday." Katie is our pet cat. FML

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Snooping

Anonymous - 16/10/2024 19:30 - India - Bhubaneswar

Today, I was forced to use Egspy on my wife's iPhone. She is going out with a colleague in exchange for getting her promotion approved. I've never had any hints or doubts, but it seems she's having illicit relations with multiple colleagues. FML

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Get back here!

anythingjean - 25/05/2009 21:46 - Canada

Today, I saw a cute guy on the bus. I smiled at him and he smiled back. After a couple of stops, he got off the bus. He bumped into me, turned around, apologized, and winked. I stood there feeling good about myself. Then I realized he stole my wallet. FML

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Pencils down

Idiot - 16/12/2020 19:58

Today, I took an exam, for which I have been studying for weeks, I was confident at first, but then really struggled with it. I finished with about ten minutes to spare, turned to what I thought would be the end of my paper and found the first page of questions I was supposed to have answered. FML

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Shitty situation #766

Anonymous - 29/03/2022 14:00

Today, I was surprised to see a lot of blood when I looked down the toilet while I was pooping, as I don't have my period right now. I've been heavily constipated since I've consumed my allergy medicines. The thing is, I need them to function normally, as I'd be sneezing every minute if it wasn't for them. FML

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FML Video #2

Louis - 03/03/2017 16:41 - France - Paris

Another wonderful FML video created by the not-so-wonderful Louis.

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APRRECIATION - 24/05/2009 06:46 - Canada

Today, I got back from a service trip to Kenya, where I had no running water or electricity. I encouraged my friends to go green and help raise awareness by conserving as much electricity as possible. I return home to find that all my lights have been on for 2 weeks. FML

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Tasty

Anonymous - 28/12/2020 05:01

Today, despite having the choice of several bowls of clean water in the house, as well as puddles and ponds outside, my cat was drinking out of a pot I was soaking in the sink. She doesn’t seem to mind the taste of dish soap. FML

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pottie69 - 07/09/2011 05:23 - United States

Today, my social anxiety got so bad that I'm now afraid to add people on Facebook. FML

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Mysterious and sketchy

Cherie - 09/12/2009 16:31 - United States

Today, I received a DM on Facebook, from a woman I've never heard of, saying, "Eric X's wife says HI." She goes on to say that she is going to find me, and ruin my life the way I have ruined hers. I've never even heard of Eric X and am happily engaged. FML

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Reach out

Anonymous - 29/05/2023 03:00

Today, my girlfriend told me that although she loves me, she's not happy with our relationship, and wanted to end it. I have no one to talk to about it, and Chat GPT told me that our conversation had exhausted it. Even artificial intelligence rejects me. FML

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Family

Anonymous - 22/10/2024 21:00 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, I realized my cousin is an asshole. A cousin that I was close to who got engaged. I was excited to be part of her wedding day, since she was a big part of mine. Months later, on Instagram, she was sharing reels from her bachelorette party. When I asked her why she didn't invite me, she said she forgot. FML

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Help wanted…

lexithepirate - - United States

Today, I had a doctor's appointment. I left with referrals to both a dermatologist and a mental health professional. FML

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Anonymous - 08/12/2009 20:18 - United States

Today, I went to the ice cream shop after dinner. I am deathly allergic to nuts so I picked the vanilla. I take one bite and feel something crunchy, and see what I thought was an almond in the cup. I spit out the icecream in a panic. Good news? It wasn't an almond. Bad news? It was a cockroach. FML

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Suit yourself, but I know what I'm talking about

Anonymous - 27/10/2024 22:00 - Netherlands - Eindhoven

Today, a colleague told me not to "tell him how to do his job." I used to have his position three years ago, and he took over from me. FML

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The grass is never actually greener

Anonymous - 04/04/2022 12:00

Today, I'm in a long-term relationship with a woman I love to bits, but I have a crush on a coworker. I've tried to brush it off, but it's only getting stronger. The worst part? I think she likes me too. FML

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Bad boys bad boys, whatcha gonna do?

yard sale 911 - 01/06/2023 09:00 - United States - Allentown

Today, our community is having a large collective yard sale. It's also the day my phone decided to somehow pocket-dial 911. I had to explain this to the officers responding and also to a lot of surprised shoppers and neighbors. I'm still extremely embarrassed. FML

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AdriftInTheSeaOfPaperwork - 24/09/2014 17:17 - Germany - Dachau

Today, after waiting well over a month for a work visa in Germany that should only have taken 3 weeks to come through, I finally received my long-awaited answer. Unfortunately, that answer was "We lost your paperwork." FML

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Username - 13/11/2010 00:24 - United States

Today, I was leaving the car wash when I saw my friend walking on the sidewalk. I pulled over next to her and asked if she wanted a ride. Only after getting a face full of the soda she was drinking did I realize I was talking to a complete stranger. FML

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Miscellaneous My ex Stalker Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I got home from a holiday to find out that my flatmate had thrown a party. Everything seemed fine at first, then I noticed that someone had taken a dump in my running shoes that were in my bedroom closet. FML

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Today, I got diarrhea while on a trip with my daughters. At our third stop, I had to sit in the stall listening to my 5 year-old informing everyone who came in that "mommy is stopping at EVERY bathroom to poop." FML

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Today, I went to the movies with my friends. All throughout, some guy kept making weird sounds and breathing deeply. Midway through the movie, he got even louder. Just as I was about to snap, chunks of vomit sprayed over my chair and shoulders. FML

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Today, it was my first day in Paris. I've been saving up for five years. It was a rainy day, but I was determined to go see the Eiffel Tower. On my way, I fell down a slippery set of stairs and knocked both of my front teeth out. Now, I have the view of the Eiffel Tower from my hospital window. FML

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Today, after I'd remembered to start writing a list of my PTSD symptoms for my shrink, because I'm extremely forgetful, it finally took me three days to remember to write down forgetfulness. FML

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Today, I was home on leave and having breakfast with my parents and my younger brothers. I guess I got too used to the rougher language around the Army barracks where I'm stationed. At the breakfast table, I asked my Mom to "pass me the f***ing butter." FML

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