By MoreThenFriends

Rachel! Emily!

Today, my friend's father got me mixed up with his new wife when telling stories for his wedding speech. Everyone noticed. The new wife was not pleased. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2901

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225

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Love

Kids

Proactive

There's no helping some people

Bustin' my ass

By Danielle - 2/8/2020 08:08

Crushed

Today, I was disassembling a tent after a week of camping when I felt a crunch under my bare foot. I lifted up the tarp I was standing on to find a now squashed mouse. Mice are my favorite animals, and I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to go camping again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1220

You deserved it

445

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend's mom still refers to his ex as 'the daughter she never had.' FML

I agree, your life sucks

34232

You deserved it

3143

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By fuck you walmart - United States

Today, at work, I was screamed at and slapped by a woman for supposedly violating her 2nd Amendment rights. In reality, I'd simply turned her away from the 10 items or less line because she had well over the allowed number of items. I've no fucking idea what's wrong with some people. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51111

You deserved it

3401

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By cakestar9 - Ireland - Ennis

Today, I went to a club to celebrate New Year's Eve. A cute guy came up to me at the bar and asked my name. I thought my 8 year long dry spell was finally about to end. I smiled and said "Chrissy!" He said "That's a whore's name!" and wandered back off into the crowd. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36403

You deserved it

3541

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By KayKay - United States - Ware

Today, my brother called me up. He said he needed to talk to me. Whenever someone says that, I naturally I get nervous. He said, "I gave one of my friends your number." I was shocked and asked why. "Your life makes me sad." FML

I agree, your life sucks

13290

You deserved it

1336

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By lauren555 - United States

Today, after finishing a huge French essay, I realized my printer wasn't working. So, I emailed it to a guy in my class to print and then give to me. When I get to French, he said he had already turned his in early and never got my email. It turned out he used mine. I got an F on the essay. FML

I agree, your life sucks

68775

You deserved it

18284

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By firefire - 30/7/2020 08:01

Scoville scale

Today, since my husband has been volunteering to do more of the cooking, I was happy and relieved to have help, until every meal he made had an ungodly amount of spices in it. I overheard him on the phone, saying he’s been purposely making my food inedibly hot so that I’ll eat less and lose weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1788

You deserved it

265

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By oink401 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend came to my house crying because the guy who she has been cheating on me with doesn't want to be with her anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60785

You deserved it

4347

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By Ouch - Canada - Vancouver

Today, while running on the treadmill at the gym, I tried to wipe some sweat off my brow before it could make its way down into my eye. I ended up poking myself in the eye so hard that I yelped, stumbled and was thrown off the still-moving treadmill while trying to regain my balance. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42346

You deserved it

7217

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By Upset - United States

Today, my boyfriend threw out my old voicemail recorder, thinking it was junk. My father passed away years ago. I kept a recording of the last voicemail he'd left me on it so I'd always remember his voice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

81840

You deserved it

4198

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was telling my students that it's unnecessary to put arrows on the bottom of the page to tell me there's work on the back, I check it anyway. At the end of the day, at least 6 kids came up to me asking to change their grade because I forgot to grade the back. They hadn't put arrows. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8700

You deserved it

63420

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I was in the shower getting ready for a date, when my older sister thought it would be a laugh to turn out the light. Getting out of the shower to turn it back on, I slipped and hit on my head on the counter. Thanks, sis. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27414

You deserved it

3090

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By charlotte9338 - Canada

Today, I went to the hospital with a broken hand. They gave me a cast and some prescription pain medication. The only problem is that the bottle of medication is child-proof, I live alone and I can't open it with one hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33876

You deserved it

2879

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By Rakib - Canada - Mississauga

Today, I put aside my weekend plans to help my aunt with the extermination guy spraying her new house down to prevent cockroaches. After he left, my aunt asked me to go in and turn off the lights because the fumes were very deadly. If I chose not to, she would tell my mom I did nothing all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25728

You deserved it

2043

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By Sunny - Canada - Ottawa

Today, every time I write the word "analyst," I can't help but giggle because it begins with "anal." I'm 24, and studying to be a conflict analyst. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22470

