By Anonymous - 31/10/2020 23:02

That's gross, dude

Today, it's Saturday and a planned date night for my partner and me. He's not showered since Tuesday and was surprised that I requested that he to do so ahead of getting intimate. And he wonders why our sex life isn't better… FML

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1023

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There's no helping some people

Bad guy (duh)

Go anyway, see the sights

By groom - United States

Today, I helped my grandparents carry luggage to their hotel room, where they're staying the night tonight after my wedding reception. Their room is 203. Mine is 201. Their room shares a wall with my honeymoon suite. My grandparents are going to hear me consummate my marriage. FML

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57236

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By naughtyshirt - Australia

Today, my husband came home from shopping with my 4 year old daughter and showed me a shirt she picked out herself. The shirt read "My mom's easy i'm living proof." Apparently she just liked the colours and her father agreed. FML

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39728

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By Anonymous - United States - Somerset

Today, while I was fooling around with my girlfriend, she hurt her hand. It obviously wasn't very serious, so I told her to stop faking it. She responded, "Wanna know what I actually fake? My orgasms." FML

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39579

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By milamadeleine243 - 22/10/2020 14:00

Runner up

Today, I finished a huge project for work. It took 3+ days and I was very proud of it. Except when I submitted it to my boss, he said that he'd already asked another person to do it. He used that person's project, not mine. FML

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1087

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By GeeThanks - Canada - Toronto

Today, a drunk dude walked up to me and said, "You're ugly as fuck." His sober friend quickly apologized and explained that he was wasted, before looking me up and down and adding "Well, not completely, I guess." FML

I agree, your life sucks

51403

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3963

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By Beth - Australia - Perth

Today, my fiancé's mother tried to arrange a marriage for him to a nice Indian girl, again. We've been engaged for a year, and the wedding is in a month. FML

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32208

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2339

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By PrayingForMoney - United States - Sacramento

Today, I was at my job, waiting tables. A fellow server and myself were given a party of 14 Bible thumpers. They left us $9.00 and a mini Bible after awesome service, telling us we did a great job. Unfortunately, Religion doesn't pay my car payment. FML

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38580

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6430

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By he's not the one going to hell - Australia

Today, some assface hacked my recently deceased friend's Facebook account. The person changed my friend's location to "Hell", then posted a status saying how hot the weather was, and replied "I wish :'(" to someone who'd said my friend was in a better place now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48776

You deserved it

3356

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By waxer150 - United States - Ashtabula

Today, while waxing a client's chest, I forgot to have him turn his head. When I ripped the strip, I punched him in the face. FML

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27214

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8592

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By baconbreath=| - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I had a picnic on the beach. It was so romantic and perfect. He leant forward to kiss me. Once we had kissed he said, "We haven't even started eating yet", and passed me a mint. FML

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27977

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By faulty number - United States - Port Saint Lucie

Today, I have been waiting for a call from a job I applied for. I soon got a text from my current boss, who doesn't know I'm job hunting, letting me know that the recruiter was trying to reach me. Turns out my number on my resumé was wrong. FML

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9718

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38745

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By blah! - United States - Newington

Today, my grandkids went around my house claiming items to inherit. FML

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54529

You deserved it

4083

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I was dragged to the food store with my mom. While we were shopping, the fire alarm went off. My mom pushed the cart at me, nearly knocking me over, and sprinted for the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31213

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2617

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By Deirbhile - United States

Today, I overheard my dad's friend complaining to my dad that his new baby boy is a ginger. I continued listening, and heard my dad saying, "Yeah, there's nothing worse than having a ginger." I'm his daughter. I'm a ginger. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62673

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7045

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By Asshole hornet - United States - Marblehead

Today, a hornet thought it would be fun to fly into a candle that I had lit. As the hornet burned to death, it flung its charred body at my face, which is more painful than it sounds. FML

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44262

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3461

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By neuroticallyours - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend how happy I was with him. He responded by pulling down his pants and slapping his ass. I have no idea what that was supposed to mean. FML

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38017

You deserved it

5920

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By PJ - United States

Today, I planted a bit of a condom wrapper in my bed so my housekeeper would think I have a love life. FML

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16471

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34962

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By Username - France

Today, I told my 3 year old daughter to behave or I'd spank her. She looked right at me and said "Bring it." FML

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37278

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31325

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By mississpissi - United Kingdom - Slough

Today, the waste disposal truck managed to tip over a portapotty on our work site, causing the contents to overflow and run down the bank towards my portakabin office, where someone had left the door open. All my money, ID and my car keys are now shut off to me by a river of shit. FML

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26926

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1926

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By Anonymous

Birthday Boy

Today, it's my 16th birthday. It's also it is the day my parents scheduled my wisdom teeth to be pulled out. Happy birthday to me, then. FML

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1462

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148

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By Anonymous - Iceland - Reykjav

Today, I went to the movies with my husband and our 6-year-old son. My husband kept stealing popcorn from the guy next to him, to the point where the guy punched him in the face. The movie was stopped, the police were called, and my son is now inconsolable. FML

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50647

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5766

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By Anonymous

Today, I told my boss I have a sore throat. He replied, "Well, don't take it so deep next time." FML

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36669

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6079

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By Evjoel - Bermuda - Hamilton

Today, I decided to take some local college courses to improve my résumé. I got into the physics room and a large, multi-colored sign in large print stated, "NO THROWING OR STABBING." FML

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10146

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754

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By Erbtosis - United States - Seattle

