Work and Lazy: Heaven knows I'm miserable now - FML

Heaven knows I'm miserable now

By lazydude - 17/03/2021 11:01

Today, I got hired and now I have to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 361

You deserved it 1 461

Good kid

This Charming Man

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Deception

By Anonymous - 07/01/2021 11:01

Today, I found out that my husband, who was supposed to be in PA school, dropped out 6 and a half years ago and never even received his bachelor's. He started lying to me before we were even a year into dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 999

You deserved it 138

By weeble_wobbles09 - 26/12/2009 02:06 - United States

Today, my Nana showed me her new sign that says, "Some of my greatest blessings call me Nana." We stood there looking at a wall FULL of pictures of her grandkids, which is where she wanted to hang it. After scanning the wall a couple times, I realized. There was not one picture of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 376

You deserved it 2 807

By damnthedog - 19/01/2013 07:40 - Australia - Wollongong

Today, I found out that my home-made pasta sauce had a weird taste to it because my basil patch in the backyard has become my dog's preferred spot to pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 226

You deserved it 7 338

By Anonymous - 19/11/2013 16:50

Today, my boss declared total bankruptcy of the company and I lost my job. The good news is my coworkers and I all received McDonald's 10%-off coupons. They expired in 2003. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 366

You deserved it 2 896

By Username - 05/11/2010 22:02 - France

Today, I was reading to a child during nap time because she woke up crying. She calmed down right after I began reading, but soon started crying again. I was confused until I felt something warm and wet on my leg. She peed on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 965

You deserved it 3 613

Swiper No Swiping!

By NotAThief - 17/07/2017 20:00

Today, I got a talking-to at work from my new manager for eating other peoples' lunches. Immediately afterwards, I watched my manager leave the room, take MY lunch, and begin eating it. Apparently my new manager is the thief, and I'm now the office pariah who gets the blame. Nobody believes me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 925

You deserved it 289

By Anonymous - 19/09/2009 04:55 - United States

Today, I went back home. My drunk mother was screaming at my drunk step-dad about a fight that happened four years ago. My little sister was looking in the mirror practicing her "orgasm face" while the neighbors were dancing outside, coked out and naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 86 118

You deserved it 5 358

Graded

By HDcashier - 24/04/2020 17:00

Today, while cashiering, I rang out a father and his son who looked about eight years-old. The dad jokingly told his son that I was a 10/10 in looks. The son then looked at me for a few seconds and said, "No, probably more like a seven." Thanks a lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 655

You deserved it 176

By ticked - 06/10/2009 13:01 - Pakistan

Today, I was eating a packet of chips while watching TV. I saw a crumb on the table in front of me, so without thinking I picked it up and ate it. It wasn't a crumb. It was a tick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 530

You deserved it 47 907

By Anonymous - 18/06/2012 01:55 - United States - Sacramento

Today, I found out that the only reason why I haven't had a relationship last for more than a week the past 4 years is because of my stalker ex-girlfriend, who has been keeping other women out of my life by making up horrible stories about me. She broke up with me 5 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 281

You deserved it 2 284

By What does this button do? - 17/02/2017 10:00 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, my new apprentice took, "What does this button do?" to a new level when he pushed an emergency, "Stop all" button, causing my firm to miss multiple deadlines, causing massive losses In profits. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 785

You deserved it 621

By Why Me - 20/10/2014 03:00 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, my neighbor finally decided that when she walks her dog, she should pick up his poop. She also decided to leave the poop-filled bags in my driveway. I confronted her about this and she claimed it's never happened. I've watched her multiple times from my front window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 985

You deserved it 2 775

Not like that

By weirdo - 21/02/2010 08:44 - United States

Today, my boyfriend wanted me to send him a pic of myself being happy for his phone's caller ID. So I picked out a picture where I'm grinning a big grin, clearly very happy like he asked. He replies back, "You look weird there. Send a pretty one." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 260

You deserved it 5 017

By Anonymous - 30/07/2019 06:10 - Australia

Today, I was getting ready for a date, so to avoid stinky pits, I went to put some deodorant on. However, when I raised my arm to apply it, I almost sliced my hand off when I raised it right into the ceiling fan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 255

You deserved it 750

By Musicfreak - 18/12/2011 23:36 - United States

Today, I ordered a pizza. I paid and tipped the pizza guy, and instead of saying goodbye, I got tongue-tied and said, "I love you, boo." FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 593

