The Top

Here's the full story (just saying this is my first FML that has been published. Yay!). First off, we'd had a fight and he'd stormed out of the house. I believe he went out with his friends and got drunk out of his mind, which is probably where the midnight Christmas breakup idea came from. The carollers were surprisingly supportive, and I didn't even have to tip them. The next morning I received a grovelling voice message, which I subsequently ignored. I think I'm done with that relationship now, but hats off to his originality.

By apparentlyunsexy - 27/10/2011 04:00 - United States

Today, while dancing at my studio, our instructor was giving us all characters opposite of ourselves to portray in an improv solo. My friends got cool things like "creepy" and "vulnerable". I got "extremely sexy". FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 235

You deserved it 3 972

Close shave

By Anonymous - 13/12/2021 20:00

Today, my mom got a new furnace put in because they found out the old one was leaking carbon monoxide. This is six months after I got kicked out because I was sleeping too much, so my mom thought I was using drugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 384

You deserved it 98

Ungrateful

By Anonymous - 25/02/2026 09:00

Today, I surprised my 10-year-old nephew with an invitation to my family's upcoming Disney Cruise for his birthday, since he previously said he wanted to go. He said no. He'd "changed his mind." The ticket is nonrefundable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 419

You deserved it 97

By lumi - 24/06/2009 01:28 - United States

Today, I received in the mail a hockey puck autographed by recent hall of fame addition Steve Yzerman. When asked, I had to explain to my 4 year old brother that someone famous had written his name on it. Later, I discovered that my brother decided it needed his name on it too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 210

You deserved it 5 526

Stalker vibes

By Anonymous - 02/10/2020 20:02 - United States - Fredericksburg

Today, I had a surprise visitor at my place. A guy I was talking to a few months back. He said he was down my way getting gas and thought he’d stop by. He lives more than 45 minutes from my place, in the opposite direction, with about 20 gas stations between us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 308

You deserved it 218

I don't know my strength

By Anonymous - 08/01/2022 23:01 - Australia - Perth

Today, I gave the back door a slight nudge to make sure it was latched shut. Of course, it flew wide open, causing me to smash my face into the doorframe, fall out onto the back porch writhing in pain, and have blood pissing out of my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 959

You deserved it 322

By BedazzledAlpaca - 08/12/2014 05:03 - United States - Englewood

Today, I fell asleep on the couch and woke up to find that I had slept through my house getting robbed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 878

You deserved it 4 317

Overbearing much?

By Anonymous - 06/10/2020 14:02

Today, my mom caught me playing Mortal Kombat and had a fit about the violence, saying she read violent video games turn young people like me into mass murderers. I’m 29 years-old with my own flat and she still tries to treat me like a dumb impressionable teenager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 484

You deserved it 166

Lost in the sauce

By Kelgor - 07/08/2024 00:00 - United States

Today, I started to give a 30-minute presentation about environmental sustainability. When I'd finished what I though was a powerful introduction, I was informed that I was in the wrong conference room, speaking to a group of what appeared to basically be a bunch oil barons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 409

You deserved it 297

By newly passed, newly grassed - 06/12/2014 17:04 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, while driving home, I swerved to avoid turning a duck and her babies into roadkill. Another car was coming around a sharp bend at the time and swerved to avoid hitting me. In the end, we both ran our cars off the road, and he took out several ducks in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 147

You deserved it 8 410

Manchild

By lynnie - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had to come up with a reward system for getting my boyfriend to brush his teeth daily. He's 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 433

You deserved it 6 215

Tonight, on First Dates…

By Anonymous - 19/03/2023 22:00 - Australia

Today, I went on a first date with a guy I really liked. He spent the whole time talking about his pet iguana and how it's the love of his life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 858

You deserved it 179

By shugette212 - 05/12/2014 01:56 - United States

Today, I found the Christmas candy that I'd hidden a year ago. Turns out I wasn't the only living creature who had found it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 135

You deserved it 7 713

The revenge of the nerds

By Anonymous - 24/12/2010 15:12 - United States

Today, I met up with an old high school friend who I used to make fun of because he put so much effort into his studies. Turns out he makes my annual salary in a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 111

You deserved it 97 558

Bodyshaming ain't it chief

By Anonymous - 18/01/2022 13:59

Today, my grandpa pointed out my slightly larger than usual belly and made fun of it, by comparing it to a kidney bag. I’ve been underweight since I was 13, and when I finally gain weight someone has to make fun of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 315

You deserved it 131

What did you do?

