The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

By biomajor - 07/02/2009 07:07 - United States

Today, I was talking to a guy at the bar and I told him I was a biology major. He promptly said, "NEXT" and moved on to the girl next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 319

You deserved it 3 591

By frankrizzo - 01/02/2009 17:29 - Canada

Today, I had a wet dream. When I woke up, I was touching myself. Unfortunately, I also woke up to find that I had fallen asleep on the couch after eating too much at a family reunion. When I looked around the room, over 10 relatives were giving me nasty looks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 075

You deserved it 9 056

Of all the places…

By rastamerican - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - San Jose

Spicy

Today, at a red light, my mom started to tell me that she and my dad hadn't had sex in months, that they "probably won't bounce back from this one," and are most likely getting a divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 275

You deserved it 1 889

By deaddoggy - 02/03/2016 20:46 - New Zealand - Palmerston North

Today, I took my 17 year-old dog, who had been my best friend my entire life right from when I was born, to be euthanised. I had booked in advance. The vet ambled in all spritely and cheerfully asked, "Just here for a checkup, aye?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 119

You deserved it 1 547

By Croissant - 23/09/2014 06:01 - Japan - Kochi

Today, I’m french and am studying in Japan. One of my teachers, passionate about France, opened a magazine about French bread and asked me if it tasted good. I cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 661

You deserved it 123

By Sewert_5 - 10/11/2015 16:16

Today, I made a fatal mistake that may cost my company thousands of dollars. This was right after I got a recognition for my outstanding work last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 013

You deserved it 4 086

By Anonymous - 26/11/2009 17:44 - United Kingdom

Today, I went on a blind double date with my friend. My date was actually blind. Not so bad, he seemed nice, until he told me I sound ugly and annoying. My friend laughed and agreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 545

You deserved it 3 380

By Mb13 - 21/12/2016 20:02

Spicy

Today, I got my nipples pierced. Momentarily forgetting about the piercings, I started to lather up with my loofa. Shark week in the shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 387

You deserved it 5 078

A for effort

By NotsexyEnough - 23/11/2009 03:06 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend tried to be sexy and take off my clothes with his teeth. He ended up biting my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 533

You deserved it 6 493

By Anonymous - 21/05/2013 07:32 - United States - Sparks

Today, I got a picture message from my aunt that said, "9 out of 10 kids get their awesomeness from their aunt." Normally, I would have agreed, except she forgot my birthday yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 242

You deserved it 3 331

By 12yearsoldapparently - 06/07/2015 23:02 - United States - Charleston

Today, I was finally going to break down my social barrier by going out on a date with a nice guy I recently met on a dating site. Just at the start of the date, he asked me how old I was, and out of pure nervousness, I blurted out, "12!" I'm 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 372

You deserved it 6 117

By Jioune - 05/07/2016 21:56 - France - Caluire

Today, I learned that my friends nicknamed me Snow White, not because I’ve got dark hair and very pale skin, but because I “only hook up with tiny dudes”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 578

You deserved it 2 579

By mrtoolate - 19/06/2016 08:58 - India - Pune

Today, after a lifetime of being single, my parents finally found me a nice, intelligent, pretty girl. I was really excited, until she backed out on me when she found out our star signs don't match. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 938

You deserved it 1 753

By Anonymous - 01/05/2015 15:25

Today, my dad got over his aversion to tight pants, giving everyone at the DMV a good look at his package in skin-tight blue jeans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 499

You deserved it 2 411

By KJS - 10/03/2010 05:00 - United States

Today, I got up on stage excited to recite a spoken word piece that I worked on and memorized for about 20 hours, neglecting other obligations like studying for an exam the next day. I blanked out in the middle of the performance in front of hundreds of people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 302

You deserved it 7 112

Tipped off

By MicachuPikachu - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Independence

Today, to make it seem like customers actually liked me, I told my coworkers I got tipped $12. Sadly, that "$12 tip" came out of my own pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 374

You deserved it 14 044

Ghost in the machine

By smdh - 22/10/2012 02:52 - United States

Today, my mother told me that my dead grandmother speaks to her. How? When she's thinking of her while brushing her teeth, her electric toothbrush will suddenly stop buzzing and this tells her her mother is communicating with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 718

You deserved it 1 804

By Kat - 08/11/2008 07:51 - France

Today, everyone thought that I was the one who farted in the lift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 443

You deserved it 5 234

By Anonymous - 11/01/2011 09:43 - United States

Today, as I'm pregnant, my mom came over to do some nice things for me, such as clean my kitchen and cook a large pot of my favorite soup. When she left, I took a nap, planning to eat later. I woke up to find my roommates had trashed my kitchen and eaten all my soup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 602