You deserved it

34004

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By mubaki - United States

Today, my little brother texted me informing me that our father has "become a nudist" since returning home from a month-long trip abroad. I thought he was joking or exaggerating, but when I went over to say hi, the first thing I saw upon walking through the door was my dad's droopy ball sac. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56810

You deserved it

4510

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By Name - United States

Today, I was playing tennis with my friend. He hit a ball up high, and I slammed it down, thinking there was no way he would get it. Feeling pretty good about it, I turned around to celebrate. As I turned around, I got smacked in my face. He got it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8547

You deserved it

56012

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By Anonymous

Today, my husband hooked up with his classmate in the school I talked him into going to. I helped him pass classes to get there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2882

You deserved it

246

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while being robbed, a man heroically chased down the robber and got my purse back. He then looked at the distance between us, turned the other way and ran off with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50297

You deserved it

3752

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By screaming monkey - United Kingdom - Whitton

Today, I'm recovering from colon surgery. They gave me codeine as pain relief, which has made me constipated. I'm currently sat on the toilet, trying to push out what feels like a small child wrapped in barbed wire out without busting my stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34185

You deserved it

2091

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By screwed. - United States

Today, I woke from last night after meeting the most amazing man, and after giving him a good morning kiss, roll out of bed to use his bathroom. After using his toothbrush, I go to replace it in his holder only to find not one, but several prescriptions for herpes in his unzipped toiletry bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21372

You deserved it

45430

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By Anonymous

Today, despite being the fittest member of my family, with a good exercise routine and a decent diet, I'm the only one who was just diagnosed with diabetes. Meanwhile, the rest of my family are fat, lazy slobs who eat like shit, but are otherwise healthy as horses FML

I agree, your life sucks

1777

You deserved it

236

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By sofked - United States

Today, the disgruntled ex-boyfriend of a woman who lives three floors down from me slashed her tires for breaking up with him. He also, for good measure, slashed the tires of the person parked to the left and right of her. I was parked to the right of her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38555

You deserved it

2173

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, a lady came into my workplace to pay her $120 bill in one dollar bills. I kept losing count. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25733

You deserved it

12604

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By Anna - United States

Today, my dad decided that he shouldn't have to wear clothes in the privacy of his own home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32200

You deserved it

3360

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By wideawakeandinpain - United States

Today, after staying up all night with an excruciating headache, it finally went away. I crawled into bed and snuggled up to my husband only to have him shift positions and elbow me right in the head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31938

You deserved it

3105

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By Anonymous - United States - Chandler

Today, I hooked up with a girl at a club, and we had sex. She just lay there like a corpse the whole time. It got so bad, I ended up faking an orgasm and blaming the lack of semen on a botched vasectomy. She actually believed it. What the hell? FML

I agree, your life sucks

49096

You deserved it

11924

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By hahahaha090114 - United States

Today, I found out I was getting a divorce. My wife is leaving me for my brother, saying that now that he has money there is nothing that can stand in their way. I recently decided to send him money to help him get back on his feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45024

You deserved it

3001

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By looser

Today, I pronounced FAQ as 'fuck' to my boss. I'm not a native speaker. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14636

You deserved it

1483

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By mary

Boundaries please!

Today, my boyfriend threatened to break up with me because I still close the door when I go to the bathroom. He pees and poops with the door wide open and expects me to do the same. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3701

You deserved it

400

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, the only thing I got for my birthday was my boyfriend's offer to give me "the gift of anal". FML

I agree, your life sucks

44414

You deserved it

5487

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By bodhimae - France

Today, I was taking a nap on the couch when my 2 year old daughter decided that daddy needed an ear cleaning. With all the grace of toddler-hood, she stabbed me in the eardrum with a Q-tip. Now I can't hear her coming. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22974

You deserved it

2344

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By Anonymous - Australia - Greensborough

Today, I was sitting on a bench outside a supermarket waiting to be picked up, when a old lady walked out of the shop. She hadn't noticed me and sat on the bench beside me. She looked around and saw me, rolled her eyes, got up and moved to a different bench. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39513

