Today, I had to cover for a coworker so I worked a 12-hour shift....

By Anonymous

Today, I had to cover for a coworker so I worked a 12-hour shift. I worked so late, I missed the final episode of Game of Thrones, which I have been really looking forward to. Guess who texted me, talking about how it ended? FML

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Serious times

Messed up

Triage

By Axlgrows

Today, a friend admitted that the reason I got the nickname Axl is because I was an A cup with XL underwear. I guess I should be called Axxl now. FML

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9348

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By XxDiabolikalXx - France

Today, while having dinner, my boyfriend decided to tell everyone about our sex life. It wouldnt have been too bad except my father was sitting right next to me. My boyfriends excuse was that he wanted to make my dad laugh. He isn't laughing. FML

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36419

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By gutted - United Kingdom

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She promptly had a panic attack and screamed, "No!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

31853

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By loser. - Canada

Today, I dove into the water perfectly, and my bikini bottoms came off. I splashed around nervously. This guy must have thought I was drowning, and dove in to save me. He emerged from the water carrying a half naked girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33517

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By dontgivemechecks

The customer is sometimes devious

Today, I found out that I accidentally returned a customer her $147 check she had written out to pay for her groceries and receive cash back. The lady got free groceries and money, and I'm now losing my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1190

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By airborne - United States

Today, I saw someone drive recklessly as if they were drunk. When I called the cops, I got pulled over by another cop for talking on my cell phone. FML

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56098

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By Anonymous - United States - Erie

Today, while doing some spring cleaning, I found the remains of my goldfish, which I was sure my cat ate last year. FML

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42536

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By FUUUUCK - United Kingdom

Today, I was Skyping with a guy I'm really into. I'm not supposed to Skype at night, so when I heard my mum coming, I minimized the window. She walked in before I could mute my mic and started bitching me out for flushing my tampons down the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43383

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By apparentlyweird

Haters Gonna Hate

Today, my dad's new girlfriend's daughter came over with them. She had a tantrum because my brand new computer, which I worked and saved for, was better than her notebook, which was bought for her. So what did she do? Oh, she threw it off my desk. For some reason I'm being yelled at. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3882

You deserved it

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By Lookalike - United States - Nitro

Today, three different strangers stopped me on the street and asked if I was Brad Pitt. Either there's some kind of conspiracy going on, or I'm the world's ugliest woman. FML

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56363

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By Numou - France

Today, I pointed out to my girlfriend that she wasn't jealous. She replied, "Well actually, I am, I just can't prove it cause no one else is interested in you". FML

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28859

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By krissy - United States

Today, I found out that the sleazy guy I met with a few days ago decided to move into my home town to "be closer" to me. I've already told him I'm not interested in him, but he still continues to ask me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34764

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By lolographic24 - Norway

Today, it was my turn to take out the trash. While walking to the dumpster, I slip and fall. It doesn't really hurt, so I get up and go to the dumpster, but the top is frozen stuck. It won't budge. Then I really pull with a lot of force, and the lid swings open and busts my nose. FML

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25273

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By Tyto - United States - Lewes

Today, I learned that the only reason my girlfriend stayed with me is because I drove us to school every morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6838

You deserved it

573

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By inheritance - Denmark - Lyngby

Delayed

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She said, "Sure, but not yet." As we've been together for five years, I was a bit confused, but she cleared that up with, "Not until your dad has died, I don't want him to ruin my wedding with a bad toast." FML

I agree, your life sucks

39053

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By david99021 - Turkey - Ankara

Today, I told my mom I've been having sleep issues and asked if she could take me to the doctor. She decided I just need to read the Bible more. Needless to say, I still can't sleep. FML

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30611

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By imatotalloser

Today, after months of telling my landlord about the weak floorboards in my living room, I fell through them as I was trying to repair them myself. FML

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3190

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By anonymous - Switzerland - Unterageri

Today, something must be wrong with me. Last night, my dick went limper than overcooked spaghetti while in my wife's mouth, yet today I popped a massive boner that you could hammer nails with, while cutting the grass. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28922

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By phuckbukket7 - United States

Today, I took my girlfriend out to a fancy restaurant for her birthday. I'd arranged beforehand for some of the staff to come out and sing happy birthday to her, but it all backfired when she started panicking and had a serious anxiety attack from all the attention. FML

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49592

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By Vic - Denmark

Today, it's my birthday. The present I received from my best friend was the exact same necklace which I gave to her for her birthday two months ago. It had been unwrapped and re-wrapped in the same paper. FML

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38212

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By Anonymous

#notyourmaid

Today, at work, someone shat outside the bathroom door. Not outside the stall, but in the actual hallway. Guess who got fired for refusing to clean it up! I’m a cashier at a tool supply company and the only female employee. Four dudes refused before I did. FML

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5425

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By LC - United States

Today, I invited this guy I fooled around with over to "hang out". He's "en route", so I start to make my bed only to find my cat thought this was the best time to tell me she's sick by throwing up in my bed. I only have one set of linen. FML

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21755

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By animalover - United States

Today, I swerved to avoid hitting a dog that ran in front of my car. The dog was fine but I hit a road sign, ripped off my rearview mirror, and cracked my passenger side window. When I got out to examine the damage to my car, the dog growled at me. FML

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46733

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By LDF - France

Today, I sat in the train and the old lady sitting next to me stares at my face. I ask her if she is ok and she starts yelling "Willy! It's you! Where have you been all this time?". The entire train trip went like this. FML

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24986

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By WTF - Canada - Calgary

Today, I found out that the girl I've been talking to online and sending certain pictures to is actually my ex's new boyfriend. He ended up telling me he'd just wanted to see how he compared to me down below because my ex refused to go into detail about it. FML

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By proud parent - United States - San Antonio

Today, my two year old has learned new things from his best friend. His best friend is our dog. He's learned to eat dog food, lick people, and now he's started taking off his diaper to lift his leg and pee. FML

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11411

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By Faceplant - United States - Port Orchard

Smooth move, teach.

