By Anonymous - 31/1/2021 02:01

Eco-friendly

Today, my colleague heated 1,5 liters of water, waited visibly impatient the several minutes it took to boil, made himself one cup of tea, then poured the rest down the drain. Maximum amount of time and energy wasted in one go? Check. FML

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Good kid

BO Central

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By hannahg - United States - Romulus

Today, my dad yelled at me for being irresponsible while he watched me fold his laundry. FML

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By kiriakousauce21 - France

Today, I woke up thinking after wearing glasses and contacts all my life that I had miraculously been corrected to 20/20. Turns out I had just fallen asleep with my contacts in. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, the guy I'd been talking to online and liked came to my house party with a bunch of mutual friends. He spent the night sitting in the corner on the sofa talking to my cat. I woke up later to see that not only had he crashed for the night, but he'd curled up in the dog basket. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I discovered my boyfriend is incredibly ticklish on the bottom of his feet. Trying to be a bit flirty, I slowly slid two fingers down his calf and mockingly tickled his feet. He reacted by inadvertently elbowing me in the nose, nearly breaking it. FML

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By Jordan - 12/11/2020 05:02 - United States - Herndon

Luck of the draw

Today, I waited 3 hours and paid $360 to have a routine tuneup done on my old car. As I pulled into my driveway, about to turn off the engine, one of my headlights blew. FML

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By it's awkward - United States - Costa Mesa

Today, at Subway, the pretty girl serving made me so nervous that I forgot what cucumbers were called. FML

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By JulesBlues

Today, I sat in my doctor's office and broke down, crying and shaking, with a blood pressure of 190, getting off my chest everything that has gone wrong in my life lately. To which the doctor, well into her sixties, replied, "My goodness, I've never met anyone with so many problems!" FML

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By sad - Reserved

Today, my parents got rid of our detachable shower head. Looks like I'm single again. FML

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By bchorror

One ring to…

Today, I went to take out my NuvaRing. To my surprise, I couldn’t find it. I’ve had unprotected sex almost every day this month. I don’t know when it fell out. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I realized that I'll have to explain to my child that mommy and daddy met on World of Warcraft. FML

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By idontknowwhatiamdoing - Canada - Toronto

Today, I handed in the answer sheet an hour into a 3-hour long exam because I couldn't answer most of the questions. Now, everyone thinks I'm genius because I "finished" quickly and they want me to tutor them. FML

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By liu_kang - United States

Today, my schlong decided to enter Mortal Kombat with my pants zipper. Guess which of the two won a flawless victory? FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I put on my "fat jeans" because none of my other jeans fit. Neither do my fat jeans. FML

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By GD - Canada

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. I cried and told him that I loved him. He gave me a quarter and told me to call someone who cared. I threw the quarter in his face and ran. I waited for the bus, but when I got on, I realized I was 25 cents short of the fare. I walked home in the rain. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, for the fifth time this month, I had to explain to a group of people that yes, my name really is Donald Trump. Like all the other groups, they burst out laughing and did some Trump impressions for 15 minutes. FML

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By jasonvanr - South Africa - Pretoria

Today, a woman kindly asked if she might take a photo of her son in our cowboy boots. Thinking it couldn't do much harm, I agreed. Ten minutes later there was a butt naked three year-old and his entire family taking pictures in my shoe store. My manager wasn't impressed. FML

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By Anonyme - China - Shanghai

Today, I'm doing an architecture course in China. My boss asked me to create a lamp shaped like a shrimp. FML

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By Ouch - United States

Today, I found out that doctors can be wrong. Pink clothes, pink stroller, pink bottles, pink bibs, pink cribs and pink bedding to go with my baby that recently came out with a little pink penis. FML

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By PerpetuallyHappy - United States - Rochester

Today, I got sent to the principal's office because my Dad decided that instead of signing his name, he would sign, "Ms. Bigtits", because he wanted to make sure the teachers were paying attention to what their students handed in. FML

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By baby, baby no - United States - Ladys Island

Today, I stepped outside the house with my wife. She looked up at the sky and asked me in all seriousness if stars are man-made. FML

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By Anonymous - Estonia

Today, I stole a bite of my boyfriend's hamburger. He threw a fit, saying I took too big a bite and I had to replace it with a new, more expensive one. Afterwards, he said how lucky I was he didn't break up with me then and there. FML