You deserved it 30 704

By djoe - 28/10/2010 12:00 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I was patting my kitten who was asleep underneath the blanket on my lap. My roommate walked in and gave me disgusted look. She thought I was playing with myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 762

You deserved it 6 291

By Robert - 31/12/2017 09:00 - United States - Anchorage

Today, a brief survey of everyone I know revealed that everyone, including my parents, sibling, and best friends, thinks I'm gay. I had to do the first reverse coming out in history. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 368

You deserved it 434

By Anonymous - 15/05/2009 11:00 - United States

Today, I had a job interview at a local business with the owner who was man, and the manager who was a woman. I thought I did pretty well because I heard the manager whisper so, as I was walking out. Then I heard the owner whisper "no fat chicks." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 495

You deserved it 6 804

By Anonymous - 11/05/2015 17:08 - Denmark - Randers

Spicy

Today, my 18-year-old boyfriend freaked out and kept asking me if I was sure I wouldn't get pregnant, because I forgot to take my birth control pill last night. We didn't actually have sex; he apparently thought me simply missing the pill would magically get me pregnant. The hell? FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 617

You deserved it 5 977

By Morgan - 03/02/2009 23:55 - United States

Today, my friend's son asked me how much coke costs in this place. I told him, "About a dollar?" He said, "Wow, that's really cheap for blow." He's 10. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 415

You deserved it 3 041

By tampondealer - 09/11/2009 18:42 - Canada

Today, after visiting my mom, she stuffed a bunch of pads in my backpack so I'd have some at my dorm. When I was going through security, I was stopped and ended up missing my flight. Apparently the jumbo pads my mom sent look exactly like packs of cocaine when they go through the X-ray machine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 064

You deserved it 2 775

By dentistrygirl - 03/05/2012 19:41 - United States

Spicy

Today, while I was sneaking a boy out of my room at 2am, I ran into my mom sneaking a man into her room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 171

You deserved it 11 645

By Mrs. Awkward - 15/10/2018 12:00

Today, I helped an older guy with his safe deposit box. He said it's perfect for holding his ex-wife's remains and laughed. I laughed because I thought he was kidding. He wasn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 577

You deserved it 272

By AdoKitty - 11/06/2015 03:04 - United States - Redlands

Today, the 4-year-old I was babysitting came up to me all happy, saying she went to the bathroom like a "big girl". Knowing she was just potty trained, I asked if she'd remembered to flush. Looking at me confused, she said, "But it's in my room." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 976

You deserved it 2 262

By Username - 15/12/2011 06:57 - United States

Today, I went to eat the orange I'd brought to work, but couldn't find it. After minutes searching, I found it. Nailed to the ceiling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 494

You deserved it 2 921

Double-crossed

By Anonymous - 13/04/2020 20:00

Today, I found out my husband wasn’t really “working from home” in the evenings. He locks himself in his office until the late hours of the night, having intimate Skype sessions with his coworker. That explains why our joint bank account hasn’t seen a direct deposit this past month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 834

You deserved it 149

By unrequited - 18/05/2011 02:36 - United States

Today, I drove the width of the country to tell the girl I've lost that I'm in love with her. She wasn't home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 486

You deserved it 13 194

Chainsaw

By Anonymous - 21/08/2021 07:01 - United Kingdom

Today, after a very poor night's sleep, I've had to stay awake and do housework while my husband, who slept like a baby last night, keeps on sleeping because he "didn't sleep well." He was snoring all night long, the reason I didn't sleep well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 854

You deserved it 104

I am the law

By Anonymous - 27/09/2019 06:03

Today I got a ticket for driving on the wrong side of the road. It was a one-way street. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 118

You deserved it 343

By Blanche Dubois - 26/02/2017 11:00 - United States - Birmingham

Today, after finally breaking my addiction to sleeping pills, right as I was drifting off to sleep at my first decent drug-free time in over 4 years... I got the hiccups. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 477

You deserved it 521

Metal Cat

By Anonymous - 08/02/2021 05:01

Today, my cat jumped on my chest while I was sleeping and head-butted my nose to show she loves me. It was hard enough to crack it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 631

