Health: Today, I went to see a doctor about some of the memory problems...

By louie - 31/01/2012 20:17 - United States

Today, I went to see a doctor about some of the memory problems I've been having. After the appointment, I could barely remember a thing he told me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 033

You deserved it 3 190

Health

Dysfunctional

The smell detective is on the case

Batman

Put it away!

By Put on some trousers, you asshole! - 27/06/2021 11:01 - Mexico - Mexico

Today, I'm temporarily staying at my parents' place because my mother injured her knee and can't walk, and for the second time, I caught my father walking around with his bare dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 038

You deserved it 114

By Anonymous - 24/11/2013 18:31 - France

Today, I was quietly admiring my boyfriend from outside the kitchen as he made us dinner, only to witness him drop a load of spaghetti on the floor, swear, then scoop it all up and place it back on the plate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 470

You deserved it 4 506

By Anonymous - 11/01/2010 18:08 - United States

Today, the little boy I nanny for finally stood up and went 'pee-pee on the potty'. I started cheering and clapping, making a big deal out of it. I flushed while he smiled proudly and pooped on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 983

You deserved it 3 592

By crizzy - 24/04/2011 00:08 - United States

Today, I dislocated my arm while trying to escape from underneath a flipped over kayak. Who saved me? My two brothers-in-law. Who didn't? My husband, because his "feet were hurting." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 628

You deserved it 4 228

By Anonymous - 22/08/2013 04:48 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, my little brother grabbed my boobs and wouldn't let go until I pried his hands off. When I told my mom, her response was, "Get over it. He's a little kid who doesn't know any better." He's 14 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 938

You deserved it 3 766

By Anonymous - 04/12/2010 05:37 - United States

Today, at a concert, my friend grew tired of holding her bag. She asked a man to hold it, saying that he wouldn't steal it "since it was hers". I quietly told her she was too naïve and irresponsible. After the concert, I got home and noticed my wallet was stolen instead, right out of my pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 078

You deserved it 5 326

Every day I'm hustlin'

By Allen - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I brought home a vase, which I was proud of, that I made for my mother in my pottery class. My mother took one look at it and said, "Oh good, you can sell that in our garage sale." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 296

You deserved it 3 241

By WTFFAIL - 03/12/2012 05:06 - Canada - Montreal

Today, while getting a hernia exam, I accidentally ran my fingers through my doctor's hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 515

You deserved it 8 953

By Anonymous - 18/04/2009 05:09 - United States

Today, I drove past a firehouse that had volunteer firemen taking collections. I take out a $20 and start to roll the window down when I remember my window was broken. I ended up driving by, holding the $20 against the window, staring at the fireman. Now the fireman thinks I was taunting him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 753

You deserved it 17 053

By B1N - 15/04/2019 14:00

Today, I took a shower and went to put clothes on after, only to find no clothes in my closet. My mom took them all and hid them. No idea why. No idea when I will get them back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 897

You deserved it 206

By Jake - 07/03/2012 11:14 - United States

Today, my mom told me that Walmart had called and I had an interview at 9:30. I went to Walmart. They told me they didn't have any interviews set up. I went back home and listened to the voice-mail on her cellphone. It was the Subway in Walmart. I've been looking for a job for 3 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 083

You deserved it 5 340

By Anonymous - 19/05/2015 11:43 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was fired for not asking a senior citizen for proof that he was over 21 and legally allowed to purchase alcohol. When I told my manager he was clearly over 21, he replied, "But what if he WASN'T?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 436

You deserved it 3 569

By roze198765 - 04/08/2011 01:19 - United States

Today, my cat died in the process of eating, and choking on, my hamster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 784

You deserved it 4 366

By Fattie - 09/07/2009 17:50 - Malaysia

Today, I was working at the gas station. An old lady was watching me fill her gas tank. A really beautiful girl walked by. I lost concentration and overfilled the tank. I quickly pulled it out and squirted the old lady with a bit of petrol. She was smiling and gave a slight moan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 180

You deserved it 14 209

Charming

By Anonymous - 08/10/2021 23:00 - Trinidad and Tobago

Today, my chunky boyfriend told me that he'd be less attracted to me if I gained weight. I have low self-esteem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 855

You deserved it 110

Choose your family

By family is bullshit - 06/06/2021 08:01

Today, I've been guilt tripped, ranted at, called names, ostracized and told what a horrible person I am for, "turning my back on family." My former brother is in jail for unspeakable crimes, yet somehow I’m the bad guy for not standing by and supporting him or offering to help pay for a lawyer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 206

You deserved it 59

Ouch

By footbloodfountain - 15/01/2012 10:53 - Canada

Today, I realized why buying clear pins for the wall is a bad idea. If one falls out, you won't be able to see it with your eyes, but your foot will find it just fine. I also learnt foot wounds can produce a pretty significant geyser of blood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 150

