By MoreThenFriends

Rachel! Emily!

Today, my friend's father got me mixed up with his new wife when telling stories for his wedding speech. Everyone noticed. The new wife was not pleased. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2914

You deserved it

227

Favorite

Love

Kids

Commando

Empathy hurts

Parental guilt

By maddie94 - Australia

Stained

Today, I was in a shopping center when I went to the toilet. I came out, washed my hands and suddenly got a massive itch in my crotch. Without thinking I itched it. I then had to walk around the center with a wet hand print on my crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12354

You deserved it

54435

Favorite

By Highroller_17 - United States

Today, a customer came in to the Walmart I cashier at, trying to set me up with her daughter. This isn't the first time she's tried. As she so graciously put it, her daughter "has a thing for the wimpy nerdy types". FML

I agree, your life sucks

25740

You deserved it

2345

Favorite

By catlady - United Kingdom

Today, it's my anniversary. I've been a single cat-lady for exactly one year. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30707

You deserved it

8483

Favorite

By Anonymous - 23/2/2021 17:01

Desperate man

Today, I have been married for nearly 16 years. I've not had sex in over three years. My wife spends all hours chatting and gaming online with friends, and when she finally crashes into bed, she just goes to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1202

You deserved it

164

Favorite

By oopsydaddy

Today, my dad asked my help with a computer problem. Whenever he logged on Facebook, every single advertisement appeared to be hardcore porn. I had to awkwardly explain that these ads are based on his browsing habits. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2687

You deserved it

161

Favorite

By firelava - United States - Grand Prairie

Today, I waited two hours in line at college to select my classes. I finally got to the desk, only to be told I have to apply online before I can show up in person. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39313

You deserved it

9762

Favorite

By headdesk - United States - Kaneohe

Today, I picked up a co-worker from the airport. As she got in the car, she looked over at me and said, "I'm still not sleeping with you". This was our second conversation. The first is when she asked if I could pick her up from the airport. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57422

You deserved it

6181

Favorite

By longdrive - United States

Today, my sister and I drove 800 miles with her five-year-old, her two-year-old, and her two dogs. The two-year-old got carsick five times, adding an extra three hours to the trip. The kickers? My sister is sympathy spewer and neither of them chews food very well. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29002

You deserved it

3553

Favorite

By NextTimeMom'sDriving - Canada - Kelowna

Today, my family and I were on a road trip. Everything was fine until we discovered that my dad, the driver, was not only fast asleep, he was also snoring. We were in the middle of the highway. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51488

You deserved it

4450

Favorite

By Moeswifey - United States

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend making breakfast. I thought he was making it for me, so I sat at the table. When he walked over with his plate, he said, "Oh, I didn't know you were here!" I'd slept in the same bed with him last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31322

You deserved it

4515

Favorite

By maddiebauer - United States - Plainfield

Today, my mom once again commented on how I need to work out. It has come to the point that I now walk around in exercise clothes and have a bottle of water/fake sweat to put on, just so she thinks I work out. This is how lazy I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7377

You deserved it

45408

Favorite

By max - United States

Today, my wife got a new best-friend. It's my ex-wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42390

You deserved it

4377

Favorite

By misty_love - United States

Today, I realized that I can still do the splits. Why? Because I fell down an entire flight of stairs, everyone in the hall saw me land and applauded. Someone even shouted "and she sticks the landing." FML

I agree, your life sucks

27631

You deserved it

3707

Favorite

By daddyrobyn - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, I met an important figure in my line of work who also happens to know my dad, Alan. Upon meeting said person, I let my social anxiety get the best of me and I greeted him by saying, "Hi! I'm your Alan!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

4364

You deserved it

640

Favorite

By johnny121 - France

Today, I had to go to the hospital. While I was there, my mom started hitting on a doctor. Later I saw them making out in the room next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35951

You deserved it

2645

Favorite

By SonofMnemosyne - United States

Today, I have been on the toilet all day due to chocolate laxatives from trick-or-treating. Today, it is my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2468

You deserved it

283

Favorite

By VoodooPriestess - 3/6/2020 23:00

Just a prank, bruh!

