Today, while running on the treadmill at the gym, the girl next... - FML

By NoPainNoGain - United States

Today, while running on the treadmill at the gym, the girl next to me slipped and went flying back against the wall. Indecisive whether to get off and help her or to just keep going, I lost my focus and footing and flew back next to her. FML

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Walk on the wild side

Oh, hai!

Insurance fraud

By Anonymous - United States - Barrington

Today, I went to get an HPV vaccine after being convinced to by my mom. I stayed in the waiting room afterwards, because the vaccine has the possible side-effect of causing fainting. I didn't faint; instead, I spent the next 15 minutes giggling uncontrollably like a psycho. FML

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By lizard - United States

Today, I met my boyfriend's grandparents for the first time. When my boyfriend introduced us, his grandfather smiled at me, took my hand, and said in the most polite voice, "Wow, you're not nearly as pretty as he described you." FML

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By Vicky - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend went to kiss me as we were walking home. It was very icy and he slipped. His teeth went through my lip. FML

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By iwantpizza69 - United States

Today, I told the guy I have feelings for that I'm interested in, and asked him how he feels about it. He responded via text, saying, "I feel fairly neutral about that." FML

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By wtf - United States - Elkhart

Today, my husband wants me to apologize for getting angry when his father told me I'm getting so fat that I look like a whale. I'm not fat, I'm just 8 months pregnant. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I went on a long overdue vacation to France with my husband and young daughter. As revenge for an earlier prank, my sister has apparently taught my daughter to swear profusely in French. FML

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By pop - France

Today, my best friend invited me to dinner at his house. When I went to the toilet, I found my wife's wedding ring in a cup, which she'd lost a week ago. FML

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By SoDamnBroke - South Africa

Today, I secured a tender for my boss, earning her 1/4 million in profits. Today is also meant to be pay-day for us, but my boss is too busy dealing with the tender to pay her employees. So essentially, I made my boss rich while remaining broke and in debt. FML

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By mongoosemike

Today, I walked downstairs, made a bowl of hot cereal, and held a full conversation with my brother's girlfriend, before I finally put two and two together and realized I hadn't put any pants on. FML

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By roo - United Kingdom

Today, I was getting a flight home. I'd worn a belt because my skirt was too big. When I walked through security, they asked me to remove my belt. My skirt fell down in front of everyone. FML

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By Debra2005 - United States

Today, I adopted a dog from the local shelter. I put the dog in the car and he was shedding everywhere, but I was ok with that because he was my dog. As I pulled into the parking lot, the dog began to poop in the backseat of my car. When I got him out of the car, he ran off. $100 for him to poop and run away. FML

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By - 24/2/2020 18:00

I miss him

Today, after a 6 month dry spell, my husband was yet again “too tired” to have sex. I guess I finally found something I miss about my ex. FML

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By Anonymous - Hong Kong - Central District

Today, at a tutoring center, one of the tutors looked at my worksheet and laughed. She then showed all the other tutors my mistakes and they laughed along with her. The best part? They all speak Chinese and they think I can't understand them. I'm Chinese. FML

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By Lordofdance

Today, the only way my newborn sleeps is if I dance around with him strapped to me. Six hours and counting. FML

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By Icy - United States

Today, my crush was talking to me on Facebook. He said, "Did you know that 99% of the time a guy is talking to a girl it's because he wants to go out with her? Yeah, well, this is that 1%." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Scottsdale

Today, I was woken up by my teenage son pulling down my shirt and taking pictures of my breasts. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/5/2020 02:00

Contradictions everywhere

Today, I was demoted from my job because I didn't volunteer to help out with my job during COVID-19. I texted them on the day of sign-up to see if they had enough people. I was told since I was there not to worry about it. FML

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By emeraldapostle

Today, my grandfather scolded me for not wanting to go to my 12-year-old cousin's basketball game. This is the same grandfather that refused to go to my high school graduation. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I sent my main man a picture of the two of us out on our second date. He immediately added it to his MySpace account, with the caption, "clubbin with my hoe." FML

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By Anonymous - 30/6/2020 05:02

M. Night Shyamalanadingdong

Today, I went to the bathroom after a terrible job interview. My interviewer walked in with another guy, talking about my interview, saying he was obviously going to hire the other guy because my odd-sounding name was too hard to pronounce, yet alone spell in multiple emails. FML