You deserved it 6 704

Oh lawd, he comin'

By logkitty - 10/04/2012 04:35 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was sitting in my car outside my apartment complex when a man came around the corner holding something shiny, and I thought was a gun. Thinking I was about to get robbed at gunpoint, I bugged out and threw up. It was a silver watering can. He asked if I was okay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 532

You deserved it 12 784

By alipallie - 10/03/2014 00:36 - United Kingdom - Ipswich

Today, after running across London to catch my train, I collapsed, panting, into a seat across from a concerned elderly woman. She leaned over to ask whether I had my inhaler and I smiled and nodded. I didn't have the heart to tell her that I'm not asthmatic, just really unfit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 073

You deserved it 7 042

Drama Llama

By Anonymous - 16/01/2022 18:01 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I discovered that my supposed 'friend' was spreading rumours about me and my other friends. We confronted her, but then she started crying and playing the victim so everyone would feel sorry for her, then spread more rumours. My friends and I have done nothing to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 376

You deserved it 31

Respect should be earned

By sarah - 06/06/2020 20:00

Today, while out in public, my stepmom turned and screamed at me for a good while for “walking through a door before an elder.” People stared. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 393

You deserved it 205

By tramp - 10/11/2013 05:51 - United States

Today, I met my brother's girlfriend. We got talking, and we got onto the subject of tattoos. I said how much I hated tramp stamps, and how they make girls look trashy. She said, "Like this?" and showed me hers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 270

You deserved it 19 566

By haggisbowl - 14/01/2012 06:52 - United States

Today, my boyfriend stated that we should play a game where one person asks the other a question, and they answer it with a picture. I thought it sounded fun so I said yes. His first question was, "Do you shave your vagina?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 995

You deserved it 9 429

By Anonymous - 20/01/2010 05:22 - United States

Today, I woke up to my cell phone alarm buzzing. It wasn't time to wake up yet, so I snoozed it. It buzzed again, this time with "One New Voicemail." I had "snoozed" my nephew. Stationed in Iraq. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 815

You deserved it 14 095

Dumbass

By whyyyy - 17/06/2020 05:05

Today, my daughter shaved her head in solidarity for a friend who went bald from cancer. Normally this would be an amazing gesture. Unfortunately, her “friend” is a fictional character from a book she’s reading. My daughter had almost 24-inch long hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 606

You deserved it 417

By tkoester - 29/08/2015 04:29 - United States - Fairfield

Today, I got a phone call letting me know my grandmother was arrested for trying to light my grandpa on fire. She's now in jail, asking for bail money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 919

You deserved it 1 553

By Neednewfriends - 11/11/2015 14:38 - Australia

Today, I found out that my "friends" only invite me to their parties when they need a designated driver. Apparently I'm "not fun" because I don't drink, which "ruins the party". FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 344

You deserved it 2 655

By :-( - 17/07/2013 05:22 - Australia - Rozelle

Today, I finally convinced my mum to take me to a psychologist. As soon as he sat me down and asked me how I was doing, my mum burst into tears and went on a rant about how her life is terrible and she regrets everything. I was asked to sit in the waiting room. She used up my whole hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 383

You deserved it 3 629

By Username - 19/02/2011 07:57 - China

Today, while at a party, a cute topless woman sat next to me to flirt with the guy on the other end of the couch. This is the closest I've been to a pair of boobs in 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 353

You deserved it 6 886

By Anonymous - 11/11/2010 01:43 - United States

Today, my husband was looking at a bariatric surgery website and asked him what he was reading. He said, "Oh, your anniversary gift. Surprise!" He wasn't kidding. He got mad when I politely declined his gift, then angrily said "You know, it really hurts when you don't like the things I get you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 487

You deserved it 4 557

Great time to try for a kid

By Anonymous - 04/07/2020 14:01

Today, my boyfriend of 4 years complained about having to jack off for IVF. We haven't had sex in 9 months, I have to take hormone injections, and I'm jealous of his own hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 398

You deserved it 320

By embarrassed - 18/08/2014 16:39 - United States - Great Neck

Today, I went to a baseball game with my girlfriend's dad. I got a boner when they sang the anthem, because that's what I sing in my head when having sex with his daughter so I last longer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 526

You deserved it 20 419

By skitzobiatch69 - 13/09/2011 17:07 - Australia

Today, after being cut out of the car, on the way to hospital in the ambulance, we were involved in another accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 571

You deserved it 2 372

Weird kid

By maria lucia - 05/04/2021 21:30

Today, my ten-year-old daughter now has a habit of going up to random strangers and acting all scared before pointing behind them and whispering, "El Diablo." FML

