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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I was at church and saw a blind teenager who obviously felt lost. Feeling like I should help I went over and asked if he needed anything. He said, "I can't find my caretaker." I asked, "What does she look like?" FML

#159157
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13390) - you deserved it (56717)

On 02/28/2009 at 2:59am - misc - by wideman (man) - United States (California)

Today, I slept over at a friend's house. We decided to dress up as ninjas and play a trick on her younger brothers, sleeping in the basement. While sneaking down the stairs, in the dark, her mother came home. Thinking I was a robber, she beat me with a lamp. FML

#158758
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18205) - you deserved it (34307)

On 02/28/2009 at 1:40am - misc - by RosaP (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I woke up to a tap on my shoulder and had no idea where I was. I quickly discovered It was 11 am and I was still at the bar I had been drinking at the night before. My shoes were gone. FML

#158750
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8523) - you deserved it (50309)

On 02/28/2009 at 1:39am - misc - by mylifeisamovie - United States (New York)

Today, I was at the school's rec center, working out for the first time in a while. While there, there was this very mysteriously attractive girl who kept shooting me glances. I asked for her number and she responded by saying "if you can lift this same weight as me". I couldn't. FML

#157992
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34844) - you deserved it (10743)

On 02/28/2009 at 12:03am - misc - by caswell 1 (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I told my boyfriend that I don't like his facial hair and that he should shave it off. He replied, "You first." FML

#155544
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20388) - you deserved it (40382)

On 02/27/2009 at 7:34pm - misc - by bojangles (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was recorded a video for my friend on her wall, I forgot to click "stop recording" and got undressed for a shower. When I got out of the shower I noticed I hadn't posted it. A few minutes later I started getting a lot of notifications. Everyone was commenting on my nude video. FML

#154846
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16282) - you deserved it (44605)

On 02/27/2009 at 6:15pm - misc - by paige (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I went to get my spray tan before my semi-formal. After I applied lotion to the bottom of my feet as instructed, I went in the booth and began to start the tanning session. I lost my balance and fell right as the machine began to spray. I look like a spotted cheetah. FML

#154795
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14585) - you deserved it (32651)

On 02/27/2009 at 6:09pm - misc - by tan disaster - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, after soccer practice, I was walking to the car with my dad. My team mates waved and said "Bye POTHEAD!" They call me that because they think my head is shaped like a pot. Of course, my dad didn't believe me. I'm grounded now because I have an abnormally-shaped head. I've never smoked pot. FML

#154058
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (73825) - you deserved it (4794)

On 02/27/2009 at 4:47pm - misc - by ap84 - United States (California)

Today, during a game of manhunt, my brother and his friends thought it would be funny to tie me to a telelphone pole with my very own multicolored jumprope from when I was younger. They left me there. My mom drove by, stared and then laughed, She kept driving. FML

#153350
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54294) - you deserved it (4396)

On 02/27/2009 at 3:28pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I wore out the highest heels I had but was nervous about falling because I am such a klutz. I got through the night without any injuries, so I changed into the sneakers I had brought with me to walk home. I tripped right outside my house in my sneakers and broke my ankle. FML

#153309
23 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48882) - you deserved it (5114)

On 02/27/2009 at 3:23pm - misc - by klutz - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, to ask a boy I really liked to my school's turnabout dance, I gave him a box full of 10 cupcakes that spelled out T-U-R-N-A-B-O-U-T-?. The boy gave the box back a little later. There were two cupcakes left inside. It said N-O. FML

#152949
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (92719) - you deserved it (9968)

On 02/27/2009 at 2:35pm - misc - by justanaccount (woman) - Spain (Madrid)

Today, I walked home from a guy's dorm early in the morning, still wearing my dress and heels from the night before. I walked by a mother and her little daughter, who said "Mommy, why is she so dressed up so early in the morning?" and the mom replied "Because honey, she makes bad decisions." FML

#152596
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20179) - you deserved it (59167)

On 02/27/2009 at 1:39pm - misc - by LuvShawn (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my family was leaving for a weekend trip and was supposed to pick me up on the way down. About an hour before they are supposed to arrive my mom calls to tell me that there's no room left in the car so they won't be stopping to get me. FML

#152487
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42372) - you deserved it (1415)

On 02/27/2009 at 1:17pm - misc - by leftbehind - United States (Wisconsin)



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