You deserved it 84

By Anonymous - 24/01/2014 21:02 - United Kingdom - Broxburn

Today, my mum decided that having the flu and being too lazy to go upstairs to the bathroom is a valid excuse to shit in a jug instead. 5ML

I agree, your life sucks 44 940

You deserved it 3 587

By anon_1996 - 08/05/2013 16:59 - United Kingdom - Haslemere

Today, my boss asked me to read through a document. I gave my feedback, saying it seemed like it had been written by an 8-year-old. Turns out it was in fact written by him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 692

You deserved it 16 126

By Fat and Embarrassed - 26/09/2016 02:09 - United States - Palmdale

Today, I asked an elderly customer at my work if she needed help with her groceries. She responded, "I normally would, but I'm afraid you'll eat all the groceries." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 715

You deserved it 1 333

By Ange - 15/01/2012 19:34 - United States

Today, I had to slowly explain to my daughter why her Facebook profile isn't a valid piece of ID. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 396

You deserved it 5 075

By honorstudent - 13/05/2010 02:18 - United States

Today, I received an award from my school rewarding me for my honor roll and my cheerleading. When I brought the certificate home my mom congratulated me and hugged me. I worked really hard for this and all my dad had to say was, "Try this flavor of Doritos." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 153

You deserved it 8 243

By anthony - 25/11/2015 12:32 - Luxembourg

Today, a cute girl I know in passing approached me very nervously and blushing like mad. She gave me a note with a number on it, said to call her, then ran away. When I called the number later, it was one of those rejection hotlines. What the hell? FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 094

You deserved it 1 865

By creepedoutlady - 16/08/2011 00:30 - United States

Today, I met my new neighbor. His wi-fi access point is named "TheRapistDownstairs." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 488

You deserved it 3 934

By idonthavereligion - 29/05/2015 04:16 - United States - Palmer

Today, I started my day off with a relaxing cup of coffee, the morning paper, and the sound of my mother informing me I will be going to hell for being not believing in God. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 875

You deserved it 5 548

By OhNo - 02/03/2013 13:31 - United States - Castlewood

Today, despite the fact of being together two years, and having a daughter, my fiancée still refuses to tell her parents about us. We're getting married in six months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 757

You deserved it 5 920

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Wednesday 17 March 2021 16:30

I envy you, man. I've been trying desperately to find work for the better part of a year. Hundreds of resumes sent, masters degree, good references, and I can't even get a spot at the TJMaxx I worked at for 2 years lol

Send a private message

Wednesday 17 March 2021 18:15

Clearly your employer made the wrong choice.

Comments

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Wednesday 17 March 2021 11:34

You deserve it. I mean what did you expect when you went to the interview? You knew there was a 50% chance you could possibly get hired

RichardPencil 30

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Wednesday 17 March 2021 15:08

Some unemployment benefits require recipients to be trying to get work. This means going to interviews and bombing them on purpose. Evidently, this schmuck can't put in the effort to get properly rejected.

Sady_Ct 37

Wednesday 17 March 2021 16:28

My boss rings up the welfare people and reports people for trying to bomb interviews.

cuz803 43

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Wednesday 17 March 2021 13:49

Discipline is doing something you hate as if you love it - Mike Tyson

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Wednesday 17 March 2021 16:30

I envy you, man. I've been trying desperately to find work for the better part of a year. Hundreds of resumes sent, masters degree, good references, and I can't even get a spot at the TJMaxx I worked at for 2 years lol

Aarron Gravlee 2

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Thursday 18 March 2021 1:39

dude I'm an epileptic I wish I could know what it was like to actually earn that pay check

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Wednesday 17 March 2021 18:15

Clearly your employer made the wrong choice.

Nearly

Today, I feel like I'm going crazy as I'm in a 2-year relationship with a guy who's 17 years older than me (I'm 23). He's a wonderful partner and I'm totally in love, but the age gap causes monthly, sometimes daily, shifts between wanting to have it all with him, and wanting to leave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 27

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40

You deserved it 22

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I found out my husband has to take Viagra to get it up with me. He never needed it with his ex-wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 625

You deserved it 184

Today, my boyfriend has spent all morning claiming there’s nothing to do when it’s raining outside. Sex is always an option, but he’s missed all my hints, including stripping naked and kissing him, because he thought I was on my way to get a shower instead of trying to fuck him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 857

You deserved it 258