Miscellaneous: Today, I was at my local McDonald's having a leak when an extremely...

By Anonymous - 22/10/2010 18:32 - Norway

Today, I was at my local McDonald's having a leak when an extremely intoxicated man stumbled in, pulled down his pants, and started to pee on my shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 373

You deserved it 3 342

Miscellaneous

Mother of the year

The smell detective is on the case

Shitgibbon

By Anonymous - 11/01/2011 17:09 - United States

Today, my entire family of five is sharing one roll of toilet paper. My parents refuse to buy any, because my father can get it free from his work. He's forgotten to bring any home every day without fail for the past seven days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 428

You deserved it 3 383

It's a wrap

By victoria - 04/04/2021 21:30

Today, I had a school band concert in which I was doing a clarinet solo. I had a Laffy Taffy before the concert. Little did I know part of the wrapper got stuck in my hair. I went through the whole concert like that and I was so embarrassed when I found out afterwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 653

You deserved it 230

Always save to the cloud!

By beachedwhale21 - 22/06/2020 05:01

Today, I finally finished typing up a story I had been working on for about 7 months, saved it on my computer and left to hang with friends. Came home later to find my dad had sold my laptop in order to pay his phone bill. My hard work is now gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 853

You deserved it 222

By Baileyy - 01/03/2011 23:18 - United States

Today, while pensively thinking up my next awesome Facebook status over dinner, I finally came to the conclusion that I need to get a life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 158

You deserved it 41 144

By lonely - 01/08/2010 04:10 - United States

Today, my dad brought me home after I was in the hospital for a week. He gets me to my room, hands me a glass of water and some granola bars, then leaves me on my own so he can go play golf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 689

You deserved it 4 037

By Ticketshame - 08/05/2019 08:00

Today, I got pulled over for talking on my phone while driving. I'd lost my phone the day before. He didn’t believe me. So, I got a ticket for talking on a phone I can’t even find. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 081

You deserved it 134

Boo!

By Today - 29/09/2019 16:08

Today, in my school's rugby grand final, I had to take a penalty kick to win the game. Possibly the easiest kick I've taken all year. I stuff it up, and it completely missed. A crowd of 2000 people laughed, and later booed me off the field. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 510

You deserved it 331

Send 'em in anyway

By mega_bite - 25/08/2021 13:31 - India

Today, again I wrote out another FML. Again, I deleted it before posting. Every FML I write would seem like I'm just making stuff up, or would be so obviously me that it would just cause me grief. My life is just an endless stream of weird stuff I can't tell family or friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 636

You deserved it 251

By Noname - 15/03/2009 03:56 - United States

Today, I ran for the train that was about to leave. I tried to hold the doors open with my leg and got stuck. The conductor just yelled out how unbelievable and ridiculous I was and waited 2 minutes to finally release me. Everyone was laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 074

You deserved it 17 256

By mlowy - 09/05/2014 05:35 - Azerbaijan - Baku

Today, my computer crashed and lost all of its data while I was making a back up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 090

You deserved it 4 159

By mislead - 22/09/2014 16:43 - United States - Baton Rouge

Today, I found out that the neighborhood call-girl my husband and I secretly joke about is the same woman who secretly pleasures my husband for money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 574

You deserved it 6 135

By Anonymous - 06/12/2010 05:00 - United States

Today, I found out that my mom doesn't know my phone number, but she does know the names of both of David Hasselhoff's daughters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 487

You deserved it 3 927

By onething - 08/07/2009 17:06 - United States

Today, my boyfriend picked me up to come spend the night at his house, and on the way he started pulling over to get some condoms. I told him no need, I was on my period. He turned the car around and took me home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83 663

You deserved it 17 869

By Thebestman123 - 05/08/2011 02:45 - United States

Today, my mom was screaming at me and said, "I wish I'd never adopted you." I guess I'm adopted then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 000

You deserved it 3 206

By Anonymous - 13/08/2015 01:18 - United States - Kingman

Today, I let out a huge fart during a job interview. I was the one conducting the interview. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 346

You deserved it 5 169

By Anonymous - 20/11/2012 17:23 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I woke up to a disappointed boyfriend. He told me he spent an hour last night farting on my pillow to see if I would wake up with pink-eye. He's 23 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 671

You deserved it 3 437

By wtf - 10/01/2014 16:47 - United States - Delmar

Today, my grandpa took my face in both hands, kissed me on the lips, said "Now you can tell all your friends you've had your first kiss," and walked out of the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 930

You deserved it 4 961

Stuck

By Tabeling101 - 12/12/2016 01:51

Today, I was in Walmart on a motorized cart and got stuck on a clothing rack next to a super hot guy. Panicking, I said "I just had surgery, I'm a new driver." After failing to get myself unstuck he had to pull the clothes rack and I apart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 556

