Miscellaneous: Today, I was at the Apple Store taking random pictures of myself.... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41

You deserved it 3

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 101

You deserved it 6

Spicy

Spicy

Lightning Bolt

By LightningRod - 18/10/2021 11:00

Spicy

Today, I have an internal defibrillator from trauma to my heart 12 years ago. I finally experienced for the first time what it's like when it shocks me. Nothing says I'm a keeper like getting kicked in the chest and smacked upside the back of the head with a baseball bat while clapping cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 426

You deserved it 54

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 517

You deserved it 142

18/04/2009 20:46

Today, I was at the Apple Store taking random pictures of myself. I took one with a really stupid face. This girl passes by and says, "Wow, that's a cool effect! You look just like an alien!" I wasn't using any effects. It was a regular picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 982

You deserved it 10 954

Own it

Taking stock

Frittering it away

13/09/2013 05:55

Today, I had to babysit two kids. It all went well until one of them duct taped a knife to a toy machine gun, lit the barbecue on fire, and ran around like a wild banshee screaming obscenities. The other one got scared and climbed onto the roof of the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 932

You deserved it 5 412

20/07/2012 21:38

Today, I thought it would be a good idea to sneak out of work early and pay a little visit to the pub. I ended up staggering home, drunkenly making myself a nacho cheese dorito milkshake with the blender, then promptly puked my guts out all over the kitchen table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 890

You deserved it 45 399

Mr Nice Guy

By Anonymous - 23/01/2021 01:02

Today, it was our 12th anniversary. My husband only remembered because family members texted to wish us a happy anniversary. When he went out to the store to get groceries, he didn't even buy me flowers. He's also irritated that I "seem sad or something." FML

I agree, your life sucks 979

You deserved it 160

02/10/2011 04:53

Today, I was babysitting a young boy. I accidentally let a few words slip when I dropped something. He won't stop dropping the F bomb and his mother is coming to get him in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 166

You deserved it 38 130

I'm still young

By jb123 - 29/12/2019 20:00

Today, I was sitting in a waiting room with my two-month-old son. A sweet little old lady came up to me and said, "Maybe if you knew how to keep your legs closed, you wouldn't have a baby at 15, slut." I'm 23 and married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 907

You deserved it 201

Sounds like a keeper

By Anonymous - 11/04/2013 15:42

Today, my boyfriend of 2 weeks said that he was going to cook me dinner. After waiting for the frozen pizza that he decided to make for me to be completely cooked, he said, "Oh I hate this part", reached into the oven with his bare hands and took out the pizza, all while screaming. He is 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 707

You deserved it 11 850

29/09/2018 15:30

Today, I found out about my parent's divorce over Facebook from my sister who lives 8 hours away in another province. They made the decision 3 weeks ago. I live with my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 480

You deserved it 243

25/04/2011 05:01

Today, I celebrated my birthday with a few friends at home. As I bent down over my cake, my friend pushed my face into it. The baker should have told me she put in a stick to support the cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 607

You deserved it 3 509

02/02/2011 05:07

Today, I was walking home from the gym. I was thinking about how proud of myself I was for losing 34 pounds when someone yelled from a car window, "Look at that fat lump!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 831

You deserved it 3 933

10/06/2011 08:09

Spicy

Today, I was given a new nickname at work due to my boss always confusing me with one of my co-workers who is taller than me. Someone suggested he just call us the same name to make it simpler, and the tall one would be big and the short one little. Everyone at my job now calls me Little Dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 459

You deserved it 4 767

19/09/2011 02:07

Today, after being dumped by my boyfriend of two years, I poured my heart out to my dad. He nodded and looked sympathetic throughout. Afterwards, I asked him what I should do. He replied, "How the hell should I know?" and awkwardly left my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 865

You deserved it 5 679

18/11/2013 18:37

Today, my water got cut off. The previous homeowners owed the water company over $300, and the company doesn't believe that I'm not them. The supervisor told me this will keep happening until I pay up. I need a shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 292