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By TuralSucks - United States

Today, I was the only one in an elevator when an attractive girl came in, talking on her phone. She told her friend, "I have to go, there's a cute guy on this elevator." Before I could even react, she turned to me and said, "Sorry for lying, I really wanted to get off the phone with her." FML

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By washed - United States

Today, I learned that my boyfriend hides valuables in the washing machine under dirty clothes when leaving town for the weekend. I learned this AFTER I'd done a load of laundry. FML

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By shelteredchild - United States

Today, I got the courage to ask my mom if I could go to the movies alone on my first date with my new boyfriend. She said ok, which was surprising because she never lets me go anywhere alone. When I got to the theatre with him I saw my mom. She had saved seats for us. FML

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By Bummed

Today, I found out that after interviewing for two jobs at great companies, I was neck and neck with one other person for each position. They both offered the job to the other person. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while at training with several of my co-workers, I realized I was the only woman. The only thing one of them said to me the entire day was "DUDE!" while staring at my chest as I took my coat off in the morning. FML

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By Username - United States

Today, I got home to find my truck smashed by a fallen old tree. I was going to have the tree removed next week. FML

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By undoable - United States

Today, I was doing it with my girlfriend. Trying to be sexy, I moaned her name. She replied, "What?" FML

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By HeShe - United States

Today, I got my renewed driver's license. It clearly indicates 'Sex: F'. My beard and penis beg to differ. FML

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By bored - United States

Today, I've now worked on Thanksgiving, Black Friday, the weekend after that, and two days this week. My husband and son have had all that time off, and yet I've still ended up having to clean the dishes and the house after them on all of these days. FML

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By cdick - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I decided to exchange presents for our birthdays. I spent $100 on perfume and Victoria's Secret clothes. She bought me a bag of lifesavers, then asked me to leave because she wanted to take a nap. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I had an anxiety attack when I learned that my favorite book series is coming to the end. I had to leave the store and sit in my car. FML

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By - United States - Arcade

Today, I woke up with a horrible UTI after having sex with my fiance the night before. I went to an urgent care to get antibiotics as my primary is closed. Turns out, I'm allergic to condom lubricant. Now everytime I pee, It not only burns, but smells like a nasty condom... FML

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By Anonymous - Philippines - Philippine

Today, I found out the fund-raiser my uncle ran to raise money for his cancer treatment was all a sham, that he doesn't even have cancer, and that the money was to fund a coke habit nobody knew he even had. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Langley

Today, I managed to punch a customer's child as he walked around the corner just as I enthusiastically pointed his mother in the direction of what she was looking for. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Commack

Today, I went paintballing with my girlfriend and her family. Her dad ended up shooting me, and I doubled over in pain. I thought that was it, until he stepped back and shot me several more times in the stomach. "Just double-tapping," he smirked. More like quadruple-tapping. FML

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By gassy

Blame it on the a-a-a-a-a-alcohol...

Today, I have to deliver a wedding speech. I also have a cold. That would be bad enough, but ever since I was a kid, if I cough or sneeze, I also fart. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I received our gas bill for about £200. My flatmate felt that this was extortionate and therefore phoned up our gas company and angrily told them to recalculate the bill. They did. We now owe £300. FML

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By andthatshowitgoes - United States

Today, my adorable 8 year old son told me he no longer wanted me to pick him up from school. When I asked why, he said, "I told everyone at school my mommy is pretty... and I don't want people to know I lied." FML

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By f*ck - United States

Today, I had a date with the girl I've been interested in for months. I'm pretty laid-back and casual with my friends, which backfired and caused the date to end with a slap, when I greeted her with a friendly "S'up, slut?" FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, feeling melancholy, I took a blanket out to the backyard and lay down to look at the clouds. My dad came out to ask me what I was doing. I told him, he smirked, squatted over my face, and farted. He then ran back inside and told my mom. She laughed. FML

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Top comments

By ARISKomuniszt | 24

#7543072 - Wednesday 20 September 2017 1:00

Meet cute.

COMMENTS

By ARISKomuniszt | 24

#7543072 - Wednesday 20 September 2017 1:00

Meet cute.