Today, I was working on my computer when my dad walks in, pointing his finger at me like a gun. Before I could even ask, it turns out he was aiming a rubber band at me. The doctor says I'll be able to take off my eyepatch in a couple of days. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my dad asked to borrow my glasses to look for his glasses. He then took them off because they were extremely tight on his head, and gave them back to me. Then he turned around and walked into a wall. I sure hope my eyes don't get that bad, although they probably will by the time I'm 40. FML
Today, my band went to play a set for the first time. I'm the drummer. All was going well, and then before our first song I threw the sticks in the air, went to catch them, and one hit me right in the eye. I couldn't continue playing. Now I have to wear an eyepatch. FML
Today, my dad came up behind me with a pair of scissors, and pretended to snip away at my hair. I was sure he was joking, so I just sat there and didn't react. Later, I felt the back of my head and looked at my hand. Suffice it to say, I now have a large bald patch on the back of my head. FML
Today, I scratched my cornea and have to wear a large bandage covering my eye. I'm off today, but I'll probably have to wear it to school tomorrow. FML
Today, I saw a gun on my dad's bedside table. I knew it wasn't real, so I picked it up and posed like a badass. Then I shot a hole in their bedroom TV, blew out my eardrums, and my mom flew in and started screaming at me. FML
Today, my dad decided to wake me up by opening the shades and having the sun shine on my face. When he pulled them up, the metal holder on top broke off and fell on me. FML
Today, I did something clever at work and I was telling one of the other girls about it. I said "Just using my noodle" and went to tap my temple but instead I jabbed myself in the eye. FML
Today, I was putting on my sweatpants and accidentally stepped on the elastic drawstring. I moved my foot. The string snapped upward with great speed and hit me in my open eye. My eyeball is not happy with me. FML
Today, I was doing my homework on the computer when my dad walked by with a plate of food, threw his fork at me, and said "POSTURE!" FML
Today, I accidentally poked myself in the left eye. As I sat there in pain, my 9-year-old nephew, who we think has OCD, decided to help out by poking me in the right eye. FML
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Top comments
saIty 17
The names Bond... Rubber man Bond...
imustbeinsane 2
Now you have to make him look like a pirate too! Cut off his hand
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Comments (55)
max_wilder 9
Hate when that happens
AyeTee77 18
Arrrrrrg, well doesn't that just suck.
deviable 9
I dunno, It kinda sounded like a western style stand off with a pirate. Awh man that's just too awesome.
SiriusBlack97 17
EUROPE '72!! Woah, mann
zombicidal 11
OP should make him walk the plank
Justforlolz 14
Sounds like OP should "patch" things up with his father.... No? Ok....
gojira666 7
Oh, SNAP!
saIty 17
The names Bond... Rubber man Bond...
howdmynosego 12
Or "The names Band....Rubber Band
BatteryAddict 11
At least you look like a pirate! Yaaarh! Jolly roger yohooy! *insert "He's a pirate" theme*
tiptoppc 21
“WoOo! It’s me! Your friend Bonder” “Bonder?! Is that you! It’s my old pal bonder!” (Paraphrased and not checked)
ambowew 7
Arrr, now ye just need a peg leg and you'll be all set.
Insane_Tea 15
Eye see what you did there!
GhostlyGhoulish 1
Eyyyyyeeee laddie! And a bottle a rum an THEN ye be all set!
Real_Talk21 1
POW! right in the kisser!
Jakesterk96 8
This means war.... Rubber band war!!!!
xStaciexLynnx 15
Isn't the kisser the mouth and he got hit in the eye?
MinecraftDragon 5
I was gonna post that comment... but you beat me to it Dx
Mcstud1y 30
Pow! Right in the looker
MaaaanWTF 1
Make him wear one until you can take yours off! An eye for an eye... makes the whole world half blind.
kirsty1551 3
"An eye for an eye and the whole world goes blind."
Glidefedt 6
40#, "An eye for an eye maes the whole world blind" Ghandi. Don't try to correct when your correction is wrong. And learn to get a joke.
imustbeinsane 2
Now you have to make him look like a pirate too! Cut off his hand
wittygirl 8
Oh a leg lol
ikickgingers 15
Bullseye? Yeah I got nothing...
weezypanda420 22
Sounds like it was a pretty good shot
Wheredidgrungego 12
Arrrr matey!
rattusrattus 19
The logical solution, matey, is to hire a yaught and plunder t'seven seas, arrrrr! Just avoid tha battleships, yarr.
deviable 9
Eye patches are awesome! Welcome aboard, matey!