You deserved it 2 894

15/04/2014 12:08

Today, my house was robbed. My two 70-pound German Shepherds obeyed me when I told them to attack. They also obeyed the robber when he said, "Sit". FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 273

You deserved it 5 258

26/09/2009 21:23

Today, was my first day at my new job in a shop. 10 minutes after my first customer leaves I realize she managed to steal $200 worth of merchandise while she had me getting stuff for her from the back room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 880

You deserved it 7 795

06/12/2014 01:32

Today, I broke a glass case containing my pet scorpions. I still can't find them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 616

You deserved it 16 426

04/02/2009 16:51

Today, I walked past a girl in the cafeteria and she threw up. Naturally, a crowd was drawn. Her friend asked her what was wrong. She pointed at me and said, "Get him away from me!" I had never met this girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 498

You deserved it 2 678

23/06/2014 18:11

Today, I made an excuse and didn't turn up at work. Little did I know my boss did the same. We both bumped into each other at the shopping centre across town. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 808

You deserved it 25 792

13/09/2012 06:43

Today, my wife knows tattoos are a huge turnoff for me. She decided the best way to change my mind about them would be to get one. Across her neck. Of our dog's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 570

You deserved it 3 678

08/11/2016 19:15

Today, it's my birthday. The only time people have contacted me is to ask who I voted for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 539

You deserved it 904

25/12/2009 20:27

Today, from my girlfriend of five years, I got my clothes back, my engagment ring and a card that says, "Merry Christmas! It's me not you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 522

You deserved it 2 576

30/04/2014 05:17

Today, while I was making dinner, my husband argued that our new dog has intelligence issues, and we should give him away. I angrily defended the poor thing, and had almost won, until the dog walked over and licked the inside of the hot oven door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 754

You deserved it 6 140

01/09/2016 01:37

Today, I had a full day of work, a social event, and a doctor's appointment. My son looked at me when I got home and said, "Are your pants on backwards?" Yes, yes they were. All day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 857

You deserved it 2 209

15/07/2011 01:51

Today, my child was refusing to leave the playground. I had to pry her, screaming and crying, from the monkey bars. I then realized I had been assaulting someone else's kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 984

You deserved it 70 782

Nice!

By growlr - 20/07/2011 09:17

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend told me my vagina looks like an old man in a hat. It's OK though, he said it was a nice hat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 717

You deserved it 5 789

02/08/2013 14:53

Today, my girlfriend dumped me for no real reason via text message. A few hours later, she updated her relationship status on Facebook to "in a relationship." Her new "boyfriend"? Her cat. A mutual friend commented, "Well, he's better than that idiot you had before." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 194

You deserved it 6 127

19/07/2010 06:38

Spicy

Today, while I was at my boyfriend's house, I got my period. About an hour after I tell him I just got my period, he impatiently says "Is it over yet?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 357

You deserved it 6 132

06/02/2009 22:14

Today, I went to my boyfriend's work to surprise him. When I got there, I called him on his phone to tell him to turn around. I saw him look at his phone. His co-worker next to him asked who that was. He replied, "Just this fat chick I know." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 634

You deserved it 4 472

29/07/2016 03:10

Spicy

Today, I was talking to a customer, when I choked on my spit. After I could breathe again I was so embarrassed I said the first thing that popped into my head, which was, "I'm sorry, I don't know how to swallow." FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 938

You deserved it 2 273

24/01/2014 21:02

Today, my mum decided that having the flu and being too lazy to go upstairs to the bathroom is a valid excuse to shit in a jug instead. 5ML

I agree, your life sucks 44 933

You deserved it 3 587

20/06/2010 07:21

Today, I was at work as a musician, sitting on a piano bench. Suddenly I found myself at eye-level with the piano, dumped on the floor by the broken bench, with my legs splayed out. I felt like I picked the wrong day to wear a skirt to work - but the audience members all disagreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 878

You deserved it 4 363

06/02/2015 18:51

Today, my mom accused me of smoking weed. Truth is, I'd just ripped the quietest and weirdest smelling fart of my life. She wouldn't believe me, accused me of making stupid excuses up, and grounded me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 734

