By Anonymous - 31/10/2020 23:02

That's gross, dude

Today, it's Saturday and a planned date night for my partner and me. He's not showered since Tuesday and was surprised that I requested that he to do so ahead of getting intimate. And he wonders why our sex life isn't better… FML

I agree, your life sucks

1101

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You ass!

Covid 19 ain't going anywhere

Kids

By Kendall14159 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, I was babysitting a 6 year-old and a 9 year-old. After they went to bed, I started working on a project for on my laptop that was due in 12 hours and fell asleep. I woke up to a dog licking my peanut buttered keyboard and the two kids sitting in the corner giggling. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12508

You deserved it

3042

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By Arthurie - United States - Plainview

Today, I was in the hospital. I had recently broken my arm, and had to have it re-broken. I've secretly been a lesbian for years. Guess who came out to her strict Christian parents while on anesthetics. FML

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37997

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By umm... - Australia - Canberra

It's a witch!

Today, I caught my boyfriend in the bathtub interrogating his penis and "drowning" it when it wouldn't answer him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1713

You deserved it

311

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By WarMachine68 - United States - Shawnee

Today, just before a job interview, I coughed so violently that I lost my voice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26115

You deserved it

2099

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By Oops - United States - Anchorage

Today, while celebrating my birthday, my friends hired a few escorts to make the party more interesting. This was a really bad way to learn that my sister is a prostitute. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10554

You deserved it

892

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By 987564 - Korea Republic of

Today, I was talking to my crush about making the soccer team. Excited, he congratulated me and asked for my number. I gave him my cellphone number. He laughed and said "your jersey number". FML

I agree, your life sucks

44563

You deserved it

11368

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By twitch

Today, on Maury…

Today, I found out I'm pregnant after 14 years of being told I'll likely never have kids. My fiancé has a 7 year-old child with a woman who used it to stop him from leaving her. Yesterday, she filed a false report/restraining order to keep him from his kid, because he refused to leave me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1758

You deserved it

154

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my parents and I were looking through old photos. My dad comments, "Wow you were chubby back then. But that's ok, it was baby fat." Then he turns to me and asks, "What's your excuse now?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

57438

You deserved it

11337

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my 20 year old daughter started ranting to me about her latest boyfriend's erectile problems. Trying to be a good dad, I told her all I knew about how to get the boy fixed. My wife decided to stick her head in and say, "Listen to your dad, hun. He knows all about this kind of thing." FML

I agree, your life sucks

37662

You deserved it

5731

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By ashdk

Today, my fiancé and I just moved into our first apartment together. Our neighbor across the hall? My ex-boyfriend who I've had to file three separate restraining orders on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37534

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5642

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I walked in on my daughter trying to tan herself with her regular desk lamp. She won't believe that it wouldn't give her a tan. She's 16 years old. This isn't the first time this has happened. FML

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34156

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5125

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By SeeingGreen - Australia - Melbourne

Today, my ex popped up as someone I might know as instagram, complete with his workout photos. My fiance is mad at me for showing these to my family, even though the consensus is that my ex looks like a condom stuffed with marbles. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4469

You deserved it

1288

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By justmyluck?

Today, I ate at Chipotle. There was a girl sitting alone, so I asked if I could eat lunch with her. She said yes, and as I sat down I tried to open my bag of chips. When trying to do so, my hand slipped, and I punched myself in the face. She laughed, and promptly left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32020

You deserved it

7745

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, as I was taking the bus home, I sat down next to a man wearing an FML shirt. While snickering I said to him "You totally deserved it." I guess he thought that comment deserved a broken nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21347

You deserved it

81531

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I realized that my fiancé only touches me when he wants to have sex. Any other contact is purely accidental. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34178

You deserved it

4319

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By captainuniverse - United States - Nashville

Today, my girlfriend told me she was pregnant. She also said I'm going to be an uncle. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19966

You deserved it

1269

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By Cody - United States

Today, I walked into the kitchen and accidentally broke my mother's vase. I said, "Accidents happen." She replied, "Yeah, like your birth." FML

I agree, your life sucks

103914

You deserved it

21115

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By That'sMyBoy - Australia - Abbotsford

Today, I put glue traps around my home to catch spiders. So far, the only thing dumb enough to get caught in one is my 10-year-old son. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3887

You deserved it

710

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By WTF - United States

Today, I was rejected by a girl when she told me she is not ready to date. We met on a dating website. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34868

You deserved it

4470

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By Geoff - 21/12/2020 07:58 - Netherlands - Utrecht

Three's company

Today I've finally found love and contentment in my wonderful relationships with my girlfriend and boyfriend. We are the perfect thruple and very happy together. My mom has just disowned me because of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

839

You deserved it

505

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By Ribbed for Her Disaster - United Kingdom - Orpington

Today, I was trying out my first vibrator. Soon enough, my 12-year-old sister opened my door, walked in, and saw me naked from the waist down. She laughed, called me a virgin, and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58290

You deserved it

19381

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By CollegeKid - United States - Urbana

Today, I found out all six classes I'm taking have finals on the same day. This is my first semester in college. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26166

You deserved it

2328

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By Tess - United States - Burlington

