Today, whilst still trying to potty train my puppy and keep her from both peeing and pooping in the house, my lactose intolerance kicked in full fledge. Every time I pass gas, she smells poop and believes it's okay to immediately drop a deuce on the carpet. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I let my 4-month old puppy sleep with me. She’s been constipated for a while. I woke up to a foul odor in the middle of the night. Turns out she took a massive dump on the bed right by my head. I had to completely strip my bed to go back to sleep. FML
Today, my dog took a dump beside the air intake for our furnace. The house now smells like dog crap. FML
Today, I brought my new puppy home. I saw her sniffing around, so I took her outside to do her business. She simply played in the grass for ten minutes, so I brought her in. She walked in the door, squatted, and shit. She has diarrhea. This is the fourth time today. FML
Today, my dog farted. Immediately, he turned around to sniff his stink then furiously licked his butthole. He then licked my nose. FML
Today, I couldn’t tell that my puppy had an upset stomach before I left for work. I came home to her covered in shit inside her crate. After cleaning her up and almost being done with the mess, my husband found where she had tried to lick herself clean and then vomited it up in our bedroom. FML
Today, I'm on holiday with my boyfriend's family for the first time. Unfortunately, I have diarrhoea and keep leaving extremely smelly farts around the house. I blame the dog every time, but I think they're catching on. FML
Today, I've been on the verge of throwing up all day. Why? My dog is intolerant to grain, but grain-free dog food causes heart problems so she can't have that. Now our lives are filled with nasty farts and Hershey squirts with no end in sight. It's a rough time for us both. FML
Today, I gave my puppy a treat for finally doing his business in the grass instead of on the patio. He later puked it up all over the patio. FML
Today, I found dog poop in my room that had probably been there for days. My girlfriend, who was watching the house, said she didn't realize it was there, because she thought it was the smell of her own farts. FML
Today, I went to let my puppy out, and I turned around to see her peeing on the carpet. After getting her outside, I saw my little sister pooping on the floor. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
menja 29
Well, how about you stop eating dairy products then?
WCARlover 35
I'm sorry, but picturing this going down is just hilarious. Your puppy will run out of poop eventually lol
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (81)
WCARlover 35
I'm sorry, but picturing this going down is just hilarious. Your puppy will run out of poop eventually lol
SecretAgent_700 15
I don't think you know how poop works; It just keeps coming and coming from the moment you are born until you die...
menja 29
Well, how about you stop eating dairy products then?
tyza 7
Never really understood why lol
GhostFox 34
Same reason people do recreational drugs and drink alcohol... The doing part is pleasurable, it's the after effects that cause regret.
menja 29
But, but, there's lactose free alternatives! A lot of them!
yadayadak 6
And you kan drink non-alcohol drinks but people with such problems still drink alcohol
menja 29
I've been lactose intollerant for about half of my life now. I know exactly how it is, and I can say with certainty that it is not that hard to either cut the consumption or substitute it.
dramaelf 37
Put her in diapers? I've seen it done before.
benjaminlamar 4
They do that for dogs that are on their period...
tarlax 11
You're a complete retard.
S13rra01257 19
Where are you getting your info? Dogs do have periods, have you ever lived with a female dog who wasn't fixed? They have periods every six months to a year and they definitely do bleed. Trust me, I know from experience of having three female dogs.
cameosurgeon 16
lol. the blood on my sister's friend's shorts begs to differ. He was not so happy about the situation.
ItsDutch 16
I'm guessing you've never had a female dog, they do indeed bleed..
myanichole 22
#36 you sure? Gross as it is, my dog crawled on my boyfriend while on her period and bled on him.
dramaelf 37
I've seen diapers on incontinent dogs too, usually older ones. It's sort of a last resort, but certainly not unheard of.
Kougeru 12
@#38 You've CLEARLY never owned a dog that had it's period. My blood-stained mattress and carpet beg to differ.
kaed 16
You should put her outside for the time being, it will help to show her that what she is doing is wrong and it should train the bad habit out. A little bit of tough love is required when training puppies. Don't be afraid to show her who's boss.
10showgirl 16
As someone who lives next door to neighbors who only keep their dogs outside, no you should not keep a dog outside. Especially at night time. I haven't slept properly in years due to the constant barking and it gets hot during the day in the south. If OP got a puppy, I'm sure he is willing to care for it properly.
kaed 16
"Put her outside for the time being,"
pink_lightning 16
I'm sorry, but just putting a puppy outside isn't going to 'teach' it a lesson. The puppy is not going to associate it's peeing and pooping with being put outside until you build the connection for it to want to go eliminate outside. The puppy is just going to be like 'oh hey, I'm outside now, oh cool grass'. They don't have that great of a memory or the ability to connect things until you show them enough times that they make the connection. This is known as training. Lol. Storing a puppy outside until it magically learns is not training, and not helpful.
jackthekeeper 24
take her outside and flatulate away
ImTheAlpha 30
That's actually a pretty good idea.
Zgamerz 11
Well thats a shitty situation. No pun intended.
dramaelf 37
Congratulations, you're now "that guy".
Zgamerz 11
"Deez nutz"
MrConcise 35
I'd rather him not own up to it, it's easier to dislike him this way.
amanda182 19
Yeah, just bring her outside and when she poops or pees give her a treat and congratulate her like crazy to show that it's good. And if she goes in the house scold her and bring her outside. I had a litter of 4 puppies in my house, believe me it gets better lol.
Dodge4x4Ram 46
I believe you ?
iPixelCheese 19
It's just another challenge in training your puppy, but if you succeed, you won't regret in the future.
Teyros 24
You can get lactose enzyme pills you know, or just stop having dairy.
Futacy 30
That's unfortunate, but if you knew you weren't lactose tolerant, then why were you eating dairy?