I agree, your life sucks 830

You deserved it 169

By Anonymous - 04/12/2009 17:36 - United States

Today, it was my first day with new contacts, but I found out they make my eyes red and itchy. Today was also the day I had a very important meeting. They think I showed up stoned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 842

You deserved it 3 356

By bob - 05/02/2011 12:02 - United States

Today, I saw my mom run across the house naked for a condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 071

You deserved it 4 205

By axel519 - 31/12/2011 02:43 - United States

Today, my girlfriend decided to raid my games collection and try her hand at Amnesia: The Dark Descent. Two hours later, despite my best attempts to make her stop shrieking like a dying crackhead every two minutes, two cops showed up at the door with our neighbors in tow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 986

You deserved it 3 042

By hunchbackofnotredamn - 29/09/2015 08:33 - United Kingdom - Southam

Today, I had to stand up on a train for my 4-hour journey. Why? Two pregnant women flew into unbridled rage with me over sitting in the priority seating, saying I was selfish. I'm recovering from spinal surgery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 315

You deserved it 2 252

By alo1434 - 23/06/2011 08:54 - United States

Today, I got mugged. As the guys who took my purse were about to walk away, my cellphone rang in my pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 523

You deserved it 3 305

By sportskidguru - 01/02/2009 14:41 - United States

Today, I was refilling some guy's iced tea at bandana's, and the uppity jerk had the gall to ask me if I ever kissed a girl considering how fat I am, how high my voice is, and how little money I make. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 519

You deserved it 3 676

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Top comments

slushpup9696 12

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Wednesday 1 February 2012 0:20

Don't worry, soon you'll forget this whole experience!

fuzz97 23

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Wednesday 1 February 2012 0:17

Should have taken notes

fuzz97 23

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Wednesday 1 February 2012 0:17

Should have taken notes

mk58 31

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Wednesday 1 February 2012 0:22

Easy, OP can just go back a second time and followed your advice to take notes.

MaddiRae 9

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Wednesday 1 February 2012 0:23

4- unless she forgets his advice..

abbybailey204 19

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Wednesday 1 February 2012 0:24

Ya, but if op puts the notes some where they might not be able to remember where they put them.

angrymexican 8

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Wednesday 1 February 2012 0:25

Maybe while driving back to their doctor, OP will forget what they're doing!

RaggleFrock 13

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Wednesday 1 February 2012 0:26

P Sherman 42 wallaby way. If Dory can remember, you can too.

zombiegold 23

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Wednesday 1 February 2012 1:26

The irony!

cdogLuvs2golf 0

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Wednesday 1 February 2012 2:32

Unless she forgets that she took notes

cdogLuvs2golf 0

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Wednesday 1 February 2012 2:35

Unless she forgot that she took notes

ChilledDubstepa 6

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Wednesday 1 February 2012 4:43

Captain Hindsight saves the day yet again!(South Park reference)

upyourzlolz 11

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Wednesday 1 February 2012 4:44

Unless you forgot you already said that.

slushpup9696 12

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Wednesday 1 February 2012 0:20

Don't worry, soon you'll forget this whole experience!

EatnBeef 7

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Wednesday 1 February 2012 0:48

Don't worry! A gallon of whiskey a day keeps the doctor away! Wrong analogy?

slushpup9696 12

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Wednesday 1 February 2012 2:02

I don't remember! Yaaaay!

twinny_sc 13

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Wednesday 1 February 2012 0:21

Wouldn't it have been funny if OP forgot why they went to the dr. in the first place?

danielreader22 4

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Wednesday 1 February 2012 4:19

It'd be even funnier if OP forgot why they went on FML.

Nekogami 14

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Wednesday 1 February 2012 0:22

I've got something to this effect, in all seriousness. I have to type up notes during lecture to remember things or else I'll forget half or more of an entire class. I also will have a conversation and 5 minutes later forget what was discussed and / or forget I had it unless reminded. Memory span short term wise of a ferret and attention span of a gnat.

Red_Wing_Nut44 14

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Wednesday 1 February 2012 0:22

It's a conspiracy man! The government's been like, putting microchips in our brain at birth to make us forget everything so the government can control us all! *Takes another hit from bong and passes out*

sicnesses 6

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Wednesday 1 February 2012 0:24

*hits bong* YEAH! ALIENS AND SHIT!!! *pass out*

upyourzlolz 11

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Wednesday 1 February 2012 0:27

*actually hits the bong* How the fuck does this thing work?

DKjazz 20

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Wednesday 1 February 2012 1:24

*hits self in head with bong* *passes out*

head2133 12

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Wednesday 1 February 2012 4:07

Its all the corporations man. We need to start a month long music festival to show them we can think for ourselves and then we will expose the violence in the system so that corporate greed will be ended once and for all