Today, I had a quicky with my boyfriend, because his dad was about to pick him up. Afterwards, I texted, "Nice to meet your dad, I hope we didn't look too horny." A few minutes later, he replied, "Great timing, he was holding my phone." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, as I was driving my dad home, I got a text message. My dad, who doesn't want me texting while I'm driving, decided to read the text message to me. He began to repeat a message from my boyfriend recounting the amazing sex we had the night before. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend when my dad pulled up to pick me up from his house. My dad beeped his horn and my boyfriend opened his bedroom curtain, knocked on the window, and waved. While he was still inside of me. FML
Today, I was using my dad's cell because I had broken mine. I was texting my boyfriend all day when my dad needed his phone back. I forgot to tell my boyfriend that my dad would be using the phone. My boyfriend then texted graphically what he wanted to do to my dad. FML
Today, while on the train with my dad, my boyfriend sent me a message. It was a nude, and when I looked, my dad saw. FML
Today, my boyfriend was dropping me off home and we were still in the car. When I went in to give him a hug, my hand hit his shoulder and I dropped my phone at his feet. Just as I pulled back up with it, my dad was staring at us from outside. He still appears to think I was giving him head. FML
Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, my dad called my cell. He ended the phone call with, "and tell your boyfriend to shut up, I can hear him moaning." FML
Today, my dad was in town for a day. We only had about 3 hours to do something so we left right away. Right as we were about to leave my dad's slutty girlfriend came by for a "surprise visit". My dad told me he would be right back. They had sex for 2 hours and 45 minutes. In total, we talked for 15 minutes. FML
Today, my boyfriend was over. I asked my dad how long until dinner was ready, his reply was, "Five minutes, so no, you can't go upstairs for a quickie". FML
Today, my boyfriend called my cell. I picked up and said, "Hi, this is Lisa and I want you to fuck me raw." It was my dad. He was at my boyfriend's parents' house and forgot his phone. FML
Today, my dad came round to the house. Looking rather pleased with himself he pulled out his phone, grinned, and chucked it over to me. I glanced at the screen to see a naked woman. He smiled and said "I tapped that last night". FML
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Top comments
angrymexican 8
In your boyfriends case, doesn't matter, had sex
GreenAppleDP 0
And this is why it's good to lock your phone with a pass code. That's entirely too awkward.
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Comments (180)
slushpup9696 12
Well now that's just unfortunate.
angrymexican 8
Is that why it's on FML?
mk58 31
^ This Mexican is really angry.
angrymexican 8
I'm not angry!!! DO I SEEM ******* ANGRY??!!!!!??!?
smellymellyy 7
Well that's awkward.
chocol8m 6
I think it's more angry than awkward
zombicidal 11
angward?
jizzwold 21
Awgry?
mk58 31
67, that just reminds me of an angry Edward Cullen.
thisisafunnyname 12
2, are you referring to the guy who traps people in corners in call of duty?
ChilledDubstepa 6
Yeah that is a quote from Kevin or zxnoregretzzxz but he doesn't do those videos anymore which is a shame because I found them funny. Now he mainly posts on his own channel and he is hilarious.
zombicidal 11
86 I'm disappointed in myself for how long it took me to get that I'm usually quick with puns and junk
The_Tool1 13
You guys are all tools.
imepelepticsir 5
9, may i see your greencard please.
GreenAppleDP 0
And this is why it's good to lock your phone with a pass code. That's entirely too awkward.
nava1210 12
Whether he had a lock on his phone or not wouldn't have mattered if he was quickly showing his dad something on his phone. Just saying.
smellymellyy 7
On an iPhone the text notification just pops up whether the phone is locked or not.
cja101 8
True dat
Cereal_Is_Good 5
45- You can set it so it doesn't show what the text says until you open it.
cja101 8
I didn't know this!!! That sounds useful how?
thepatty8474 10
Settings- Messages- Preview Message Ur welcome! :D
twilightluvr2921 3
But he wouldn't have known to do that.. He didn't think she would send that or that his dad would have his phone.
ymcmbboss 0
Do you know how to change that?
VeganVampyre 27
My phone just does that automatically. No matter what I'm doing with my phone, whether it's on or off, when I get a text a little window saying "new message from ___" appears and I have to click "view" to actually see the message.
SettoFail 9
At least he didn't walk in on you
tellithowitis 13
Touché, fellow cat.
leogirl95 12
At least he wasn't a marine who walked in on you.
yahoowizard 16
Thought it was where the FML was headed after the first sentence
angrymexican 8
In your boyfriends case, doesn't matter, had sex
angrymexican 8
Her hand did.
nava1210 12
23 - a quicky doesn't necessarily mean a hand job, could have just been quick sex.
rattusrattus 19
You can have quickie ***********... don't know why you'd want to, though.
lantern 6
Lol why just the boyfriend? Girls like sex too~
friedchkn97 4
this ain't my dad this is a cell phone!
CalebEatsZombies 2
*me gusta troll face* >:D
rcloca 10
Nice timing! Bravo! - clap clap -
DrMime 10
Ouch! Bad timing indeed. You know what they say, never have a quicky if it looks too tricky!
upyourzlolz 11
But it didn't look tricky! I thought it was as simple as inserting my (child-sized) penis!
DrMime 10
You mean 'fun-sized'?
upyourzlolz 11
No. The woman don't have much fun. But the children...
flockz 20
i think it's the candy and chalkboard paint on the inside walls of your van that they have fun with...
DrMime 10
I'm not touching this subject with a twenty and a half foot pole.
fishface517 10
That awkward moment when your parents find out through a dirty text...
LaughinStock 16
I don't know about awkward moment, Op should be straight up with his dad. "I'm having sex dad and that's it," said Op. (Always use jimmy caps children) :D *The More You Know*
bri5083 9
"But heated could mean anything Dad!"
jeob1992 8
My dad would probably say "get er done" in this scenario
brock329 3
You mean " got her done"
DoubleCross 9
Heated toast? I got nothing, seriously, this pun shit is hard. Here's one! Sounds like a heated situation OP. Zazang!
kingcn5 0
Message me
rangxp 2
Hey wudd up
abbybailey204 19
Who cares what his dad thinks, as long as you had fun that all that matters!
unluckiestperson_fml 14
Still embarrassing regardless of what the dad thinks.
omarzrgz 3
"He learned from me; talk to me when you want to go to the big leagues;)" -Bf's Dad. that's worst case scenario. c:
Awsumuzzie 12
12 is such a cool rebel.
quite_bored 9
He learned from his dad? That's disturbing.
b33tle97 0
What a hooker
Haha_no_123 11
First impression of you from his father must be fabulous! Hes probably really proud his son is getting some, don't worry