Today, my five year-old had to break the news to me that my husband was leaving me for someone else. FML

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17097

Phew, glad it wasn't me

1373

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By weneedthatmoneytoliveon - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I overheard my mother Skyping with her new "boyfriend" about the $1,000 she just sent him. She barely knew what internet dating was three weeks ago. FML

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48050

You deserved it

3607

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By s

Today, I parked in a "Disabled" space. A woman and her kids comes yelling at me about how I don't look disabled and I was just being selfish. I roll my pants up to reveal two prosthetic legs. She then yells at me that I should have warned her before showing my legs since it could scare her kids. FML

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14848

You deserved it

643

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By millzee - United States

Today, I spent 6 hours on an airplane next to an alcoholic Pink Floyd fanatic. I must've drifted off because when I took a trip to the bathroom I noticed that my pant leg that had been closest to the drunk man was soaking wet. I returned to my seat. He was on his side, facing me. I smelt the wet spot. Not beer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24172

You deserved it

1948

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my parents told me that due to my lacking height and weight, I legally have to sit in a booster seat in the car from now on. I'm nineteen. FML

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48921

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5428

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my husband left his laptop logged in to a chat site after leaving for work. Curious, I read some of the logs, and discovered he has been posing as a woman and holding filthy conversations with "hot teen lesbians" for the past several months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50211

You deserved it

6253

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By Anonymous - United States - New Albany

Today, in my film class, we were watching Schindler's List. At least, we tried. The moron next to me kept interrupting the most intense scenes with a very loud, "I don't get it." Not only did she break the focus of the class, but we had to keep stopping the movie to explain it to her. FML

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27829

You deserved it

1904

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By Anonymous

Today, my ex texted me after more than a year of no communication. He wanted to know if I was interested in having a threesome with him and his current fiancée. FML

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28082

You deserved it

2653

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By Anonymous - United States - Pittsfield

Today, a man attempted to sue my business for giving him food poisoning. I make soap. When I called the cops on him for disturbing the peace, I was told, "Maybe next time you'll put 'not edible' on your label." FML

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37380

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3731

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By Aspireworks - United States

Today, my fiancé's mother came up to me and told me she loves that I stuck with my soon-to-be husband despite his history and condition. I have no idea what she's talking about, and she refuses to tell me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34135

You deserved it

2773

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By Jim

Today, I dropped my car off at the dealership for a bumper replacement due to a hit and run in a parking lot. After being told it was ready, their shuttle picked me up, and backed up into my just-replaced bumper. FML

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4459

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212

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By Anonymous - 2/9/2020 23:01

Running late

Today, my in-laws missed a special event for my newborn child because they were running an hour late. They always run late and always think its funny. After 15 years, it's just not funny anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1379

You deserved it

171

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By bym5052 - United States

Today, I got into my first car accident. I side swiped the truck next to me merging into another lane. He was in my blind spot. It was a cop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27763

You deserved it

14484

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By anonymous - United States - Crossville

Today, while working the drive-thru at work, an older woman asked for my phone number to give to her single son. After I politely declined, she called me a slut and threw her food at me through the window before promptly speeding off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14125

You deserved it

1009

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By Anonymous - Australia

Unhappy birthday

Today, my cleaner wished me a happy birthday. My family and friends forgot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1952

You deserved it

183

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By bdw89 - United States - Warrensburg

Today, my boyfriend of 4 years still can't get it that dry humping me and saying, "But I'm horny" in a goofy voice isn't a turn on. FML

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7104

You deserved it

975

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By Notsurewhattofeelaboutthis - Australia - Ashfield

Today, I discovered that my ex-girlfriend writes erotic fiction describing all of my moves in intimate detail. The whole internet gets to critique my entire sexual repertoire. FML

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28816

You deserved it

3569

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Top comments

By RichardPencil | 28

#7948999 - Sunday 1 November 2020 3:38

Yes, Thursday would have been good.

By ewysz | 13

#7948987 - Sunday 1 November 2020 0:42

You deserve it because you should have dumped him long ago

COMMENTS

By RichardPencil | 28

#7948984 - Saturday 31 October 2020 23:54

Suggest that he makes his Halloween costume a "clean human being." That'd be scary!

By ewysz | 13

#7948987 - Sunday 1 November 2020 0:42

You deserve it because you should have dumped him long ago

RichardPencil | 28

#7948999 - Sunday 1 November 2020 3:38

Yes, Thursday would have been good.

By genuinegoodguy | 9

#7948992 - Sunday 1 November 2020 2:03

🤢

By Yudith | 20

#7949092 - Sunday 1 November 2020 14:29

Have you tried the Thai gambit? Tell him that in Thailand, everybody washes themselves thoroughly before sex. Then refuse to touch him unless he does so. The prospect of daily sex might move him enough to do so...

Gubbon | 8

#7949387 - Monday 2 November 2020 21:58

Apparently it doesn't. He could've had sex but didn't even bother.

By xxlk4xx | 2

#7949097 - Sunday 1 November 2020 15:48

ny ex husband was like that too! when we were dating in high school I had to bribe him with sex in the shower to get him to clean himself.. I stayed with him for almost 8 years! and his teeth? he never brushed those either! I dont know why it took me so long to leave him but I'm so glad I did, it was literally a breath of fresh air!

By diraven | 10

#7949150 - Sunday 1 November 2020 20:14

If sex doesn't stink you're doing it wrong

jfigley | 4

#7949307 - Monday 2 November 2020 14:53

You're disgusting....