The Top

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By Jer - 15/07/2013 23:36 - United States - Louisville

Today, I knocked over a display case at a mall, shattering hundreds of dollars in goods. Embarrassed, I tried to scurry out of the nearest door without being seen. I scuttled right into the janitor's closet, the door automatically locking behind me. I waited for an hour to be let out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 082

You deserved it 48 787

By Anonymous - 10/09/2011 05:05 - United States

Today, I pretended to drunk text some friends. When in all reality I was sitting home all alone. I don't know what's worse: that I pretended that I was social and drunk, or that the friend I said I was with was actually with them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 147

You deserved it 52 459

By friendless1004 - 12/11/2015 16:55 - United States - Santa Barbara

Today, I gave a group presentation. Because I didn't know the last names of my group members, I'd put fake ones in, intending to replace them later. I forgot to change them and I ended up giving a presentation alongside a very angry Greg Penishead and Josh Acne. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 988

You deserved it 29 206

By fmfl - 17/11/2009 21:19 - United States

Today, I found a gift card under my bed that I lost a few months ago for $400 to a store that went out of business last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 299

You deserved it 13 145

By Anonymous - 31/05/2013 04:20 - United States - Murfreesboro

Spicy

Today, I had to set parental controls on my iPad so my dad couldn't watch dirty videos on Youtube. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 560

You deserved it 5 071

Simple solution

By lacieQ - 01/08/2014 20:09 - Canada

Today, I confided to my grandma that I'm suffering from depression and I feel like a burden to everyone. She replied that her grandpa used to suffer from depression too, but that he'd cured himself in the end, namely by committing suicide. Thanks, grandma, thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 148

You deserved it 4 239

Lookalike

By Anonymous - 01/10/2010 00:47 - United States

Today, I walked past two guys on the street. I heard one of them whisper, "Jeez, that girl looks like Donald Trump." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 577

You deserved it 3 902

Denial

By Loud - 08/09/2016 06:07 - Australia

Today, at work, I needed to fart and thought it would be fast and silent, so I let it rip. I was wrong. Everyone turned around and looked at me as my fart rolled on for a good 10 seconds. The worst part, I screamed, "It wasn't me!" while I was still farting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 620

You deserved it 8 522

Prankster

By stillwaiting - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that my boss plays a trick on all the interns. He calls you to his office, then leaves you waiting outside until you get annoyed and leave. Apparently, the old record was 45 minutes. I waited 4 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 208

You deserved it 11 352

Buzzed

By Anonymous - 12/09/2009 20:06 - United Kingdom

Today, my friend's 11 year-old son accidentally shocked himself with our electric fly swatter. Thirty seconds later, while trying to prove to him that it's physically impossible to shock yourself with it, and that it's perfectly safe, I did the exact same thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 804

You deserved it 54 561

Billy Crystal like you've never seen him before

By Anonymous - 05/01/2014 23:48 - United States - Cuyahoga Falls

Spicy

Today, I downloaded a movie for my mom that she really likes, "When Harry Met Sally". When she loaded the file, we soon found out it was actually some kind of obscure porno billed as "When Harry Wet Sally". FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 750

You deserved it 9 944

By Caroline1812 - 24/04/2015 23:58 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, while getting ice cream with a friend, her car got broken into. Nothing was taken except my backpack, which contained assignments making up 50% or more for grades in four separate classes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 162

You deserved it 2 921

Apartment hunting

By movingbuddy - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Australia - Sydney

Today, my boyfriend of a year asked me to move in with him. I would have been touched at this gesture, had he not asked in the form of a text message, saying, "Got kicked out. Wanna get a flat or something?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 642

You deserved it 4 103

By noantiquesforme - 30/03/2015 18:39 - United States - Santa Clara

Today, an old man walked up to me, said, "Hey missy, you wanna see an antique?" and winked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 774

You deserved it 2 733

By Jim - 11/01/2012 01:32 - Belgium

Today, I told a co-worker to "lighten up, and stop wearing black all the time, it makes you look depressed." I didn't know his father had died the week before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 326

You deserved it 41 847

By Anonymous - 12/11/2013 19:12 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend's ex moved into the apartment beneath us. She's already called the cops on us for a noise complaint twice. We were sleeping. It's going to be a long year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 593

You deserved it 2 770

By sippinsoup22 - 16/02/2016 01:25 - United States - Houston

Today, my cat was being surprisingly loving towards me. Normally she ignores me so I obviously found this rather odd. She kept meowing so I assumed she was hungry. As I was getting up to feed her, she stood up and pooped all over me, my bed and phone, then turned away and ran. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 783

You deserved it 2 482

By fml - 04/01/2010 03:50 - Canada

Today, I walked to the end of my driveway to pick up the newspaper. I read the front page that was talking about people who have been getting hurt from slipping on ice. Laughing about that thought and walking up my driveway, I slipped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 841

You deserved it 34 898

By _7_8_9__1 - 12/01/2016 03:25 - United States

Today, my anxiety was escalating so I decided to try an anti-anxiety adult coloring book to calm myself down. Too bad I got more stressed out about which colors I should use. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 587

You deserved it 4 018

_7_8_9__1 tells us more.