The Haunting of FML House

Today, hidden deep in my husband's closet, I found a shrine dedicated to a woman named Felicity. After further investigation, I saw printouts of my husband's detailed fantasies of phone sex conversations with Felicity. Felicity was his first wife, and has been dead for nine years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1958

You deserved it

236

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By Anon - Ireland - Cork

Today, I found out my boyfriend uses a period tracker app to find out when we can fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38563

You deserved it

8127

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By anonymous

Today, my doctor told me I should consider a breast reduction. I'm a man. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38795

You deserved it

13509

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By Unemployed - United States

Today, while reading over my sent application email to a job I have been trying to get, I found out my brother had put "Heil Hitler!" as my signature. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40886

You deserved it

5632

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By ummPORQUE - United States

Today, I found out that the guy i've been having sex with for over a month didn't know my name until today. No wonder he always ever called me 'baby.' FML

I agree, your life sucks

34925

You deserved it

70514

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I came home to a dead fish duct-taped to the wall of my dorm room. I can't reach it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36044

You deserved it

3936

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By LifeSucks

Today, I came home to an empty house. I found a note from my wife telling me she was bisexual and found love in a woman. I FaceTimed my sister to tell her about it, and who do I see with her? My wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3960

You deserved it

192

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By longdrive - United States - San Francisco

Today, I left for a fifteen-hour drive with two guys who won't stop talking in a Yoda voice. Sick of this nonsense, I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37430

You deserved it

5119

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By Spoopy Flame III - 18/11/2020 17:02

Academia ain't for everyone

Today, after dropping a class for the first time ever in college in order to focus on raising my grades, I failed the test that I dropped another course to study for. By not finishing on time. After 3 days of studying. FML

I agree, your life sucks

726

You deserved it

276

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By Kilamo

Today, I paid $2300 to a mechanic for fixing my car. It's also the day I got into an accident and totalled said car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1561

You deserved it

151

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I learned the hard way that if you walk up to a hobo by your car pooping, they will chase you yelling, "Get out of my bathroom!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

35746

You deserved it

4182

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By Anonymous - United States - Denver

Today, the woman I've loved for 15 years and had children with told me she's remarrying to the man she cheated on me with. Since her father passed last year, she wants me to give her away at the wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5527

You deserved it

312

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By Well this Is Awkward - Canada - Toronto

Today, my boyfriend gave me his theory on how the world would be a better place if Hitler had won the 2nd World War. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45815

You deserved it

6588

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By thanks babe - United Kingdom - Bridgnorth

Today, I told my boyfriend about how I was a test tube baby. He looked at me with confusion before asking, "But if scientists made you, surely you'd be really attractive and talented and stuff?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

42943

You deserved it

4584

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By Anonymous - United States - Austin

Today, I was riding my newly trained horse. I've recently been suffering from bad gas, and ended up farting so violently, it spooked my horse into bucking me off and running away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27156

You deserved it

5487

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By Hotsauce887 - United States

Today, my friend told the cute waiter it was my birthday. He brought out a dessert with a candle and put a huge sombrero on my head. Everyone at the restaurant started singing me happy birthday. I got embarrassed and put my head down. My sombrero caught on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks

70157

You deserved it

25602

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By Anonymous - 22/10/2020 14:02 - Singapore - Singapore

No Gods, No Masters

Today, it's been 3 weeks of being sick with gastritis and constantly feeling pain and weak. I've been pushing myself to work, and despite doing 150+ files, my boss said it’s not good enough for the company and hinted I might be let go. I got my job during the pandemic and might be losing it after 3 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1038

You deserved it

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By curiousorange - United Kingdom

Today, I met a great girl at a party. We talked alone, and she made me promise I'd dance with her later. When I saw her later, she was unconscious, and in an ambulance. She'd collapsed, and the entire party assumed I'd spiked her drink. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54375

You deserved it

3031

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Top comments

By xxlk4xx | 5

#7949097 - Sunday 1 November 2020 15:48

ny ex husband was like that too! when we were dating in high school I had to bribe him with sex in the shower to get him to clean himself.. I stayed with him for almost 8 years! and his teeth? he never brushed those either! I dont know why it took me so long to leave him but I'm so glad I did, it was literally a breath of fresh air!

By RichardPencil | 30

#7948984 - Saturday 31 October 2020 23:54

Suggest that he makes his Halloween costume a "clean human being." That'd be scary!

COMMENTS

By RichardPencil | 30

#7948984 - Saturday 31 October 2020 23:54

Suggest that he makes his Halloween costume a "clean human being." That'd be scary!

By genuinegoodguy | 9

#7948992 - Sunday 1 November 2020 2:03

🤢

By Yudith | 20

#7949092 - Sunday 1 November 2020 14:29

Have you tried the Thai gambit? Tell him that in Thailand, everybody washes themselves thoroughly before sex. Then refuse to touch him unless he does so. The prospect of daily sex might move him enough to do so...

Gubbon | 8

#7949387 - Monday 2 November 2020 21:58

Apparently it doesn't. He could've had sex but didn't even bother.

By xxlk4xx | 5

#7949097 - Sunday 1 November 2020 15:48

By diraven | 13

#7949150 - Sunday 1 November 2020 20:14

If sex doesn't stink you're doing it wrong

jfigley | 5

#7949307 - Monday 2 November 2020 14:53

You're disgusting....