Sex and Intimacy: Priorities

Priorities

By MacBook - 14/05/2009 19:43 - United States

Today, my dad was in town for a day. We only had about 3 hours to do something so we left right away. Right as we were about to leave my dad's slutty girlfriend came by for a "surprise visit". My dad told me he would be right back. They had sex for 2 hours and 45 minutes. In total, we talked for 15 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 86 004

You deserved it 4 185

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Same thing different taste

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By Bali_Boil - 16/01/2010 00:44 - United States

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend at her house, and her dad saw us. She decided that she didn't feel like riding along when it was time for her dad to drive me home, and went to bed. I, on the other hand, got to have a 15-minute conversation about the merits of "physical boundaries." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 678

You deserved it 6 818

By CmS_1733 - 11/02/2016 18:59 - United States - Pottsville

Today, after long day at work, I stopped by my parents' house to say hi. After 30 minutes into the visit, my dad turns to me and asks, "Did you really have to stop by while I was balls deep?" Apparently I interrupted my parents' sex time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 178

You deserved it 3 047

Parental advice

By ifeeldirty - 27/10/2011 12:22 - United States

Today, my dad walked in on me and my girlfriend having sex. His only reaction was to mutter, "Put some back into it, son." before awkwardly sidling out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 073

You deserved it 8 877

Pull up

By ohdeargodthatswrong - 09/01/2010 13:25 - United Kingdom

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend when my dad pulled up to pick me up from his house. My dad beeped his horn and my boyfriend opened his bedroom curtain, knocked on the window, and waved. While he was still inside of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 440

You deserved it 6 189

By konens_dick - 22/03/2009 10:38 - United States

Today, I awoke to the sound of my dad knocking on my dorm room door for a surprise visit. He's barely outside the door and I pull the door open and say hey, when my roommate strips naked pulls the door open, kisses me on the cheek, says in an uber-gay voice, "Thanks for last night", and leaves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 276 740

You deserved it 37 113

By twintowers - 04/07/2009 20:30 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were having phone sex. It got very wild and soon was interrupted by a knock on my door. My dad had come home early from work, and heard the whole thing. He demanded my boyfriend to come over, and he had a sex talk with him on the couch in front of the whole family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 389

You deserved it 23 244

By Anonymous - 20/11/2012 03:19 - Sweden - Stockholm

Today, my long-distance boyfriend and I decided to be a bit naughty on Skype. It was 3am so we assumed that my dad was asleep and did some dirty talk. When we were done, I heard my dad laughing outside my room; he'd heard it all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 509

You deserved it 17 427

By meeranda - 01/01/2010 05:07 - France

Today, my dad came home from work early only to walk in on me and the boy I'm not supposed to be seeing having sex. Did I mention doggie style? FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 394

You deserved it 32 876

In the heat of the moment

By B - 31/01/2012 20:36 - Netherlands

Today, I had a quicky with my boyfriend, because his dad was about to pick him up. Afterwards, I texted, "Nice to meet your dad, I hope we didn't look too horny." A few minutes later, he replied, "Great timing, he was holding my phone." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 340

You deserved it 9 930

By mal - 08/05/2012 20:46 - United Kingdom - Chelmsford

Today, I brought my girlfriend home while my parents were at work, and things got a little heated. We lost track of time, because the next thing we knew, my dad burst into the living room. He doubled over laughing and asked how much I paid her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 153

You deserved it 6 256

bigbuttsowhat 0

Friday 15 May 2009 1:34

kill the girlfriend

aback 4

Friday 15 May 2009 1:37

Yeah, well if you're in the US, Father's Day is coming up. You can send him a condom.

Comments

Peacenik 0

Friday 15 May 2009 1:33

Ouch.

Hunthas 17

Tuesday 27 April 2010 22:13

the same thing happened to me, except with raccoons :(

Mischief109 11

Saturday 21 April 2012 5:02

Ummm your dad had sex with a raccoon for 2 hours and 45 minutes?? Awkward

DegrassixDigimon 5

Tuesday 14 August 2012 6:57

LOL

bigbuttsowhat 0

Friday 15 May 2009 1:34

kill the girlfriend

teentee401 36

Sunday 20 July 2014 5:47

It's simple. We kill the girlfriend.

bigmack95 0

Friday 15 May 2009 1:34

to anyone saying that she deserved that is terrible

babylioncub 0

Friday 8 April 2011 8:07

Agreed

ermkrmr 0

Wednesday 22 June 2011 8:36

I agree. They also probably have no how it's bad enough to hear your dad have sex with a slutty girlfriend but that just makes it terible!

dum41 0

Friday 15 May 2009 1:35

Sex > children, I always say.

Creamysweeps 5

Monday 13 June 2011 5:31

man I feel sorry for your future kids

sparklemuffin 8

Monday 22 August 2011 2:22

wow your a total ******** I hope your bf/ gf cheats on you with your mom or dad so you realize how much of a stupid bitch you are

drunkandfml 11

Monday 26 November 2012 15:27

Please, never, ever reproduce.

I2OI3 0

Friday 15 May 2009 1:35

Your dad is a champ! You have got some great genes there buddy! Wow. I guess that's Viagra for ya, LOL ;) - be proud of the man!

aback 4

Friday 15 May 2009 1:37

Yeah, well if you're in the US, Father's Day is coming up. You can send him a condom.

kellb11 0

Sunday 17 October 2010 6:59

haha. I love it #6!

J15237 25

Thursday 30 January 2020 1:53

That's an excellent ******* suggestion.

Rawrrr14 0

Friday 15 May 2009 1:38

So not cool. No offense but that was a bitchy move from your dad and his gf. hormones.... way to ruin everything.

pleasetryagain 0

Friday 15 May 2009 1:39

Next time he wants to spend time with you, tell him you're too busy getting laid. Even if it's with yourself. ESPECIALLY if it's with yourself.

kkkristennnn 0

Friday 15 May 2009 1:40

hahah wowww. 15 minutes is better than nothing i guess.

okenter 0

Friday 15 May 2009 1:41

I don't care who he is, if anyone pulled this stunt on me, I'd have been gone far before the 2 3/4 hour mark.

ermkrmr 0

Wednesday 22 June 2011 8:39

I would go knock on the door and if there was no reply I'ld slip a note under the door saying " So much for spending time together... please keep the noise down"