You deserved it

3822

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By LivingBroke

Sorry mate, you're on your own

Today, I signed the lease for a flat that a mate and I decided to move into. About five minutes after leaving the renting agency, I received a text from my mate saying he couldn't move in with me after all. I am now the happy tenant of a large inner city flat that I can't afford. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4070

You deserved it

453

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By Nikki

My package

Today, I finally received the vibrator I ordered online. Too bad they labeled what the item was on the outside of the box, and my dad was the one to pick up the packages. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2325

You deserved it

648

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By barfyshirt - United States

Today, I got really sick at my boyfriend's house, and barely made it to the toilet in time to throw up. it got on my shirt so I asked if I could borrow one of his. He said I could wear one of his dad's shirts because he didn't want his to get too stretched out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37677

You deserved it

7151

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By Ugly - United States - Jerseyville

Today, I went to my high school reunion. Someone walked up to me and said, "Wow, you look so different!" She then followed it up with, "You used to be so pretty, what happened?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

44050

You deserved it

3479

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By a cat named tiddles

Today, my cat looked like it was about to puke, so I put it outside. Unhappy with the situation, it leaped on to the kitchen window ledge and squeezed in through the open window, only to projectile vomit mid-leap all over the kitchen counter. I found a hairball in the butter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4305

You deserved it

716

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By skyllabeauty1234 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I am probably the only person in the world who can manage to pull a muscle in their neck while brushing their teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24141

You deserved it

2695

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By jonasister - Sweden - Lund

Today, another of my dad's blind dates went bad, so I took him out for a beer. I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and when I came back, two guys were congratulating my dad on scoring such a hot piece of ass, and said the sex must be awesome. My dad played along with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44207

You deserved it

3262

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Top comments

By interesting33 | 36

#7672077 - Monday 6 August 2018 3:25

I Ross take thee Rachael

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7671965 - Sunday 5 August 2018 18:24

So no-one told you life was gonna be this way.

COMMENTS

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7671965 - Sunday 5 August 2018 18:24

So no-one told you life was gonna be this way.

Christopher Martin | 12

#7677898 - Thursday 16 August 2018 22:01

*clap* *clap* *clap* *clap*

EmillyGalcon27 | 2

#7678342 - Friday 17 August 2018 18:10

👏 dun 👏 dun 👏 dun 👏 dun

mekiswrite | 19

#7678380 - Friday 17 August 2018 20:11

Her love life is DOA now.

smaldridge | 12

#7678567 - Saturday 18 August 2018 4:57

your jobs a joke, your broke, your love lifes DOA. feels like you're always stuck in second gear. when it hasn't been your day, your week, your month, or even your year but I'll be there for you when the rain starts to pour. I'll be there for you like I've been there before. I'll be there for you, cuz you're there for me too.

By interesting33 | 36

#7672077 - Monday 6 August 2018 3:25

I Ross take thee Rachael

By wHSKitty | 11

#7677905 - Thursday 16 August 2018 22:23

I didn’t remember the “Rachel! Emily!” reference until I saw a use comment “I Ross take thee Rachel,” lol.

By wHSKitty | 11

#7677906 - Thursday 16 August 2018 22:24

So were you MoreThanFriends?

By boopingsnoot | 23

#7677993 - Friday 17 August 2018 2:34

Paging Dr. Freud

Imadumbass | 16

#7678925 - Saturday 18 August 2018 21:57

Apparently they were

By RichardPencil | 28

#7678034 - Friday 17 August 2018 5:50

Stacey’s Dad?

The long-awaited reprise from Fountains of Wayne.

By irrelephant1 | 19

#7678186 - Friday 17 August 2018 13:40

Well i know that i would like to request op to post a little more history on this one. There is usually a bit of a back story to a slip of the tongue. Lmao.

RichardPencil | 28

#7678228 - Friday 17 August 2018 14:35

Slipping the tongue is probably how it started. ;)

By olga_crvjl | 19

#7678608 - Saturday 18 August 2018 8:35

Ooooo imagine the awkwardness lol