You deserved it 3 010

29/07/2013 15:07

Today, my step-brother said to me, "If we weren't related I would fuck you so hard." Mom says I should "be grateful for such a nice compliment." FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 510

You deserved it 6 029

23/01/2017 18:00

Today, my girlfriend bought me a new hockey jersey and donated my old one. My old one was signed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 239

You deserved it 498

Scared shitless

By Anonymous - 26/06/2009 05:23

Today, I stayed after hours studying in the medical library. I was the only one left, and as I was leaving through the glass doors, I saw a person's reflection behind me. I screamed, jumped, fell into the doors, smashing my head. I'd actually seen the reflection of a medical demonstration dummy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 908

You deserved it 11 964

07/11/2008 15:33

Today, on my first day at a new job, my boss asked how old I was. I replied, "Eighteen." She responded that she was my age thirty years ago, which makes her the same age as my mum. When I told her, she gave me a puzzled look, so I repeated myself. She was my age thirteen years ago, not thirty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 201

You deserved it 14 330

27/04/2019 10:00

Today, my neighbors threatened to sue me because a six-foot branch fell off one of my trees and into their yard, hitting nothing on the way down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 121

You deserved it 214

18/04/2012 00:07

Spicy

Today, I had to put one of my preschool students in timeout for masturbating during nap time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 017

You deserved it 4 090

All in the family

By Anonymous - 04/12/2020 02:02

Today, I found out my boyfriend of a year is actually my cousin. Thanks, Mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 916

You deserved it 78

25/02/2009 23:26

Spicy

Today, we were fooling around and I was just about to orgasm when she looks at my clock and says "I have to go LOST is on in 20 minutes." FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 915

You deserved it 8 927

02/03/2014 05:03

Today, I set up a small social gathering for a few friends. One of them didn't have a ride, so the others, who'd already shown up, went to go give him a ride. After no sign of them for a whole hour, I called to see what was wrong. They went out to eat and completely forgot about me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 109

You deserved it 4 347

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Sunday 19 April 2009 2:32

It was a stupid face. You're probably not that alienoid. Your skin's not bluegreen, is it?

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Sunday 19 April 2009 2:32

LOL that's great maybe at a quick glance the picture looked more skewed? I mean...at least she didn't look at your face and say the same thing

Comments

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Sunday 19 April 2009 2:32

LOL that's great maybe at a quick glance the picture looked more skewed? I mean...at least she didn't look at your face and say the same thing

ilovefatcats 12

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Sunday 7 February 2010 6:07

that girl was probaly a idiot!

rends 0

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Saturday 17 July 2010 17:23

we'll did u intend ur stupid face to make u look hot

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Sunday 21 October 2012 8:35

72-Did you intend to have such bad grammar?

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Sunday 19 April 2009 2:32

It was a stupid face. You're probably not that alienoid. Your skin's not bluegreen, is it?

samxoxoxolala 0

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Sunday 19 April 2009 2:33

awe that suckksss:( very funny tho

LackOfControl 0

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Sunday 19 April 2009 2:36

LOL oh dry.

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Sunday 19 April 2009 2:37

you must have great facial skills

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Sunday 19 April 2009 2:38

Proof that apple products don't make you look cool.

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Saturday 4 September 2010 10:51

Apple makes cool people. they don't do that to PC users.

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Sunday 19 April 2009 2:39

this is dumb. you said you were making a stupid face, so she was probably just trying to joke about the face you were making. why are you upset she didnt think you looked good when you said yourself you were making a stupid face?

Kickinchicken213 3

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Sunday 19 April 2009 2:40

You were making a funny face! So what? I just really want to see that picture because apparently you have some mad crazy-face skills.

rocketshipsxx 0

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Sunday 19 April 2009 2:41

BAHAHAHA! that's awful! and yet, hilarious!!!

i_like_chicks 0

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Sunday 19 April 2009 2:41

HOW IS THIS AN FML? dude you're so whiny, i just wanna smack you across the face o.O this is so cheap.