Today, I monitored my students as they conducted a lab experiment. I was walking to the other side of the room while looking at a student who seemed about to ask a question. When she looked up at me, I walked into a wall. FML

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2951

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By RatQuiRit

Today, I arrived at the station at 7:30pm sharp for the train... which was cancelled. FML

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57682

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By anon - United States - Arverne

Today, I got pulled over by the cops for swerving a lot while driving. I tried to explain that my dog bit the back of my neck, but as soon as I opened my door to show him the bite marks and the dog, it ran out of the car. I still can't find him. FML

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By jaimpastaggle - France

Today, after spending over two hours cleaning my kitchen from top to bottom, my 5-year-old then runs in, yells, “Snowstorm!” and throws a bag of flour all over the floor. FML

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11006

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By Anonymous - Germany

Today, after almost a week of being bed-ridden with a bad flu, my mom told me it was my job to clean the house. When I told her I still had a fever and didn't feel well, she looked at me and said in an understanding voice "It's okay honey, you can do it slowly." FML

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33795

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By Anonymous - 14/1/2021 20:01

Long road ahead

Today, I came out to one of my best friends as non-binary, and told him (with their permission) that some of our friends were trans. He told us that we were all idiots and refuses to accept us. We've known him since 3rd grade. FML

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830

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By not my fault you’re a vapid idiot - United States - Hesperia

Today, my coworker told everyone on staff that I’m a stuck up bitch because I stared blankly at her when she tried to talk to me. I tried to listen, but I zoned out after she rambled on endlessly about the Kardashians and Kanye West. FML

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2267

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By Impressionist - United Kingdom

Today, I made quite an impression on my new bin men by forgetting to put the bin out 'til the last minute. I'm sure they enjoyed a good laugh at the woman in shorts, tank top and slippers struggling with a brolly as she slipped and slid while dragging her bin up a hill in a downpour. FML

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12432

You deserved it

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By Anonymous

Today, we had a great night out with my girlfriend and even won a costume contest together. I guess I wasn't the only one who had a great night, because when I got home I found that someone had robbed my apartment. FML

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22202

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By NotTellingYouMyName - United States - South Salem

Today, with my name sounding vaguely like 'Turkey' and being in the phonebook for business purposes, people keep calling, offering to stuff me for Thanksgiving. FML

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40712

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By gottapee - United States

Today, I stepped outdoors for a minute. The wind blew the door shut, locking me outside. I've spent the last two hours pounding frantically on the windows, trying to wake my 4 year old son who is inside. I can see him sleeping soundly on the couch. FML

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By ouchouchouch - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I was adjusting my nose piercing from the inside. My mother saw and thought I was picking my nose, so she slapped my hand away, tearing my nose ring out in the process. FML

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34413

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By 20lbknockout - United States

Today, I was exercising, laid on my back, lifting weights over my head. My boyfriend thought it would be funny to casually sit by my feet and suddenly tickle them mercilessly. Caught off guard, I started wiggling, laughed and dropped the weights. On my face. FML

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By nozVail - United States

Today, I drove to my cousin's house so he could help me fix my broken tail light. On the way there, I got pulled over for having a broken tail light. FML

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Top comments

By MidnaLink | 32

#7804515 - Monday 20 May 2019 14:32

Report them. They missed work for either not being sick or a non-practical reason.

By RichardPencil | 30

#7804538 - Monday 20 May 2019 16:55

Here are my guesses:

1. Tyrion Lannister
2. George R.R. Martin
3. The Starbucks cup from the last episode.

Please deliver my prize by normal means and not by flying dragon. Thanks.

COMMENTS

By MidnaLink | 32

#7804515 - Monday 20 May 2019 14:32

Report them. They missed work for either not being sick or a non-practical reason.

By Gabriel Friedman | 4

#7804536 - Monday 20 May 2019 16:53

game of thrones sucks.

cleanburrito415 | 15

#7804615 - Monday 20 May 2019 23:35

not if youre into medieval porn

By RichardPencil | 30

#7804538 - Monday 20 May 2019 16:55

Here are my guesses:

1. Tyrion Lannister
2. George R.R. Martin
3. The Starbucks cup from the last episode.

Please deliver my prize by normal means and not by flying dragon. Thanks.

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7804807 - Tuesday 21 May 2019 18:10

Spoiler alert: Daenerys, Arya, and Sansa didn't do what they did in my dreams, and that weird kid who looks like he's the son of Penguin from Batman Returns got all the glory. Pasty-faced little shit...

By 0neiros | 13

#7805186 - Thursday 23 May 2019 0:02

You didn't miss much, which is why so many people are pissed about it being all so pointless and anticlimactic. Heaven forbid they give the fans what they fucking want...Oh, wait Avengers Endgame did. Go see it several times on how to treat your loyal fans.

By tounces7 | 27

#7805206 - Thursday 23 May 2019 1:20

You didn't miss much, it sucked.