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Parental guilt

By low_expectations - 18/10/2020 08:08 - United States - New York

Today, my mother tried guilt-tripping me about coming home for the holidays by explaining that, “according to average life expectancy,” she and my father could be dead in the next 10-25 years. I’m already coming home for the holidays. She knows this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 158

You deserved it 101

How can I stay mad at you?

By Anonymous - 28/03/2023 16:00 - United States

Today, I came home to find that my dog had chewed up my brand new, expensive pair of shoes. I was so angry that I yelled at him and he cowered in fear. But then, as I looked at his sad little face, it dawned on me that I was the one in the wrong for getting so upset over something materialistic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 259

You deserved it 996

WTF dad?

By Anonymous - 01/01/2022 01:59

Today, my husband ranted about how children are awful, and parents who claim they love their kids are complete liars, and if everyone admitted that we hated our kids and resented them for existing, there’d be a lot more happy childless couples. We don’t even have kids for him to hate this much. WTF? FML

I agree, your life sucks 983

You deserved it 247

Cake, eating it…

By Go_There - 26/10/2020 08:01 - United States - Madison

Today, I'm in an open marriage and had to admit to myself that I caught feels for my "friend with benefits" who was only interested in the "benefits" part and I had to break it off. I already miss the sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 438

You deserved it 1 604

Hey you

By pappy - 03/05/2019 20:00 - United States - Lees Summit

Today, my friend asked me if I flirted with any girls during our shift. I said, "No, not any I could think of." He then told me there was a note on my windshield that said, "Call me" with a phone number on it. After my shift, I went to my car excited and read the note. It was just a penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 981

You deserved it 326

Every dog has its day

By bad bad bad bad idea - 28/01/2022 14:01 - United States

Today, I had to very seriously and very slowly explain to my friend why having a bat mitzvah for her dog was a very ignorant and insulting idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 876

You deserved it 196

By headache - 04/05/2019 14:00

Today, I have a new office-mate. I'm not particularly sensitive to odours but he wears so much cologne, I nearly throw up every time he walks in. Only 8 more hours till fresh air. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 870

You deserved it 169

Kinda based

By Anonymous - 01/04/2026 09:00

Today, a woman accused my husband of being a pedophile because he was at the playground with our daughter alone. To make matters worse, our daughter punched the woman in the face, so now she's pressing charges. FML

I agree, your life sucks 505

You deserved it 68

Only a few more years to go…

By Anonymous - 09/02/2022 16:00

Today, the lullaby I sing to my toddler makes my husband fall asleep faster than her, so basically I have to choose between not having sex or having to put up with a cranky overtired hyperactive toddler. Our house has a single bedroom where we all co-sleep, so I guess it's option one for now for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 181

You deserved it 398

Silver lining?

By girlwhywouldImarryyou - 07/09/2024 20:00 - United States - Fallbrook

Today, I received a text message from an unknown man. Apparently, after I proposed last week, she broke things off with him. I thought this affair message was a joke until he proved it by sending me photos of them together. She had told him that she was going to leave me for him, unless "I made up my mind." FML

I agree, your life sucks 612

You deserved it 122

Unwelcome home

By Bee Quarantine - 10/09/2024 16:00 - United States

Today, there is a wasp nest right next to my front door. To exit the house safely, I have to use the back door and carefully sneak over to the car. Alternatively, I can just walk everywhere. Or I can become a shut-in, but I don't think I'd last long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 320

You deserved it 175

By PineappleOfMyEye - 13/12/2018 12:30

Today, I went to check my grade, which was posted for an essay for my comp 1 class. I got a zero. I was devastated only to find out I never actually clicked the submit document button. My grade dropped 20 points. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 002

You deserved it 2 534

SO FRUSTRATIIIIIING

By Bored to death - 17/04/2023 00:00 - United States

Today, I found out one of the main causes of my depression is that my life is too sheltered and boring. My doctor and many of my friends have advised me to find a hobby. Except, everything I would like to do is either too expensive and/or impossible due to my disabilities and other mental disorders. FML

I agree, your life sucks 815

You deserved it 293

Brand recognition

By Okay doctor - 26/02/2022 10:00

Today, after a 20-minute conversation, I'm still unable to convince my grandmother that Tylenol and Acetaminophen are the same thing. I just graduated med school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 860

You deserved it 89

Turtle

By Anonymous - 18/04/2023 22:00 - United Kingdom - Nottingham

Today, even though I diet and go to the gym, due to my hypothyroidism I'm now so overweight that when I went to hospital for an unrelated check up, the gorgeous nurse actually had to press and move around my fat-filled groin to make my penis pop out of its hiding place under the skin. I hate myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 303

You deserved it 302

Freeride

By Anonymous - 22/04/2023 12:00 - United States - Collegeville

Today, my crush and I went longboarding, because she’s into it and I told her I was too. I’d never set foot on a longboard, but I figured I’d wing it and pray for the best. Long story short, I ended up with a broken arm and a concussion. Bad decisions, man. They suck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 216

