Today, I was at the Apple Store taking random pictures of myself....

By sarah - 18/4/2009 20:46 - United States

Today, I was at the Apple Store taking random pictures of myself. I took one with a really stupid face. This girl passes by and says, "Wow, that's a cool effect! You look just like an alien!" I wasn't using any effects. It was a regular picture. FML

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Miscellaneous

Rock, hard place

Don't give up

You snooze, you lose

By kill me - 30/9/2018 03:00

Today, my dad overheard me and my girlfriend having a very personal conversation. His response was to burst into the room and ground me for a month for failing to get her to orgasm the last 3 times we had sex. FML

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By Scholar - 16/6/2011 16:03 - United States

Today, my professor spent the entire class showing us how to make paper airplanes. I pay over 40 grand a year for college. FML

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By Junktown - 7/7/2011 14:40 - Israel

Today, I was propositioned by an incredibly pretty girl. I'm a 24 year old virgin; she's my best mate's girlfriend. She tells him everything when drunk, and he's a black-belt in karate. This could officially be classified as torture. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/10/2013 13:43 - United States - Romulus

Today, in calculus, our substitute teacher told me I was smart. Everybody in the class, including my friends, burst out laughing. FML

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By I should have kept my mouth shut - 23/1/2013 01:35 - United States - Davis

Today, I was talking to my grandma and I mentioned the fact that tomatoes are technically fruit. It's been an hour and she's still yelling, accusing me of lying to her. FML

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By ihateithere - 25/3/2019 20:00

Today, I had to decide between buying medicine and buying food. FML

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By Suicidal - 20/12/2009 22:40 - Australia

Today, I had a mental breakdown after going through severe depression for several years. I told my boyfriend that everybody thinks I'm useless, to which he replied, "No you're not. You cook me good dinners." FML

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By notanybetter - 8/6/2019 02:00

Today, the drummer from my favorite band threw a drumstick into the crowd during a concert. It hit me on the head and bounced into my friend's hands. She left with a drumstick from a band she didn't want to see in the first place. I left with a bruise. FML

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By Eyesore - 16/4/2009 21:27 - United States

Today, I was walking back to my home in the city in the dark. I'm paranoid, so when I saw movement behind me I clutched my mace. The faster I walked, the closer the person seemed to be. I spun around and sprayed my attacker with mace. It was my shadow and the wind blew the mace back into eyes. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/2/2017 03:00 - Finland

Today, my sad ass got walked in on by a relative while I was having an imaginary conversation, with an imaginary friend, and I was talking out loud. FML

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By Erasmus - 27/10/2008 03:27 - France

Today, I went to a friend's wedding. I took stupid photos all day long and when came the moment that the bride entered the church, my battery died. FML

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By bad luck skier - 30/12/2014 20:28 - United States - Albany

Today, I went skiing. On the first run of the day, a little girl came out of nowhere and crashed into me. I was fine, but she was hurt, so I called the ski patrol. She told him that I deliberately hit her, and got me kicked out. I was there for 10 minutes. I paid for all day. FML

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By Foreveralone17362562 - 16/4/2014 02:18 - Canada - Cold Lake

Today, I was telling my dad about how annoying it was to constantly have my ten-year-old cousin message me about her new boyfriend, when he suddenly bursts out laughing about how she can get a boyfriend at ten, and I have never even kissed a guy and I'm seventeen. FML

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By superconfused16 - 20/8/2010 22:36 - United States

Today, while leaving a restaurant, a little boy grabbed onto my leg and screamed, "Mommy! Don't leave me!" Then he looked up at my face, said, "Ewww," and ran away screaming in fear. FML

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By chubbyreddevil - 31/1/2012 06:12 - United States

Today, at work, a customer threatened to punch me in the face because the store I work at doesn't have shopping baskets, only carts. FML

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By pacelily - 30/8/2016 20:32 - United States - San Marcos

Today, I met my new upstairs neighbors and their 4 kids all under the age of 6. I met them due to all the thudding upstairs. FML

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By localbarista - 3/8/2011 23:46 - United States