You deserved it 1 426

By that one anon - 07/05/2015 06:27 - United States - San Diego

Today, I called one of my old coworkers to see how she was doing. My boyfriend answered the phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 882

You deserved it 2 526

By ripped off and blown out - 08/06/2017 00:00

Today, I was driving to visit my parents for the first time in two years. After spending about $4000 to make sure my car wouldn't break down on the journey, around the halfway point, the front tire popped and the engine blew out. I'm about 5 states away from both my parents and my home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 651

You deserved it 474

By Annonymous - 18/10/2012 14:41 - United States

Today, an exterminator sprayed for cockroaches in my dorm room. After classes I got back to find three large cockroaches on top of my bed. Now that the exterminator has sprayed everything, all the cockroaches are coming out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 291

You deserved it 1 906

By snapped - 13/11/2009 04:19 - United States

Today, my 6 year old daughter asked me if the tooth fairy was real. I said yes, and she said she wanted to try to catch her. Later, she pulled out a tooth and put it under her pillow. I came in to take out the tooth and replace it with money. There were mouse traps behind her pillow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 026

You deserved it 9 402

By husbands addiction - 26/03/2014 18:00 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I got billed for $80 of Justin Bieber music. It wouldn't have been so bad if it were my daughter who bought it all, instead of my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 482

You deserved it 4 391

By please stay on the line - 07/05/2017 04:00

Today, I was sitting in the break room when my boss came in and yelled at me about a mistake. Because I've worked in customer service for years, I instinctively responded with, "I'm terribly sorry to hear that, sir. I hope you'll still consider us in the future." FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 802

You deserved it 872

By anonymous - 15/06/2019 02:25

Today, while I was walking along the sidewalk, someone passed by and said, "Tuck that nose in." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 677

You deserved it 143

By Dumbass Dude - 24/05/2019 14:10

Today, I pulled into a parking lot, for the car to simply shut off because I ran out of gas. Then I couldn't get the key out of the ignition, so I called my dad, who walked all the way to where I was, only to find out that the car was still in drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 643

You deserved it 2 002

By Anonymous - 24/06/2012 11:38 - Italy

Today, it was my boyfriend's grandfather's funeral and visitation. These things make me nervous, and not thinking, I made comments that included the words "killing", "dying", and "death". I'm a rubbish support system. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 892

You deserved it 7 469

By Anonymous - 05/09/2014 21:37 - Sweden - Ume

Today, I tried to pull the old "bucket of water above the door" prank on my brother, but the bucket didn't fall when he opened the door. He noticed it, took it down, then pinned me to the floor and waterboarded me with the ice-cold water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 942

You deserved it 41 484

By Charon - 09/10/2009 22:11 - United States

Today, I asked a girl I like to homecoming. I brought her to my house beforehand for dinner with my family. My brother asked her whether we were just friends or dating, she shouts "Just friends!" and then starts flirting with him with me in the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 304

You deserved it 3 813

By sopissed - 13/06/2012 18:13 - United States - Laurel

Today, I went to take my driver's test, and I did almost everything perfectly. The last thing was to back into a driveway. As I went to put my hand on the passenger seat to look over my shoulder, I got so nervous that I hit my instructor in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 588

You deserved it 3 608

By princev - 18/06/2011 10:32 - United States

Today, I thought it would be funny to jump in the pool while holding my cat. I am currently in the hospital due to the severe cuts on my face and throat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 577

You deserved it 112 629

By Anonymous - 12/04/2014 05:24 - United States

Today, I found out I was pregnant. When I told my boyfriend, his response was, "I'll start watching pregnant porn to build up an attraction to it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 769

You deserved it 8 376

By IEatDammit - 30/01/2009 03:26 - Canada

Today, I had a stomach virus, so I didn't eat anything. My new roommate asked me if I was anorexic and to prove I wasn't, I ate a sandwich in front of her... Only to go into the bathroom and throw it up later. She heard and now thinks I'm bulimic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 353

You deserved it 6 175

By Anonymous - 28/05/2016 23:05 - Netherlands

Today, my brother "borrowed" my car and keys without asking me. He came back 4 hours later, alone and pale faced. It took half an hour of questions, interrogation, and finally threats before he admitted that my car is sitting in a ditch a few miles away, probably totaled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 210

You deserved it 871

By Nchristine - 27/05/2010 20:59 - United States

Today, I came home to find my dad had backed into my already crappy car. The reason they didn't buy me a nicer car in the first place was they were afraid I'd wreck it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 879