Today, while looking at engagement rings online, I started crying. Not because I'm getting married, but because the only proposal scenario my mind could concoct always ended with my boyfriend saying,"Psych!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

1197

You deserved it

407

Favorite

By Gen - France

Today, I was telling off one of my friends, a fellow student of medicine, who was spending his evenings watching "House" instead of revising for our important exam, as I was. The topic mentioned in the episode came up in the exam. He got 4 points more than I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31453

You deserved it

9299

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I called a guy who had requested a free marketing consultation for his funeral home through the internet a couple of days ago. When I got through, the receptionist seemed a little taken back by me wanting to talk to him. He had died and was buried yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24407

You deserved it

2622

Favorite

By anonymous - United States - Garden Grove

Today, at work, the girl I've been into for the past 6 months confessed that she liked me, but also confessed she had sex with our boss. Our boss happens to be my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29546

You deserved it

1821

Favorite

By bunnylover - Canada

Today, my dad and I were in the car when a rabbit scurried across the road, just missing us. My dad turned and said to me, "Well, it's good we didn't hit him. He gets to live another day." I then looked in the rear view mirror to see the rabbit running away from the cross traffic, only to be hit by the car behind us. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27012

You deserved it

3479

Favorite

Crazy party

Today, I heard that there's a rumour going around that I was caught masturbating while crying at a party after the girl I liked got with someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2445

You deserved it

291

Favorite

By Savannah - United States

Today, like every other day this past week at Bonnaroo, I've been placing my belongings in the cubbyhole inside the portapotties as I use. Today, I also learned that those "cubbyholes" are urinals. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9944

You deserved it

54955

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I ran into a friend I hadn't seen in a while. I swear I couldn't help it when the words "Wow, I bet you really regret that haircut." came out of my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23474

You deserved it

44054

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By Hooker - United States

Today, I was on a girls' trip in Las Vegas. I met a cute guy at a bar and we were going back to his hotel room together. On the way up, he asked me how much it would cost. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48925

You deserved it

20507

Favorite

By chichi - United States

Today, I went to Subway to grab some lunch. As I was paying, the cashier gave me a tip. He told me of a great acne medication that would do wonders. Thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29920

You deserved it

3454

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Avon

Today, my bitchy co-worker decided that being given a compliment on her shoes is sexual harassment, and worthy of reporting me to our boss over. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47230

You deserved it

3535

Favorite

By meesh22 - United States

Today, I received an email from my professor informing me that if I missed another class, I'd be dropped from the course. I have field experience to complete tomorrow as part of my major. I emailed her two weeks ago to let her know, and we're excused by the dean. She doesn't care. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37976

You deserved it

7907

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada - Newmarket

Today, I now accept how stupid I was to marry a man whose plans for the future all start with "When I win the lottery..." FML

I agree, your life sucks

20482

You deserved it

9607

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Saint Petersburg

Today, I gave my boss a report I wrote on my own time, full of suggestions on how to increase productivity and profits at our company. He said my ideas made "about as much sense as pistol-whipping a ghost" and that I was impressing no-one. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12937

You deserved it

2438

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Washington Crossing

Today, I was standing in line at the checkout, and my children were arguing with each other. The guy in front of me sighed loudly and told me over his shoulder: "There're these things called condoms, you know." FML

I agree, your life sucks

22665

You deserved it

7335

Favorite

By Anonymous - 12/1/2021 05:01

Insurance is a scam

Today, you’re required to have health insurance in my country. I have no income, I spend more on insurance than on food, yet most of the treatments that actually help me are not covered by the insurance. FML

I agree, your life sucks

888

You deserved it

Favorite

By Margaret - 4/9/2020 02:02 - Canada - Toronto

Rollercoaster

Today, within the span of one day, the owner of the business I work at said I could write "Technical & Compliance Manager" on paperwork where I was the approver for engineered compliance of product regulatory records, but also that I was "basically just a secretary." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1021

You deserved it

167

Favorite

By itscalledaphonecontractretards - United States

Today, I'm so broke, I resorted to breaking into my old apartment complex to do my laundry in the basement for free. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14492

