By Anonymous - 15/09/2021 22:00 - United Kingdom
Add a comment - Reply to : #
Some people just aren’t cut out to be a parent. This should definitely have been honestly and seriously discussed before you became parents. And sometimes one parent or the other identifies with parenting more at different stages - Though complete failure isn’t going to get better. You have a very serious problem on your hands. For whatever reason the “father” is totally failing to become a father. By default you are virtually a single mother. If he didn’t want children and you had one anyway then you made a big mistake. If it’s not his child then he’s still a shitty father figure and you should have noticed that before marrying him. I don’t think there is any way to “fix” a father (or mother) who fails to develop a parental attachment to their child. It’s a terrible tragedy for the child because they will soon learn they are not loved or wanted and no child deserves that for any reason. You are going to have to figure out how you are going to deal with the situation. Personally I suspect you would be better off in this case with court mandated child support from the biological father and a divorce. That could give you and your little family a second chance and avoids possible future harm and heartbreak.
That's what I was thinking. Men are allowed to have postpartum depression too. That's what this sounds like. Get him help, instead of feeling sorry for yourself. Doesn't even sound like you TALKED to him, to see what's going on.
Postpartum depression in men is a physical impossibility. Along with other factors, postpartum depression is due, in large part, to the massive hormonal changes women experience after giving birth. Stop spreading nonsense and detracting from what women go through. And yes, yes you are doing that. They can have depression over a major life event or change, sure, but it is NOT postpartum depression. This is more likely a case of being forced into fatherhood, very much like what happened to me. I was lied to, deceived, and ultimately forced into a situation I never consented to. This is EXTREMELY common. My ex completely ignored my explicit statements of not wanting to be a father, willfully failed to maintain her birth control by her own admission, didn't notify me, and then got upset when I visibly angry about it. Lots of women will get pregnant, or even lie about it, just to "keep" a man. Lots of people couldn't care less about biological imperatives. I have never once felt a need to be a "father" figure at any point. I made every effort to be supportive and have kept up on child support to this day, even set the kid up for college. But I never once felt an inkling, urge, or desire to "act" like a father.