You deserved it 4 117

By SadAndAlone - 03/12/2015 16:41 - Sweden - Nacka

Today, I got the most action I've had in months when a stranger fondled my thigh on the subway. It was a blind man, searching for empty seats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 553

You deserved it 1 963

I'M ALSO HERE

By Steiner - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Troy

Today, my relatives won't acknowledge my existence unless I'm posting a picture of my cat. They only talk about the cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 757

You deserved it 3 487

Father of the year

By Anonymous - 15/09/2021 22:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my husband is so emotionally disconnected from fatherhood, he has yet to call our son by his name and instead just refers to him as 'It' or 'That' and occasionally just 'Him'. Sometimes he’ll even ignore him crying and just leave the room because the noise annoys him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 575

You deserved it 231

By ITM21 - 09/03/2012 06:43 - United States

Today, I accused a student in my class of getting his dad to do his homework. It turns out that his dad died 2 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 759

You deserved it 57 879

By Anonymous - 25/12/2010 23:21 - United States

Today, I rented a copy How To Train Your Dragon for my young son to watch. I put the DVD in, hit play without paying attention, and went off to make lunch. A few minutes later, my son ran into the kitchen screaming. Apparently, there was a mix up at the rental store and I got a copy of Saw IV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 442

You deserved it 11 826

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Top comments

DrAwesome 6

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Saturday 23 October 2010 0:15

Well, it seems to me that... *puts on sunglasses* ... urine trouble.

DocBastard 38

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Saturday 23 October 2010 0:03

Well, just remember that it's better to be pissed off than... Oh, nevermind.

sweet_candy_ 17

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Friday 22 October 2010 23:52

Ewww that's gross.

Hgielad_720 0

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Friday 22 October 2010 23:55

My thoughts exactly.

crazycornn 0

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Saturday 23 October 2010 0:01

lul, so OP just stood there while a drunk guy walked toward them and pulled down his pants? why didn't you just walk away? xD

RehcieR 0

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Saturday 23 October 2010 0:52

Today I pissed on some guys shoes. MLIA

dandog94 0

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Saturday 23 October 2010 2:43

hahahaha i woulda punched him in the face

KingDingALing 9

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Saturday 23 October 2010 3:04

You should've turned around and started to pee on him. It would be a game of Who Can Pee for the Longest Time On Someone.

pinkpillowz 0

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Saturday 23 October 2010 4:18

haha^^

XxBlackamusPrime 5

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Saturday 23 October 2010 7:04

I wudda punched that nigga so hard

valri3 0

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Saturday 23 October 2010 14:34

So op your didn't see that coming? I mean come on the dude is pulling down his pants in front of you.

trueblue42 4

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Saturday 23 October 2010 15:49

I woulda been like "awk-warrrrrd"......

dorworters 9

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Thursday 21 March 2013 4:13

punch him in the face...?

scarface23 0

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Saturday 23 October 2010 0:02

yes I agree number 1

LeFrogDog 27

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Saturday 23 October 2010 1:03

return the favor and puke/pee on him 8-)

DocBastard 38

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Saturday 23 October 2010 0:03

Well, just remember that it's better to be pissed off than... Oh, nevermind.

soul_fml 0

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Saturday 23 October 2010 0:44

Confucious saying # 24

djmigues 7

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Saturday 23 October 2010 6:14

This.

mattman1994 0

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Saturday 23 October 2010 0:09

Dont clean up the piss, McDonalds needs it for the food...

Sirin_fml 46

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Saturday 23 October 2010 0:14

I'm Sirin, and I endorse this comment on behalf of Burger King.

StaticSky 2

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Saturday 23 October 2010 0:15

LOL

ryan89ryan 0

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Saturday 23 October 2010 6:31

hahahahaha!

FaberDriveLuv 5

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Saturday 23 October 2010 0:10

._.

machiko_fml 0

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Saturday 23 October 2010 0:28

haha I love that show.

samuel18 0

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Saturday 23 October 2010 8:19

lol what show!!?

bummervacation 10

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Saturday 23 October 2010 0:12

I bet that pissed you off, didn't it? haha

DrAwesome 6

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Saturday 23 October 2010 0:15

Well, it seems to me that... *puts on sunglasses* ... urine trouble.

wwerulez14 6

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Saturday 23 October 2010 3:13

YYYYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!

valri3 0

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Saturday 23 October 2010 14:33

Haha

TROLLZ 0

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Saturday 23 October 2010 0:17

YDI for eating at McDonald's.

joseph42424233 0

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Saturday 23 October 2010 6:28

3 million burgers sold daily. nuff said. except for the fact that alot of people who say that are really just Trying to seem health smart, size 70 wasteline pls? TROLOlOLoLOL