The Top

OP here. The job was at Subway, so they really don't care about firing and hiring people enough to follow up with a drug test. We both offered! I have a great PT job at a doctor's office, but really needed extra income because COVID hit us hard. I was really surprised that they just randomly fired both of us over an assumption! WTF. The manager is a recovered addict and said she knew the signs. Umm, no, apparently you don't. We don't even have the money to DO drugs lol! Now we have no power. But still have a roof. **** 2020.

Leave me alone!

By Jack Slate - 12/12/2020 11:02

Today, my anxious, obsessive, overbearing mother called me four times. That's significantly less than usual. When I complained to my dad, he said, "She just worries about you because she loves you." I don't feel loved, I feel smothered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 855

You deserved it 151

Where's Shaggy when you need him?

By sickofthelies - 24/05/2023 06:00

Today, I'm pretty sure my husband of 8 years is sleeping with the skank who's in the fire department with him. Out of nowhere, he started texting her and wouldn’t come home until 12:30 a.m. for a whole week. When I confronted him about it, he flipped out. Sadly, it won’t be the first marriage she’s ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 296

You deserved it 200

Guess she did

By Anonymous - 04/04/2022 18:00

Today, the bank called to ask when were we going to make the mortgage payments for our family home. We were several months late. I had been transferring my mother the cash to make the mortgage payments after she lost her money gambling. She absolutely promised she would stop several months ago. I guess she lied. FML

I agree, your life sucks 645

You deserved it 1 668

Stuck in the middle

By Mark - 20/03/2017 16:00 - United States - Sparks

Today, while I was vacuuming, my cat got scared and tripped me. I landed on the vacuum handle between my legs. Not walking too well right now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 725

You deserved it 573

Thoughtful

By Anonymous - 18/03/2022 14:00

Today, for my birthday, my boyfriend bought me a sword from a TV show called Game of Thrones. He seemed disappointed at my reaction, since he spent so much money on the limited edition version. I've never watched the show, and I also have never had any interest in swords, so I don't know what he was thinking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 271

You deserved it 148

By No Nip - 25/04/2019 12:00

Today, I was making breakfast with my parrot on my shoulder. He was excited about the food, and in his rush to climb down to the counter, bit through my nipple. I had to get stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 002

You deserved it 487

Taking it well, it seems

By Gina - 12/06/2023 10:00

Today, it's been four days since I gave my husband the news that I’m pregnant, at which point he went out to “get groceries.” He still hasn’t come back. He won’t pick up my calls or texts. In fact, he blocked me on all social media and disabled his Find My iPhone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 281

You deserved it 189

By Anonymous - 04/04/2017 09:07

Today, coming home after a hard day's work was so relaxing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 790

You deserved it 496

Bitter

By RealFlexTho - 19/11/2024 12:00 - United States - Miami

Today, the woman I love, who rejected me countless times, got a boyfriend. Bitter about it, I post on my Instagram Story: “I could have been your love bug, but apparently you’re into roaches.” She posted a story of them kissing, saying, “I love my roach so much!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 58

You deserved it 1 567

By Anonymous - 12/05/2019 02:00

Today, after weeks of being hounded to go out on a date with this guy, I finally found the time and invited him over, fully intending to hook up. He stood me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 801

You deserved it 483

Waterfall

By Sonotsuave - 17/05/2019 07:00 - United States - Arlington

Today, I rushed home after my mom called saying our upstairs had flooded. Apparently, my little brother somehow broke the toilet while unsupervised and water overflowed everywhere. It even reached my closet, shoes, and books, and everything touching my floor in my room is now wet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 850

You deserved it 148

Warm holiday glow

By Anonymous - 28/11/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, I found out my husband’s former mistress is going to be at Thanksgiving dinner. Why? Because his idiot brother married the tramp AFTER the affair came to light. So now not only is the whore my sister-in-law, she’s being included in every family gathering henceforth. Fuck this family and… FML

I agree, your life sucks 680

You deserved it 219

Lizard queen

By Anonymous - 05/07/2023 06:00

Today, someone tried to guess my age. They guessed 45, then 39. I'm 35 and just spent $20,000 on plastic surgery to make myself look more youthful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 177

You deserved it 1 817

Not worth it

By Anonymous - 04/12/2024 03:00 - United States - Portland

Today, out of the kindness of my heart, and so he wouldn't have to spend any money, I gave my ex-boyfriend my login information to my Vudu account. Big mistake. He logged me out of all devices, changed the password, and won't give me the new login information until I give him head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 264