Today, a customer threw his cup of coffee at me screaming that it wasn't hot enough. Well, maybe it wasn't hot enough for him, but it was sure hot enough to burn me. FML

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By boobmilk - 8/3/2018 06:00 - United States - Hesperia

Today I left my 8-week-old with my brother so I could return to work. His wife took all the breast milk I'd packed out of the fridge and poured it out. According to her, it was “gross” and she didn’t want it near her food. My son is allergic to formula. FML

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By KittyKat168 - 9/9/2016 09:34 - Germany

Today, I managed to spill Superglue on the one place you absolutely shouldn't spill Superglue. FML

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By 918boyz - 4/2/2009 22:23 - United States

Today, I got in line at the grocery store. The woman in front of me looked right at me, turned to her friend, and said "That reminds me, I forgot to get acne cream." FML

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By Nachos4lifs - 8/11/2019 01:00

He did not care

Today, after years of pretty much no sex from my long term partner, I admitted I was having dreams about sex with other people. I hoped to get a reaction from him. However, he didn't react at all. FML

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By brittsters - 4/9/2015 17:46 - Canada - Hamilton

Today, I went to visit my mom and my 3-month-old sister. I picked the baby up, totally unaware that she had just eaten. As I went to give her a kiss, she vomited straight into my mouth. Let's just say she wasn't the only one who puked. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/5/2015 16:04 - United States - San Francisco

Today, after a broken smoke detector in my home caused the fire department to come, I got an angry visit from my neighbor who was upset because she had parked in front of a fire hydrant and got a ticket. She demands that I pay it, "or else." FML

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By yawho - 25/2/2009 07:25 - Japan

Today, a customer that I've been waiting on for years came into the restaurant after a long absence. I said to him, "Hey man, it looks like you lost a lot of weight! How'd you do it?" He replied, "I got cancer." FML

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By Marfo101 - 16/1/2015 15:41 - Ghana - Accra

Today, a pretty girl joined the line at the bus station. I let her skip the line and go before me so I could sit next to her. After she bought her ticket, I realized there were no more seats left on that bus. I was told to get off, and had to take the next bus, sitting next to a snoring old man. FML

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By anonymous - 19/2/2011 13:12 - United States

Today, I was having the best sex with my husband, and right when I reached climax, he shouted "Abracadabra!" FML

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By Anonymous - 26/9/2018 23:00 - United States - Perrysburg

Today, I got random constipation followed by diarrhea. It's 1:30am and my sleeping medication is making me fall asleep, but every time I try to get off the toilet I get another diarrhea spasm. Either I fall asleep on the toilet or shit myself in my sleep. FML

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By drooler - 6/8/2009 02:23 - United States

Today, I was watching a movie with my new boyfriend. I got tired so I thought it would be cute to fall asleep on him. He woke me up and said "You got me wet" Thinking it was a joke, I said smoothly, "That's what she said" He replied "No really." I looked down, I'd drooled all over his shirt. FML

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By m - 22/8/2012 01:59 - United States - Stamford

Today, my boyfriend and I broke up. I was pretty upset, so one of my guy friends offered to comfort me and get some ice cream. Apparently his definition of "comforting" is to feel my tits and try to get me to give him head. FML

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By Ryan - 28/8/2011 20:10 - United States

Today, after a long discussion, my dad still doesn't understand how evolution works, and thinks it's a myth that was debunked a long time ago. FML

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By Mick - 20/2/2009 08:29 - United States

Today, I saw an elderly man fall in a crosswalk, so I jumped off my bike to help. As I helped him across, the light turned green. I then watched across a 6 lane street as someone stole my bike. FML

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By anonymous - 21/11/2012 18:16 - United States - Tucson

Today, I have a final for my precalculus class. After hours of studying this week, I felt pretty optimistic. Until I got to class and realized that I'd forgotten my calculator. FML

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By WakeUpToADream - 25/9/2015 20:43 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my girlfriend is as punctual as a German train; I woke up to see her taking a dump into a plastic bag in our bedroom, all because my roommate was using the bathroom and she had to leave for work on time. FML

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By emselin - 18/9/2012 20:07 - Denmark - Niv