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By mcdman - United States

Today, one of my employees lit my tie on fire. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, a cashier asked me if I would like to donate to breast cancer research. Since I have already made my donations this month, I politely declined. The cashier snorted and said, "Maybe you'll feel differently if someone you love got cancer." I'm a two-year survivor. FML

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By future teacher - Paraguay - Fernando De La Mora

Today, I was observing a children's class as a part of a training program. The teacher asked me to take one kid to the nurse's office because she wasn't feeling well. As soon as we step outside, I slip and fall down, taking the little girl with me. FML

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By itwasmyfavoriteshirt - United States - Bentonville

Thanks, auntie

Today, my aunt borrowed my favorite shirt. Don't worry, she returned it. Complete with jizz stains. FML

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By spekledworf - United States - Wrentham

Today, I discovered why the milk in my house has a funny, sweet taste. My family has been pouring the leftover milk from their cereal back into the carton. FML

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By screwed - Australia - Perth

Today, as a last resort for my back problems, I tried acupuncture. After the needles were placed and the doctor had left, I couldn't move for 30 minutes. I had a panic attack. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Wheaton

Today, my girlfriend hasn't spoken to me in a week, so I gave her a call. No reply. I texted her, and got a text back saying: "Sorry, dude. Better luck next time!" FML

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By snarly1 - United States

Today, my boss asked me what language I was speaking. I was clearly speaking English, but apparently, "indifferent" is too big a word for him to understand. I don't know how he got into a management position. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I am two months pregnant. Being super hormonal, I was crying about how much I was crying. My husband put his arms around me to comfort me, and I sobbed so hard that I threw up all over him. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/8/2020 14:02

Party in my underpants!

Today, you could think I was hosting a festival. Main event: Aunt Flow & The Zits. Preceded by: Mopey & the Munchies. After Party with: The Bloats and The Farts. Whoever hasn’t left by then will have to see The Bloody Underpants. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I sliced my finger open because my roommate's girlfriend put a broken ceramic plate in the recycling. I was putting some paper in the bin and all of a sudden, an inch and a half of my flesh is naked to the world. I don't have medical insurance, so I fixed it with superglue. FML

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By :$ - Canada - Niagara Falls

Today, I had to scream for my dad to come help me, after I got my hair caught in a fan while trying to make the Darth Vader voice. FML

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By Mamallama

Today, I leaned down to pick up my infant son from his highchair. He reached up and grabbed the first thing available to him: my nipple. I got purple-nurpled by my baby. FML

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By NaurLalaith

Today, I bought an iPhone SE, so my mom decided to sell my old iPhone 5 on Craigslist. Since the 5 and SE look exactly the same, she ended up selling my SE instead of the 5 for $100. The buyer refuses to give it back. FML

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By Mothertucker

Today, I came across one of the pitfalls of having open discussions with my 15-year-old son when he asked me how to shave his pubes. FML

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By concernedsis - United States - Atlanta

Today, I heard some gossip at school about a weird kid who supposedly jerks off at every house he visits. They were talking about my brother. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/3/2021 11:01

Bye bye love

Today, I got dumped by my girlfriend. Apparently, it's my fault because I act like I don't care… and guess what? She's posting little embarrassing details about me on her Facebook wall. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Friendswood

Today, I brought a boy over to my house to help with a history project. My mom suddenly swooped in and bombarded him with questions about his and my sex life, and how she wants to have exactly four grandchildren. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I saw a car on the side on the highway with a popped tire. The driver didn't have a spare, so I nicely gave them mine. One hour later my tire popped. FML

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Top comments

By tounces7 | 27

#7968290 - Sunday 31 January 2021 3:53

Is this supposed to be an FML for him for lacking efficiency? Or for having a coworker who's that concerned with what he does with his time?

By BatCatTaco | 10

#7968300 - Sunday 31 January 2021 4:40

I bet he's in management...

COMMENTS

By peterblack67 | 9

#7968283 - Sunday 31 January 2021 2:33

And??

By tounces7 | 27

#7968290 - Sunday 31 January 2021 3:53

Is this supposed to be an FML for him for lacking efficiency? Or for having a coworker who's that concerned with what he does with his time?

By BatCatTaco | 10

#7968300 - Sunday 31 January 2021 4:40

I bet he's in management...

By RichardPencil | 30

#7968309 - Sunday 31 January 2021 6:47

Almost a full kWh, and without knowing the wattage of the heating element, I can't guess the time wasted.

By ghostinflames | 13

#7968340 - Sunday 31 January 2021 9:26

oh