Love: Today, I was finally going to break down my social barrier by... - FML

By 12yearsoldapparently - United States - Charleston

Today, I was finally going to break down my social barrier by going out on a date with a nice guy I recently met on a dating site. Just at the start of the date, he asked me how old I was, and out of pure nervousness, I blurted out, "12!" I'm 24. FML

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Family values

Instadrama

Stained

By Anonymous - 2/8/2020 17:01

Shocking

Today, I tried to hang up a light and, in my clumsiness, got shocked. My dad started screaming at me for yelling out. FML

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By juliasaman - United States

Today, I went to the doctors and was told I would need an inhaler. My mom came back from the pharmacy and told me the copay of $35 dollars was way too expensive, so she is making me use my cat's old inhaler. My mom values my cat's ability to breathe more then my own. FML

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By Misunderstood Waitress - United States

Today, I was waitressing for a huge family. Their bill was $750. Excited about the tip, I was shocked to see only $0.50. As they were leaving, I threw the two whole quarters at their heads. Guess who also got fired today. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I went to put a lasagna in the oven for dinner. I was greeted by a revolting scent of a chicken-soup and biscuits boxed dinner. The fridge apparently was too full for my brother to put it away inside, so he covered it up and forgot about it in the oven. We made that dinner two weeks ago. FML.

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By LonelyLoner - United States

Today, I went out to lunch with a girl I like and her best friend. We had a good time, even talked for a few hours at the restaurant, but after we left, she stopped talking to me. Her friend told her that I kept staring at her chest; I was trying to see what her pendant was. FML

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By Anonymous - Sweden

Today, while taking a shower, I thought that the bathroom was extra steamy because of all the hot water. It wasn't until two-three minutes later when I put some shampoo in my hair that I realized I had forgotten to take my glasses off. FML

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By anon - United States

Today, I got fired from a great baby sitting job because the little girl said I was boring. FML

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By dooommage - France

Today, I was teasing my cat with a piece of string when suddenly my phone rang. I answered it with one hand and put the string down with the other onto my lap. The beast seized the opportunity to spring, claws out, onto my privates. FML

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By ThatsIncentive - United States - Granite Bay

Today, I stooped to pick up an earring back off the ground. It was actually a spider. FML

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By dpap - United States - Waukee

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my parents. The first thing my dad did was comment that given how pretty she looked in our photos, and compared to how she looks in real life, she's amazing at using Photoshop. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Airdrie

Today, my dog had her stomach pumped because she ate some cookies. The 100 cookies I made for a bake sale to be exact. FML

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By yosenfal - United Kingdom - Plymouth

Today, I came home earlier than usual, only to find my wife having sex with some guy on our bed. Her reaction to being confronted was to look me dead in the eyes and to scream and scream until I got so freaked out that I left. It's her house, and I'm sitting in a library with no idea what to do. FML

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By Anonymous

Thanks, but no thanks

Today, I got fired from the community service I was doing out of kindness. FML

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By katiebell

Crossed purposes

Today, while I was walking home, a homeless man saw me and didn't ask for change, but how much I charged. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Bromley

Today, I took my driver's test. I was confident and thought everything would go well. My boss ended up calling me several times during the test. Turns out my colleague never showed up to cover for me, and my boss blamed me. Not only did I fail my test, I'm now suspended from work too. FML

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By nonexistant - United States

Today, a cute girl came up to me with her boyfriend and said, "If you end up looking like him, it's over." FML

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By Anonymous - New Zealand

Today, I slipped and fell in mud while running from the car to inside to avoid getting wet in a torrential downpour. I was running from the limo, in my wedding dress, to the church for my wedding. FML

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By framed - United States - Portsmouth

Today, I was chatting with a new guy at work. He cracked a joke about me and I jokingly gave him a light push on the shoulder. Half a second after I touched him, he threw himself back and hit the floor yelling in "pain". Now I'm suspended because of this psycho. FML

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By CapitolSouthSux - United States

Today, a street preacher got on my metro car and gave a long, loud speech about how we sinful, polluted congressional staffers must inform our bosses that choosing a homosexual lifestyle was like trading your soul for soup. We got stuck in a tunnel for thirty minutes. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, while using a portable restroom at the park, I discovered all too late that some very hostile and territorial hornets had made it their home. FML

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By Gottabekidding - United States - Ashland

Today, my workplace instituted a policy in which employees must stop and write down what they are doing every fifteen minutes. FML

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By gdog10122 - United States

Today, I found out that my dad, thinking it was an advertisement, threw away a letter from the college I applied to. FML

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By Spec - United States

Today, my blind friend bragged to a group of people that she knew all of us by smell. We all took turns standing in front of her, and she would tell us who we were. When I got in front of her, she thought I was my dog. FML

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By Whatthehell

Today, my husband's mistress purposely and dangerously induced her own labor so that she would have the baby on my birthday. Yes, I'm divorcing him. FML

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By youmothERFUCKErs - United States

Today, yet again, I had to dye my hair brown in advance of the new school year, because my school doesn't allow "unapproved" colors, even if they're natural. FML

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By Awkward - United States

Today, while driving on the highway, I got stuck in a traffic jam. Upon glancing over at the car in the next lane, I saw it was my ex as of a week ago. We sat in barely moving traffic right next to each other for half an hour. FML

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By limping - Canada

Today, in revenge for being grounded for bullying a kid at school, my eight-year-old son flung a handful of Lego in my path as I walked barefoot into the kitchen. I'm still in pain. 5ML

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By HappyBirthday - United States