You deserved it

1743

Favorite

By notenough - United States

Today, I was on the webcam with my boyfriend. I could see that he was on the couch, and alone, so I took off my shirt and smiled, waiting to see his reaction. He smiled at me but then kept looking in another direction. I playfully asked "What's so distracting?" His answer: "History Channel". FML

I agree, your life sucks

47303

You deserved it

10045

Favorite

By toothbreaker

Today, I was wrestling with my boyfriend when I accidentally kneed him in the chin and chipped his front tooth. I broke his real tooth, as well as the fake part from when he chipped it ten years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1433

You deserved it

242

Favorite

By Zak - United States

Today, I've been sick with both a chest cold and a sore throat. As a result, I've also been dehydrated, causing me to have a headache. Whenever I cough, I feel like my throat is being ripped apart and my head is about to explode. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26143

You deserved it

3422

Favorite

By hairless - Australia

Today, I got a XXX wax, because my boyfriend wouldn't go down on me as he didn't like the hair. Now he won't sleep with me at all because I look like a child with no pubic hair, and he "feels like a pedophile." FML

I agree, your life sucks

44240

You deserved it

10081

Favorite

By jackass - United States

Today, I handed the keys to my Mustang to my mom so she could go car shopping. As she pulled away, I remembered the condom wrappers, sex toy packaging, and empty bottle of rum that was in the passenger's seat of my car. I'm twenty. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15828

You deserved it

82480

Favorite

By Alone - United States

Today, a girl mistook me for her boyfriend and broke up with me because I'm "a liar and a cheating bastard." I've never seen her in my life, but I'm so lonely that I tried to convince her to give me another chance and stay with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44234

You deserved it

8867

Favorite

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Top comments

By interesting33 | 36

#7672077 - Monday 6 August 2018 3:25

I Ross take thee Rachael

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7671965 - Sunday 5 August 2018 18:24

So no-one told you life was gonna be this way.

COMMENTS

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7671965 - Sunday 5 August 2018 18:24

So no-one told you life was gonna be this way.

Christopher Martin | 12

#7677898 - Thursday 16 August 2018 22:01

*clap* *clap* *clap* *clap*

EmillyGalcon27 | 2

#7678342 - Friday 17 August 2018 18:10

👏 dun 👏 dun 👏 dun 👏 dun

mekiswrite | 20

#7678380 - Friday 17 August 2018 20:11

Her love life is DOA now.

smaldridge | 12

#7678567 - Saturday 18 August 2018 4:57

your jobs a joke, your broke, your love lifes DOA. feels like you're always stuck in second gear. when it hasn't been your day, your week, your month, or even your year but I'll be there for you when the rain starts to pour. I'll be there for you like I've been there before. I'll be there for you, cuz you're there for me too.

By interesting33 | 36

#7672077 - Monday 6 August 2018 3:25

I Ross take thee Rachael

By wHSKitty | 11

#7677905 - Thursday 16 August 2018 22:23

I didn’t remember the “Rachel! Emily!” reference until I saw a use comment “I Ross take thee Rachel,” lol.

By wHSKitty | 11

#7677906 - Thursday 16 August 2018 22:24

So were you MoreThanFriends?

By boopingsnoot | 23

#7677993 - Friday 17 August 2018 2:34

Paging Dr. Freud

Imadumbass | 16

#7678925 - Saturday 18 August 2018 21:57

Apparently they were

By RichardPencil | 30

#7678034 - Friday 17 August 2018 5:50

Stacey’s Dad?

The long-awaited reprise from Fountains of Wayne.

By irrelephant1 | 19

#7678186 - Friday 17 August 2018 13:40

Well i know that i would like to request op to post a little more history on this one. There is usually a bit of a back story to a slip of the tongue. Lmao.

RichardPencil | 30

#7678228 - Friday 17 August 2018 14:35

Slipping the tongue is probably how it started. ;)

By olga_crvjl | 19

#7678608 - Saturday 18 August 2018 8:35

Ooooo imagine the awkwardness lol