You deserved it 1 282

No more pranks please

By Anonymous - 21/04/2026 22:00 - United States - Norco

Today, I wanted to prank my girlfriend for a video. I told her to pose for a photo where I got down on one knee and pretended to propose. She was so upset, she kicked me right in the face and dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74

You deserved it 1 120

Lesson learned

By Anonymous - 28/04/2023 12:00 - United Kingdom - Nottingham

Today, my kid was lying on the floor in Morrisons screaming, no matter what I tried to do, until another mother came, picked him up, and dumped him in the trolley seat. She then looked me up and down and said, “Girl, he’s 4 years-old and 3 feet tall, grow some fucking backbone.” She was so right too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 278

You deserved it 1 757

2003 TV flashback

By Anonymous - 05/05/2023 18:00

Today, my son brought home a girlfriend who actually talks like Vicky Pollard from Little Britain. I simply couldn’t take her seriously, or even understand what she was talking about. This has to be a prank. In fact, it better be because it’s not funny. My son's an idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 617

You deserved it 312

Sticky situation

By Anonymous - 05/12/2020 16:58 - Canada - Holyrood

Today, all was going fine until I had a tickle in my throat, which turned into a coughing fit. Only to cough for the last time and shart my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 897

You deserved it 149

Grossed out

By vomiting - 07/03/2022 16:00

Today, my boyfriend took me home to have dinner with his parents. I couldn’t eat a single bite after watching his mom let her three dogs taste all the food off her hands, while she also licked her own fingers while cooking. Later on, he dumped me for being rude and “too high maintenance." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 315

You deserved it 157

RIP in peace

By AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA - 09/05/2023 18:00 - United States

Today, I got to find out for myself if dying in a dream causes you to die in real life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 541

You deserved it 194

Out of pocket

By Anonymous - 12/05/2023 00:00 - India - Kannur

Today, I woke up in my boss’s sofa. I was covered in vomit, my head was hurting too much, and the only thing I could remember from the party the day before was that I was holding hands with my boss. I thought the story ended there but turns out I bit him on the neck, not once, not twice, but thrice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 223

You deserved it 1 129

Extreme bathtimes

By Anonymous - 15/10/2024 06:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I am a silly man who thought I could still get in and out of the bath at 76 years-old, even though I have only had showers for the past 15 years. So, when I got stuck in the bath, I had to call my poor wife to come and help my naked ass stand up, and yes, she asked me to write this for laughs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 563

You deserved it 143

SCREAM!

By nah - 11/03/2022 02:00 - United States

Today, my horror movie-obsessed girlfriend hit a new level of crazy when she asked me to dress up as Ghostface during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 990

You deserved it 272

Grateful

By Anonymous - 18/12/2020 08:08 - United States - Cleveland

Today, my mom made me shovel our long driveway, as it had just snowed a couple of inches. It took me two and half hours to finish. She came out and said, "Wow, is this really the best you can do?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 002

You deserved it 181

Lost in translation

By ThatLove - 28/05/2023 00:02

Today, my boyfriend lamented that I do not profess my love for him as often and poetically as he does his for me. I try my best, but he's Italian and I am German, and this is not a level playing field. FML

I agree, your life sucks 881

You deserved it 169

Institutional

By Anonymous - 30/05/2023 18:00 - United States

Today, although we are Asians, my father told me not to date other Asians, particularly anyone Chinese or Vietnamese, because I will have nothing but trouble. He's also not fond of me dating Black or Latino people. No surprise, he wants me to bond with my old, stupid, white supremacist high school classmate again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 866

You deserved it 180

Freaked out

By m…… - 10/04/2022 00:00

Today, after I'd got into a steady routine for months, the new manager waltzed into the store out of the blue and began changing every single rule. I had a panic attack and cried, for which she promptly fired me for “acting like a baby.” I’m autistic and I don’t do well with sudden changes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 590

You deserved it 249

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The Top

Today, my dad got so drunk that he forgot my name. He started calling me "It". FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 552

You deserved it 3 370

Today, I was at the bar. A man started to hit on me. He claims to have a fetish for pregnant women. I'm not pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 793

You deserved it 6 024

Today, I was having sex with my new boyfriend, and I realized that he enjoys making airplane sound effects while inserting himself inside of me. Moment ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 834

You deserved it 5 735

Today, I was called ugly and viciously ridiculed by a couple of teenage girls. They were wearing uggs and vests that made them look like a freak-show of bleached pomeranians. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 951

You deserved it 3 182

Today, my dog got out and ran off at 8 p.m., so I had 11 friends and family looking in the freezing cold night for it until 11:30 p.m. Turns out, the dog was locked in the garage the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 069

You deserved it 1 319

Today, on our way home, my cousin, step dad and I noticed a man trying to kidnap a young girl. As good citizens, we called the police so they could catch the man. Nine police cars showed up at my house because dispatch told them we were the kidnappers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 039

You deserved it 157