Miscellaneous: Today, I was making a homemade pizza for myself. I've been unhappy...

By welp - United States - Belton

Today, I was making a homemade pizza for myself. I've been unhappy lately, so I arranged the pepperoni in the shape of a smiley face to cheer myself up. The pizza burned. FML

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Miscellaneous

Sharing is caring

Fragile

Chemical warfare

By jb123 - United States - Rock Springs

I'm still young

Today, I was sitting in a waiting room with my two-month-old son. A sweet little old lady came up to me and said, "Maybe if you knew how to keep your legs closed, you wouldn't have a baby at 15, slut." I'm 23 and married. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my dad told me he had a present for me. It was his tooth, which he had pulled out a few minutes before. FML

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By Dig4life - United States - Kent

Today, after telling my mom that I'll be going to Las Vegas with my dad for my 21st birthday, she started ranting about how my dad always wanted to abort me and that she was the only one who actually wanted me. FML

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By superdriver - Mexico

Today, I was driving with my parents while explaining that young people like myself are better drivers because we have better reflexes. My explanation was suddently interrupted with the sound of me crashing the car against a parked car. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I got my posting orders for the Air Force. After spending four years training and studying to become an aerospace engineer, I am getting sent to the only base without aircraft. FML

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By JJAnd - United States

Today, I woke up at 7am next to the man I swore I'd never get intimate with again. After trying to get back to sleep despite my shame and disgust, he ripped the loudest fart ever. FML

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By fired - United States

Today, my boss was being a total asshole. While in the bathroom, he turned his back on me, so I gave him the finger, mouthed obscenities, and pantomimed stabbing him with a knife. He was looking in the mirror and saw everything. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years confessed that he was sleeping with me and 5 other girls while we first started dating. He told me he numbered us and rolled a die to see which one he would date. I guess I won. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I'm on holiday with my boyfriend's family for the first time. Unfortunately, I have diarrhoea and keep leaving extremely smelly farts around the house. I blame the dog every time, but I think they're catching on. FML

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By Sadginger - United Kingdom - Redhill

Today, the man I have been in a long-distance relationship with for 2 years told me he has been cheating on me for 6 months, and that he's leaving me for her. I'm due to fly out to see him next week on a non-refundable ticket. He insists that, "we can still hang out, just not have sex". FML

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By kevdev - United States

Today, I received an email from an ex who I haven't heard from in two years. Excited that it might be her asking if we could meet up, I opened it. It was a virus. FML

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By cjkelly1 - United States

Today, my parents made me a steak dinner to celebrate me visiting home from college. I've been a vegetarian for eleven years. This is the third time they've done this. FML

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By SayItToMyFace - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend asked me to text him when I got home after driving 40 miles in bad weather from his house back to mine. When I did, he broke up with me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Glendale

Today, I received a package from my deployed husband. It contained a scarf, a letter, and a bag full of his pubes. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Chicago

Today, I had to explain to a coworker that "the little red X" next to the email title she's been pushing out of curiosity is actually the delete button. Then, I had to restore the dozen emails she'd deleted even after I told her to stop. She's a manager. I stock shelves for a living. FML

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By nerderer - United States - Duluth

Today, my dad decided that the best way to alleviate my crippling depression is to talk to me in a baby voice. FML

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By WeddingWoes - United States - Columbia

Today, I sampled some of the food my fiancée's mom is making for our wedding. Everything tasted terrible, and I almost vomited. Turns out she never actually went to culinary school as she claimed, but had just watched Julie and Julia. It's too late to book another caterer for the wedding. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I have a gigantic zit inside my left nostril. Good news: no one can see it and no need for makeup on it. Bad news: my nose really itches, and I constantly feel like I'm about to sneeze it out like a foreign object. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/7/2020 17:01

Bad timing

Today, my daughter locked herself in the bathroom having a tantrum after her boyfriend dumped her. So, out of sheer desperation, I had to sit in the kitchen sink for a pee, which is when my husband walked in with his mother and sister. FML

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1891

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my 7-year-old cousin has been having raging temper tantrums, added to an inability to tell the truth, and a disturbingly sociopathic nature. I'm pretty sure I'm seeing a psychopath in the making, and I'm stuck living here for 2 months. FML

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By Bad Mum? - United Kingdom - Harrow

Today, my eldest son told me he wishes he lived with his dad. This after I, two years ago, managed to get myself and my children out of the abusive situation we were in. Why? He didn't want to tidy his toys. FML

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By Spoilicious - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I was reading a book in public. Some bastard stranger came over and started spoiling the plot for me. FML

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By WonderWall09 - United States

Today, I had a terrible dream where my boyfriend cheated on me with his ex. I woke up almost crying and called him just to tell him how much he means to me. Turns out my dream gave him that little extra push he needed to confess he's been cheating on me. With his ex. FML

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By mommyfairy - United States

Today, I realized that my boss is able to read all the emails my coworker and I send each other. Most of them are about how she is such a shitty boss. FML

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By aye! - 25/7/2020 02:02

Porque no los dos?