You deserved it 798

Sophie's choice

By Anonymous - 07/07/2023 15:00

Today, my boyfriend started a six month jail stint. The last thing he gave me was his phone, on which I discovered $30,000 in credit card debt. Why didn’t I go after the guy who went to dental uni? FML

I agree, your life sucks 202

You deserved it 1 135

Self sabotage

By ButIdolovecastles - 10/07/2023 15:00

Today, I had the choice of visiting a ruined castle or having hot gay sex. I chose the castle. What is wrong with me? FML

I agree, your life sucks 306

You deserved it 1 001

Double trouble

By Anonymous - 28/05/2019 20:10

Today, I found out that the doctors accidentally perforated my left ear drum performing a routine wax syringing. I was at the doctor's for a completely different reason, having crushed my pinky at the gym. They can't fix either and my finger needs surgery, which can't happen until next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 939

You deserved it 148

Unreasonable

By minnie - 14/02/2021 14:01 - United States - Denver

Today, my boyfriend left me because he found out I cheated on my first boyfriend when I was 12. That was back before I knew what "cheating" was and I thought it was okay to love more than one person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 285

You deserved it 266

A new day, a new dawn…

By therapy works - 11/08/2023 18:00

Today, I finally had a breakthrough in therapy and got some much needed clarity in my life. After breaking away from the fear-based religious indoctrination that I’d been force-fed my entire life, I came to the conclusion that I regret every decision I’ve ever made, including the husband I accepted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 893

You deserved it 216

One law for thee…

By Jules - 03/03/2021 14:01 - Germany - Ebersbach

Today, my country’s health minister said on TV, "Stay home! Don’t travel, don’t meet people!" The same evening, he drove to another state to have dinner with a group of people who gave money to his political party. He had taken a COVID test before. It came back positive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 109

You deserved it 145

Is this guy Hugh Hefner?

By Gold diggerzzzzzzz - 15/03/2021 14:01 - United Kingdom

Today, my dad is getting married for the 4th time. First it was my mom, then as they got older, he married a woman 10 years his junior, then his third wife was my age and 28 years his junior. Now at the grand old age of 64, he is marrying a 22 year old, 42 years his junior, almost 2 decades younger than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 260

You deserved it 127

Good advice

By Anonymous - 03/05/2022 04:00

Today, I was advised to never have kids because they ruin your life, ruin your body, cost you money, stress you out, and the end result is they become an adult you don’t even really like or would choose to spend time with if you weren’t related. It was both my parents who gave me this advice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 343

You deserved it 253

Heaven knows I'm miserable now

By lazydude - 17/03/2021 11:01

Today, I got hired and now I have to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 424

You deserved it 1 646

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Family Love Poopoo peepee Awkward Money Annoying Raining Work Painful Health Medication Miscellaneous Relationship advice Relatable AITA Psychology Mental health Animals Cats Allergies Cheating Kids Embarrassing Weddings Drunk Singing Sports Furniture Airplanes Transportation

The Top

Today, I slipped in my own vomit while dashing to the bathroom to puke. My knee hit and shattered the toilet; the toilet shattered my knee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 686

You deserved it 2 359

Today, I found out that my wife had been debating leaving me for an old boyfriend from high school. They rekindled their relationship on Facebook, and talking on the cell phone. Both things I insisted she have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 524

You deserved it 12 123

Today, my dentist called and told me that the surgery to remove my wisdom teeth - which I desperately need and saved for a year to be able to afford - will actually cost nearly $2000 more than originally stated. The surgery is supposed to be in three days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 597

You deserved it 136

Today, I got popcorn when getting groceries. I was excited to see popcorn butter spray on sale and decided to try it. Excited, I made some popcorn while I went to use the can. Butter sprayed like an aerosol can all over my desk and floor. Now, my apartment smells like a movie theater and there's butter EVERYWHERE! FML

I agree, your life sucks 215

You deserved it 420

Today, I hope to tell my roommate that I want to leave and never look back, because I'm done with the bird and the dogs and the hair and shit everywhere. I can't anymore. My brain is going to explode. FML

I agree, your life sucks 453

You deserved it 98

Today, the man I've been with for ten years left me for a coworker he's known for three months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 564

You deserved it 84