By Wtmcisdis - 10/08/2024 22:00 - United States - Douglasville

Today, my mom had me arrested in the most humiliating way ever, in my nightgown, with no bra. She pushed me out her vagina, and now her life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 191

You deserved it 425

Swingers

By kacie smith - 16/09/2012 12:36 - United States - Youngsville

Today, my husband and I bought a new swing for our front porch. We put it together and sat down to enjoy our accomplishment. Five minutes into our swing I threw up several times. I have really bad motion sickness, and apparently a swing is no exception. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 733

You deserved it 3 742

Deadbeat

By stepdaddydoesitbetteranyway - 13/10/2020 20:05

Today, I found out that my ex is expecting another kid. Not only is this a man who tried to hook up with me last month, he's also the one who, when I asked him to pay child support for our two, told me that he could just "make some more". Guess he was right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 296

You deserved it 208

I have no idea what I'm doing

By Anonymous - 23/12/2021 16:59

Today, a real cowboy plumber somehow fucked up my piping so badly that if I turn the radiators on to get warm, none of my hot taps works, and vice versa, and I can’t shower at all because if water goes down my bathtub drain, it overflows the sink in my basement all over the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 049

You deserved it 121

Little brat

By Anonymous - 20/01/2022 17:01

Today, my 14 year-old daughter is so selfish that on her sister's birthday, she found the present, assumed it must be for her, opened it, then destroyed it when she saw it was frozen Anna and Elsa dolls because she hates Frozen. Her sister loves Frozen, and hasn’t stopped crying over Anna’s severed head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 427

You deserved it 459

Oh nooooo!

By Grow up - 13/03/2026 00:00

Today, my husband has been sulking because he got the urge to play Runescape and discovered that his old account was hacked and he lost all his fake money and items. FML

I agree, your life sucks 176

You deserved it 354

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Family Love Awkward Miscellaneous Relatable Laundry Cleaning Weekend Ironic Parents Kids Public freakouts Customers Work NSFW Porn Intimacy Embarrassing Sleep Health Food Cats Cooking Animals Nice Guys Money Politics Instagram Social Media Poopoo peepee

The Top

Today, it's my 18th birthday. My parents got me a $5 gift certificate to iTunes. It came for free with the iPhone they just bought my sister for her middle school graduation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 666 290

You deserved it 44 294

Today, it's been two weeks since my ex took me on a date and said honestly that he missed me and wanted to be with me. I said I was too busy, and he nodded, shrugged, and said OK. I haven't heard from him since and I can't stop thinking about him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 616

Random

Today, my girlfriend wanted to roleplay as a schoolgirl. I was excited, until we started and she asked me to lick her "vajayjay". I cringed so hard, my skull practically caved in. I broke down laughing while trying to explain my cringing. Now she's pissed and I'm blue-balled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 284

You deserved it 11 959

Today, I went to my long-distance boyfriend's party. His best friend was talking to me and trying to make conversation, he asked, "So, are you two official?" I responded with a definite yes, but was cut off mid-word by my boyfriend, who quickly said, "No, not really." Sorry, I wasn't aware, darling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 639

You deserved it 4 378

Today, this guy and I went on a date to the movies. We got up to the desk and I asked for one ticket for 'Jennifer's Body.' The guy moved his way in front of me and said, "make that two tickets." He then walked away to look at movie posters and left me with the $22.50 charge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 264

You deserved it 6 737

Today, I found out that my crazy stalker got a crazy stalker too. And she's also stalking me. So basically, I'm in some sort of a stalking triangle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 458

You deserved it 310

Today, I was working at my job at a McDonald's. I was on my break, so I went to use the restroom. When I finished, I tried to open the door, but the lock broke. I was stuck in the basement bathroom for 20 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 757

You deserved it 177

Today, I was washing the dishes when my wife came in wearing a new lingerie set, smiling at me. I dropped what I was doing and carried her to bed. After we'd finished, she went downstairs for a drink, saw the dishes I hadn't cleaned, and started a fight. Now I'm on the couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 731

You deserved it 168