You deserved it 4 467

By The horror... - 11/11/2015 16:52 - United Kingdom - Luton

Today, I farted myself awake, in a car full of my boyfriend's family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 405

You deserved it 3 176

By santa_maria - 25/08/2011 21:45 - Reunion

Today, I had an interview for an internship at an independent lawyer's office. Hoping to increase my chances of being hired, I dressed up sexily with a short skirt, high heels, and ample cleavage. Turns out his wife handles the interviews. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 213

You deserved it 106 856

By just_friends - 27/10/2010 17:19 - United States

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She said she wanted to stay just friends. Not only did I get denied, apparently we're also "just friends." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 375

You deserved it 3 609

By Anonymous - 12/12/2016 04:33 - United States - Yuma

Today, after buying hundreds of dollars worth of Christmas presents, my transmission blew up on the interstate heading home. Now, I either have to return the gifts or not drive over 25. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 323

You deserved it 990

Tasty

By Anonymous - 06/11/2009 14:31 - Denmark

Today, at a party, a fly flew into my mouth. I spat it out, and in an effort to wash my mouth out, I grabbed the can of coke that was on the table next to me. Apparently people had been spitting in there and using it as an ashtray. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 771

You deserved it 9 836

The weirdos are reproducing

By pregz - 25/04/2013 00:18 - United States - Vancouver

Today, while grocery shopping, I was having such terrible abdominal pains I could hardly walk. As I'm 8 months pregnant, I told my husband we should head home. He thought a better idea was to run through the store and hide from me, hoping to induce labor by making me chase him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 237

You deserved it 4 401

By jessiluvxx - 25/09/2016 21:08 - United States - Kearny

Today, I was called to be told I'm fired for not showing up for my shift. I guess she didn't check her voice message to see that I gave birth last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 268

You deserved it 787

By melons - 11/08/2015 01:28 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I'm lying awake at 2 in the morning listening to the police helicopter circle my house yet again. I recently moved near quiet woodland to escape the traffic noise that disturbed my sleep. Quiet woodland where apparently the local criminals play midnight hide-and-seek with the police. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 660

You deserved it 1 779

melons tells us more.

melons 44

Tuesday 11 August 2015 16:18

I'm such a bad sleeper, earplugs and double glazing make little difference. As for finding a new home, I bought this place last year and spent many months renovating it, so the idea of selling up right now after all that is not top of my list. A lot of my neighbours have lived here since the houses were built in the early 1960s, so surely it can't be all that bad?! Although, I hadn't even considered the thought of the forest lurkers breaking in, so thanks for that...

By Jenn - 24/09/2017 16:00 - United States - Fort Wayne

Spicy

Today, I had my first astounding orgasm, during which I simultaneously shat myself and vomited. I'm so thankful my new partner was present. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 349

You deserved it 651

By wrongplacewrongtime - 22/02/2013 06:12 - United States - San Antonio

Spicy

Today, l took my new boyfriend to the place where my ex and I used to hook up, only to find out that my ex and his new girl had the same idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 909

You deserved it 58 305

Yummy

By ohnolunch - 05/03/2009 20:12 - United States

Today, I came back to my apartment to see that my roommate had left out bread, deli meat, and cheese on the counter, so I made myself a sandwich. When she came back, she informed me that she found bugs in the fridge and took out all the food she thought would be contaminated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 772

You deserved it 15 992

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Painful Relatable Health Miscellaneous Delivery Awkward Annoying Embarrassing School Gross Video games Gamers Family Cops Mysterious Poopoo peepee Work Food Birthday Narcissistic parents Surprise Pregnancy Kids Customers Love Pranks Coworkers Jealousy Accident Autism

The Top

The Top

Today, my brother handed me a sandwich that I'd asked him to make for me. Halfway through eating the sandwich, he started laughing hysterically. I still don't know what was in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 311

You deserved it 7 221

Today, I got my car back from the shop. The engine has been rebuilt twice in the past 3 months. My check engine light just came on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 573

You deserved it 3 519

Today, while on my graveyard shift at an inner-city backpackers lodge, a drunk pissed in a dorm at 4am. I had to clean up after him, wash all the luggage that got dowsed, clean up 2 separate piles of puke, and help 3 drunken Brits back to their room while they abused me. I have a science degree. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 047

You deserved it 3 952

Today, at work, I took a call from an angry customer. After listening to his problem and fully explaining how we could fix it, he called me a stupid girl and said I need more training as I obviously know nothing about my job. I'm the company training coordinator. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 020

You deserved it 225

Today, I got caught absent-mindedly fondling my knob in front of Love Island. FML

I agree, your life sucks 474

You deserved it 1 781

Today, my fanatical Christian stepfather told me that my genetic illness is a result of demon possession, and that I'd be cured if I allow his church to perform a "healing prayer demon expulsion" on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 179

You deserved it 114