Today, just like every other day, I noticed that one of my male coworkers always stares at me while passing by or when it's time for lunch. I read somewhere that if a person stares at you too long, they either want to have sex with you or want to kill you. He has a girlfriend, so I doubt it's the first option. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I spent five hours sobbing in my room due to anti-depressant withdrawal. My mother refused to come and talk to me, because I'm "a terrible, hateful child who only cares about herself." Last week I spent two hours comforting her because my brother hadn't called in a week. FML

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By That'sMyBoy - Australia - Abbotsford

Today, I put glue traps around my home to catch spiders. So far, the only thing dumb enough to get caught in one is my 10-year-old son. FML

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3880

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By Anonymous - United States - De Soto

Today, I was at a party. A guy kept looking at me, so I tried to strike up a conversation with him. I realized he was drunk when he slurred, "Ya know, you're the only girl I've met that's fat AND flat chested!" There goes my self-esteem. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, my 24-year-old brother again yelled at me for looking at him while he was on the toilet. It'd be easier not to if he didn't sit on the toilet with the door wide open, and if the bathroom wasn't directly opposite my bedroom. FML

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35714

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By greeter - Canada - Willow Grove

Today, my class had a very important meeting about workplace safety. I thought I led some of my classmates to the meeting very well, until they informed me that I accidentally ran a red light on the way there. They brought this infraction up during the class every chance they got. FML

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By DrugDeal - Canada

Today, I was under a building overhang to avoid getting drenched by the rain while waiting for the bus. Apparently that corner is notorious for drug dealing, I found this out when a man angrily demanded his drugs and chased me half a block. FML

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33547

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By cait - United States - Edmond

Today, within one day of meeting me, my stepmom decided to break up with my dad. Her reason being, "I love you, but I just can’t put up with the kid." I’m 'the kid'. I’m 28 years-old. FML

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By fuckerman - Canada

Today, my grandpa told me he can still get aroused even though he is 84. Im 32 and have erectile dysfunction. FML

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65477

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By creeped - United States

Today, I was talking to the guy that has been in love with me for two years. He said "There is a shortage of perfect breasts in the world. It would be a shame to lose yours." He then creepily looked at me and said "It's true." Thanks, Princess Bride, for supplying creepers with material. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26634

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at soccer practice. The ground's keeper just aerated the field, and my teammates and I decided to throw the cylindrical clumps of dirt at each other. I got hit in the face with one. It wasn't dirt. It was a clump of wet dog poop. FML

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50297

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By Anonymous - 14/1/2021 02:01

We need details!

Today, was an absolute mess. It began with getting a towel caught on my nose ring and ended with my car catching on fire. FML

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754

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By Anonymous

A rock and a hard place

Today, I got back from a camping trip after being homesick for 3 weeks. I couldn't remember why I had wanted to be away from my family for so long when I signed up for it. When I got home, I remembered. Everyone in my family hates each other. I want to go back to the camping site. FML

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1379

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By ShouldIHelpIt - United States - Northampton

Today, I woke up to hear dripping water in the kitchen. Thinking it was someone getting a glass of water or something, I came out to find that it was just a mouse drowning in my dog's water bowl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12699

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By retainer - United States

Today, at the dentist, the new, rather airy assistant went to prep me for an extraction. She began pulling on something in my mouth, and a moment later, I felt intense pain and then the wetness of blood. She was trying to pull out "that weird wire thing". In other words, my permanent retainer. FML

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69119

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By Wawawiwa - Namibia

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. After removing my underwear, he started singing "In the jungle, the mighty jungle..." FML

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Top comments

By KuronoEru | 26

#6446891 - Wednesday 28 October 2015 14:27

Order a pizza, write the instructions as "make a smiley face with pepperoni"
good luck!

By HarshD9619 | 34

#6446890 - Wednesday 28 October 2015 14:26

Hang in there OP, things will be better. And I always see reruns of my favorite TV series to cheer myself up, you can do the same maybe!

COMMENTS

By random_man1999 | 11

#6446885 - Wednesday 28 October 2015 14:22

I guess you could say... the pizza BURNED you

HarshD9619 | 34

#6446897 - Wednesday 28 October 2015 14:30

I guess not

Patriots21 | 14

#6446901 - Wednesday 28 October 2015 14:34

Man that was a brutal attempt.

howard007 | 18

#6446944 - Wednesday 28 October 2015 15:30

I'd say the oven burned the pizza, rather than the pizza burning op.

The12thPaladin | 8

#6446978 - Wednesday 28 October 2015 16:41

You tried.

Silver7827 | 14

#6447006 - Wednesday 28 October 2015 17:55

I guess OP was feeling the Bern

gamermonster | 34

#6447567 - Thursday 29 October 2015 10:17

You had one job...

By RickySleeves | 20

#6446887 - Wednesday 28 October 2015 14:24

Every time I read "burn," Ellie Goulding comes into my head.

ZoePapillon | 16

#6447133 - Wednesday 28 October 2015 21:27

That's because your taste in music is shit

gamermonster | 34

#6447569 - Thursday 29 October 2015 10:19

You had one job #2, but you fucked it up

By FUBAR_88 | 14

#6446888 - Wednesday 28 October 2015 14:24

Don't take it to heart, the oven could have been up too high. It's ok OP things like that happen. I hope things get better soon. :)

By RainbowLibster | 17

#6446889 - Wednesday 28 October 2015 14:25

It's because you used pepperoni as the topping.

Tripartita | 44

#6446904 - Wednesday 28 October 2015 14:39

Yeah, I always top my pizza with crystal to avoid burning.

RainbowLibster | 17

#6446911 - Wednesday 28 October 2015 14:44

#15 I meant because pepperoni is terrible.

syki | 22

#6446945 - Wednesday 28 October 2015 15:39

@18 Gonna ignore your maligning of the food of the gods to ask, so, what, *karma* burned the pizza?? Invisible metaphysical foodies that possessed the oven???