Today, someone brought cake to class. Trying to get some attention from the guy I have a crush on, I asked if he wanted my piece of cake. He accepted it, and then offered it to another girl. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/1/2016 02:07 - United States - Hillsboro

Today, after much reflection, I realized my "happy childhood" was more like "the years I was oblivious to how much people despised me." FML

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By princess - 12/4/2014 21:01 - United States - San Marcos

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting frisky, and I whispered that I love him. He immediately lost his boner, and a few minutes later "remembered" he had to be somewhere else. FML

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By Banana_Lord - 11/9/2015 23:50 - United Kingdom - Arbroath

Today, I rode my new bike for the first time. I made it less than 100 feet from my driveway before I was almost flattened by someone driving on the wrong side of the road. Upside: I managed to get out of the way. Downside: I did it by slamming my brand new, expensive bike into a wall. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/3/2009 16:18 - United States

Today, I was at my friends house celebrating his 16th birthday. I couldn't find my phone so I asked my friend's girl if I could borrow her phone to see if I could hear mine ringing. I dial my number and look down to find she has my number is saved in her phone as ASS FACE #3. FML

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By sarah - 6/6/2020 20:00

Respect should be earned

Today, while out in public, my stepmom turned and screamed at me for a good while for “walking through a door before an elder.” People stared. FML

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By bigmozwoman - 18/9/2015 02:18 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I was driving students home on my school bus. I looked up in time to see a student wipe what would be one of many boogers across the window. As I'm cleaning the window, I tell her, "This is disgusting." Her reply? "No, it's not. It's PERFECT!" FML

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Top comments

By Bhetti | 0

#123358 - Sunday 19 April 2009 2:32

It was a stupid face. You're probably not that alienoid.

Your skin's not bluegreen, is it?

By mewzik | 0

#123355 - Sunday 19 April 2009 2:32

LOL that's great
maybe at a quick glance the picture looked more skewed?
I mean...at least she didn't look at your face and say the same thing

Comments

By mewzik | 0

#123355 - Sunday 19 April 2009 2:32

LOL that's great
maybe at a quick glance the picture looked more skewed?
I mean...at least she didn't look at your face and say the same thing

ilovefatcats | 12

#832371 - Sunday 7 February 2010 6:07

that girl was probaly a idiot!

rends | 0

#1101727 - Saturday 17 July 2010 17:23

we'll did u intend ur stupid face to make u look hot

FlyMeAway | 2

#5064776 - Sunday 21 October 2012 8:35

72-Did you intend to have such bad grammar?

By Bhetti | 0

#123358 - Sunday 19 April 2009 2:32

It was a stupid face. You're probably not that alienoid.

Your skin's not bluegreen, is it?

By samxoxoxolala | 0

#123365 - Sunday 19 April 2009 2:33

awe that suckksss:(
very funny tho

By LackOfControl | 0

#123384 - Sunday 19 April 2009 2:36

LOL oh dry.

By rachelhuggo | 0

#123390 - Sunday 19 April 2009 2:37

you must have great facial skills

By TimesHero | 0

#123398 - Sunday 19 April 2009 2:38

Proof that apple products don't make you look cool.

MearaRocks | 0

#1349669 - Saturday 4 September 2010 10:51

Apple makes cool people. they don't do that to PC users.

By kk_fml | 0

#123406 - Sunday 19 April 2009 2:39

this is dumb. you said you were making a stupid face, so she was probably just trying to joke about the face you were making. why are you upset she didnt think you looked good when you said yourself you were making a stupid face?

By Kickinchicken213 | 3

#123409 - Sunday 19 April 2009 2:40

You were making a funny face! So what? I just really want to see that picture because apparently you have some mad crazy-face skills.

By rocketshipsxx | 0

#123412 - Sunday 19 April 2009 2:41

BAHAHAHA! that's awful! and yet, hilarious!!!

By i_like_chicks | 0

#123415 - Sunday 19 April 2009 2:41

HOW IS THIS AN FML? dude you're so whiny, i just wanna smack you across the face o.O this is so cheap.