_7_8_9__1 7

Wednesday 13 January 2016 19:31

OP here! I love coloring, but the designs in my favorite book are so complex, it's difficult to find a number of compatible colors. I was trying to use mostly bright colors and ran out of selections. I am already medicated and in therapy for my anxiety along with other things. @18 thank you for the advice! I might do that one day and I'll let you know how it goes!

By Anonymous - 22/05/2009 14:08 - United States

Today, I was running outside. On the last mile I am along side some fields. While running along the side of the road I glanced down and saw a snake. I was so startled I jumped left in front of a car screaming like a girl. The snake was dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 497

You deserved it 13 965

Teenage kicks

By acnebutt - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, thanks to my peripheral vision and a dropped mirror, I realized that I have horrible acne on my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 049

You deserved it 5 531

It's not what you think!

By me. - 22/06/2012 07:28 - United States - Indianapolis

Spicy

Today, I called my doctor from my office. He wanted to call a prescription to my pharmacy, but wanted to know by what method I would prefer my medication. During our conversation, a group of potential clients walked in just as I exclaimed, "I definitely prefer oral." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 223

You deserved it 3 781

By Anonymous - 17/11/2009 04:01 - United States

Today, I was looking at the annoucements in the newspaper and find out that my boyfriend of the past 6 years is supposed to be married in 2 days to what I thought was his ex-girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 571

You deserved it 3 409

By Death By Parent - 19/07/2014 22:38 - United States

Today, I was browsing the People of Walmart site, chuckling at all the weirdos on there, when I came across a picture of my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 960

You deserved it 7 937

By RHChiliPeppers - 12/09/2015 00:05 - United States - Westminster

Today, on a nature hike, covered in poison oak rashes from the day before, I accidentally stepped on a hornets' nest. I'm now covered in hornet stings and I can't scratch the poison oak because I might accidentally touch the stings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 142

You deserved it 2 805

RHChiliPeppers tells us more.

RHChiliPeppers 17

Sunday 13 September 2015 15:37

Hey there! OP here. I am completely alive and well although I have developed a hatred for hornets. On the plus side, I did get a pretty badass nickname! - Hornet Bait (RHChiliPeppers)

By Anonymous - 15/05/2012 04:07 - United States - Apache Junction

Today, I was at a bus stop making small talk with a really nice girl, when all of a sudden some kids let off firecrackers behind me. I shrieked like a little girl and practically jumped into her lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 448

You deserved it 4 883

By Anonymous - 01/12/2012 06:06 - United States - Friendswood

Today, I brought a boy over to my house to help with a history project. My mom suddenly swooped in and bombarded him with questions about his and my sex life, and how she wants to have exactly four grandchildren. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 352

You deserved it 2 254

By Wititipwitpwit - 21/01/2009 10:03 - France

Today, I broke the glass of the photocopier trying to photocopy my ass. My boss will be here in five hours. She'll know it was me. I'm the only night guardian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 039

You deserved it 49 085

Fun night out

By highlydisgusted - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Canada - Ottawa

Today, I went on a first date. He left me standing at a bus stop while he took a dump in some bushes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 272

You deserved it 4 840

Funny guy

By memoryloss - 04/12/2011 07:04 - United States

Today, I went to the doctor for a check up, having had a head injury a week ago and suffering some memory loss. Turns out, the medicine he gave me for my head has memory loss as a side effect. He then said, "I told you. Don't you remember?" After I said no, he said, "I figured." and giggled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 206

You deserved it 2 833

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The Top

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Today, I went on a date with a great girl; we went out to dinner and saw a movie. After the movie, we went out to my car to find out that a homeless man had broken the window, climbed into it, and was eating the leftover pasta with his fingers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 811

You deserved it 1 926

Today, my adorable five and a half year old boy told me that when he grows up he's going to be my boyfriend. I thought it was kinda cute until I asked him why. "Because you need one." FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 244

You deserved it 7 307

Today, after months of apartment hunting with my boyfriend, he told me he had found a fantastic place that was really inexpensive. It seemed way too good to be true. It was. He took me to a storage unit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 550

You deserved it 645

Today, after almost a year of having threesomes with my “best friend” and her husband, they both confessed that neither of them actually even like me. They just went along with it because they thought it’s what the other wanted. Now they won’t even talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 647

You deserved it 838

Today, my parents told me that they had planned two kids (my older siblings) and I was born because my father "thought" that he was wearing a condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 198

You deserved it 150

Today, while I was working at a Rite Aid, the superintendent of the local high school stopped in and was rude to me. I asked if he knew my principal and explained that I graduated from another nearby high school two years ago. Suddenly, the grumpy asshole became the greatest gentleman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 382

You deserved it 117