Today, it was my friend's birthday. She's been having problems with most of her friends besides me lately, so I wanted to do something special. I brought her a cake. Me and her were the only ones to have any. It gave us both food poisoning. FML

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By yeetyeet

Today, we had an emergency lock down drill. The closest room to me was the bathroom, so I rushed in and went into one of the stalls, like I was supposed to only to find out that a girl in the stall next to me was shitting. And it didn't seem like she was going to be done anytime soon. FML

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By Lizzy

Today, I tried to make things less awkward by complimenting my Tai Chi partner's ring and he says, "Thanks, it's a purity ring!" I said, "I used to have one of those. Would you believe me if I said I lost it in a river?" Now my entire Tai Chi class thinks I lost my virginity in a river. FML

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By lonely - United States

Today, the Jehovah's Witnesses were at my door. Normally I don't give them the time of day, but I was so lonely for company, I let them in. FML

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By demonporn - 4/12/2020 11:01

Snitch

Today, I was riding home from church with my parents when my mom turned around and told me that this morning there was a demon in our living room, and the reason that demon was allowed inside of our house was because I've been watching porn. I'm grounded for 3 weeks because of an informative demon. FML

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By taperjeangirl - United States

Today, I was telling my mom that I was really nervous about going to the gynecologist for the first time. Her response, "Oh don't worry, it's not like it's the first time you've spread your legs!" FML

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By sonice - United States - Duluth

Today, a guy asked me out on Facebook, then called me a conceited bitch when I said no. I don't know, dude; maybe it's just that I already have a boyfriend, that you asked me out on Facebook, and that you posted the same message on 4 other girls' walls as well. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I saw a girl walking to class by herself. I thought she was weird for not having any friends to walk with. Thats when I realized I was eating lunch by myself. In my car. FML

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By nobody - United States - Petaluma

Today, my best friend said we couldn't be friends anymore because I'm too depressed or too happy all the time. After explaining for half an hour what bipolar depression was and how I have it he just said, "Bullshit!" FML

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By CrimsonChin

Today, out of boredom, I decided to clean shave my beard and moustache for the first time in 3 years. My new nickname at work is The Crimson Chin. FML

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By mumfordandsonimdisappointed - United States

Today, I had to explain to my dad how I rear-ended the car in front of me because of a particularly intense banjo solo. FML

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By bird-brain - Germany

Today, I was at a zoo with some friends in Germany. People were talking to this bird and it responded in complete, grammatically correct German sentences. One of my friends said 'Wow, that bird has better grammar than the exchange student!' A bird speaks better German than me. FML

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By littl3storm - 1/6/2020 17:00

Sick burn

Today, while sitting an at home university exam, I started getting period cramps. I decided to use a heat patch to help. I left it on for the allotted time, but when I took it off, it peeled my skin off and burnt the surrounding skin. I'm now burnt AND still experiencing cramps. FML

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Top comments

By Sillychees | 22

#6343236 - Tuesday 7 July 2015 12:14

well at least you didnt fart

By Zwerik | 31

#6343232 - Tuesday 7 July 2015 12:12

Well, you were close. :P

COMMENTS

By Zwerik | 31

#6343232 - Tuesday 7 July 2015 12:12

Well, you were close. :P

Reply

Jeffo193 | 13

#6343243 - Tuesday 7 July 2015 12:20

You could say she was half right!

Reply

airforce987 | 20

#6343609 - Tuesday 7 July 2015 19:35

That's when you say "12! *dramatic pause* ...times TWO! *wait for response*" "Sooo...24?" "Yep, just checking to see if you can do math."

By ScratchCatPower | 32

#6343233 - Tuesday 7 July 2015 12:12

Well, I'm pretty sure you don't look twelve when you're twenty-four. Laugh it off! :)

Reply

PhinIt2WinIt | 24

#6346061 - Friday 10 July 2015 5:02

some short people might. like my aunt and she's shorter than me and is 24

By FunnnyGirrl | 19

#6343234 - Tuesday 7 July 2015 12:13

I'm sure he didn't think you were 12. Maybe he found your nervousness endearing.

By Sillychees | 22

#6343236 - Tuesday 7 July 2015 12:14

well at least you didnt fart

Reply

SubparAtBest | 23

#6343254 - Tuesday 7 July 2015 12:49

Another bonus. at least shes not 12.

By Abhinow | 7

#6343237 - Tuesday 7 July 2015 12:16

this is a no win case. if he agrees for date he is pedo!if he doesn't' then u blew it anyway

Reply

Sillychees | 22

#6343242 - Tuesday 7 July 2015 12:20

why make it weird

By Miss_Chevious | 37

#6343240 - Tuesday 7 July 2015 12:17

Most guys would find your nervousness appealing. Hopefully he did too

By Ben14h | 22

#6343245 - Tuesday 7 July 2015 12:24

You are 12... Multiplied by 2

Reply

bubba999 | 4

#6344416 - Wednesday 8 July 2015 15:07

thanks einstein

By Earths_Venus | 25

#6343247 - Tuesday 7 July 2015 12:25

You'll get better at dating with a bit of practice. Just be yourself.

By echarlotte | 19

#6343248 - Tuesday 7 July 2015 12:32

thats actually kind of cute how nervous you were

Reply

ghetto_child | 19

#6343345 - Tuesday 7 July 2015 15:16

I quite enjoy first dates where I can tell the girl is nervous. The things they say and reactions they have are cute and hilarious!

By hkhan24 | 23

#6343250 - Tuesday 7 July 2015 12:36

That's easy to recover from, laugh it off as a joke.